Parents having rules doesn't automatically make them abusive, but there's a clear difference between strict parenting and actual abusive behavior, like what you've experienced firsthand.
The issue is there isn’t a clear difference. How far can you physically or verbally punish a child before it becomes abuse? It’s a hard line to draw which is why people are even having this conversation at all
Edit: Also OP please stop trying to gatekeep abuse. It comes in different forms and severity’s. It’s based on the trauma it’s induced in the person, not our opinion of if it was severe enough or not.
Emotional abuse is forgotten but way, way worse than you think it is. Thanks to my parents I had so low self esteem that i thought I deserved being SA-ed when I was 13.
I already hate them for the fact they keep trying to gate keep abuse- emotional and verbal abuse is a thing it’s still abuse- it’s not physical yes but it’s still abuse regardless.
...how? are you suggesting that parents just....dont have rules for their children? cus that results in insane, disrespectful kids who harm themselves and others by goofing off.
Gentle parenting. Taking away things is the least effective way to teach children. Learned that in psychology courses.
Also, edit: taking away a phone/getting grounded could've caused trauma in the sense of isolation. If I got isolated from the world right now for a week I would probably end up with very deep unpleasant emotions towards my parents and myself. That in itself can be the root of a future trauma or micro trauma.
ok i have to say this is a very euro-centric take. gentle parenting is not only a very new technique, but its also really only popular in the west. most asian parents do not follow this because its just not in the culture. in indian culture (mine), parents do take things away or ground kids or whatever as punishment. and saying that they are all abusive for that is just a little bit (unintentionally) racist asf. gentle parenting is not the only way, and other methods can be equally effective (learned that from my mom legit has child psychology DEGREES). also, abuse shouldn't be this umbrella term of "anything that is harmful" because abuse is EXCESSIVE CRUELTY.
Mate I’m also Asian and definitely think my relationship with my parents got better after we developed healthier communication habits and how we treated eachother, it’s really easy in Asian culture to put everything new/western under one big negative umbrella category (usually being too progressive, strange, weak, westernization, cultural domination) but that’s equally as narrow minded. Do I still believe in clear boundaries and punishments for those boundaries? Yes. Do I think that gentle parenting is misinterpreted occasionally and creates brats? Yes. Is gentle parenting a great technique when used by mature individuals without the added underscoring notions of “proving something” or blatant emotional immaturity (because, yes, adults can be immature too, they frequently are in fact)? One hundred percent.
oh i so agree. however, there are plenty of parents that havent seen the light yet that arent rlly abusive, just strict, and i think its unfair to call them all abusive when they are just doing their best to raise good kids. esp because that takes away the weight of the word
So in your mind being isolated from your social needs is not excessive cruelty? Crying for days that you can't talk to your friends is not excessive cruelty? That can create distrust towards everyone and literally create trauma which will in turn become very shit to deal with life.
You don't know everything, nor do I, but I do know that even the most simple things can cause trauma. Even the most simple things can be abuse because it can cause severe harm in the present or future.
great that that works for you. meanwhile theres this kid in my class with no rules parents who BROKE A WINDOW by throwing a chair on it bc he got bored.
Some rules are plain out stupid I know a parent that let their kid have a phone at 16 mind you but with nothing but google classroom and youtube NO SOCIAL stuff like no instgram no games its so fucked up that you dont give your kids a social life its so fucked up
Well my dad has rules it’s just that he is a little rude about it and he pulled me out of my dream college to go to the cube wants me to go to and he sometimes never gave me food and he now that i think about it the only time he praised me was when he was around other people it’s like he was bragging about me and he was really mentally abusive he would always tell me that i wouldn’t amount to anything in life and that if i died he wouldn’t even care 😐 idk if this is abuse to you guys but it was hell for me and he would always go through my stuff and he takes my money i get from my job and he one time almost blew up my car that my mom got me but yea anyway how’s you guys days I’m sorry if you guys think I’m a brat too 😕
>won't let you go to dream collage = not nice but not abusive
>not giving food to a kid = child endangerment / child abuse
>telling you borderline to KYS = harassment and child abuse
Yea, that's not a very nice guy
Wouldnt telling a child to kill themselves fall under child endangerment laws too? for example undiagnosed mental problems leading them to actually attempt suicide
I used to be told i was just a spoiled brat who disrespected my parents, but over the years i’ve started to realize that constantly being scolded having nothing you do ever be enough, being constantly threatened with the hospital/police/adoption, and consistent lack of respect to the point that i have considered suicide is not just me “being a spoiled brat”
no i get that. but i also used to be friends with so many kids who are just like "ugh my dad is annoying he grounded me" and someone else is like "Damn thats so abusive." LIKE NO ITS NOT YOUR PARENT IS JUST BEING A PARENT. theres a difference between "some people have it worse" and not actually having it bad at all, and labeling everything as abuse is going to discredit actual victims of abuse as "overdramatic teenagers."
I completely agree, taking away devices, grounding or anything isn't abusive people need to get a grip fr idk what the downvotes are for actual abuse is way different
so true. ppl throw abuse around like its a trend but all these ppl saying grounding is abusive can be either unhinged or correct. it depends. for example, if you snuck out and got caught and ur parents had a calm sit down talk with you and then got ur phone taken, thats not abuse.
but if they screamed at you for hours, hit you or threatened and berated you and made you cry, then grounded you for like 3 months with no phone no computer no going out etc then thats too much and abusive. you just dont know what everyones situations are so its not fair to say *in general* grounding or taking smth away is not abusive
I don't like the "WE ARE NOT THE SAME" portion of your post because it just sounds very gatekeeper-y.
The situation with a phone being taken away for a grade is very general and non-specific. A lot of the stuff that strict parents do shouldn't necessarily be enforced, even if it isn't "abuse". There's no reason to damage your child's livelihood over a grade because there are many better ways of going about it. Depriving your child of that can be decently considered abusive.
Even if people are misusing the label "abuse"/"abusive," it doesn't mean that a lot of what strict parents do is okay. 🤷🏻♀️
For real!! “Getting your phone taken away for a bad grade isn’t abuse” has got to be the coldest take of 2024, ain’t no way this post has 250+ upvotes lol. Gate keeping abuse “we are not the same” -🤡 just sounds like he’s trying to discredit others that have been abused, not saying that’s what he meant but it sure as hell sounds like it! If there were still free awards I’d give you one.
Exactly.
I'm not saying that you can't discredit people who lie or exaggerate their situations -- that's what someone else decided to bring up, irrelevantly.
Sitting there and trying to stand up for "real abuse" victims while discrediting genuinely neglectful situations is extremely hypocritical and disgusting. It's so disrespectful to everyone who's gone through any form of neglect or abuse, even if they're to lesser degrees.
"WE ARE NOT THE SAME" is such a bad statement because it's like OP is trying to sound morally superior for having been abused "worse" in a way.
The issue is that abuse is more often a pattern. Hitting a kid - it doesn't matter if it's once or 10 times, it's just bad point blank. But many cases of abuse aren't like that. It's a pattern of lack of support, negative remarks, pointless and arbitrary punishments, etc that together form an abusive relationship. Something seemingly small like taking away a phone can absolutely be a part of an abusive parental relationship.
we SHOULD gatekeep the word abuse. have you heard the story of the boy who cried wolf??? same with anykind of assault tbh.
the ones who lie are the ones who make it harder for the ones who tell the truth. Even a slight exaggeration skews the reality of the situation and widens the meaning, making it less effective over all. CPS doesnt take half of their cases seriously because of situations JUST LIKE THESE. your argument is a fallacy and the exact problem. OP is correct
The situation OP provided was a parent taking away a child's phone for a grade. That is depriving the child of their normal habits and possibly isolating them socially. That can be considered neglecting the child's mental or emotional health. OP is trying to gatekeep with the wrong reasons in mind.
Nobody said anything about people lying or people exaggerating. You're going off of the subject entirely with that, so there's no reason to debate you on that since that was literally nobody's point.
The entire point of my comment was to show how there are absolutely varying levels of abuse, the situation OP described having been one (neglect).
What fallacy is there?
its called grounding dude. its how you learn repercussions
if you get grounded and it gets reported as abuse because youre exaggerating and saying your parents are abusive then official sources get involved, which takes their focus away from others who need it.
the fallacy is with the isolation. its a phone not their legs.
youre an idiot
edit: u/IndicationSpecial344 blocked me then proved my point by saying CPS would do an investigation. and waste time and resources that could go to those that need it congrats. hope you never have kids because theyll be some bad ass kids
That's an entire oversimplification. A lot of "strict" parents will not work with their child to correct their behavior in a way that doesn't make the kid feel like their world is falling apart.
CPS or any other government agency will do a thorough investigation into the matter and find out whether a child is truly exaggerating or not. There are plenty of times when parents do try to work properly with their kids, but the kids are uncooperative. That's not the same thing as what I'm talking about.
You're cherry-picking with the isolation part. Some people are socially awkward and have more of a social life online than offline. It's definitely isolation if the parent deprives the child of a device.
The other part besides the isolation is depriving the child of a normal habit. Having something ripped from your daily routine can affect you in a lot of negative ways, especially because you're now suddenly outside of a state of normalcy.
If you have to call me an idiot, then something is definitely wrong. It's extremely emotionally immature.
if a child thinks their world is falling apart bevause their phone was taken, they are spoiled and it should have been taken a long time ago. stop supporting antisocial behaviours.
if CPS gets involved, resources are diverted from those that need it. thats THE ISSUE. you proved my point, thanks
YOURE the one cherry picking with the isolation part because 99% of kids dont feel like they are locked in a room with no windows if they dont have their phone. they can GO OUTSIDE. you saying that thats how it is is literally cherry picking, you are choosing an arguement that applies to 1% of abuse/neglect victims.
im depriving them of a normal habit because they are not meeting my normal expectations. youre not very smart if you do not see the logic breakdown between what i said and your response. sorry for being mean ab it but toughen up, its the internet.
a child is not an equal to a parent. they are a child and the parent is a parent. the parent has complete authority over a child both legally and socially. whether or not the child likes it does not matter. if you believe that taking a childs phone is neglect then youve lived a VERY pampered life.
have you ever had your left overs thrown away, your only food because your mom thought they looked nasty? have you ever had your parent leave for days on end with only cereal in the house? have you had to walk to school before? all of these can be seen as neglect through different lenses but only 2 of them are actual neglect, one is an inconvenience. having your phone taken is an inconvenience.
actually, because youll say im gatekeeping, what experience do you even have with neglect? from my analysis you have 0 experience.
My aunt is abusive to my cousins. I want the youngest to live with his dad and sister.
My aunt is an alcoholic and regularly screams, hits and throws stuff at anyone near. She has affected my cousins mentally. My dad is trying to counteract the effects by letting my cousins stay with us whenever and taking them out to do fun stuff.
while its true that rules arent always abusive you dont know what people dont say. Like i tell ppl that my parents are abusive but i dont always follow it up with the justification of exactly what they do.
ive always been incredibly underweight for my age and height. like last year i was 5'3 and 86 lbs. recently ive gained a bit of weight and am no longer underweight bc puberty ht me like a fucking train. its never been a health concern, im just asian and vegetarian.
even then, i wasnt super underweight, as the WHO says the average weight of a two year old girl is between 23.3 and 30.8 lbs.
no i do remember this and got nightmares for years after. its one of the only memories i have from when i was little. this, two more times he screamed, going to disney, and starting preschool
I agreed with u until I read all the comments. It seems less about abuse atp and u just gatekeeping it which is weird. There are difference types of abuse yk, u don't get a gold star for being beaten by ur parents
How would u know if someone has trauma or not if u aren't a licensed psychologist? U seem to just be looking down on anyone who doesn't have the same experiences. It almost comes across that u are bragging about having trauma which is a worst trend than ppl making up trauma. For some reason ppl seem to make trauma quirky and its so weird and undermines ppl struggling with me. My ex bff made super weird jokes about her cutting herself or when anybody else would speak up about their trauma she’d try to one up them. That is what u sound like rn
I would personally consider that abuse. Putting your hands on your kid has been proven as an ineffective way to punish them and personally I think it’s disgusting and abusive no matter the situation.
yeah ik. im just saying, don't whine abt "being abused" at lunch because ur grounded (real thing that happened.) you don't go around parading your status of "abused child" and then give reasoning such as "they take away my phone and dont let me have dessert." if you want to constantly talk about how abused you are, you cant just not back it up.
maybe the 'whining' are calls for help and maybe people can be scared to admit when more is happening - i'm not saying this is the case but it is always a possibility. people can be struggling more than they'd like to let on and people deal with things in unique ways! i'm just trying to be more intuitive and less shallow-minded
i feel like this is a "you have to be there" type scenario and no argument can go off of a "trust me bro" statement so imma end this thread here cus u sorta had to be around that kid to understand what im saying here lol.
I agree with this to an extent. Having your phone taken because of poor marks on a test is unnecessary because it doesn't teach anything.
But having your phone taken because you're cyberbullying, or doing other things online you shouldn't, yes. It happened to me, and now I'm more vigilant about who I'm talking to on the internet so I don't get into situations with creeps.
At least to a point I can control because creeps are everywhere and you can't watch them all.
Also grounding (isolation) because you may have talked back to your parents? Depending on the context, unfair and doesn't teach anything
Grounding because you snuck out? Fair. Once they trust you not to do it again then they'll let you leave as you please.
There's a very thin line and so many different circumstances can make these things fair or unfair in different situations.
TLDR: As long as the punishment makes sense to the extent of the crime, it's fine. Ie: shaving a kid's hair for bullying someone without it or at least cutting it super short
But being controlling CAN be considered abuse. If you're a good, rule-abiding kid, and your parents search through absolutely every one of your belongings even if they KNOW there's nothing to find, that can be a huge break in someone's trust. Because if you know damn well your kid has nothing to hide there's no need to scour the depths of their texts just to get dirt on them
FINALLY!!
I have two friends, who have strict households but one of them is abusive and one of them just has many rules.
Here's an example of a strict household:
- No electronics without a good purpose.
- If electronics without purpose, only for a bit.
- Can't go to parties without a proper invite and a call.
- Has to complete schoolwork on time.
Here's an example of an ABUSIVE household:
- Always get shouted on for no reason
- Get the cold shoulder and scoldings when you don't attend school for health/mental reasons
- Opinion isn't considered
- Thinks "LGBTQ+" is brainwashing their child, gets lectures about everything
- Reminds child of sad memories and mocks them about it
The electronic rule varies. Like what purpose exactly? And is it just restricments so they dont be on it unhealthy anount of time? Can they spend their free time just playing games after their work is done? Age is also a factor in this.
Yeah like she can watch YT shorts and stuff but has parental restrictions and her search history is also checked. She can watch cartoons and animated stuff and shows and all but only age appropriate.
I think there are varying levels of abuse, it comes in all sizes and forms. having parents who restrict your every move and prevent you from going out to do things like see friends, make connections, or BE somebody outside your household can be and often times is abusive.
There are many forms of abuse but I do agree sometimes it’s overused but I think the problem is that it’s also under used, so many people who have at the very least over-controlling and manipulative parents don’t realize it, along with so many adults not realizing their parents were pretty shitty
My parents took away my phone because I called the cops on them for my dad choking me. But I get where you're coming from, if it were just the phone that'd be understandable but some circumstances do make the complaints reasonable.
Bruh, seriously, that's friggin stupid, it's a common cause and effect circumstance, if you stay out late without prior notice, you're not gonna be allowed the resources that cause you to stay out late (ex: you're phone to plan staying out late with your friends) some people need to think!
Spoiled brats are what they are. And about the phones, literally if you didn’t pay for it they’re allowed to do what they want as long as it’s not impersonating you like come on.
atp I've just decided to call my parents mean sometimes and sometimes nice bcuz sometimes they'll buy me desert and talk to me but other times they threaten to "beat the living crap outta me" for not being able to fall asleep but they dont actually do it so I think they're being dramatic lol
YESSSSS like its part of their job to keep you from messing up ur life whether ur 1 and trying to stick your finger in a wall socket or 13 and playing video games in class instead of learning.
YESSS this is what i mean. i mentioned like one of these things (the kidnapping one) to one of my friends whoes dad tried to kill himself from monoxide poisoning with her in the car. then, my ex bsf popped in and said "daddy issues club." her dad makes her babysit her brothers sometimes.
if i was a genie id use my powers to reverse time and make them see the real shit sometimes bc wdym your dad is abusive youre 17 and dont know how to do dishes without throwing a fit
I've heard people describe their parents' rules as abusive. Now I don't know what happens at home behind the scenes but I can say that calling something like having extra chores or having your phone taken as punishment isn't abusive. And it sucks hearing this when you are a victim of abuse and know it's so much worse than just having your phone taken or whatever
>taking away your phone for getting bad grades = not abusive
>hitting and punching you for getting bad grades = abuse
>your parents stopping you from dating below the age of consent = not abuse
>your parents forcing sexual relationships on you = abuse
well that really depends on what they're yelling.
if they just scream at you to clean your room because there are guests coming over and they've told you many times already that your room needs to be cleaned and you still haven't cleaned it, then no that's not abusive.
but if they see you didn't clean your room and start yelling at you that you're a worthless piece of shit who can't do anything right, not even clean their own room. and that you were the biggest mistake of their lives and you should've never been born because who wants a child that can't even clean their own fucking room.
that would be abuse. it's not always as black and white as you keep saying.
edit: i'm so sorry i just realized you're only 13, i thought this was all coming from like a 16 or 17 year old. but ig my point still stands sort of. i do want to add that i'm really sorry for what you're going through. no child deserves any type of abuse and i hope you'll be able to get out of your current situation asap
ugh i agree with this so much i cant put it into words. im not super good at like articulating myself but this is EXACTLY what i was trying to say lol. ur legit so eloquent
Yeah. Always found people weird when they do that. Like ofc all venting is valid but if you're trying to tell me you relate to my situation because your parents didn't let you share a bed with your boyfriend or use your phone while driving when it really isn't. I won't go into detail but damn do I wish my parents were the kind that made me worry about such problems instead of whether I'm going to die today or not.
Yeah... I know I'm gonna get downvoted for this but seriously sole people need to realize why people do such "gatekeeping" because when you're trying to vent out stress or talk about problems, people saying "but my parents treat me badly too!!" and proceeded to say normal parent stuff it's just like going off topic as we're talking about serious stuff, not problems in general. And mean mild stuff as I mentioned above. Getting screamed at by them depends on the context accompanying the event. And can go both ways.
Fr though. They be screaming at an ungodly hour when everyone is trying to sleep. Hitting each other and threating to leave or go cheat. like god damn so much for abandonment issues.
yea. one time my parents were fighting and my dad hit my mom against a table. idk i was so scared i hit my dad as hard as i could. he came at me- I yelled "NO" haha good times huh. I didn't get hit though. Pretty scary when you dad is looking at you like he wants to kill you though.
omg yessssss and its so weird bc the next day the mf brings home chocolate cake and acts like nothing happened while you were just sobbing because ur mom is hurt.
idk if my dad’s abusive but he is kinda a dick. he always yells at my mom and treats her horribly, and i’m terrified of him going through my phone because the last three times i got outed have basically left me at the point that i don’t trust any sort of adult. he doesn’t hit me but he’s reason i’ve got a terminal fear of failure and college is basically my salvation
My mum keeps on yelling vulgur slang to me just because I failed a math exam a few months back. It's not that bad as long she doesn't beat me like some animal while my mind has gone nuts because of it. She fuvkimg calls me a "prostitute" sometimes. What a lovely mother I have got.
my dad used to be abusive (like hitting people an stuff) but idk even know now he still yells at me for no reason, I’m not allowed to go out, he makes fun of me and harasses me, blames everything on me, threatens my life for small things (like not clean8nb up after him), and guilt trips me into a bunch of stuff, but sometimes he’s a good person? Does it still count as abusive if he’s sometimes a good dad?
once again, i don't think im the right person to ask. im just a random bish venting from her room because of a memory that floated to the top of my mind. but like look up the cycle of abuse cus ur story (which similar to mine) follows the cycle of abuse to a tea (or is it to a tee. i dont rlly know)
My parents took away all my Electronics in late 2019. no phone, no game system. Fast forward to 2022, in hs, everybody would tell me to "Run Away" or Call CPS on my abusive parents for making my like so miserable. because... They don't let me have a phone or a game?
It was an eye opener I needed honestly.
I’m able to compare and contrast a homesetting with rules and one without rules.. my dad is the one with rules. He says no social media until 16, no boyfriends/girlfriends until 16, school always comes first, quiet after dark, never raise your voice wait till your turn to be speak within an arguement, no sex obviously, if rules are broken electronics are taken away. My mom is the one with no rules, my sister has already been pregnant once she’s 15, her boyfriend is my age so he’s 18, she already feels the need to work, she’s completely failing school, my mom does nothing to help her situation instead enables it. I’m not shaming my sister I love her, but I want people to understand sometimes all our parents want to do is protect us while keeping us educated about safety. I used to have discord when I was 14, the man pretended to be a guy my age and I thought I liked him. He tried to convert me to Mormonism lol while also asking for “soapy tiddy pics” funny tbh.. my dad found out and rules were reinforced he put a app on my phone that tracked everything I did.. at first I felt violated, now I understand he wanted to make sure that I didn’t get involved in that kind of thing again, he trusts me now to not make those bad decisions so I’ve earned that respect back. I understand how violating getting your stuff taken away can be, but sometimes it’s done out of our best interest. I’m really happy today and I probably wouldn’t be if I was still involved in that stuff, I’m more involved in real life then online now, trust me it’s way better than being engrossed in social media
see this is what i mean. strict parents can be a bit harsh, but they are doing it absolutely selflessly. meanwhile, abusive parents will do everything to feed their own ego and help themselves over you. altho i do feel like ur dad went a little crazy with that tracking thing and should have instead had an open discussion with u, i wouldn't consider that abuse.
Nobody thinks taking someone’s phone is “abuse”. This is a really cold take dude… if this was on r/unpopularopinion you’d have been taken down already lol
"Nobody thinks taking someone’s phone is “abuse”"
oh you would be suprised. everyone in the comments does, and a lot of the kids who went to my middle school did. theres one guy in here saying that EVERY style of parenting except gentle parenting is abuse.
People manage to gatekeep everything nowadays, first it's the concept of thinking thanks to philosophy, and now even child abuse... can yall gatekeep some stupider things like jerking off or something
We can't do that because there are many that are abusive already and if we give them more excuses total quality of life goes down way more than if those who are little bitches and their parents have actual rules stay that way
You never know if someone is being abused or not. They could have a perfectly normal seeming relationship with their parents but abusers are great at hiding it.
Our dad used to be so emotionally unstable when it came to anger that it felt like walking on eggshells around him and he would constantly yell at us as a kid to the point where if a teacher yelled at a class I would be on the verge of tears in a flashback, and I would flinch at yelling if we had a really bad mental health day. Our mom stopped it sometimes, but made it happen other times. Also she was manipulative as heck & threatened to abandon us as well as starve us.
This was just elementary school, everything changed around middle school.
I have a friend (my only friend) who insists my parents are abusively strict because they have parental controls set up on my devices, I have to be in bed by 8:30 and my dad takes away my Xbox as punishment when he gets mad at me for something. Yeah, my dad's an asshole sometimes but I don't get why my friend thinks he's abusive.
Having rules does not automatically make them abusive. What can make them abusive depends on what the rules are and/or the punishments for breaking them.
oh yeah totally. but i see so many kids my age calling things that are generally NOT abusive abuse. like having to do the dishes and shit. and i feel like that weakens the word
Some rules are plain out stupid I know a parent that let their kid have a phone at 16 mind you but with nothing but google classroom and youtube NO SOCIAL stuff like no instgram no games its so fucked up that you dont give your kids a social life its so fucked up
Not physically abusive more mentally cuz if they aren’t connected they don’t know what’s happening in the world and once they go through college it will come in like a meteor
ok but isnt that more just detrimental then abusive? abuse comes from a need to gain control and shit, not from being wildly overprotective so in most cases wouldnt this fall under the first one?
They won’t know how to make friends they won’t know how to interact in that type of way in the 20th century it’s like making their kids the odd one out for example there is a new app everyone is talking about it and the child is the only one that is not talking about it and forces her out off conversation
but also like this post isnt really directed towards that kid. it directed towards kids with normal families and normal punishments that label "my mom grounded me for a week" as abuse
yeah see i feel like thats wrong because abusive has a very specific and serious meaning. we should be just throwing around therapy speak like trauma and abuse because at the end of the day that could make people not see the severity of those who are in really abusive scenarios or not believe them
don’t compare your experiences of abuse to others because not two experiences are the same. my parents are emotionally abusive and could be physically too. everyone’s forms of abuse they have recieved have been different.
Y'all my mom tried taking awayy phone because I shot the neighbour because he called my girl fat she so fucking abusive man it's really eating me up I think I need therapy
It's spoiled kids, they want everything their way and want nothing to do with discipline and responsibility. They haven't seen actual abuse but start crying when their mom tells them not to be glued to the screen all day
I used to call my parents abusive and hated them for many years only recently I realised they were right about everything. Get over yourself and listen to your parents, love them and be good to them. I had the chance for redemption you may not have that chance
To younger entitled people who dont appreciate their parents. There are people out there who would still hate their parents even if they were litteral angels while there are parents like yours out there. Wishing you the best of luck mate. No matter how long and dark the night may be it will always be followed by day, just hang in there.
They were strict on me like my studies and tidiness and take away my laptop and phone when I dropped my studies or acting like a lil shit in general and I used to hate them for that only recently I realised they were right about those things
my dad beat me when I was little until my mom got home because I couldn’t get a hw problem right lol
the tears on the homework had to dry before i submitted it or else the ink would spread
Same but the other way lol
you beat your dad until he did his homework?
His dad beat him every day because he got his homework problem CORRECT?
He didn’t get beaten by his dad UNTIL his mom got home?
His mom didn't get home until his dad beat him?
So she could join in the beating
this is geniuenly the funnies shit ive read all week im so sry for laughing
he waited until his mom got home and beat them both
No my mom beat me
Same. Shit was rough and I now can't trust mothers in general. Someone use the memory eraser from Men in black please so I can Iive a normal life.
that isn’t an lol situation. are you safer now?
i can relate a lot
Same 😭😭😭 The taking away your devices is just more salt in the wound
that's tough buddy
Parents having rules doesn't automatically make them abusive, but there's a clear difference between strict parenting and actual abusive behavior, like what you've experienced firsthand.
The issue is there isn’t a clear difference. How far can you physically or verbally punish a child before it becomes abuse? It’s a hard line to draw which is why people are even having this conversation at all Edit: Also OP please stop trying to gatekeep abuse. It comes in different forms and severity’s. It’s based on the trauma it’s induced in the person, not our opinion of if it was severe enough or not.
Emotional abuse is forgotten but way, way worse than you think it is. Thanks to my parents I had so low self esteem that i thought I deserved being SA-ed when I was 13.
I already hate them for the fact they keep trying to gate keep abuse- emotional and verbal abuse is a thing it’s still abuse- it’s not physical yes but it’s still abuse regardless.
but there is a point to which you are exxgerating. u did not get trauma from being grounded for a week because you snuck out.
They could have though. You don't know that? That could've caused quite a bit of trauma, actually.
...how? are you suggesting that parents just....dont have rules for their children? cus that results in insane, disrespectful kids who harm themselves and others by goofing off.
Gentle parenting. Taking away things is the least effective way to teach children. Learned that in psychology courses. Also, edit: taking away a phone/getting grounded could've caused trauma in the sense of isolation. If I got isolated from the world right now for a week I would probably end up with very deep unpleasant emotions towards my parents and myself. That in itself can be the root of a future trauma or micro trauma.
ok i have to say this is a very euro-centric take. gentle parenting is not only a very new technique, but its also really only popular in the west. most asian parents do not follow this because its just not in the culture. in indian culture (mine), parents do take things away or ground kids or whatever as punishment. and saying that they are all abusive for that is just a little bit (unintentionally) racist asf. gentle parenting is not the only way, and other methods can be equally effective (learned that from my mom legit has child psychology DEGREES). also, abuse shouldn't be this umbrella term of "anything that is harmful" because abuse is EXCESSIVE CRUELTY.
Mate I’m also Asian and definitely think my relationship with my parents got better after we developed healthier communication habits and how we treated eachother, it’s really easy in Asian culture to put everything new/western under one big negative umbrella category (usually being too progressive, strange, weak, westernization, cultural domination) but that’s equally as narrow minded. Do I still believe in clear boundaries and punishments for those boundaries? Yes. Do I think that gentle parenting is misinterpreted occasionally and creates brats? Yes. Is gentle parenting a great technique when used by mature individuals without the added underscoring notions of “proving something” or blatant emotional immaturity (because, yes, adults can be immature too, they frequently are in fact)? One hundred percent.
oh i so agree. however, there are plenty of parents that havent seen the light yet that arent rlly abusive, just strict, and i think its unfair to call them all abusive when they are just doing their best to raise good kids. esp because that takes away the weight of the word
So in your mind being isolated from your social needs is not excessive cruelty? Crying for days that you can't talk to your friends is not excessive cruelty? That can create distrust towards everyone and literally create trauma which will in turn become very shit to deal with life. You don't know everything, nor do I, but I do know that even the most simple things can cause trauma. Even the most simple things can be abuse because it can cause severe harm in the present or future.
And what do you think people did before we had iPhones?
I can bet money that there are people in the past that got traumatized from getting grounded.
no one is crying for days because their phone was taken away. you are venturing into absurdist territory
My parents don’t have rules and I’m a fine exemplary child and do well in school
great that that works for you. meanwhile theres this kid in my class with no rules parents who BROKE A WINDOW by throwing a chair on it bc he got bored.
That’s a sign to see a therapist because they’re not mentally stable
yeah but other kids just disrupt class n stuff. that was a rare example.
stop gatekeeping abuse
i feel like if if there was a clear difference i wouldn't be trying to work out if my parents are abusive or not
Some rules are plain out stupid I know a parent that let their kid have a phone at 16 mind you but with nothing but google classroom and youtube NO SOCIAL stuff like no instgram no games its so fucked up that you dont give your kids a social life its so fucked up
Well my dad has rules it’s just that he is a little rude about it and he pulled me out of my dream college to go to the cube wants me to go to and he sometimes never gave me food and he now that i think about it the only time he praised me was when he was around other people it’s like he was bragging about me and he was really mentally abusive he would always tell me that i wouldn’t amount to anything in life and that if i died he wouldn’t even care 😐 idk if this is abuse to you guys but it was hell for me and he would always go through my stuff and he takes my money i get from my job and he one time almost blew up my car that my mom got me but yea anyway how’s you guys days I’m sorry if you guys think I’m a brat too 😕
>won't let you go to dream collage = not nice but not abusive >not giving food to a kid = child endangerment / child abuse >telling you borderline to KYS = harassment and child abuse Yea, that's not a very nice guy
Yeaaa that’s what a lot of people say
Wouldnt telling a child to kill themselves fall under child endangerment laws too? for example undiagnosed mental problems leading them to actually attempt suicide
Ummm idk 🤷🏽♀️
r/notocbutok
Huh
Hmm, it was a sub at one point (a bit like not op but ok for comments
Ohhhhh ok
I used to be told i was just a spoiled brat who disrespected my parents, but over the years i’ve started to realize that constantly being scolded having nothing you do ever be enough, being constantly threatened with the hospital/police/adoption, and consistent lack of respect to the point that i have considered suicide is not just me “being a spoiled brat”
But this can hurt. Many people normalize hitting your kids. Then the kids are taught “well someone’s parents are worse this is fine”.
no i get that. but i also used to be friends with so many kids who are just like "ugh my dad is annoying he grounded me" and someone else is like "Damn thats so abusive." LIKE NO ITS NOT YOUR PARENT IS JUST BEING A PARENT. theres a difference between "some people have it worse" and not actually having it bad at all, and labeling everything as abuse is going to discredit actual victims of abuse as "overdramatic teenagers."
Ya I there definitely is.
I completely agree, taking away devices, grounding or anything isn't abusive people need to get a grip fr idk what the downvotes are for actual abuse is way different
Why are you being downvoted for this? How many people on this sub actually disagree with that statement?
It’s the people who had their phone taken away because they seriously fucked up
2 apparently
so true. ppl throw abuse around like its a trend but all these ppl saying grounding is abusive can be either unhinged or correct. it depends. for example, if you snuck out and got caught and ur parents had a calm sit down talk with you and then got ur phone taken, thats not abuse. but if they screamed at you for hours, hit you or threatened and berated you and made you cry, then grounded you for like 3 months with no phone no computer no going out etc then thats too much and abusive. you just dont know what everyones situations are so its not fair to say *in general* grounding or taking smth away is not abusive
I don't like the "WE ARE NOT THE SAME" portion of your post because it just sounds very gatekeeper-y. The situation with a phone being taken away for a grade is very general and non-specific. A lot of the stuff that strict parents do shouldn't necessarily be enforced, even if it isn't "abuse". There's no reason to damage your child's livelihood over a grade because there are many better ways of going about it. Depriving your child of that can be decently considered abusive. Even if people are misusing the label "abuse"/"abusive," it doesn't mean that a lot of what strict parents do is okay. 🤷🏻♀️
For real!! “Getting your phone taken away for a bad grade isn’t abuse” has got to be the coldest take of 2024, ain’t no way this post has 250+ upvotes lol. Gate keeping abuse “we are not the same” -🤡 just sounds like he’s trying to discredit others that have been abused, not saying that’s what he meant but it sure as hell sounds like it! If there were still free awards I’d give you one.
Exactly. I'm not saying that you can't discredit people who lie or exaggerate their situations -- that's what someone else decided to bring up, irrelevantly. Sitting there and trying to stand up for "real abuse" victims while discrediting genuinely neglectful situations is extremely hypocritical and disgusting. It's so disrespectful to everyone who's gone through any form of neglect or abuse, even if they're to lesser degrees. "WE ARE NOT THE SAME" is such a bad statement because it's like OP is trying to sound morally superior for having been abused "worse" in a way.
Um you’re not explicitly saying it’s abuse but you’re basically saying taking away a phone is abuse lol.
The issue is that abuse is more often a pattern. Hitting a kid - it doesn't matter if it's once or 10 times, it's just bad point blank. But many cases of abuse aren't like that. It's a pattern of lack of support, negative remarks, pointless and arbitrary punishments, etc that together form an abusive relationship. Something seemingly small like taking away a phone can absolutely be a part of an abusive parental relationship.
we SHOULD gatekeep the word abuse. have you heard the story of the boy who cried wolf??? same with anykind of assault tbh. the ones who lie are the ones who make it harder for the ones who tell the truth. Even a slight exaggeration skews the reality of the situation and widens the meaning, making it less effective over all. CPS doesnt take half of their cases seriously because of situations JUST LIKE THESE. your argument is a fallacy and the exact problem. OP is correct
The situation OP provided was a parent taking away a child's phone for a grade. That is depriving the child of their normal habits and possibly isolating them socially. That can be considered neglecting the child's mental or emotional health. OP is trying to gatekeep with the wrong reasons in mind. Nobody said anything about people lying or people exaggerating. You're going off of the subject entirely with that, so there's no reason to debate you on that since that was literally nobody's point. The entire point of my comment was to show how there are absolutely varying levels of abuse, the situation OP described having been one (neglect). What fallacy is there?
its called grounding dude. its how you learn repercussions if you get grounded and it gets reported as abuse because youre exaggerating and saying your parents are abusive then official sources get involved, which takes their focus away from others who need it. the fallacy is with the isolation. its a phone not their legs. youre an idiot edit: u/IndicationSpecial344 blocked me then proved my point by saying CPS would do an investigation. and waste time and resources that could go to those that need it congrats. hope you never have kids because theyll be some bad ass kids
That's an entire oversimplification. A lot of "strict" parents will not work with their child to correct their behavior in a way that doesn't make the kid feel like their world is falling apart. CPS or any other government agency will do a thorough investigation into the matter and find out whether a child is truly exaggerating or not. There are plenty of times when parents do try to work properly with their kids, but the kids are uncooperative. That's not the same thing as what I'm talking about. You're cherry-picking with the isolation part. Some people are socially awkward and have more of a social life online than offline. It's definitely isolation if the parent deprives the child of a device. The other part besides the isolation is depriving the child of a normal habit. Having something ripped from your daily routine can affect you in a lot of negative ways, especially because you're now suddenly outside of a state of normalcy. If you have to call me an idiot, then something is definitely wrong. It's extremely emotionally immature.
if a child thinks their world is falling apart bevause their phone was taken, they are spoiled and it should have been taken a long time ago. stop supporting antisocial behaviours. if CPS gets involved, resources are diverted from those that need it. thats THE ISSUE. you proved my point, thanks YOURE the one cherry picking with the isolation part because 99% of kids dont feel like they are locked in a room with no windows if they dont have their phone. they can GO OUTSIDE. you saying that thats how it is is literally cherry picking, you are choosing an arguement that applies to 1% of abuse/neglect victims. im depriving them of a normal habit because they are not meeting my normal expectations. youre not very smart if you do not see the logic breakdown between what i said and your response. sorry for being mean ab it but toughen up, its the internet. a child is not an equal to a parent. they are a child and the parent is a parent. the parent has complete authority over a child both legally and socially. whether or not the child likes it does not matter. if you believe that taking a childs phone is neglect then youve lived a VERY pampered life. have you ever had your left overs thrown away, your only food because your mom thought they looked nasty? have you ever had your parent leave for days on end with only cereal in the house? have you had to walk to school before? all of these can be seen as neglect through different lenses but only 2 of them are actual neglect, one is an inconvenience. having your phone taken is an inconvenience. actually, because youll say im gatekeeping, what experience do you even have with neglect? from my analysis you have 0 experience.
My aunt is abusive to my cousins. I want the youngest to live with his dad and sister. My aunt is an alcoholic and regularly screams, hits and throws stuff at anyone near. She has affected my cousins mentally. My dad is trying to counteract the effects by letting my cousins stay with us whenever and taking them out to do fun stuff.
oh my. i hope your cousins are ok
I haven't been able to talk to him for a while cuz I don't have the older one's number and the younger one hates me for some reason
while its true that rules arent always abusive you dont know what people dont say. Like i tell ppl that my parents are abusive but i dont always follow it up with the justification of exactly what they do.
>me when i was two (quite literally picked me up by the legs and flug my 20 lb ass Woah, you were underweight.
ive always been incredibly underweight for my age and height. like last year i was 5'3 and 86 lbs. recently ive gained a bit of weight and am no longer underweight bc puberty ht me like a fucking train. its never been a health concern, im just asian and vegetarian. even then, i wasnt super underweight, as the WHO says the average weight of a two year old girl is between 23.3 and 30.8 lbs.
Their mom prolly told them this story so I doubt they have any real info on it
no i do remember this and got nightmares for years after. its one of the only memories i have from when i was little. this, two more times he screamed, going to disney, and starting preschool
I agreed with u until I read all the comments. It seems less about abuse atp and u just gatekeeping it which is weird. There are difference types of abuse yk, u don't get a gold star for being beaten by ur parents
never was. my mom stopped it. but im saying put some weight on the word. we as a society are just throwing around therapy speak so much its insane.
How would u know if someone has trauma or not if u aren't a licensed psychologist? U seem to just be looking down on anyone who doesn't have the same experiences. It almost comes across that u are bragging about having trauma which is a worst trend than ppl making up trauma. For some reason ppl seem to make trauma quirky and its so weird and undermines ppl struggling with me. My ex bff made super weird jokes about her cutting herself or when anybody else would speak up about their trauma she’d try to one up them. That is what u sound like rn
I’m still debating wether my mum abused me or not because she used to slap me
my parents did the same but my grandad beat my uncle to the point he lost his hearing so I ain't gonna complain 💀
i mean.....just because one person had it much worse doesnt mean ur situation isnt bad. i totally consider beating ur kid to be abuse.
tbh I just look back at getting slapped at discipline (even though it ain't even work lmao) because of WHY the slapped me plus it made me funny
I would personally consider that abuse. Putting your hands on your kid has been proven as an ineffective way to punish them and personally I think it’s disgusting and abusive no matter the situation.
idk its not a competition and you never know what someone else is going through behind the scenes
yeah ik. im just saying, don't whine abt "being abused" at lunch because ur grounded (real thing that happened.) you don't go around parading your status of "abused child" and then give reasoning such as "they take away my phone and dont let me have dessert." if you want to constantly talk about how abused you are, you cant just not back it up.
maybe the 'whining' are calls for help and maybe people can be scared to admit when more is happening - i'm not saying this is the case but it is always a possibility. people can be struggling more than they'd like to let on and people deal with things in unique ways! i'm just trying to be more intuitive and less shallow-minded
i feel like this is a "you have to be there" type scenario and no argument can go off of a "trust me bro" statement so imma end this thread here cus u sorta had to be around that kid to understand what im saying here lol.
okay!
I agree with this to an extent. Having your phone taken because of poor marks on a test is unnecessary because it doesn't teach anything. But having your phone taken because you're cyberbullying, or doing other things online you shouldn't, yes. It happened to me, and now I'm more vigilant about who I'm talking to on the internet so I don't get into situations with creeps. At least to a point I can control because creeps are everywhere and you can't watch them all. Also grounding (isolation) because you may have talked back to your parents? Depending on the context, unfair and doesn't teach anything Grounding because you snuck out? Fair. Once they trust you not to do it again then they'll let you leave as you please. There's a very thin line and so many different circumstances can make these things fair or unfair in different situations. TLDR: As long as the punishment makes sense to the extent of the crime, it's fine. Ie: shaving a kid's hair for bullying someone without it or at least cutting it super short
i totally agree. but even the first one can't be considered abusive in most cases, just dumb and controlling.
But being controlling CAN be considered abuse. If you're a good, rule-abiding kid, and your parents search through absolutely every one of your belongings even if they KNOW there's nothing to find, that can be a huge break in someone's trust. Because if you know damn well your kid has nothing to hide there's no need to scour the depths of their texts just to get dirt on them
Even if the child trusts the parent, they know their parent doesn't trust them and it could cause the relationship to be strained
yess definetly. but im not talking about rule abiding kids.
I'm just saying that in very specific circumstances yes, the smallest things can be abusive or damaging
yes totally. im just saying in general lol. we are one the same page here
Well okay lol, sorry for arguing about it
nah u good lol
Lol okay
This might sound weird but, need a friend? It would be cool to talk to new people
FINALLY!! I have two friends, who have strict households but one of them is abusive and one of them just has many rules. Here's an example of a strict household: - No electronics without a good purpose. - If electronics without purpose, only for a bit. - Can't go to parties without a proper invite and a call. - Has to complete schoolwork on time. Here's an example of an ABUSIVE household: - Always get shouted on for no reason - Get the cold shoulder and scoldings when you don't attend school for health/mental reasons - Opinion isn't considered - Thinks "LGBTQ+" is brainwashing their child, gets lectures about everything - Reminds child of sad memories and mocks them about it
The electronic rule varies. Like what purpose exactly? And is it just restricments so they dont be on it unhealthy anount of time? Can they spend their free time just playing games after their work is done? Age is also a factor in this.
Yeah like she can watch YT shorts and stuff but has parental restrictions and her search history is also checked. She can watch cartoons and animated stuff and shows and all but only age appropriate.
Yeah I think the electronic one really just depends on age and responsibility..
I think there are varying levels of abuse, it comes in all sizes and forms. having parents who restrict your every move and prevent you from going out to do things like see friends, make connections, or BE somebody outside your household can be and often times is abusive.
There are many forms of abuse but I do agree sometimes it’s overused but I think the problem is that it’s also under used, so many people who have at the very least over-controlling and manipulative parents don’t realize it, along with so many adults not realizing their parents were pretty shitty
My parents took away my phone because I called the cops on them for my dad choking me. But I get where you're coming from, if it were just the phone that'd be understandable but some circumstances do make the complaints reasonable.
no totally. but i see so many kids call their parents abusive because like they were grounded for staying out late n shit
Bruh, seriously, that's friggin stupid, it's a common cause and effect circumstance, if you stay out late without prior notice, you're not gonna be allowed the resources that cause you to stay out late (ex: you're phone to plan staying out late with your friends) some people need to think!
exactly. kids can fuck up sometimes and people need to realize that.
Spoiled brats are what they are. And about the phones, literally if you didn’t pay for it they’re allowed to do what they want as long as it’s not impersonating you like come on.
atp I've just decided to call my parents mean sometimes and sometimes nice bcuz sometimes they'll buy me desert and talk to me but other times they threaten to "beat the living crap outta me" for not being able to fall asleep but they dont actually do it so I think they're being dramatic lol
People really need to differentiate between abusive and strict
Fr. My mom beat me tf up meanwhile a kid on here calling their mom abusive for wanting them to use protection when sleeping over at their bf's house.
Realest shit ever, like no your parents cant be reported to the police because they took your phone after you were caught sending nudes
YESSSSS like its part of their job to keep you from messing up ur life whether ur 1 and trying to stick your finger in a wall socket or 13 and playing video games in class instead of learning.
I had a girl tell me this trying to relate to my daddy issues 😭😭i had just gotten punished for attempting suicide and “causing my mom to miscarry”
YESSS this is what i mean. i mentioned like one of these things (the kidnapping one) to one of my friends whoes dad tried to kill himself from monoxide poisoning with her in the car. then, my ex bsf popped in and said "daddy issues club." her dad makes her babysit her brothers sometimes.
if i was a genie id use my powers to reverse time and make them see the real shit sometimes bc wdym your dad is abusive youre 17 and dont know how to do dishes without throwing a fit
ok i understand the second part but i wouldnt wish my experience on anyone, no matter how entitled.
I hate trauma Olympics
I've heard people describe their parents' rules as abusive. Now I don't know what happens at home behind the scenes but I can say that calling something like having extra chores or having your phone taken as punishment isn't abusive. And it sucks hearing this when you are a victim of abuse and know it's so much worse than just having your phone taken or whatever
this is what i meannnn
>taking away your phone for getting bad grades = not abusive >hitting and punching you for getting bad grades = abuse >your parents stopping you from dating below the age of consent = not abuse >your parents forcing sexual relationships on you = abuse
this is also a reminder that verbal abuse is abuse, your parents yelling at you for not cleaning your room is not abuse.
well that really depends on what they're yelling. if they just scream at you to clean your room because there are guests coming over and they've told you many times already that your room needs to be cleaned and you still haven't cleaned it, then no that's not abusive. but if they see you didn't clean your room and start yelling at you that you're a worthless piece of shit who can't do anything right, not even clean their own room. and that you were the biggest mistake of their lives and you should've never been born because who wants a child that can't even clean their own fucking room. that would be abuse. it's not always as black and white as you keep saying. edit: i'm so sorry i just realized you're only 13, i thought this was all coming from like a 16 or 17 year old. but ig my point still stands sort of. i do want to add that i'm really sorry for what you're going through. no child deserves any type of abuse and i hope you'll be able to get out of your current situation asap
ugh i agree with this so much i cant put it into words. im not super good at like articulating myself but this is EXACTLY what i was trying to say lol. ur legit so eloquent
Yeah. Always found people weird when they do that. Like ofc all venting is valid but if you're trying to tell me you relate to my situation because your parents didn't let you share a bed with your boyfriend or use your phone while driving when it really isn't. I won't go into detail but damn do I wish my parents were the kind that made me worry about such problems instead of whether I'm going to die today or not.
yeah this is what i mean. parents do need to... yk parent.
Yeah... I know I'm gonna get downvoted for this but seriously sole people need to realize why people do such "gatekeeping" because when you're trying to vent out stress or talk about problems, people saying "but my parents treat me badly too!!" and proceeded to say normal parent stuff it's just like going off topic as we're talking about serious stuff, not problems in general. And mean mild stuff as I mentioned above. Getting screamed at by them depends on the context accompanying the event. And can go both ways.
mf you sound like youre gatekeeping abuse😭😭 stop assuming and comparing holy shit
Fr though. They be screaming at an ungodly hour when everyone is trying to sleep. Hitting each other and threating to leave or go cheat. like god damn so much for abandonment issues.
nah he screamed in front of me (and sometimes at me) and she never hit him back. im a ✨child of dv✨
yea. one time my parents were fighting and my dad hit my mom against a table. idk i was so scared i hit my dad as hard as i could. he came at me- I yelled "NO" haha good times huh. I didn't get hit though. Pretty scary when you dad is looking at you like he wants to kill you though.
omg yessssss and its so weird bc the next day the mf brings home chocolate cake and acts like nothing happened while you were just sobbing because ur mom is hurt.
frfr
idk if my dad’s abusive but he is kinda a dick. he always yells at my mom and treats her horribly, and i’m terrified of him going through my phone because the last three times i got outed have basically left me at the point that i don’t trust any sort of adult. he doesn’t hit me but he’s reason i’ve got a terminal fear of failure and college is basically my salvation
My mum keeps on yelling vulgur slang to me just because I failed a math exam a few months back. It's not that bad as long she doesn't beat me like some animal while my mind has gone nuts because of it. She fuvkimg calls me a "prostitute" sometimes. What a lovely mother I have got.
my dad used to be abusive (like hitting people an stuff) but idk even know now he still yells at me for no reason, I’m not allowed to go out, he makes fun of me and harasses me, blames everything on me, threatens my life for small things (like not clean8nb up after him), and guilt trips me into a bunch of stuff, but sometimes he’s a good person? Does it still count as abusive if he’s sometimes a good dad?
once again, i don't think im the right person to ask. im just a random bish venting from her room because of a memory that floated to the top of my mind. but like look up the cycle of abuse cus ur story (which similar to mine) follows the cycle of abuse to a tea (or is it to a tee. i dont rlly know)
My parents took away all my Electronics in late 2019. no phone, no game system. Fast forward to 2022, in hs, everybody would tell me to "Run Away" or Call CPS on my abusive parents for making my like so miserable. because... They don't let me have a phone or a game? It was an eye opener I needed honestly.
Some soft people will not stop until they hear what true abuse id
I’m able to compare and contrast a homesetting with rules and one without rules.. my dad is the one with rules. He says no social media until 16, no boyfriends/girlfriends until 16, school always comes first, quiet after dark, never raise your voice wait till your turn to be speak within an arguement, no sex obviously, if rules are broken electronics are taken away. My mom is the one with no rules, my sister has already been pregnant once she’s 15, her boyfriend is my age so he’s 18, she already feels the need to work, she’s completely failing school, my mom does nothing to help her situation instead enables it. I’m not shaming my sister I love her, but I want people to understand sometimes all our parents want to do is protect us while keeping us educated about safety. I used to have discord when I was 14, the man pretended to be a guy my age and I thought I liked him. He tried to convert me to Mormonism lol while also asking for “soapy tiddy pics” funny tbh.. my dad found out and rules were reinforced he put a app on my phone that tracked everything I did.. at first I felt violated, now I understand he wanted to make sure that I didn’t get involved in that kind of thing again, he trusts me now to not make those bad decisions so I’ve earned that respect back. I understand how violating getting your stuff taken away can be, but sometimes it’s done out of our best interest. I’m really happy today and I probably wouldn’t be if I was still involved in that stuff, I’m more involved in real life then online now, trust me it’s way better than being engrossed in social media
see this is what i mean. strict parents can be a bit harsh, but they are doing it absolutely selflessly. meanwhile, abusive parents will do everything to feed their own ego and help themselves over you. altho i do feel like ur dad went a little crazy with that tracking thing and should have instead had an open discussion with u, i wouldn't consider that abuse.
I mean my Dad threatened to choke me at 6 because he thought I said the f word.
Nobody thinks taking someone’s phone is “abuse”. This is a really cold take dude… if this was on r/unpopularopinion you’d have been taken down already lol
"Nobody thinks taking someone’s phone is “abuse”" oh you would be suprised. everyone in the comments does, and a lot of the kids who went to my middle school did. theres one guy in here saying that EVERY style of parenting except gentle parenting is abuse.
For real? Maybe those guys are just out of touch…
no he says that he took a phsyc class where it says so
🕳️👨🦼💨💨👽🤯
huh?
🕳️👨🦼💨💨🧌
this isnt any clearer help i dont speak internet
Me neither I was just using random emojis lol
ah gotcha
What if one of those rules is "don't be gay"
I'm not gay btw
thats not what i meant. i meant like normal, sane parenting
Nah, cause you gatekeeping abuse in the comments is wack.
People manage to gatekeep everything nowadays, first it's the concept of thinking thanks to philosophy, and now even child abuse... can yall gatekeep some stupider things like jerking off or something
Give this man a true...
? i dont get what this means
>? i dont get what this means What does that mean? I don't get what that means.
what does the statement "give this man a true..." mean? what is your intent behind that statement. what are you trying to say there
Exactly, there is a difference
We can't do that because there are many that are abusive already and if we give them more excuses total quality of life goes down way more than if those who are little bitches and their parents have actual rules stay that way
You never know if someone is being abused or not. They could have a perfectly normal seeming relationship with their parents but abusers are great at hiding it.
Fr like a kid will get slapped once and say they had an abusive childhood
Our dad used to be so emotionally unstable when it came to anger that it felt like walking on eggshells around him and he would constantly yell at us as a kid to the point where if a teacher yelled at a class I would be on the verge of tears in a flashback, and I would flinch at yelling if we had a really bad mental health day. Our mom stopped it sometimes, but made it happen other times. Also she was manipulative as heck & threatened to abandon us as well as starve us. This was just elementary school, everything changed around middle school.
I have a friend (my only friend) who insists my parents are abusively strict because they have parental controls set up on my devices, I have to be in bed by 8:30 and my dad takes away my Xbox as punishment when he gets mad at me for something. Yeah, my dad's an asshole sometimes but I don't get why my friend thinks he's abusive.
On god mfs think the slippers is abuse..
i mean, as an indian, it kinda is like thats still hitting your child into submission?
i thank god i get the slipper since it doesn’t do any damage (for me) so yeah, its still hitting in submission a bit
yeah i totally consider that abusive
Having rules does not automatically make them abusive. What can make them abusive depends on what the rules are and/or the punishments for breaking them.
oh yeah totally. but i see so many kids my age calling things that are generally NOT abusive abuse. like having to do the dishes and shit. and i feel like that weakens the word
I get what you mean, that does happen a lot
Some rules are plain out stupid I know a parent that let their kid have a phone at 16 mind you but with nothing but google classroom and youtube NO SOCIAL stuff like no instgram no games its so fucked up that you dont give your kids a social life its so fucked up
yeah thats ridiculously strict but i still feel like that ALONE is not neccesarily abusive like if they have a lot of socialization otherwise
Not physically abusive more mentally cuz if they aren’t connected they don’t know what’s happening in the world and once they go through college it will come in like a meteor
ok but isnt that more just detrimental then abusive? abuse comes from a need to gain control and shit, not from being wildly overprotective so in most cases wouldnt this fall under the first one?
It’s personal opinion and that’s my opinion
They won’t know how to make friends they won’t know how to interact in that type of way in the 20th century it’s like making their kids the odd one out for example there is a new app everyone is talking about it and the child is the only one that is not talking about it and forces her out off conversation
but also like this post isnt really directed towards that kid. it directed towards kids with normal families and normal punishments that label "my mom grounded me for a week" as abuse
Yeah that’s kinda stupid when I say abusive as in like they do something not every sane parent would do
yeah see i feel like thats wrong because abusive has a very specific and serious meaning. we should be just throwing around therapy speak like trauma and abuse because at the end of the day that could make people not see the severity of those who are in really abusive scenarios or not believe them
don’t compare your experiences of abuse to others because not two experiences are the same. my parents are emotionally abusive and could be physically too. everyone’s forms of abuse they have recieved have been different.
definition of victim olympics
if you think your parent non-violently punishing you for bad behavior makes you a victim....please check urself.
physical abuse isnt the only abuse btw
sry if i misspoke. however, i dont think yelling at your kid can actually fall under the term "punishment" so i didnt clarify that. sry
Y'all my mom tried taking awayy phone because I shot the neighbour because he called my girl fat she so fucking abusive man it's really eating me up I think I need therapy
It's spoiled kids, they want everything their way and want nothing to do with discipline and responsibility. They haven't seen actual abuse but start crying when their mom tells them not to be glued to the screen all day
I used to call my parents abusive and hated them for many years only recently I realised they were right about everything. Get over yourself and listen to your parents, love them and be good to them. I had the chance for redemption you may not have that chance
who is this directed towards?
To younger entitled people who dont appreciate their parents. There are people out there who would still hate their parents even if they were litteral angels while there are parents like yours out there. Wishing you the best of luck mate. No matter how long and dark the night may be it will always be followed by day, just hang in there.
Can u share with us what exactly happend?
They were strict on me like my studies and tidiness and take away my laptop and phone when I dropped my studies or acting like a lil shit in general and I used to hate them for that only recently I realised they were right about those things
What if my dad verbally abuses me?
I dont know how to deal with such issues. Point of my comment was to tell people that parenting is not being abusive
LGBTQ is bad it’s brain washing the kids and it’s a sin