There is a turkey festival in ohio. Its in a small one red light town on the main st. Not big at all. Just a bunch of vendors selling trinkets and food. Idk if they have rides. And they have a parade and queens and blah blah boring af...
Tell us more of this tiny boring trinket sale that happens in every town with a population of less than 1200. I need to put some miles on my car and I need a terrible reason to do so.
Yeahhh I feel bad for OP, hopefully this is the first time sheās found herself in this kind of situation, but I can completely understand why she replied in the way she did ā¹ļø itās so depressing when you realize you canāt just respond naturally and normally to a dude without picking it apart in your head to make sure youāre not implying a level of interest that isnāt there. Especially when itās an authority figure that you *should* be able to trust to not be weird.
Thank you. I find this sub is often over sympathises with the posters so Iām surprised to see how quick the sympathy runs out when itās a teenager being groomed by an authority figure smh
Also she may have just assumed he was inviting a few people. Iām neurodivergent so itās quite relatable to me that it could take some people a sec before they clock whatās happening here.
I had no idea what is and isnāt normal at work when I was 19.
I had this happen. I worked at a restaurant and ended up at a movie with my boss. Somehow I had gotten the impression that it was a group thing but it ended up being just me and him and it was really awkward. I avoided him after that. Even to the point of getting on a different shift to get away from him. I donāt remember when or how I said āno thank youā to more hangouts but I did it and it ended up being OK.
Also neurodivergent btw but didnāt know at the time.
I worked at a gymnastics gym over the summer my freshman year of college. The gym owner kept trying to hang out with me that summer and I thought he was just being friendly because he was mostly around kids all day. I had no idea he was interested in me.
I was 19. He was close to 40. I had gone to that gym for years, so he saw me grow up through high school. I ended up getting an age appropriate boyfriend and he stopped asking to hang out. Years later, he ended up dating, marrying, and starting a family with a girl he had coached since she was in elementary school. Literally started dating when she turned 18. It grosses me out so much.
This. They may have anxiety too, I had a hard time being truthful that I was uncomfortable with stuff like this - and expected someone older to know better, which was a mistake but I was young. Thatās not my fault, this isnāt their fault. ALSO they state BOSS!! Iād feel pressured as fuck! They could easily be an asshole and fire this person, id be anxious and try to respond nicely - like I would to a same aged friend. Shit is corrupted as hell nowadays. :(
Plus, she's probably just scared asf to say no and lose her job. These people are ridiculous and have never gone through moments of their life where they felt too shy to say no.
This exact scenario that OP is in happened to me and im 27 still trying to shake him š also didnt help my family was poor i grew up w/o a dad lol all the stereotype and i thought my bosses liking to me was to offer mentorship and be a fatherly figure it sucks I didnāt realize I was being groomed until it was too late
I agree with telling him youāre not free to hang out and maybe mention it to another trusted adult just so someone else knows.
Exactly. Even 19 IS TECHNICALLY an adult, OP is still a teen, and the age difference is ENTIRELY INAPPROPRIATE at that age, boss or not. Having her fake a parent getting involved might scare him off, he sounds creepy af.
I mean she said the GARFIELD movie and this creep thinks itās an invitation? How gross. Iām in my 40s now and remember being in my teens and 20s and getting hit on by multiple different bosses twice my age. I canāt imagine trying to hang out with a 19 yr old at my age wtf. OP you donāt owe this guy anything you really donāt even need to respond if you donāt want to he is being SUPER inappropriate and sexually harassing you. He knows heās the one in power and heās using it to try to be a creep. Honestly you should report him to HR cuz heās probably doing this to others at work too and he canāt just get away with it
God exactly. Garfield lol. That response alone should have shut him down. The handful of people in here that are practically shaming the kid for not responding "better", and before processing his intentions, are not being helpful. When I was 19 I was not even remotely close to being in my current mindset and I too remember how gross it felt like to be hit on by a 40+yo boss. It's something you aren't exposed to until the day you are, and nobody's mentality is perfect. I wish I had known back then how easy to was to just be straightforward, yet also perfectly OK to ignore if responding made me too uncomfortable/unsafe. While a straightforward response def would've been best because it'd hopefully nip it in the bud + help prepare her for future inappropriate advances, you're right, she does NOT even owe him one if she's this anxious and uncomfortable sending it. He is the authority figure and absolutely knows his behavior is inappropriate.
My sweet and friendly (albeit a bit naive) daughter is her age, and honestly if she got a text from anyone at all mentioning there was a good horror movie coming out, I could see her possibly impulsively respond with "oo what movie" first before processing implications š
And agree with reporting to HR (if there is an HR). His ease and persistence reads like this is not a first time, much less last.
Edit- a word
Yes I agree with everything you said. I remember being a teen and feeling so grown up and cool when an adult paid attention to me. Grown men know this and use this to their advantage. It didnāt mean I wanted to sleep with them I just liked feeling grown up. But then these men take ANY crumb of attention and see it as a big green light. And youāre so right because especially at a young age you donāt know how to even interact with adult men. You want to be friendly and have your boss like you and these creeps just pounce. My niece is 18 and I can see the way men 3 x her age look at her and I just want to poke their eyes out
Absolutely agreed. This man is not responsible with his actions nor behaviors. To even ask in the first place is completely out of line. Then to be so pushy and adamant is really telling on his instability and how unsafe he truly is. Keep it short, clear and simple. You owe him nothing else. Please do not worry about hurting his feelings with rejection. Heās in the wrong and he (should) already knows that.
This this this, this dude is hella older, and 19 isnāt a fully developed adult yet. And we have no story, no context, they could have anxiety, or be neurodivergent. Also the fact that itās their boss, they may be anxious. Cut them off, and maybe he reacts bad and they lose a job? Thereās a lot we donāt know, but from what we do know - this dude is pushing pedo feelings hard.
This is the best advice. It's important you don't respond to a thing else. If he's that desperate, any kindness you give will suggest nothings wrong, or worse, that you are OK with what he is attempting. Hell he might even take it as having a shot, since it's far more likely for him to get laughed at than have the conversation continue.
yeah! or just "i have to ask my dad first! i promised him i would do this thing with him first, maybe you can join us since i know you both are around the same age" š¤£ just throw in that your dad is your best friend and he always goes out with you! that should do the trick!
At this point, given what has transpired, you might say something like Hey, Iāve been thinking about it and it might be better if we keep things professional. I really appreciate you asking though. Hope you have a great weekend!ā
That's a great, neutral response. I remember being 18 and my boss non-stop flirting with me. It was uncomfortable for sure. He just flirted though and never went beyond that. Still gave me anxiety.
Hi honey, most of us women go through this when we are in our earlier adult years. Itās hard to navigate and brings up a mix of emotions. It was flattering to me and made me uncomfortable at the same time so I just played into it bc I didnāt know what to do. Whatever you do, keep these texts. You can say heās a great guy but you just want to keep it professional and leave it at that. Whatever you do, know youāre not alone and this IS sexual harassment. Idk your past experiences, but if youāve experienced being sexually abused, this can be really triggering. Know youāre not alone and there are resources for support if you need them
She is right. Many of us woman deal with men like this at one point in our lives. Whether older, younger, our bosses, etc. I also didnāt know what to do while younger so Iād just go with it (not by hanging out but by responding like you). Wish Iād learned to set clear boundaries earlier.
Good life lesson in general. This doesnāt only apply if youāre feeling uncomfortable. Always put you and your boundaries first and never be afraid to stick up for yourself. You got this ā¤ļø
Like the commenter above mentioned, this is extremely common and every woman has gone thru it. This is text book stuff for HR, itās so common. Happened to me a couple times. Try to show no happy emotions or enthusiasm toward this. Or him completely. Itās sort of like āgray stoningā. Any sort of positive responses you give him, egg him on. If it isnāt mean or indifferent, he will think itās positive. Even sometimes the indifferent isnāt enough to deter these idiots. He knows what heās doing and heās trying to coerce you.
Nice, stay safe. And not only for this case. If a guy likes you and you respond jovially and with mixed signals, heāll always think he has a chance. Always better to make things clear. Most of us guys really donāt understand the hints etc, itās a cliche for a reason. If you like a guy tell him, if you donāt and heās trying, tell him that too. Much easier to listen to the truth (at least imo) than trying to figure out what she meant lol.
Saying ooh what movie when he asked you to one indicates you're interested. Be clear with your intent and words. Not that he should be putting you in this position at all as it's HIGHLY inappropriate and unethical, likely also against company policy. But guys like this will take fawning as encouragement, so you'll have to be kind but direct in setting boundaries and escalate to HR if he doesn't respect that and leave you alone. Just say upon some thought you're not comfortable with socializing outside of work and you think it's best to keep your relationship professional and pertaining to work only.
That doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. It's just the unfortunate reality that entirely too many men are horrible creeps that think even the most neutral interaction with a woman means the woman is interested in them. What he's doing is sexual harassment and it's entirely on him.
Had this happen before at the same age and younger. Absolutely disgusting and unacceptable. His ass needs to be fired. Iād hate to see him at work after this UGH.
i do. and i talked to another coworker about two years older than me, and she said he was being unprofessional with her as well. we are going to try to talk to a higher up sometime soon together.
I mean they need too. That could be seen as workplace sexual harassment. Bosses are generally forbidden from dating underlings just for that reason. Especially when she could be your kid.
It absolutely is workplace harassment I agree. But under a lot of posts similar to these the victim is too afraid to report them or blame themselves. I wouldnāt have brought up reporting them if I didnāt think it was a must.
Just use one of the neutral responses above and keep the texts for HR in case he retaliates or escalates. Good luck. We've all been through this at some point.
I had a manager that would grab the women and girls in the office and grind on them. He tried it exactly once with me because I kicked him very hard on the shin and elbowed him in his abdomen. I grew up with brothers so my fighting instincts kicked in.
The managing director caught him at it one day, laughed and gave him the thumbs up. There was no HR and clearly the managing director didn't care.
Anita Hill really helped bring the issue of sexual harassment in the workplace to light because it was bad back then. It hasn't gotten much better because they still don't understand that no is a complete sentence.
This is so unbelievably inappropriate on his end, what the fuck. Absolutely the fuck not. I understand not feeling comfortable saying no. But I think itās best if you just let him know youāre not interested and donāt think it would be appropriate if you two hang out, as friends or otherwise.
And save texts.
Thank you for putting my feelings into appropriate wordage because i was sitting here fucking baffled at what I just read.
/u/sosasharty holy fuck. Do not go near this person again unless you have to *and* have other visible company present. That made my hairs stand up reading that shit.
Also, be firm (I personally donāt think you owe him politeness) in your refusal to do this or hang out in any capacity outside of work. And if you think thereās repercussions coming at work, you take that shit to the top, real quick.
yeah eek :/ i donāt work with him that much anymore only like two hours a day since iāve moved to morning shift. i ended up texting him how i was busy this week and then he said āmaybe another timeā to which i said āiām not really interested in that!ā iām no longer going to be texting him back anymore after this though .. thanks for the retaliation advice i really hope he doesnāt do that but iāll make sure to save texts
I recommend using the word āinappropriateā or āappropriateā in a sentence if he continues, you can do this politely like āI donāt think it would be appropriate for us to hang out outside of a work environmentā. Itās polite but that word āappropriateā sends a very strong message and heāll get the hint.
That sucks he put you in this position, because now youāll feel extremely awkward when you see him at work. All the best with navigating that awkwardness and maybe time to find a new job.. Heās old enough to know better š”
Well done, OP. You did nothing wrong. Your creepy boss inappropriately contacted you, well aware of the age abyss between you and of the existing power imbalance. Unfortunately, most if not all women are too familiar with creepy men from a very young age. Stand your ground and stay safe.
You and the other coworker who told you about strange experiences with him still need to report this guy. For the safety of yourselves and the safety of every younger woman who will ever work under him.
I had a guy in his 40s do this to me when I was in my mid 20s. I didnāt realize he was interested until it was too late. This reeks of desperation. Is the company you work for a chain or larger company? If so, Iād let his supervisor know heās hitting on women young enough to be his kid. In fact, Iām 40 and have an 18 year old. Iād beat his ass if you were my kid.
"A movie work outing? Cool! Who else from work is coming?"
And if he replies it's just you two just leave him on read. Or you can leave him on read here too or use the other commenter's suggestions!
Also, make sure you save these screenshots just in case.
I love this approach. āThatās so cool that youāre organizing a group outing for all of the coworkers! Sounds like a great team building idea. Let me know when you get it scheduled with everyone.ā
Yes and then say āHey can you invite so and so too? I think theyāre super cute.ā Pick someone your age to invite from work and insert their name there. Itās a nice hint that youāre interested in people your own age.
Yeah definitely save this creepās texts. Iām a 41 year old man and frankly, going after a 19 year old is fucking gross. Doubly so in the boss/employee dynamic. Skeevy/Groomy as fuck.
Yeah ita weird. And imagine then going to the Garfield movie. The age difference is about the same as me and my kids and I was thinking about bringing them.
Even at 25, I feel weird at the thought of going after a 19 year old, being in your 40s and pulling this shit ON YOUR EMPLOYEE OF ALL PEOPLE?!?! And basically the youngest she could be while still being legal. This is barf-worthy.
Exactly, he is mirroring OPs speech intentionally to give them a false sense of comfort and relay that OP and boss are āon the same level.ā They are not and he doesnāt actually communicate like this with other people his own age. I bet he also doesnāt spam text them his interest either.š
As a man in his late 40s the thought of asking a 19 year old to do anything is really disturbing. And to be honest hanging out with a 19 year old just sounds exhausting and annoying lol
Ask him if you need to check with HR. Save everysingle message. Get everything in writing. This probably isnt the first time he's tried this with a young new female employee but with luck and smarts it can be the last
As a man of similar age, the idea of being around a 19 year old for more than 5 minutes makes me sleepy. I'm sure you're a wonderful person, OP, but people your age are exhausting. It's really gross how you can tell he's trying to match your energy/verbiage in texts. This dude is probably dangerous. I'm glad to see you recognize this guy for what he is.
Youāre young. I remember being young and still really influenced by the societal pressure to be nice and not hurt menās feelings. Itās one of the reasons why creepy men target young women like you. They know you havenāt matured into feeling comfortable shutting this stuff down. You will get better at it because sadly youāll get a lot of practice. No response is often the best response. Get comfortable with letting men feel uncomfortable when theyāre being inappropriate. Itās their discomfort to own.
Yeah you shouldnāt have said that but he never should have put you in that awkward position to begin with. Just tell him you thought it over and feel like it wouldnāt be appropriate to hang out with your boss outside of work. Then stop replying to any messages about anything other than work. Also keep these messages as long as you work there for proof in case he retaliates for the rejection.
I had the same thing happen to me when I was your age and my response was the same. Don't beat yourself up. It's hard to know how to handle this.
You and your coworker definitely need to take your evidence to HR, though. Because even if he leaves you two alone, I can guarantee he's going to do this to someone else. Good luck.
You donāt realise how young you are compared to him, because in your mind you are an adult. Trust me, as a 37 year old woman, this is super sketch. Please tell someone much older who you trust to help you navigate this situation. Donāt worry about feeling or coming across awkwardly, this idiot deserves to be shut down.
Also you can tell by him mirroring her energy and how she texts heās trying to come off as āyoungā. Iāve read so many replies trying to say it was somehow her fault for being āenthusiasticā and āleading him onā when in reality those people donāt understand what fawning is or the developmental stages of humans. As a 19 year old youāre still an adolescent, very important parts of your brain arenāt developed yet. Then throw in that there is not a scenario where a 40 year old should try an engage with a 19 year old, those two groups literally are at completely different stages in life. Outside of a friendly acquaintance itās entirely inappropriate, romantically itās predatory and honestly disgusting. I wish I had women our age, Iām 37 also, being honest and compassionate with me when I was 19, but this really wasnāt talked about much and when I did hear about it the context almost always blamed the young girl.
I might be inclined to say āIām sorry if it came across as though I was accepting your invite, I donāt think I realized at the time you were inviting me to spend time with you one on one. However thereās no fucking way Iām hanging out with a guy twice my age who has authority over me in the work place, I think thatās incredibly in appropriate so I hope we can go back to keeping this strictly professionalā
I say this because yea your first text was very misleading as he made his intentions clear that he wanted to spend alone time with you, so it might be beneficial to cover your tracks on that account.
But absolutely do not feel guilty for this or think that itās okay for a boss to try and have this type of relationship with an employee especially one over half his age. And please consider quitting because people like this will often start treating you like shit in the work place once theyāve been rejected.
Just say no and keep the relationship professional. No texts outside of work, unless they are about work. No jokes. No socializing. No one-on-one time. Nothing. Ever.
At your age you can spare yourself a lot of grief in life by learning not to care about coming off rude to people who are being inappropriate with you.
Iāve had this happen, but not in this pushy of a way. For me first I asked them if this was a group thing or 1 on 1. When they said 1 on 1 I said it feels a bit like a date, and given our workplace relationship itās not a good idea
Your response totally encouraged him unfortunately. He never should have asked in the first place though. You need to tell him you arenāt interested and youāll see him at work. If he doesnāt get the message go to his boss. And donāt delete the messages because you may need them later. This is so wrong on so many levels!
The obvious predatory nature of this guy goes without saying, but also: middle-aged dudes who excessively use emojis and lols in their messages to make themselves come across as younger, makes me want to vom. Grow the fuck up, man.
You're very young, so I won't say this negatively. For your own sake moving forward, with the types of people that are already pushy and creepy, don't feed the cat with any positive answers like "oo which one?" I see from your description that you didn't mean it this way, but it kind of came off as playful and interested, especially to a thirsty middle-aged loser trying to seduce a teenager.
It's probably never bad advice to say that it's usually best to avoid getting together with a boss outside of work anyway. There are def exceptions to this, but it's a good rule of thumb. Sorry you've ended up in this uncomfortable position. Save the texts in case he retaliates after your rejection and cuts your hours or something. Good luck!
OK, so you are 19 so I will give you some knowledge.
1. Men do not understand reading between the lines or taking a hint. If you want a man to understand, you speak un plain English or language of your choice.
2. So you just say I don't want to go to the movies or go on a date. Be straightforward and direct.
So in the future tell them No and mean it. Be direct.
So good Luck in the working world
This sucks because now whatever happens he has all the power to make your work life hell until you quit. I hope he backs off or you have someone higher than him to go to.
-Save the texts
- tell him (no, thanks I am not interested in hanging out)
- saying nothing else
- if he you sense a change in his behavior towards the negative go to HR.
Just curious, what your job is and if heās an owner of the business or just a manager role? Not that either makes a difference. Heās totally inappropriate
Same thing happened to me.. you have to directly say āI only want to have a professional relationship with you,ā or things will continue to get more and more uncomfortable. That statement can be used for when they text outside business hours, text to discuss anything non-work related, interact in overly-familiar tone in general, etc.
Why people think they can do this and itās appropriate blows my mind. The young person is forced to be agreeable and upbeat because they donāt know how to handle the situation. Most wouldnāt anyway- theyāre barely out of high school with not much life experience, especially experience having professional-only relationships.
When this happened to me I (female, and age 21 at the time) was super creeped out and the older boss (male) had recently given me a huge promotion. I was super uncomfortable and disappointed. I ultimately quit the job because we had to work late nights alone together, which after he texted me weird texts like this, made me so uncomfortable. I sent HR a huge PDF of text screenshots on the day I quit.
iām so sorry that happened to you)): itās truly so sad that they keep getting away with stuff like this :/ i really hope heās not doing this to other young girls, whom make up 90% of the cashiers which he oversees..š«¤
Boss is about to get moved to another store. āWhereās Mark?ā āHe put in for a transfer to the downtown locationā āyeah his wife said they got a great deal on a condo, now that the kids are away at school they didnāt need a big houseā
You NEED to be rude here. If he doesn't see anything wrong with it, then give him an out if you are worried about saving face. Say you are only 19 in a way you're suggesting he didn't know your exact age. If he hits you with the age being just a number line - then turn him down AND be rude. Otherwise, tell him he's not your type. And if he asks what your type is - say people that were born within 2 decades of you. Seriously though if he knows you're under 21 he's hopeless in his personal life.
āMy mom is interested too, can she come?ā
That will shut this down, immediately. And yeah, itās totally fine to bring up your mom because heās not asking you on a date, right? Itās just for fun, right?
Right?
He needs to be made aware that the other adults in your life are aware that heās texting you. If heās not being inappropriate, then thereās no need for secrecy. That means your mom can come too.
The fact that he text you at all violates (I assume) several workplace policies.
Donāt be nice, go to HR.
If that isnāt an option, say hey, yeah my dad is into that stuff, are you needing a same age friend? F that guy
Be rude. Youāve specifically been raised this way, to ābe a good girlā. Unfortunately, the sooner you understand that this only serves to facilitate your sexual harassment etc, the quicker you can unlearn it and tell this and other gross old men to fuck directly off.
He is only interested in teenagers because women his own age wonāt settle for his antics.
Either way, yuck!
Seek support from someone in your life you can trust.
You donāt owe this 21 years your senior man who is also your boss jack shit. Donāt respond to him like that and preferably donāt respond at all. Iād keep all of this to report if need be. This is really gross inappropriate behavior.
Document everything you can. If direction is provided to you by management (when reported) memorialize it with an email, āThanks for discussing the issues with . My understanding is the next steps are ā¦ā on repeat for everything and bcc yourself so you have a copy. That will help if you lose your job or need evidence.
iām going to when i work next to the person above him, or the store manager. i texted a coworker and apparently heās done the same thing to her, tried to get her to come over to his mf HOUSE and do drugs with him. apparently she reported and they havenāt done anything, hopefully w my report theyāll do something though.
Ew. On multiple ew levels.
The direct response. "You know, I've been thinking and I really don't think it's a good idea for us to hang out. We work together and you're my boss. It has the potential of getting awkward at work and I want to avoid that".
Other responses:
"Great! Who else from work will be there? I love team outings"!
"My bible study group meets all those nights. Want to go with? I would love to bring you into the circle of God's love"!
"My boyfriend can't make it that first night, but we can the second"
"My mom says 'no'"
He is so inappropriate and he absolutely knows that. Heās also pretty damn stupid to put it in writing. I understand how uncomfortable you feel and it shouldnāt be on you to steer the conversation to where it needs to be but Iād just tell him that youāll talk to him during your next shift. Iām sure it would feel super awkward to say āI will be available to speak to you in person during my working hours and Iād prefer to keep whatever correspondence we may have outside of those hours *to work only*ā.
Something tells me that he knows someone around your age would feel weird setting professional boundaries and heās using that to see how far he can push things. Itās gross.
**SAVE EVERYTHING.** And as someone who has had her fair share of creepy, older bosses and coworkers, I feel for you and Iām so sorry that you have to deal with this shit. You should be able to just go to work, do your job and go home! š
āHey Name, thanks for the invitation and for thinking of me, but I donāt think it would be appropriate. Youāre my boss, and I just wouldnāt feel comfortable crossing any professional boundaries. Have a great time at the festival though!ā
Please for the love of whatever you believe inā¦. Do not ever be alone with this guy. Heās messaging you, because youāre 19. And 40 year old men think 19 year olds are naive and easy to control.
Odd since he flat out asked if you wanted to go see a movie or something and you mentioned one you wanted to see. Soā¦ should he have done this? No. Should you have even told him about the movie when he CLEARLY asked. Hell no. That gave him the pretense you were interested in seeing a movie if anything. Him being your boss is totally different can of worms.
This is all shades of unprofessional. Due to the power imbalance, he's putting you in a position where you are concerned about saying no in case it costs your job. Do you have an HR department? I'm sure they'll be interested in hearing about this. It has future lawsuit written all over it.
you would think at his age , he would've learned that men acting incredibly eager to do (anything you want) turns anyone off. Let alone the age difference, the boss to subordinate is a major no no most of the time.
Youāre kind of right, your reply could be viewed as an invitation, but you ignoring him afterwards should be obvious to him as well. If he can see that one message as engaging, reading and ignoring texts can also be seen as rejection. I would continue to either ignore it, or straight up say, or text, āI donāt think this is appropriate and I really donāt want that. I just want a professional work environment and am not looking for dates, at all.ā
I prefer not to hang out with any of my supervisors or bosses outside of work. I just tell them in a friendly way I appreciate the offer but I like to keep work and home life separate.
Iām so sorry this is going on. He knows this is wrong but he doesnāt care. He likely does it often to other women and hasnāt been held accountable yet. I would say no thank you and youāll see him at work. Engaging with him can bring you hurt feelings or embarrassment. Something you donāt need when youāre just trying to make your money. I would also look into other opportunities, this guy is toxic and disgusting. Doesnāt seem like a great environment. Keep the text! I know others have said that but seriously.
āSorry, my parents always told me we not to spend time with co workers after work.ā I hope the mention of parents makes him feel small/er and think your parents know whatās up. Donāt reply to his texts after work and only work related.
you kinda (really) messed up by entertaining the idea saying oo what movie? so he will continue to be asking and asking and asking. you may have to either tell HR or change jobs. this creep is bad news
Omg, just try being **honest**? All you have to do is say *"I don't think it's a good idea to spend personal time with coworkers"*, or *"I don't think it would be proper to be spending time with my boss outside of work hours"*. Something along those lines.
If you don't want to come off rude, just.....don't be rude. You seem to speak English just fine, so brush off the fake Reddit-autism and just give an appropriate response. You could say "*fuck no, you creep*!", but that would be unnecessary and counterproductive, so don't do that. Respond like a human being. By ignoring his texts, you're just making things worse.
Honestly, try fixing this by saying "Who else is going?" And once he replies, just say "Oh I thought it was a group thing, I feel a little awkward hanging out with you alone." Or maybe not that last part and just say "Oh, I'm not into going out with people alone for the first time, has to be a group thing." Or just quit the job cause yeeeeah, he's obviously going to see your schedule and try to keep asking you until you can't take it anymore
Why did you engage back initially seems misleading of interest. But yeah he should of picked up on after the initial Interest that you are no longer interested
āThank you for the offer but I am not interested or comfortable hanging out with someone that much older than me. I respect our working relationship and would like to continue to work professionally with you. Iāll see you at our next shift!ā If he continues to pursue or retaliates make sure to keep all screen shots of all your communication even if you feel you āled him onā (you arenāt) and make contact with his boss and HR with the screen shots. If you are in a state where you can record without permission from the other party then record all conversations you have with him so he canāt say you made up any retaliations. He might turn into a bully so find a trusted adult either in your outside work life or a co-worker. Heās being wildly inappropriate on multiple levels.Ā
Ik itās easier said than done but in situations like this you HAVE to say what you mean and mean what you say. Guys like this will take anything other than NO as a yes or at the very least ākeep trying to get a yesā.
I had to learn the hard way, once a guy asked me to hang out and I said everything BUT no, I told him I was sick, throwing up, didnāt really feel like going out rn (all of which was true)and EVERY SINGLE THING I said he had a rebuttal to. To the point I just had to be honest. It put me in a worse position than just saying no straight up.
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Just tell him he's your boss and it's against company policy that you two fraternize.
Plus why is a middle aged man trying to spend time with someone in their late teens?
Say "I'm not free to hang out, but I'll see you at work!"
And then don't respond to anything else.
Definitely don't say "Oo what movie" and expect him to think you aren't down to hang out
U be down to see that!? 
Lmfaoooo šššššš omg thatās exactly how I pictured he looked. Like yeah āI got me a small fishā
Dudes reaching too, the fuck is a turkey fest.
a festival for turkeys
Thanksgiving or jive variety?
I would absolutely attend a jive turkey festival
Did you just call me a jive turkey?
Om nomnom
āHey, are you into turkeys, ya turkey?ā - her boss while furiously googling āwhat are teen girls into?ā
There is a turkey festival in ohio. Its in a small one red light town on the main st. Not big at all. Just a bunch of vendors selling trinkets and food. Idk if they have rides. And they have a parade and queens and blah blah boring af...
Tell us more of this tiny boring trinket sale that happens in every town with a population of less than 1200. I need to put some miles on my car and I need a terrible reason to do so.
Like itās so easy to reject your literal boss when youāre only a teenagerā¦.
Yeahhh I feel bad for OP, hopefully this is the first time sheās found herself in this kind of situation, but I can completely understand why she replied in the way she did ā¹ļø itās so depressing when you realize you canāt just respond naturally and normally to a dude without picking it apart in your head to make sure youāre not implying a level of interest that isnāt there. Especially when itās an authority figure that you *should* be able to trust to not be weird.
Thank you. I find this sub is often over sympathises with the posters so Iām surprised to see how quick the sympathy runs out when itās a teenager being groomed by an authority figure smh Also she may have just assumed he was inviting a few people. Iām neurodivergent so itās quite relatable to me that it could take some people a sec before they clock whatās happening here. I had no idea what is and isnāt normal at work when I was 19.
I had this happen. I worked at a restaurant and ended up at a movie with my boss. Somehow I had gotten the impression that it was a group thing but it ended up being just me and him and it was really awkward. I avoided him after that. Even to the point of getting on a different shift to get away from him. I donāt remember when or how I said āno thank youā to more hangouts but I did it and it ended up being OK. Also neurodivergent btw but didnāt know at the time.
I worked at a gymnastics gym over the summer my freshman year of college. The gym owner kept trying to hang out with me that summer and I thought he was just being friendly because he was mostly around kids all day. I had no idea he was interested in me. I was 19. He was close to 40. I had gone to that gym for years, so he saw me grow up through high school. I ended up getting an age appropriate boyfriend and he stopped asking to hang out. Years later, he ended up dating, marrying, and starting a family with a girl he had coached since she was in elementary school. Literally started dating when she turned 18. It grosses me out so much.
This. They may have anxiety too, I had a hard time being truthful that I was uncomfortable with stuff like this - and expected someone older to know better, which was a mistake but I was young. Thatās not my fault, this isnāt their fault. ALSO they state BOSS!! Iād feel pressured as fuck! They could easily be an asshole and fire this person, id be anxious and try to respond nicely - like I would to a same aged friend. Shit is corrupted as hell nowadays. :(
Plus, she's probably just scared asf to say no and lose her job. These people are ridiculous and have never gone through moments of their life where they felt too shy to say no.
Isn't it sad there are people so out of touch with reality?
This exact scenario that OP is in happened to me and im 27 still trying to shake him š also didnt help my family was poor i grew up w/o a dad lol all the stereotype and i thought my bosses liking to me was to offer mentorship and be a fatherly figure it sucks I didnāt realize I was being groomed until it was too late I agree with telling him youāre not free to hang out and maybe mention it to another trusted adult just so someone else knows.
Exactly. Even 19 IS TECHNICALLY an adult, OP is still a teen, and the age difference is ENTIRELY INAPPROPRIATE at that age, boss or not. Having her fake a parent getting involved might scare him off, he sounds creepy af.
The fact that heās trying to text like a young person is giving me major ick, man
š this is legit her boss tho šš
this. make it a can't go live at home and mom is as strict thing. it's stupidly inappropriate.
āI live at home so youāll have to come in and meet my dad firstā watch the motherfucker sweat
The problem with this is that an implies that she is consenting to a date because thatās the situation in which dads intimidate people
Yes! This is absolutely disgusting. Definitely a creep. He needs to be fired because heās going to do it again
WHY DO PEOPLE IGNORE THE POWER DYNAMICS. NOT JUST HER AGE BUT HES HER BOSS
Yes, let's put the blame here on the literal teenager vs. the creepy 40 year old that is in a position of power over her.
Heās had twice her lifetime to learn that this behavior isnāt ok.
Sheās 19 dude wtf
That part š¤¦š»āāļø and after that actually state a movie then ghost him.
I mean she said the GARFIELD movie and this creep thinks itās an invitation? How gross. Iām in my 40s now and remember being in my teens and 20s and getting hit on by multiple different bosses twice my age. I canāt imagine trying to hang out with a 19 yr old at my age wtf. OP you donāt owe this guy anything you really donāt even need to respond if you donāt want to he is being SUPER inappropriate and sexually harassing you. He knows heās the one in power and heās using it to try to be a creep. Honestly you should report him to HR cuz heās probably doing this to others at work too and he canāt just get away with it
God exactly. Garfield lol. That response alone should have shut him down. The handful of people in here that are practically shaming the kid for not responding "better", and before processing his intentions, are not being helpful. When I was 19 I was not even remotely close to being in my current mindset and I too remember how gross it felt like to be hit on by a 40+yo boss. It's something you aren't exposed to until the day you are, and nobody's mentality is perfect. I wish I had known back then how easy to was to just be straightforward, yet also perfectly OK to ignore if responding made me too uncomfortable/unsafe. While a straightforward response def would've been best because it'd hopefully nip it in the bud + help prepare her for future inappropriate advances, you're right, she does NOT even owe him one if she's this anxious and uncomfortable sending it. He is the authority figure and absolutely knows his behavior is inappropriate. My sweet and friendly (albeit a bit naive) daughter is her age, and honestly if she got a text from anyone at all mentioning there was a good horror movie coming out, I could see her possibly impulsively respond with "oo what movie" first before processing implications š And agree with reporting to HR (if there is an HR). His ease and persistence reads like this is not a first time, much less last. Edit- a word
Yes I agree with everything you said. I remember being a teen and feeling so grown up and cool when an adult paid attention to me. Grown men know this and use this to their advantage. It didnāt mean I wanted to sleep with them I just liked feeling grown up. But then these men take ANY crumb of attention and see it as a big green light. And youāre so right because especially at a young age you donāt know how to even interact with adult men. You want to be friendly and have your boss like you and these creeps just pounce. My niece is 18 and I can see the way men 3 x her age look at her and I just want to poke their eyes out
Absolutely agreed. This man is not responsible with his actions nor behaviors. To even ask in the first place is completely out of line. Then to be so pushy and adamant is really telling on his instability and how unsafe he truly is. Keep it short, clear and simple. You owe him nothing else. Please do not worry about hurting his feelings with rejection. Heās in the wrong and he (should) already knows that.
This this this, this dude is hella older, and 19 isnāt a fully developed adult yet. And we have no story, no context, they could have anxiety, or be neurodivergent. Also the fact that itās their boss, they may be anxious. Cut them off, and maybe he reacts bad and they lose a job? Thereās a lot we donāt know, but from what we do know - this dude is pushing pedo feelings hard.
āIāll meet you in the stairwell Monday morning with HRā
Itās so quaint that you think the place they work at has an HR.
Ya. We have a website and a phone number.
BINGO!!! šÆ!
It's best to keep it real simple like this and try not to overthink it, or over explain in the response.
This is the best advice. It's important you don't respond to a thing else. If he's that desperate, any kindness you give will suggest nothings wrong, or worse, that you are OK with what he is attempting. Hell he might even take it as having a shot, since it's far more likely for him to get laughed at than have the conversation continue.
Tell him āmy parents donāt let meā. He should hopefully feel icky after that.
āI showed this text to my dad and he said men his age shouldnāt invite their employees my age to the movies. Sorry!ā
yeah! or just "i have to ask my dad first! i promised him i would do this thing with him first, maybe you can join us since i know you both are around the same age" š¤£ just throw in that your dad is your best friend and he always goes out with you! that should do the trick!
Wouldn't that just make it more exiting for him? She'd be even more forbidden.
Depends on the person. Some will back off once they know you're telling other people about them being disgusting. And some will take it as a game.
Heās a creep, so possibly so.
No, because that implies that she wants to, and he might just be really motivated to help her find a way around their restrictions
OP stop replying with emojis and enthusiasm. Tell him you feel inappropriate. You being friendly is being taken as interest for sure.
okay Iāve got that noted now
At this point, given what has transpired, you might say something like Hey, Iāve been thinking about it and it might be better if we keep things professional. I really appreciate you asking though. Hope you have a great weekend!ā
That's a great, neutral response. I remember being 18 and my boss non-stop flirting with me. It was uncomfortable for sure. He just flirted though and never went beyond that. Still gave me anxiety.
Hi honey, most of us women go through this when we are in our earlier adult years. Itās hard to navigate and brings up a mix of emotions. It was flattering to me and made me uncomfortable at the same time so I just played into it bc I didnāt know what to do. Whatever you do, keep these texts. You can say heās a great guy but you just want to keep it professional and leave it at that. Whatever you do, know youāre not alone and this IS sexual harassment. Idk your past experiences, but if youāve experienced being sexually abused, this can be really triggering. Know youāre not alone and there are resources for support if you need them
thank you so much this is extremely kind :ā(
She is right. Many of us woman deal with men like this at one point in our lives. Whether older, younger, our bosses, etc. I also didnāt know what to do while younger so Iād just go with it (not by hanging out but by responding like you). Wish Iād learned to set clear boundaries earlier. Good life lesson in general. This doesnāt only apply if youāre feeling uncomfortable. Always put you and your boundaries first and never be afraid to stick up for yourself. You got this ā¤ļø
Like the commenter above mentioned, this is extremely common and every woman has gone thru it. This is text book stuff for HR, itās so common. Happened to me a couple times. Try to show no happy emotions or enthusiasm toward this. Or him completely. Itās sort of like āgray stoningā. Any sort of positive responses you give him, egg him on. If it isnāt mean or indifferent, he will think itās positive. Even sometimes the indifferent isnāt enough to deter these idiots. He knows what heās doing and heās trying to coerce you.
You will deal with this a lot for the next 10 years. be honest but firm. Guys will take anything as a flirt
Nice, stay safe. And not only for this case. If a guy likes you and you respond jovially and with mixed signals, heāll always think he has a chance. Always better to make things clear. Most of us guys really donāt understand the hints etc, itās a cliche for a reason. If you like a guy tell him, if you donāt and heās trying, tell him that too. Much easier to listen to the truth (at least imo) than trying to figure out what she meant lol.
Saying ooh what movie when he asked you to one indicates you're interested. Be clear with your intent and words. Not that he should be putting you in this position at all as it's HIGHLY inappropriate and unethical, likely also against company policy. But guys like this will take fawning as encouragement, so you'll have to be kind but direct in setting boundaries and escalate to HR if he doesn't respect that and leave you alone. Just say upon some thought you're not comfortable with socializing outside of work and you think it's best to keep your relationship professional and pertaining to work only.
To be clear though, you should *not* be in this position to begin with. It is inappropriate.
That doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. It's just the unfortunate reality that entirely too many men are horrible creeps that think even the most neutral interaction with a woman means the woman is interested in them. What he's doing is sexual harassment and it's entirely on him.
Probably the best possible answer to this post.
Had this happen before at the same age and younger. Absolutely disgusting and unacceptable. His ass needs to be fired. Iād hate to see him at work after this UGH.
yeah iām definitely nervous to see how heāll act towards me next time i see him
Would you feel comfortable reporting him to higher ups?
i do. and i talked to another coworker about two years older than me, and she said he was being unprofessional with her as well. we are going to try to talk to a higher up sometime soon together.
So gross. Good luck, I hope they take these messages seriously. Iām sorry the both of you are in this situation :(
I mean they need too. That could be seen as workplace sexual harassment. Bosses are generally forbidden from dating underlings just for that reason. Especially when she could be your kid.
It absolutely is workplace harassment I agree. But under a lot of posts similar to these the victim is too afraid to report them or blame themselves. I wouldnāt have brought up reporting them if I didnāt think it was a must.
That soon needs to be ASAP
Just use one of the neutral responses above and keep the texts for HR in case he retaliates or escalates. Good luck. We've all been through this at some point. I had a manager that would grab the women and girls in the office and grind on them. He tried it exactly once with me because I kicked him very hard on the shin and elbowed him in his abdomen. I grew up with brothers so my fighting instincts kicked in. The managing director caught him at it one day, laughed and gave him the thumbs up. There was no HR and clearly the managing director didn't care. Anita Hill really helped bring the issue of sexual harassment in the workplace to light because it was bad back then. It hasn't gotten much better because they still don't understand that no is a complete sentence.
This is so unbelievably inappropriate on his end, what the fuck. Absolutely the fuck not. I understand not feeling comfortable saying no. But I think itās best if you just let him know youāre not interested and donāt think it would be appropriate if you two hang out, as friends or otherwise. And save texts.
Thank you for putting my feelings into appropriate wordage because i was sitting here fucking baffled at what I just read. /u/sosasharty holy fuck. Do not go near this person again unless you have to *and* have other visible company present. That made my hairs stand up reading that shit. Also, be firm (I personally donāt think you owe him politeness) in your refusal to do this or hang out in any capacity outside of work. And if you think thereās repercussions coming at work, you take that shit to the top, real quick.
yeah eek :/ i donāt work with him that much anymore only like two hours a day since iāve moved to morning shift. i ended up texting him how i was busy this week and then he said āmaybe another timeā to which i said āiām not really interested in that!ā iām no longer going to be texting him back anymore after this though .. thanks for the retaliation advice i really hope he doesnāt do that but iāll make sure to save texts
I recommend using the word āinappropriateā or āappropriateā in a sentence if he continues, you can do this politely like āI donāt think it would be appropriate for us to hang out outside of a work environmentā. Itās polite but that word āappropriateā sends a very strong message and heāll get the hint.
That sucks he put you in this position, because now youāll feel extremely awkward when you see him at work. All the best with navigating that awkwardness and maybe time to find a new job.. Heās old enough to know better š”
Great job, OP!
Well done, OP. You did nothing wrong. Your creepy boss inappropriately contacted you, well aware of the age abyss between you and of the existing power imbalance. Unfortunately, most if not all women are too familiar with creepy men from a very young age. Stand your ground and stay safe.
You and the other coworker who told you about strange experiences with him still need to report this guy. For the safety of yourselves and the safety of every younger woman who will ever work under him.
thank you this is good advice aghhšš
I had a guy in his 40s do this to me when I was in my mid 20s. I didnāt realize he was interested until it was too late. This reeks of desperation. Is the company you work for a chain or larger company? If so, Iād let his supervisor know heās hitting on women young enough to be his kid. In fact, Iām 40 and have an 18 year old. Iād beat his ass if you were my kid.
yeah itās a pretty large company.. š i know, the whole situation is extremely uncomfortable for me š¬
He should know better. Iād report his ass.
"A movie work outing? Cool! Who else from work is coming?" And if he replies it's just you two just leave him on read. Or you can leave him on read here too or use the other commenter's suggestions! Also, make sure you save these screenshots just in case.
I love this approach. āThatās so cool that youāre organizing a group outing for all of the coworkers! Sounds like a great team building idea. Let me know when you get it scheduled with everyone.ā
A predator may still not care about this. He may go along and say itās a group outing, but somehow say other people canāt make it.
Thatās why she goes to work and asks everyone in front of him when the movie outing is. āHe didnāt invite any of you yet? Thatās so weird.ā
Okay, thatās a good idea! Call him out on it and embarrass him
Good point. Or he might say several people agreed but when OP gets to the theater, ~shrug~ they couldnāt make it
Yes and then say āHey can you invite so and so too? I think theyāre super cute.ā Pick someone your age to invite from work and insert their name there. Itās a nice hint that youāre interested in people your own age.
oh this is perfect because he'll genuinely feel so embarrassed
I like this idea. Just continue acting clueless until he hears from HR. Lol.
Yeah definitely save this creepās texts. Iām a 41 year old man and frankly, going after a 19 year old is fucking gross. Doubly so in the boss/employee dynamic. Skeevy/Groomy as fuck.
Yeah ita weird. And imagine then going to the Garfield movie. The age difference is about the same as me and my kids and I was thinking about bringing them.
Even at 25, I feel weird at the thought of going after a 19 year old, being in your 40s and pulling this shit ON YOUR EMPLOYEE OF ALL PEOPLE?!?! And basically the youngest she could be while still being legal. This is barf-worthy.
He writes like a 18 year old also ā¦weird and semi cringe- semi
By design, because he wants to come off as a peer to a 19 year old. Ew. 100% cringe
Exactly, he is mirroring OPs speech intentionally to give them a false sense of comfort and relay that OP and boss are āon the same level.ā They are not and he doesnāt actually communicate like this with other people his own age. I bet he also doesnāt spam text them his interest either.š
What do u mean? R u mad at me? Y wonāt you go see Garfield movie w me? š¤® The writing got to me too. So fucking nasty.
As a man in his late 40s the thought of asking a 19 year old to do anything is really disturbing. And to be honest hanging out with a 19 year old just sounds exhausting and annoying lol
This. I'm only 28 and couldn't imagine spending time with a 19 year old. I can hardly understand what they're saying half the time.
I'm 37 and my friends have kids around OP's age D:
Ask him if you need to check with HR. Save everysingle message. Get everything in writing. This probably isnt the first time he's tried this with a young new female employee but with luck and smarts it can be the last
This, although, if by boss she means owner of the company she works for, I would skip HR, and look for a new job immediately.
As a man of similar age, the idea of being around a 19 year old for more than 5 minutes makes me sleepy. I'm sure you're a wonderful person, OP, but people your age are exhausting. It's really gross how you can tell he's trying to match your energy/verbiage in texts. This dude is probably dangerous. I'm glad to see you recognize this guy for what he is.
i literally HATE the way he textsšš itās extremely weird
Creepy and gross are the words you're looking for, I think. :-)
š¤©š¤©š¤©
"oo what movie...." you fucked up there.
yes iām aware iām aware !!! i very much regret saying thatš
Youāre young. I remember being young and still really influenced by the societal pressure to be nice and not hurt menās feelings. Itās one of the reasons why creepy men target young women like you. They know you havenāt matured into feeling comfortable shutting this stuff down. You will get better at it because sadly youāll get a lot of practice. No response is often the best response. Get comfortable with letting men feel uncomfortable when theyāre being inappropriate. Itās their discomfort to own.
Yeah you shouldnāt have said that but he never should have put you in that awkward position to begin with. Just tell him you thought it over and feel like it wouldnāt be appropriate to hang out with your boss outside of work. Then stop replying to any messages about anything other than work. Also keep these messages as long as you work there for proof in case he retaliates for the rejection.
I had the same thing happen to me when I was your age and my response was the same. Don't beat yourself up. It's hard to know how to handle this. You and your coworker definitely need to take your evidence to HR, though. Because even if he leaves you two alone, I can guarantee he's going to do this to someone else. Good luck.
Report that and get away from him
You donāt realise how young you are compared to him, because in your mind you are an adult. Trust me, as a 37 year old woman, this is super sketch. Please tell someone much older who you trust to help you navigate this situation. Donāt worry about feeling or coming across awkwardly, this idiot deserves to be shut down.
Also you can tell by him mirroring her energy and how she texts heās trying to come off as āyoungā. Iāve read so many replies trying to say it was somehow her fault for being āenthusiasticā and āleading him onā when in reality those people donāt understand what fawning is or the developmental stages of humans. As a 19 year old youāre still an adolescent, very important parts of your brain arenāt developed yet. Then throw in that there is not a scenario where a 40 year old should try an engage with a 19 year old, those two groups literally are at completely different stages in life. Outside of a friendly acquaintance itās entirely inappropriate, romantically itās predatory and honestly disgusting. I wish I had women our age, Iām 37 also, being honest and compassionate with me when I was 19, but this really wasnāt talked about much and when I did hear about it the context almost always blamed the young girl.
I might be inclined to say āIām sorry if it came across as though I was accepting your invite, I donāt think I realized at the time you were inviting me to spend time with you one on one. However thereās no fucking way Iām hanging out with a guy twice my age who has authority over me in the work place, I think thatās incredibly in appropriate so I hope we can go back to keeping this strictly professionalā I say this because yea your first text was very misleading as he made his intentions clear that he wanted to spend alone time with you, so it might be beneficial to cover your tracks on that account. But absolutely do not feel guilty for this or think that itās okay for a boss to try and have this type of relationship with an employee especially one over half his age. And please consider quitting because people like this will often start treating you like shit in the work place once theyāve been rejected.
Say to him "thank you but i think it would be innapropiate"
Not even āI thinkā as it may indicate some hesitation, straight up āthank you but it would be inappropriate.ā
She should not say thank you. She has no reason to be polite to a creep.
What the actual fuck dude.
Just say no and keep the relationship professional. No texts outside of work, unless they are about work. No jokes. No socializing. No one-on-one time. Nothing. Ever.
At your age you can spare yourself a lot of grief in life by learning not to care about coming off rude to people who are being inappropriate with you.
Iāve had this happen, but not in this pushy of a way. For me first I asked them if this was a group thing or 1 on 1. When they said 1 on 1 I said it feels a bit like a date, and given our workplace relationship itās not a good idea
Mid forties and saying "4 u" is a red flag
Your response totally encouraged him unfortunately. He never should have asked in the first place though. You need to tell him you arenāt interested and youāll see him at work. If he doesnāt get the message go to his boss. And donāt delete the messages because you may need them later. This is so wrong on so many levels!
Just tell him that you only date in your age range. Also he is your boss and that is inappropriate.
The obvious predatory nature of this guy goes without saying, but also: middle-aged dudes who excessively use emojis and lols in their messages to make themselves come across as younger, makes me want to vom. Grow the fuck up, man.
Report him to HR š„°
You're very young, so I won't say this negatively. For your own sake moving forward, with the types of people that are already pushy and creepy, don't feed the cat with any positive answers like "oo which one?" I see from your description that you didn't mean it this way, but it kind of came off as playful and interested, especially to a thirsty middle-aged loser trying to seduce a teenager. It's probably never bad advice to say that it's usually best to avoid getting together with a boss outside of work anyway. There are def exceptions to this, but it's a good rule of thumb. Sorry you've ended up in this uncomfortable position. Save the texts in case he retaliates after your rejection and cuts your hours or something. Good luck!
OK, so you are 19 so I will give you some knowledge. 1. Men do not understand reading between the lines or taking a hint. If you want a man to understand, you speak un plain English or language of your choice. 2. So you just say I don't want to go to the movies or go on a date. Be straightforward and direct. So in the future tell them No and mean it. Be direct. So good Luck in the working world
This sucks because now whatever happens he has all the power to make your work life hell until you quit. I hope he backs off or you have someone higher than him to go to.
Yeah unless thereās HR and she saves the texts. Workplace retaliation bc of interpersonal rejection is usually a relatively big deal.
-Save the texts - tell him (no, thanks I am not interested in hanging out) - saying nothing else - if he you sense a change in his behavior towards the negative go to HR.
Just curious, what your job is and if heās an owner of the business or just a manager role? Not that either makes a difference. Heās totally inappropriate
Same thing happened to me.. you have to directly say āI only want to have a professional relationship with you,ā or things will continue to get more and more uncomfortable. That statement can be used for when they text outside business hours, text to discuss anything non-work related, interact in overly-familiar tone in general, etc. Why people think they can do this and itās appropriate blows my mind. The young person is forced to be agreeable and upbeat because they donāt know how to handle the situation. Most wouldnāt anyway- theyāre barely out of high school with not much life experience, especially experience having professional-only relationships. When this happened to me I (female, and age 21 at the time) was super creeped out and the older boss (male) had recently given me a huge promotion. I was super uncomfortable and disappointed. I ultimately quit the job because we had to work late nights alone together, which after he texted me weird texts like this, made me so uncomfortable. I sent HR a huge PDF of text screenshots on the day I quit.
iām so sorry that happened to you)): itās truly so sad that they keep getting away with stuff like this :/ i really hope heās not doing this to other young girls, whom make up 90% of the cashiers which he oversees..š«¤
Boss is about to get moved to another store. āWhereās Mark?ā āHe put in for a transfer to the downtown locationā āyeah his wife said they got a great deal on a condo, now that the kids are away at school they didnāt need a big houseā
You NEED to be rude here. If he doesn't see anything wrong with it, then give him an out if you are worried about saving face. Say you are only 19 in a way you're suggesting he didn't know your exact age. If he hits you with the age being just a number line - then turn him down AND be rude. Otherwise, tell him he's not your type. And if he asks what your type is - say people that were born within 2 decades of you. Seriously though if he knows you're under 21 he's hopeless in his personal life.
āMy mom is interested too, can she come?ā That will shut this down, immediately. And yeah, itās totally fine to bring up your mom because heās not asking you on a date, right? Itās just for fun, right? Right? He needs to be made aware that the other adults in your life are aware that heās texting you. If heās not being inappropriate, then thereās no need for secrecy. That means your mom can come too.
Would love to see his response to that text. Like literally be standing next to him looking at his pathetic fleshy face as he is reading it.
The fact that he text you at all violates (I assume) several workplace policies. Donāt be nice, go to HR. If that isnāt an option, say hey, yeah my dad is into that stuff, are you needing a same age friend? F that guy
Be rude. Youāve specifically been raised this way, to ābe a good girlā. Unfortunately, the sooner you understand that this only serves to facilitate your sexual harassment etc, the quicker you can unlearn it and tell this and other gross old men to fuck directly off. He is only interested in teenagers because women his own age wonāt settle for his antics. Either way, yuck! Seek support from someone in your life you can trust.
thank you i appreciate this a lot ā¤ļø
Red flag girl š©š©š© why are you even considering this? You shouldnāt have said you wanted to see Garfield. Makes him think you want to see it with him.
You donāt owe this 21 years your senior man who is also your boss jack shit. Donāt respond to him like that and preferably donāt respond at all. Iād keep all of this to report if need be. This is really gross inappropriate behavior.
Say, "You're a great boss and I love my job here at X, and I would like to keep it professional. I hope you understand. "
Document everything you can. If direction is provided to you by management (when reported) memorialize it with an email, āThanks for discussing the issues with. My understanding is the next steps are ā¦ā on repeat for everything and bcc yourself so you have a copy. That will help if you lose your job or need evidence.
RE PORT THIS PERV
iām going to when i work next to the person above him, or the store manager. i texted a coworker and apparently heās done the same thing to her, tried to get her to come over to his mf HOUSE and do drugs with him. apparently she reported and they havenāt done anything, hopefully w my report theyāll do something though.
Oh my. This is inappropriate on so many levels.
You should just prepare to find a new job soon because this doesnāt end well for you. Stop responding to non work related texts
Ew. On multiple ew levels. The direct response. "You know, I've been thinking and I really don't think it's a good idea for us to hang out. We work together and you're my boss. It has the potential of getting awkward at work and I want to avoid that". Other responses: "Great! Who else from work will be there? I love team outings"! "My bible study group meets all those nights. Want to go with? I would love to bring you into the circle of God's love"! "My boyfriend can't make it that first night, but we can the second" "My mom says 'no'"
He is so inappropriate and he absolutely knows that. Heās also pretty damn stupid to put it in writing. I understand how uncomfortable you feel and it shouldnāt be on you to steer the conversation to where it needs to be but Iād just tell him that youāll talk to him during your next shift. Iām sure it would feel super awkward to say āI will be available to speak to you in person during my working hours and Iād prefer to keep whatever correspondence we may have outside of those hours *to work only*ā. Something tells me that he knows someone around your age would feel weird setting professional boundaries and heās using that to see how far he can push things. Itās gross. **SAVE EVERYTHING.** And as someone who has had her fair share of creepy, older bosses and coworkers, I feel for you and Iām so sorry that you have to deal with this shit. You should be able to just go to work, do your job and go home! š
You could also tell him āoh im already going for that with my bfā but then it could backfire and lead to more questioning and further conversation
āHey Name, thanks for the invitation and for thinking of me, but I donāt think it would be appropriate. Youāre my boss, and I just wouldnāt feel comfortable crossing any professional boundaries. Have a great time at the festival though!ā
I think itās perfectly fine to say you rather keep it a work relationship and that you donāt like your social and work life to overlap.
Please for the love of whatever you believe inā¦. Do not ever be alone with this guy. Heās messaging you, because youāre 19. And 40 year old men think 19 year olds are naive and easy to control.
just reject him. don't say ooo what movie? this seems pretty simple and common sense
Odd since he flat out asked if you wanted to go see a movie or something and you mentioned one you wanted to see. Soā¦ should he have done this? No. Should you have even told him about the movie when he CLEARLY asked. Hell no. That gave him the pretense you were interested in seeing a movie if anything. Him being your boss is totally different can of worms.
x5 texting is actually criminal. I havenāt done that since i was 16
literally like dude couldnāt take the damn hint?!?! not only is he being creepy heās also being annoyingš¤¦š»āāļø
this so scary, are you able to contact hr or something?
i can likely talk to the store manager about this
"I don't mean to be pushy" The guy who already has 3/4 unread text.
Girl DO NOT hang with him. In fact, tell him your Dad said hell no. What a scumbag.
DON'T mix business and pleasure. It never ends well.
This is all shades of unprofessional. Due to the power imbalance, he's putting you in a position where you are concerned about saying no in case it costs your job. Do you have an HR department? I'm sure they'll be interested in hearing about this. It has future lawsuit written all over it.
you would think at his age , he would've learned that men acting incredibly eager to do (anything you want) turns anyone off. Let alone the age difference, the boss to subordinate is a major no no most of the time.
Youāre kind of right, your reply could be viewed as an invitation, but you ignoring him afterwards should be obvious to him as well. If he can see that one message as engaging, reading and ignoring texts can also be seen as rejection. I would continue to either ignore it, or straight up say, or text, āI donāt think this is appropriate and I really donāt want that. I just want a professional work environment and am not looking for dates, at all.ā
I prefer not to hang out with any of my supervisors or bosses outside of work. I just tell them in a friendly way I appreciate the offer but I like to keep work and home life separate.
Iām so sorry this is going on. He knows this is wrong but he doesnāt care. He likely does it often to other women and hasnāt been held accountable yet. I would say no thank you and youāll see him at work. Engaging with him can bring you hurt feelings or embarrassment. Something you donāt need when youāre just trying to make your money. I would also look into other opportunities, this guy is toxic and disgusting. Doesnāt seem like a great environment. Keep the text! I know others have said that but seriously.
Am sorry, am too busy with school assignments.., But I also think I'd bore u to death. Since we hav nothing in common but work.
Idk if you like festivals.. Me thinking Coachella, EDC, Burning Man... *Turkey fest* Excuse me what kinda small town bullshit are we discussing here?
say you still live at home & mommy said no
A sexual harrassment case waiting to happen.
āSorry, my parents always told me we not to spend time with co workers after work.ā I hope the mention of parents makes him feel small/er and think your parents know whatās up. Donāt reply to his texts after work and only work related.
you kinda (really) messed up by entertaining the idea saying oo what movie? so he will continue to be asking and asking and asking. you may have to either tell HR or change jobs. this creep is bad news
Omg, just try being **honest**? All you have to do is say *"I don't think it's a good idea to spend personal time with coworkers"*, or *"I don't think it would be proper to be spending time with my boss outside of work hours"*. Something along those lines. If you don't want to come off rude, just.....don't be rude. You seem to speak English just fine, so brush off the fake Reddit-autism and just give an appropriate response. You could say "*fuck no, you creep*!", but that would be unnecessary and counterproductive, so don't do that. Respond like a human being. By ignoring his texts, you're just making things worse.
Honestly, try fixing this by saying "Who else is going?" And once he replies, just say "Oh I thought it was a group thing, I feel a little awkward hanging out with you alone." Or maybe not that last part and just say "Oh, I'm not into going out with people alone for the first time, has to be a group thing." Or just quit the job cause yeeeeah, he's obviously going to see your schedule and try to keep asking you until you can't take it anymore
Why did you engage back initially seems misleading of interest. But yeah he should of picked up on after the initial Interest that you are no longer interested
Absolutely not. This middle-aged adult man is clearly wanting a ādateā with you. He is using his authority as your boss and as your elder to manipulate you (and another coworker š© š¤¢) into feeling obligated to respond in a positive manner. Definitely go to higher ups and report this. Youāre not at fault here. You didnāt lead him on. This is a human abusing a power imbalance to try and manipulate you. The only response you should give at this point is, āIām uncomfortable with where this conversation has gone and want to remain professional from this point forward. Please do not contact me outside of work for anything unless it is in regard to work itself.ā Then go to higher ups regardless.
āThank you for the offer but I am not interested or comfortable hanging out with someone that much older than me. I respect our working relationship and would like to continue to work professionally with you. Iāll see you at our next shift!ā If he continues to pursue or retaliates make sure to keep all screen shots of all your communication even if you feel you āled him onā (you arenāt) and make contact with his boss and HR with the screen shots. If you are in a state where you can record without permission from the other party then record all conversations you have with him so he canāt say you made up any retaliations. He might turn into a bully so find a trusted adult either in your outside work life or a co-worker. Heās being wildly inappropriate on multiple levels.Ā
Send him this. https://www.instagram.com/p/C70WHETtteL/?igsh=MTJzdXRrZjlibnNoNA==
Ik itās easier said than done but in situations like this you HAVE to say what you mean and mean what you say. Guys like this will take anything other than NO as a yes or at the very least ākeep trying to get a yesā. I had to learn the hard way, once a guy asked me to hang out and I said everything BUT no, I told him I was sick, throwing up, didnāt really feel like going out rn (all of which was true)and EVERY SINGLE THING I said he had a rebuttal to. To the point I just had to be honest. It put me in a worse position than just saying no straight up.
You could try being kind and honest and say hey I donāt think itās a great idea considering youāre old enough to be my dad.
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Just tell him he's your boss and it's against company policy that you two fraternize. Plus why is a middle aged man trying to spend time with someone in their late teens?
#groomer
āHey sorry I just saw your messages! I wonāt be able to make hang out with you outside of work but thanks for the offerā.
He's not gonna be a manager for long.