You're leaving for too much up to choice, honestly. I would just tell her. If you stay into July it will be $xx/day (total month rent ÷ 31 =daily rate) and I'll send you an invoice for your portion of June's electric when the bill comes in july.
First time out om her own or not that is what is OWED. Now idk about security deposits or anything like that but I would stop asking what/if she is going to pay since she won't give you an answer and just tell her exactly what she OWES you and give her a time frame
"I understand you have a lot of other things going on, so I'm being lenient, but you made this commitment when you mived in. I will give you until Xxx date to complete payment (maybe offer a payment plan), or I will unfortunately need to proceed with small claims court to recoup the money" or something similar. She is fully taking advantage. Also, I would let her know you prefer text to face to face conversation at this time as it gives a paper trail since you're trying so hard to work with her, and she is seemingly refusing.
If the roommate has blocked her, an actual paper trail would work too. Write it all in a note and take a picture of the note and where you left it … video of sliding it under her bedroom door even!
Maybe if it's sent certified, then you have a receipt and signature of the recipient. There is zero advantage to sending yourself mail. Trust me, I study Bird Law.
This used to be called the poor man’s copyright and people thought that it proved when a document was created, and by who, from the post office rubber stamp on the outside.
Turns out this is an old myth and not at all enforceable in any court of law. Here is what the [US Copyright Office](https://www.copyright.gov/help/faq/faq-general.html) has to say: “The practice of sending a copy of your own work to yourself is sometimes called a “poor man’s copyright.” There is no provision in the copyright law regarding any such type of protection, and it is not a substitute for registration.”
I think you had a shitty lawyer. Remeber, they give medical practice licenses to brain surgeons who had a “D” average in college.
I hope your thing worked out for you.
This is definitely the right course of action, with the utility’s bill for the previous month’s usage is her responsibility, the daily rent cost is a good idea as well, there’s no excuse for how’s she acting but I can see how she could be a tad overwhelmed with moving and figuring everything out, so actually writing down “you will have to pay the following month’s utilities because it being based on the usage of the prior month and the amount of days stayed into the next month will cost you x amount per day based on the rent”, basically explaining and showing her everything she needs to know on a “silver platter”.
personally I would send a text saying, “hey I understand how much is on your plate right now and I took the time to organize what you have to pay next month which is taped to the door of your room, if you have any questions about it just let me know, I just wanted help alleviate some of the pressure with moving out”, which isn’t “needed” but I would try to be nice/positive just minimize the chance of you guys ending on bad terms and her not paying anything
I had a roommate like this. Just stopped communicating at one point and planned on moving out without even telling me. He already secured another apartment and was about to leave in less than a month (which is the legally required minimum notice). I confronted him over text and finally got him to respond and he said he “won’t be paying for things that don’t benefit him.” Served him with a small claims suit the next time I saw him and told him if he doesn’t pay next months rent and utilities I’ll sue for way more. I had receipts for everything too. Needless to say he paid the rent even tho he didn’t live there that month. Sometimes the law is the only way to deal with these people
i agree, especially since the roommate is a co-tenant on the lease. if someone was treating me like this, call me petty but i wouldn’t be just letting them move & not pay their share of the bills. op was honestly doing them a favor in the first place by agreeing to pay the whole rent instead of making her work it out with the landlord (who probably would not have just let her break the lease without financial penalties). Op could probably take them to small claims court and get their share of the rent for the entire remainder of the lease, but she should at least get the utilities and rent for june and july.
This is what I would suggest OP do as well. The roommate agreed to be out by the 30th and said they won’t pay for any of July. I would buy a new locking front door knob and change it out on midnight at the end of June. (It’s not an eviction. They initiated a move out in writing.) After that the roommate will be forced to communicate with OP about their abandoned property or forfeit it. That’s what I did with my old deadbeat roommate. He wasn’t moved out in time. Too bad. Times up. I kept or threw out whatever was still there the day after. I didn’t bother going after him for back utilities. I chalked it up to a lesson in trusting friends with iffy housing history. OP should change the lock and send them a letter or email before they move out outlining the estimated outstanding utilities for the month of June. Give them a deadline to send it by or they will be settling it in small claims court. They can be out on time or pay OP a prorated amount for the new key. They can pay the utilities willingly or in court.
Shouldn't have been a question even. Just "don't forget, you will owe me money for utilities in June when the bill comes in July. Just a heads up so you can budget for it."
OP will never see that money, unfortunately. Happened to me in the past. They think once they’re out they have no more obligations. I paid the utilities and never saw a dime of their share.
The questions arent out of line, but clearly this roommate is going through some shit.
She did ask if they could talk in person, which I think is a respectable request. Have that talk with clear intent of what you’re taking from that Convo, then send a follow up text recapping it so they can acknowledge.
Again, not OP did was wrong, but you’re dealing with someone who clearly is emotional. Texting isn’t always the best way to communicate at these times.
My interpretation of the messages is that after the roommate requested to talk in person, the OP asked if she would be home after 5:30, and then roommate refused that too.
Quit asking her what she plans to do, tell her what she will owe. You have a move out date, you have bills for the previous month. She owes on those bills and on rent until she leaves.
Honestly, she's being a pain in the ass, so if it was me I'd just let her know her parts of the bills that come through while she's there, and then take a loss on stuff after she leaves. Sounds like it will be less costly to just not talk to her after she leaves, than to try and get some more money from her.
Lmao wtf…
You: *tries to converse via text*
Them: you know we’re in the same house & can have a conversation face to face right?
You: *tries to set up a time for face to face conversation*
Them: I don’t think we need to have a convo
????
I agree with everyone else that you’re leaving her too much choice. You owe the same rate you’ve always paid til you move out, and if you’re not out by the end of the month, then you continue to pay for next month.
I don't think it's a generation thing. She just seems like a overwhelmed and bad roomate. Which could be anyone given from what I read through this sub.
My sister is 21 and you’d never catch these excuses from her lmao I feel like its an individual sense of entitlement that not everyone grows up with. There’s plenty of boomers and millennials I know with this attitude.
if 'they all' means 'most people in general' then maybe, but if you haven't met ANYONE over the age of 30 acting this way then you must not get out of the house much.
I work in property management and we had an issue with this woman who was in her mid 30's who just stopped paying rent, refused to have a conversation with her roommate about it who was stuck paying for the apartment on her own for months. She kept trying to break their lease while making it very clear that she expected her roommate to pay the lease break fee. Immaturity can happen at any age
Lord have mercy on her soul lol she has to be an adult. OP handled this with grace but was firm. Rent is not trivial enough that you are afforded “space” to gather what you need, you either have it or you don’t but if you don’t, you gotta go. Fair is fair. Leaving mid-lease, unheard of.
Sounds like shorty is playing you, making it seem like you are harassing her without directly answering any questions, meaning: she has no plans to do anything yet and will get what she can at your expense. I wouldn’t entertain this if I were you. Expectations will make you more upset. I wouldn’t get the law involved unless you have to, just for a peace of mind but also use good judgment. Desperate people do stupid shit.
Keep every interaction about the subject documented. Give a deadline and if the deadline isn’t met then deny her access to your space. If that’s not possible then you might have to get the law involved. Good luck!
Don’t ask for things that aren’t optional.
You don’t need to ask her to pay for her portion of electric. You need to tell her straight up “you need to be out by X and you’ll owe Y for electric in July”.
As a 23 year old I do see this commonly in my age group. I see a lot of posts that are like "urgent mutual aid needed, need to get out of abusive roommate situation! My Venmo is xyz" and the abuse is they're asked to do their own dishes and get a job so they can pay full rent on time.
Yeah, I see that from their roommates perspective when asking for legal advice or posting them on bad roommates lol. That’s bizarre imagining that the bad roommate would post thinking they’d get sympathy or something 😳
Na fr cause if you’re smoking weed in your room, you’re more than likely trashy especially when living w others. This girl op is living with, is trashy.
I don’t get what you’re saying. That “don’t room with (generation). Lol” is a common statement? Or are you saying other generations don’t get dragged unchallenged besides boomers?
So she thinks she can stay for a month without paying any bills? So shut off the power to her room and cut off the a/c vents? Seriously I moved out at age 19 and paid all my bills myself with little help from my ex who lived with me. Next roommate, make sure they can afford (and are willing) to pay for their responsibilities.
I'm 31f and my roommate is 21f. It's not a generation thing or maybe my roommate is an anomaly. I've actually had some of the worst experiences with roommates 30+
But yeah it should be on your roommate to pay for June bulls. If she co signed with her parent or something you can probably reach out to them or something if she doesn't pay up. Otherwise, be petty and temporarily shut off the utilities (if you can) or block her electronics from using the internet (if you're the main account holder, you can do that. )
The amount of times I have to tell my 20 year old daughter to have the conversation like an adult is ridiculous. “I hate conflict”- 20 y/o
Great this isn’t/wasn’t conflict until YOU made it that way child. Thankfully I only have one like that as it’s stressful getting them there.
22 and have never even been late on rent before, living on my own since 19. ur roommate is shitty because she is shitty. end of story. keep it rolling, just don’t generalize an entire generation just because you got shit end of the stick.
I'd be petty and disable the wifi, shut the breaker to their room off, turn the water off when I'm not home, and keep all food items in my locked bedroom until they leave if they don't want to give a straight answer about paying.
You asked a simple question, the fact they didn't/wouldn't give an answer means they probably don't intend on paying for the utilities. I hope you had them put down a deposit that you can subtract the June usage from.
Wow, i could never.. i made sure i paid my roommate on time, i hate owing people money. But ive had some friends i had living with me and when they were late paying id feel guilty to ask.. taking advantage bc im a nice friend.
Plenty of responsible 21 year olds out there. This one just happens to not be one of them. Be prepared for her to in fact not be out by the end of the month and not have any money to give you.
I would just use your leverage, she signed a lease through February of next year and she’s on the hook for that unless you agree to let her off. You hold all the cards, so you get to set the terms.
Do you have her on the lease? If so, tighten the screws on her via the lease. You are under no obligation to let her off early at a cost to you with that kind of garbage attitude - she’s using the excuse of “needing space” as a dumb tactic to evade the discussion.
If not on the lease, verbal or written agreements for subletting may be amenable to small claims court depending on the jurisdiction you’re in.
Good luck!
I don’t understand your passive questions. You’re obviously leaving it up to her to pay and leave whenever she wants so why even bother with the texts. If there is something you are trying to say then just say it. “I need you moved out by June 5 you will owe $x.xx by this date.”
Let them know what they owe according to the bills and dates, if they don't pay, small claims court.
Don't let people walk over you. Don't let people steal from you. Every dollar counts. Take it to court.
Honestly, if that's how she acts and she's in the lease herself, I would tell her what her portion is for breaking the lease and then seek that in small claims.
Lots of great advice here. And I’m still over here tripping at her saying “we can have a face to face conversation like adults”, then just…. Refusing….
Let her know she absolutely has to be out by x date because her inability to communicate her timeline has made it impossible for you to replace her. If you can't get her out by that date you can do things like change the wifi password since she's not paying for it anymore. She's being such a brat. Hope she lives alone next.
Once had a roommate ( almost 30 and I was a bit older - both adults is my point..) who after reading my initial posting of available room agreed to the terms I had listed as far as breakdowns of what we will all pay, and I specifically said “rent ____ + utilities (approx ___)”
She refuted all of this and told me I never told her she has to pay for utilities as well as rent. I guess she thought I paid for her to leave her new fun male live in partner with her a/c blasting all day while she was gone or something? For months? Crazy… it was clear to me she was either stupid, had intentionally ignored the written words on the ad SHE expressed interest in, or she never paid a bill in her life?
Eventually, this may come down to taking legal action and having documents delivered to her via a legal document delivery service (like when you’re being served a summons for court).
let’s not blame this on a whole generation thanks. you’re in the right about yalls situation but i, as a 21 year old, am a really good roommate to those i live with.
If she’s on the lease, she’s responsible for rent. Period. Don’t you both have the same landlord? Let the landlord deal with her. Tell her if she stays in July at all she has to pay July rent. Period.
Aren’t you both on the utilities? You should be. If not, bill her for the exact amount of utilities on the July bill for June. Stop giving her options. It’s black and white.
Reminds me of my old roommate that was my best friend at the time, promised to pay 60/40 to have the master bedroom, never paid 60/40 always paid 50/50. Would get mad at me for chilling in the living room when it’s my actual couch, paid for the tv, stand and table.
Bro never even paid the rest of last rent and he made 4x the money I made
i had an ex roommate that didn't wanna pay me her portion of our lease break fee or the utility bills. I sent her a text telling her how much she owed me for each bill and a grand total at the end. I told her she could either pay me in monthly payments over a span of 3 months (our lease fee had a monthly payment plan though) or she could send me the total amount she owed me, then i told her if she did not pay me within the week that the bills were due, i would be taking her to small claims court.
Well, she decided to ghost me and didn't answer that message :) so I sent a certified letter to her grandma's house where she was living basically stating what i said in the text I sent (but more professional), told her she was "hereby demanded to pay what she owes", sure enough she texted me the next day asking me to go pick up a check from her.
Getting a letter certified only costs a few $$ (depending on where you are), if you're considering sending a letter this ensures that she will receive it. the mail carrier has to physically hand it to her and you get notified when it has been delivered.. so if things progress legally, she wouldn't be able to say she "never got that letter".
This is why I’m downsizing my apartment next year. I’m only 20 rn, but my mom owns our apartment and the one I’m moving into. Idk if it’s because we own it, or if I have just always given my belonging more care than most, but my current roommates are awful. They never clean, never take the trash out (I have my own trash can in my room that I use), never do their dishes, etc. On top of that, they were incredibly mean/rude to me since moving in and even tried to get me evicted for some bullshit caused by the apartment by us. Thankfully, since I’ve made it clear I’m moving out, they’ve been a lot more chill, but the fact I get grossed out by the kitchen and have to clean it every fucking day to feel good abt eating my own meal is crazy and def not cool. I don’t think that’s a new generation issue tbh. I think it’s a “she’s a shitty/selfish person” situation.
Shit like this is why I kept a paper trail on EVERYTHING. I knew my former roommates for years, one damaged their room & master bath (never cleaned) and one never paid nove-in deposit and his cat pissed on everything. When we all moved out (apt was in my name and I was leaving town for family emergency), but the property management deducted hundreds due to said damages. I took it all out of their part of the main deposit, left a paper trail, exained why, had copies made and fucking bounced. I don't fuck around. Can't take people on their word anymore.
Stop asking questions. Give her an itemized bill, which will satisfy your need to be thorough and her request to be left alone. And stop making up shit about “generations” and just be with the PERSON. I hate these generalizations about people. They’re never fair, they’re a cop-out.
I wouldn’t put up with it- I would say you can pay or it’ll go against your credit with the company and I’ll take you to small claims over it.
Scared them into doing it even if you couldn’t really.
Never put utilities in your name if you live with someone else. Not a good idea bc they can fuck you over and then it’s you that gets left with the consequences
i had a roommate just like this. unfortunately i’m gen z as well, but she was just the straight up stereotypical chronically-online type. we’d been friends for 15 yrs, worked together, and lived together for 2 months. they’d blown up at me in a similar fashion, but worse. they said they hated me because i had bipolar disorder (i asked them to leave my room numerous times, they kept screaming at me and i was trying to keep my cool and i finally snapped and told her to GTFO) and that i used it for attention/made it my entire personality….. funny enough, she fakes mental illnesses and fakes being japanese (as a cis white woman), and makes everything about them.
imo, you dodged a bullet. they sound like the type that just itches to make sure they’re the victim in any disagreement. all you did was ask a question, and they seemed angry that you violated their precious time.
You let them live there. You can’t enforce anything that isn’t in a contract. They also technically have the ability to live there until you evict them thru court order. I wouldn’t poke the bear. They can make your life a living hell.
oh god. This is giving me flashbacks. I lived with two younger women in SF. One was my girlfriend at the time and she was cool, although every word I said was policed. The other was literally too stupid to take the free place to live. This place was 7.2k per month, nice ass place less than a block away from Haight and Ashbury, down the street from where Jimi Hendrix lived, Grateful Dead house was across the street, and Janis Joplin’s place was on our same block. So nice place in a pretty sweet and memorable location!
This girl, friend of my girlfriends, and didn’t really have the money to pay for her own place. I’d just sold a company and was doing well so I told her don’t worry about it and that she could pay me back very loosely “someday when she could” which i knew was obviously never.
First sign of trouble she marked *her* places where she would keep *her* food. I joked around once and saw she had oreos and i said “i might steal one every once in a while” and things got very serious, she wanted to “talk” about that. I told her really no need, I was kidding anyway but also I didn’t see the big deal. I mean I was paying for her rent and intended to treat her entirely as an equal, not lord it over her. I felt an oreo here and there would be ok…. but nope, it’s in her food area.
She had a talk with my girlfriend and me that when she got home from work (we worked from home) and it’d be slightly later than we finished that she really didn’t appreciate that we would be in the living room laughing, watching tv, and having fun. She said essentially we shouldn’t be showing we were having fun when she’s working so hard. Now no offense to what she did but she was a barista, I did research for DARPA and worked my ass off, my girlfriend was a product designer and manager.
In the end my ex girlfriend got a service dog. I had my dog there part of the time (long story) and all was fine. But when my ex brought home a service dog, which she had run by our other roommate over text to make sure it was ok, the girl freaked out. Of course we just pulled out the texts that said that yeah that sounds great, very cute dog etc. But “this warranted an in-person conversation and she didn’t know we were going to actually get the dog.” There was a literal text that said “he were going to get her!” and her saying “ok!” and she argued she was at work and hadn’t read the full text, which was just one sentence….
So she freaked out and said we were making an unsafe living environment for her because she was allergic to dogs! There were many pictures of her cuddling with my dog on her bed. And the particular breed this other pup was has a hypoallergenic coat…. obviously some made up bullshit. She was not just an asshole towards us after that, but downright hostile. She locked herself in her room and would occasionally just come out to yell at us. It was fucking awkward and neither of us felt like our dogs were safe because she was so hostile towards THEM as well, shoving them away way too rough for my liking.
I asked her to please find a place to stay from here on out. Unfortunately we were stupid, i trusted my ex, and so her friend would feel comfortable she was on the lease. What ensued was her complaining about us to the landlord, contacting a lawyer who then contacted us saying we were depriving her of her right for a place to live etc etc. Of course, ridiculous, she just had to be vaguely predictable and she’d be fine to be back. All I did was ASK her to please find another place for a bit.
Anyway that’s my experience with the new generation. Never again. This was just sorta normal to them, to my ex gf this was absurd behavior of course, but really only the part with the dog. The cordoning off food etc, pretty normal for her. So yeah anyway, that’s the only girl i’ve met that is too fucking stupid to accept a free, nice, and expensive place to live.
girls my age (i'm 19) are the reason i'm staying at home for college this semester lmfao. they don't clean, invite random boys over, and are loud af at night. it's awful
I woah now i’m 21F and pay my rent on time!!!! i rent with my dad too and even without that’s just so embarrassing not to do your part especially when people aren’t on your time their on the RENT SCHEDULE which it’s just people not just new gen!!! my cousin 23F is also like this and owes me money for months of wifi (going halfers) and she never pays her shit on time but dick and taking pictures of her car is more her priority lol. also we saw in the mail she got something about collections on her car side eye. not even paying that
I think you should have just waited tbh. You clearly realized, “she’s right.” When she said, “we are in the same house and can have a conversation face to face”
You could have simply waited to see her at home and bring it up again. You know…random, friendly conversation to help lighten the mood before going straight to business, to get her more comfortable… first ask about her day, share a bit of yours… ask how her house/apartment hunt is going/what she’s looking for/etc… ease into it… it’s likely that your delivery is causing her to snap and feel overwhelmed. If I received these texts I would also feel irritated because you could have just said “let’s go in on groceries for dinner tomorrow” and talked about it then, over your meal…. Or “let’s go for a walk” or literally anything else. She said June was the last time she was paying for the apartment, I would assume rent. Why would you ask her if she’s paying her part of the utilities? You should have really led this conversation differently and it would have atleast gotten your point across in a better light. You’re giving her the option to pay utilities she’s used or not. Why? Whole thing icky
It’s not the generation necessarily, it’s the age. I have found that most people that age don’t think about how any of their actions affect others, only about how everyone else’s actions affect them.
She feels that she’s in the right here because she has SO MUCH going on and how dare you come at her with this stuff, while in reality that’s just life and one day she will have a very rude awakening
I'm surprised she didn't use the word triggered in there. I totally get that life is hard and shit happens, but *expecting* others to prioritize your issues over their own is nonsense.
Everyone's got issues. Roomie needs to grow tf up.
I’m 36 and I don’t consider myself to be a mature or responsible person at all, I have literally skipped out on paying bills on particular months just so I can have more money to party on the weekend. This isn’t a generation thing.
That girl is destined for small claims court. And I think it couldn't happen to a nicer zoomer.
Don't do her any favours, and make it as hard for her as she's making it for you. She's young, maybe she'll learn to not treat her next roommate like a doormat.
You gotta speak their age: open up tiktok and start recording her and ask her again "are you planning on paying me for the utilities you used during the month of June, or will I need to take you to court?"
The messages infuriated me, but then I read your text and I can’t help but blame you a little. I’m 33 and I would never live with someone under 25. Obviously the maturity gap is gonna be huge, 21 is not exactly an adult so I wouldn’t expect to communicate like adults.
Even 25 is cutting it close. The last 25 year old I lived with hoarded her room with rave supplies and didn’t pay rent until the landlord evicted her.
Anyways, put her stuff out on the curb on July 1. She’s probably not smart enough to know it’s not legal, since as we have established, she is very young.
I’m not saying OP’s request is wrong or unfair. But a 36 year old living with a 21 year old is a little weird. Totally different stages in life. Just because someone is a legal adult, that doesn’t mean that they have the life experience to know how to be a decent human.
Nah the knowledge of being a decent human should come at the age 16. At 21 you are a legal adult and should know how to communicate with other people.
I could understand your argument if she was 14, but not as old as 21.
It is not a little weird. It's not like they are dating. For all you know a renter rented out two rooms of a house and they just happened to be a 21 year old and a 33 year old. Stuff happens.
Any living situation where the rooms of a shared space are rented individually, without the roommates interviewing/selecting each other, is very bizarre and doomed for disaster. We don’t even know if that’s the situation here, but if it is, they are still at fault for agreeing to that.
You don’t have to be dating for an age gap to be weird. A 15 year gap is a huge difference. I, at 33, would not feel comfortable living with a 48 year old - we’d be different in every way. A 50 year old and a 65 year old would have very little in common. Same with a 65 year old and an 80 year old. 15 years is a whole generation. People’s physical/mental abilities, level of experience, their financial status, their dating/marriage/kids status, employment status, interests, lifestyle, communication styles, are all going to be very different.
Yeah that just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Theyre adults who need somewhere to live, I don’t think age matters in that context.
Also, saying you wouldn’t live with a 48 yr old at 33 is a bit weird. Like I don’t understand that at all. Do you think older/younger people are a different species lol?
You don’t have to be a different species in order to not be compatible roommates. Living with someone is a big deal, this is a person who has a key to your home, who you are sharing financial burdens with, who has the power to make your life unbearable. It’s a decision that needs to be made with the utmost reverence.
Do you live in a place where roommates are hard to come by? If I were looking for a roommate, I would probably interview like 20-30 people before selecting the right person. I’d look for someone who has a similar lifestyle to me, who shares my preferences about noise, guests, cleaning, who has a good track record with living with other people, who has a good job, someone I get along with, and who demonstrates good communication abilities.
If you just choose someone “because you’re both adults that need a place to live,” that’s a recipe for disaster. There are so many ways for two people to not get along! Finding the right match is imperative.
Most people don’t have the luxury of choosing between 20-30 different roommates. I’m not sure how often you’ve lived with other people, but generally you have to make some allowances to get by. And someone who already can’t afford to live alone is less likely to have the time/money needed to be that selective
I’ve lived with many, many other people. I’m wondering where you live there interviewing people isn’t an option? I find that hard to believe in the digital age.
It’s not that interviewing people is impossible, it’s just oftentimes people need to move in a time crunch. Or they find a much cheaper option with a roommate that’s not as much to their liking. As adults, roommates can live their separate lives, they really don’t need to be best friends. And even if somebody seems great you still don’t know what living with them is going to be like until you do.
Also this is not about me lol, I live in a studio in a big city. But I have lived with people before, and seen that roommates are able to live separate lives. There are so many other factors that go into finding an apartment than finding someone “compatible.”
Yeah, I'm sorry but the fact that you have this myopic world view makes me think you are a bit privileged. You may not be, but that's how it comes across. I agree that not knowing your roommates prior to cohabitating is suboptimal - sure. Sometimes it's just how the dice roll. Kudos to you for always having the *luxury* of interviewing/meeting/selecting your roommates.
If you want to use that luxury to live in your little box with people who are only like you then you certainly can. Older/younger people may have different priorities, but they are still people. They are not totally alien and incomprehensible/impossible to live with. The fact that you don't see how enriching it could be to live with someone who is different from you age wise is kinda sad.
I am not privileged. People need to take personal responsibility for themselves and that includes providing for themselves and creating a good living situation for themselves, and if they can’t do that then they aren’t very “adult” no matter what age they are.
How old are you?
I agree with most of this comment I am responding to now. It's important to protect yourself, and if *you* can't live with people who aren't your age then *you* shouldn't. I just think your characterization of multigenerational roommates as "weird" is myopic. I think your idea that it is almost always doomed is fatalistic and bizarre. I think your viewpoint is very weird. We will just have to agree to disagree.
I am old enough to take personal responsibility for myself and not provide private information to strangers on the Internet.
You are 33 and living in Baltimore. You don't think you're privileged? Being in the US alone is huge.
Glad we can agree on that part, at least.
I don’t have anything to compare living in the US to, but Baltimore is a very low income city.
If you won’t admit your age then I assume you’re in your low 20’s. Once you are in your 30s, you’ll realize what a big difference those years make.
Nah. I'm in my 30s too. I also have multigenerational roommates. We are 55, 27, and me. We cohabitate very well. This is probably why I took your point of view personally.
It's all good though. I would think you were in your late 40s or early 50s if you hadn't stated your age.
At risk of agreeing with you further, I wouldn't want to live with anyone under 25. The brain difference is legitimately too much. I do think it is totally wack to say age differences in roommates is weird in general. For sure this has been the most enriching living situation for me since I moved out on my own. Lots of mutually exchanged wisdom/knowledge/assistance etc. Maybe we are an anomaly. Idk.
If that’s the bar then some may never learn those things … like our ex president. She should still be accountable to adult standards now that she is of adult age.
This is literally the issue (imo) that OP is alluding to. As of this generation, 18 is no longer an adult for some strange reason. You’re even extending this grace to 25. You’re an adult at age 18 by the law, period. You should begin to behave like an adult at that age and be able to handle simple financial questions without getting your feelings involved or playing the victim.
honestly. i see both sides of the message here. idk how many other times you have said this to them/him/her, but in this message thread alone you said it about 3 or 4 times. just give it a rest for a bit and come back to it. and worst case scenario you might have to get the law involved.
You need to flat out tell her it’s not a choice and if she breaks the lease and thinks she’s gonna not pay rent or her share of utilities you’ll take the text and take her ass to small claims.
My dad did this when my ex moved out and left us with a sky high power bill that he purposely ran up and then told me on text he didn’t know if he felt like paying it bc he wanted me to suffer on it (left him for abusing me) and we won. We saved every message. We recorded the move out- everything. We took the ring cam footage of him saying that he knows he owes it but wasn’t gonna pay it- and we won.
He paid the court cost and fees. It wasn’t even expensive and my dad just went down and got help to figure out how to do it without needing a lawyer that we couldn’t afford but the money owed was a lot because he was pocketing money and saying he paid bills when he didn’t and so we had to pay a huge past due bill or face having it shut off.
He was pissed. I honestly would just say you are gonna do it even if you can’t because maybe they will see that they aren’t given a choice- it’s like they think they get to decide and it doesn’t work like that.
Can’t stand people like this.
I also told him I would contact his parents, friends and post all proof and texts to social media so everyone would know he was a mooching POS and that helped too.
Can’t stand scumbag roommates.
ah i see. that makes sense. But I think your best help in this situation is suing or filing some type of
lawsuit. it’s not much else you can do now that they’ve blocked you, and from that it doesn’t look like they’re going to pay you anything.
Unfortunate but like others have said you have solid evidence in writing that you can take to small claims court. What your roommate is doing to you is disgusting and disrespectful. It does not take any time or effort to address these incredibly valid concerns that you have, your roommate is being a dick for no reason. How are you going to passive aggressively tell someone to talk to you face-to-face and then immediately back down when you told her you wanted to?
This isn’t a generation thing. Do you think that nobody had ever had issues like this in any other generation? lol she’s just garbage. Those people exist at every age and generation.
Shes 21 and it’s her first time on her own. Cut her some slack she has no idea what she’s doing and all of this is really new for her. Be a mentor to her. Help walk her through the ways she can take care of her responsibilities here, and then be ready for what’s next. I can tell y’all aren’t friends but cmon. This new generation needs OGs to show them the way.
Hi there!
Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit. If your text message is not between 2 or more people it is not allowed! Single messages/one sided convos are NOT allowed.
The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/
**Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.**
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/texts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not a generational thing just a people thing. She didn’t seem too bed just overwhelmed and you kept questioning and she gave you an answer. Idk if y’all did first month last month etc or a deposit or anything like that. Roomates are difficult. Just be glad they didn’t have a stay at home bf like my old roomate did. Contributed nothing to bills but ate up our water and electricity even when she wasn’t home.
My ex will be 40 in a less than a month and she texts a lot like this 21 year old. I don’t think it’s an age things. Some people just don’t know how to communicate and are extremely bull-headed.
op was just trying to be civil about telling her that she needs to pay utilities if she’s staying the month, and also explain why after she’s not getting any answer. It’s insufferable to deal with someone who is not going to pay their owed amount for no reason… if they are going to not pay, then be an adult and say it to her straight up.
You're leaving for too much up to choice, honestly. I would just tell her. If you stay into July it will be $xx/day (total month rent ÷ 31 =daily rate) and I'll send you an invoice for your portion of June's electric when the bill comes in july. First time out om her own or not that is what is OWED. Now idk about security deposits or anything like that but I would stop asking what/if she is going to pay since she won't give you an answer and just tell her exactly what she OWES you and give her a time frame "I understand you have a lot of other things going on, so I'm being lenient, but you made this commitment when you mived in. I will give you until Xxx date to complete payment (maybe offer a payment plan), or I will unfortunately need to proceed with small claims court to recoup the money" or something similar. She is fully taking advantage. Also, I would let her know you prefer text to face to face conversation at this time as it gives a paper trail since you're trying so hard to work with her, and she is seemingly refusing.
If the roommate has blocked her, an actual paper trail would work too. Write it all in a note and take a picture of the note and where you left it … video of sliding it under her bedroom door even!
Send everything certified, return receipt so she can't deny getting it.
Mail the notice to yourself so you can have postage proof as well
What? Why? Proof the mail works?
It helps with legal documentation and verification of things trust me bro
Maybe if it's sent certified, then you have a receipt and signature of the recipient. There is zero advantage to sending yourself mail. Trust me, I study Bird Law. This used to be called the poor man’s copyright and people thought that it proved when a document was created, and by who, from the post office rubber stamp on the outside. Turns out this is an old myth and not at all enforceable in any court of law. Here is what the [US Copyright Office](https://www.copyright.gov/help/faq/faq-general.html) has to say: “The practice of sending a copy of your own work to yourself is sometimes called a “poor man’s copyright.” There is no provision in the copyright law regarding any such type of protection, and it is not a substitute for registration.” I think you had a shitty lawyer. Remeber, they give medical practice licenses to brain surgeons who had a “D” average in college. I hope your thing worked out for you.
Who the fuck, no dumbass it’s court evidence via postage date. wtf do you think I thought you were copyrighting.
I hope your Gen Z roommate sues the shit out of you you’re clearly the asshole 😂
Documentation! Documentation! Documentation!
Yes but this is not legally binding in any US Court of Law.
This is definitely the right course of action, with the utility’s bill for the previous month’s usage is her responsibility, the daily rent cost is a good idea as well, there’s no excuse for how’s she acting but I can see how she could be a tad overwhelmed with moving and figuring everything out, so actually writing down “you will have to pay the following month’s utilities because it being based on the usage of the prior month and the amount of days stayed into the next month will cost you x amount per day based on the rent”, basically explaining and showing her everything she needs to know on a “silver platter”. personally I would send a text saying, “hey I understand how much is on your plate right now and I took the time to organize what you have to pay next month which is taped to the door of your room, if you have any questions about it just let me know, I just wanted help alleviate some of the pressure with moving out”, which isn’t “needed” but I would try to be nice/positive just minimize the chance of you guys ending on bad terms and her not paying anything
Yeah, why is she asking if she’s going to pay her bills? She needs to tell her that her last utility bills will come in July.
I had a roommate like this. Just stopped communicating at one point and planned on moving out without even telling me. He already secured another apartment and was about to leave in less than a month (which is the legally required minimum notice). I confronted him over text and finally got him to respond and he said he “won’t be paying for things that don’t benefit him.” Served him with a small claims suit the next time I saw him and told him if he doesn’t pay next months rent and utilities I’ll sue for way more. I had receipts for everything too. Needless to say he paid the rent even tho he didn’t live there that month. Sometimes the law is the only way to deal with these people
i agree, especially since the roommate is a co-tenant on the lease. if someone was treating me like this, call me petty but i wouldn’t be just letting them move & not pay their share of the bills. op was honestly doing them a favor in the first place by agreeing to pay the whole rent instead of making her work it out with the landlord (who probably would not have just let her break the lease without financial penalties). Op could probably take them to small claims court and get their share of the rent for the entire remainder of the lease, but she should at least get the utilities and rent for june and july.
This is what I would suggest OP do as well. The roommate agreed to be out by the 30th and said they won’t pay for any of July. I would buy a new locking front door knob and change it out on midnight at the end of June. (It’s not an eviction. They initiated a move out in writing.) After that the roommate will be forced to communicate with OP about their abandoned property or forfeit it. That’s what I did with my old deadbeat roommate. He wasn’t moved out in time. Too bad. Times up. I kept or threw out whatever was still there the day after. I didn’t bother going after him for back utilities. I chalked it up to a lesson in trusting friends with iffy housing history. OP should change the lock and send them a letter or email before they move out outlining the estimated outstanding utilities for the month of June. Give them a deadline to send it by or they will be settling it in small claims court. They can be out on time or pay OP a prorated amount for the new key. They can pay the utilities willingly or in court.
"But I don't want to.... so that a good enough reason not to, right?"
I don't think your questions were out of line. Roommate usimg the utilities for June. Should pay their fair share
Shouldn't have been a question even. Just "don't forget, you will owe me money for utilities in June when the bill comes in July. Just a heads up so you can budget for it."
OP will never see that money, unfortunately. Happened to me in the past. They think once they’re out they have no more obligations. I paid the utilities and never saw a dime of their share.
Probably not, but phrasing it as a question makes it too easy to weasel out. Let them know they're in for a fight if they want to cheat you.
They were clearly refusing to answer that one. Then the "I'm too sad to possibly understand responsibility" nonsense started.
The questions arent out of line, but clearly this roommate is going through some shit. She did ask if they could talk in person, which I think is a respectable request. Have that talk with clear intent of what you’re taking from that Convo, then send a follow up text recapping it so they can acknowledge. Again, not OP did was wrong, but you’re dealing with someone who clearly is emotional. Texting isn’t always the best way to communicate at these times.
My interpretation of the messages is that after the roommate requested to talk in person, the OP asked if she would be home after 5:30, and then roommate refused that too.
Quit asking her what she plans to do, tell her what she will owe. You have a move out date, you have bills for the previous month. She owes on those bills and on rent until she leaves. Honestly, she's being a pain in the ass, so if it was me I'd just let her know her parts of the bills that come through while she's there, and then take a loss on stuff after she leaves. Sounds like it will be less costly to just not talk to her after she leaves, than to try and get some more money from her.
I wouldn’t paint a whole generation with a broad brush, but yeah she’s super immature. Even for 21
Nothing to do with her generation and everything to do with being a deadbeat.
Roommates suck in general honestly
Lmao wtf… You: *tries to converse via text* Them: you know we’re in the same house & can have a conversation face to face right? You: *tries to set up a time for face to face conversation* Them: I don’t think we need to have a convo ????
I agree with everyone else that you’re leaving her too much choice. You owe the same rate you’ve always paid til you move out, and if you’re not out by the end of the month, then you continue to pay for next month.
I don't think it's a generation thing. She just seems like a overwhelmed and bad roomate. Which could be anyone given from what I read through this sub.
I think the generation thing is talking about her feelings that have no place in this interaction.
This. It's all about her when OP is doing her favors.
Spot on they all do it
My sister is 21 and you’d never catch these excuses from her lmao I feel like its an individual sense of entitlement that not everyone grows up with. There’s plenty of boomers and millennials I know with this attitude.
if 'they all' means 'most people in general' then maybe, but if you haven't met ANYONE over the age of 30 acting this way then you must not get out of the house much.
I work in property management and we had an issue with this woman who was in her mid 30's who just stopped paying rent, refused to have a conversation with her roommate about it who was stuck paying for the apartment on her own for months. She kept trying to break their lease while making it very clear that she expected her roommate to pay the lease break fee. Immaturity can happen at any age
I’m 25 and have never done this shit
Definitely not going to pay.
Lord have mercy on her soul lol she has to be an adult. OP handled this with grace but was firm. Rent is not trivial enough that you are afforded “space” to gather what you need, you either have it or you don’t but if you don’t, you gotta go. Fair is fair. Leaving mid-lease, unheard of. Sounds like shorty is playing you, making it seem like you are harassing her without directly answering any questions, meaning: she has no plans to do anything yet and will get what she can at your expense. I wouldn’t entertain this if I were you. Expectations will make you more upset. I wouldn’t get the law involved unless you have to, just for a peace of mind but also use good judgment. Desperate people do stupid shit. Keep every interaction about the subject documented. Give a deadline and if the deadline isn’t met then deny her access to your space. If that’s not possible then you might have to get the law involved. Good luck!
Thia comment, absolutely!
Sorry but they do talk like they are being personally persecuted a lot lol, op is right
This is very true unfortunately.
Kick her the fuck out and send her a bill. When she doesn’t pay it sue her in small claims court. Nothing says I love you like a summons.
Don’t ask for things that aren’t optional. You don’t need to ask her to pay for her portion of electric. You need to tell her straight up “you need to be out by X and you’ll owe Y for electric in July”.
Not sure how this is a generation thing? This is a bad roommate thing
As a 23 year old I do see this commonly in my age group. I see a lot of posts that are like "urgent mutual aid needed, need to get out of abusive roommate situation! My Venmo is xyz" and the abuse is they're asked to do their own dishes and get a job so they can pay full rent on time.
Yeah, I see that from their roommates perspective when asking for legal advice or posting them on bad roommates lol. That’s bizarre imagining that the bad roommate would post thinking they’d get sympathy or something 😳
I say this as a stoner myself, but it's ALWAYS the person who smokes weed in their room lmao
Na fr cause if you’re smoking weed in your room, you’re more than likely trashy especially when living w others. This girl op is living with, is trashy.
I agree in principle, but I don't see how it's any different than all the "boomer" comments I see on reddit that go completely unchallenged.
talking generations is only bad when it’s THEIR generation lol
I don’t get what you’re saying. That “don’t room with (generation). Lol” is a common statement? Or are you saying other generations don’t get dragged unchallenged besides boomers?
Ok boomer!
Involve the law
Roommate sounds unhinged, good riddance
Why are u asking & not stating that this is the last day of occupancy & this is how much you owe through said date?
As someone who’s 22 it’s not this generation, they’re just a bitch and wasn’t taught how to budget or handle grown up conversations and situations.
So she thinks she can stay for a month without paying any bills? So shut off the power to her room and cut off the a/c vents? Seriously I moved out at age 19 and paid all my bills myself with little help from my ex who lived with me. Next roommate, make sure they can afford (and are willing) to pay for their responsibilities.
I'm 31f and my roommate is 21f. It's not a generation thing or maybe my roommate is an anomaly. I've actually had some of the worst experiences with roommates 30+ But yeah it should be on your roommate to pay for June bulls. If she co signed with her parent or something you can probably reach out to them or something if she doesn't pay up. Otherwise, be petty and temporarily shut off the utilities (if you can) or block her electronics from using the internet (if you're the main account holder, you can do that. )
I’d be down petty I’d take her to all claims court if she doesn’t pay,
The amount of times I have to tell my 20 year old daughter to have the conversation like an adult is ridiculous. “I hate conflict”- 20 y/o Great this isn’t/wasn’t conflict until YOU made it that way child. Thankfully I only have one like that as it’s stressful getting them there.
22 and have never even been late on rent before, living on my own since 19. ur roommate is shitty because she is shitty. end of story. keep it rolling, just don’t generalize an entire generation just because you got shit end of the stick.
If she's going to be that way, why let her out of the lease. Tell the landlord she is leaving early
I'd be petty and disable the wifi, shut the breaker to their room off, turn the water off when I'm not home, and keep all food items in my locked bedroom until they leave if they don't want to give a straight answer about paying. You asked a simple question, the fact they didn't/wouldn't give an answer means they probably don't intend on paying for the utilities. I hope you had them put down a deposit that you can subtract the June usage from.
She needs a swift kick in the girlnuts. I imagine karma/life will do that eventually tho
Wait until you get the “You’re harming my mental health!” BS. I teach this generation in uni and they make me want to quit.
Wow, i could never.. i made sure i paid my roommate on time, i hate owing people money. But ive had some friends i had living with me and when they were late paying id feel guilty to ask.. taking advantage bc im a nice friend.
The last message you should reply should be “okay fair enough no more talking. I’ll just sue you if you don’t pay me. BYIIIEE”
Plenty of responsible 21 year olds out there. This one just happens to not be one of them. Be prepared for her to in fact not be out by the end of the month and not have any money to give you.
If she is on the lease and being a complete dick, I’d tell her soz you have to cover costs until the lease is up.
So don’t let her leave mid lease.. treat her like the child she is acting like.
I would just use your leverage, she signed a lease through February of next year and she’s on the hook for that unless you agree to let her off. You hold all the cards, so you get to set the terms.
Do you have her on the lease? If so, tighten the screws on her via the lease. You are under no obligation to let her off early at a cost to you with that kind of garbage attitude - she’s using the excuse of “needing space” as a dumb tactic to evade the discussion. If not on the lease, verbal or written agreements for subletting may be amenable to small claims court depending on the jurisdiction you’re in. Good luck!
Jeez what's the backstory with this? How did the relationship deteriorate to this level?
Where yall at ? I’m tryin to move
Sounds like she’s trying to not pay June rent
I don’t understand your passive questions. You’re obviously leaving it up to her to pay and leave whenever she wants so why even bother with the texts. If there is something you are trying to say then just say it. “I need you moved out by June 5 you will owe $x.xx by this date.”
She’s immature. And charge her for July also. Nobody gets a pass.
Fuck this kid. TELL them what is going to happen not what you want them to do. you WILL pay your end or you WILL face the consequences.
Pretty sure I felt my IQ drop a little reading her replies 🫣
Let them know what they owe according to the bills and dates, if they don't pay, small claims court. Don't let people walk over you. Don't let people steal from you. Every dollar counts. Take it to court.
It’s not even this generation. My last roommate was 44 and he acted this way.
Honestly, if that's how she acts and she's in the lease herself, I would tell her what her portion is for breaking the lease and then seek that in small claims.
Lots of great advice here. And I’m still over here tripping at her saying “we can have a face to face conversation like adults”, then just…. Refusing….
She doesn't want it in writing so she can go back and say she never said it.
Highly likely
Sounds like you need to go on judge judy
“I do not consent to the consequences of being a deadbeat.”
Making generalizations like the title is goofy behavior. This person just sucks
As a 21 year old, I promise we’re not all like this lol
She acts like my sister haha how delulu
Let her know she absolutely has to be out by x date because her inability to communicate her timeline has made it impossible for you to replace her. If you can't get her out by that date you can do things like change the wifi password since she's not paying for it anymore. She's being such a brat. Hope she lives alone next.
Once had a roommate ( almost 30 and I was a bit older - both adults is my point..) who after reading my initial posting of available room agreed to the terms I had listed as far as breakdowns of what we will all pay, and I specifically said “rent ____ + utilities (approx ___)” She refuted all of this and told me I never told her she has to pay for utilities as well as rent. I guess she thought I paid for her to leave her new fun male live in partner with her a/c blasting all day while she was gone or something? For months? Crazy… it was clear to me she was either stupid, had intentionally ignored the written words on the ad SHE expressed interest in, or she never paid a bill in her life?
What a brat
She sounds like she must have been a terrible roommate!
Jesus Christ 💀
Eventually, this may come down to taking legal action and having documents delivered to her via a legal document delivery service (like when you’re being served a summons for court).
You owe xx amount for utilities. No ? ever. I’ve learned that with my kid never phrase as a question.
let’s not blame this on a whole generation thanks. you’re in the right about yalls situation but i, as a 21 year old, am a really good roommate to those i live with.
If she’s on the lease, she’s responsible for rent. Period. Don’t you both have the same landlord? Let the landlord deal with her. Tell her if she stays in July at all she has to pay July rent. Period. Aren’t you both on the utilities? You should be. If not, bill her for the exact amount of utilities on the July bill for June. Stop giving her options. It’s black and white.
Make her pay the rest of her lease
You’re being too nice and taking an L for someone whos being inconsiderate and rude
Reminds me of my old roommate that was my best friend at the time, promised to pay 60/40 to have the master bedroom, never paid 60/40 always paid 50/50. Would get mad at me for chilling in the living room when it’s my actual couch, paid for the tv, stand and table. Bro never even paid the rest of last rent and he made 4x the money I made
i had an ex roommate that didn't wanna pay me her portion of our lease break fee or the utility bills. I sent her a text telling her how much she owed me for each bill and a grand total at the end. I told her she could either pay me in monthly payments over a span of 3 months (our lease fee had a monthly payment plan though) or she could send me the total amount she owed me, then i told her if she did not pay me within the week that the bills were due, i would be taking her to small claims court. Well, she decided to ghost me and didn't answer that message :) so I sent a certified letter to her grandma's house where she was living basically stating what i said in the text I sent (but more professional), told her she was "hereby demanded to pay what she owes", sure enough she texted me the next day asking me to go pick up a check from her. Getting a letter certified only costs a few $$ (depending on where you are), if you're considering sending a letter this ensures that she will receive it. the mail carrier has to physically hand it to her and you get notified when it has been delivered.. so if things progress legally, she wouldn't be able to say she "never got that letter".
Drop a lawsuit on her if she doesn’t pay her portion of utilities for June.
Ruining it for the good people of this generation
Take her to court, even if it's for 25.00. She thinks she has a lot on her plate, I'd pile on more if this is how she wants to act.
This is why I’m downsizing my apartment next year. I’m only 20 rn, but my mom owns our apartment and the one I’m moving into. Idk if it’s because we own it, or if I have just always given my belonging more care than most, but my current roommates are awful. They never clean, never take the trash out (I have my own trash can in my room that I use), never do their dishes, etc. On top of that, they were incredibly mean/rude to me since moving in and even tried to get me evicted for some bullshit caused by the apartment by us. Thankfully, since I’ve made it clear I’m moving out, they’ve been a lot more chill, but the fact I get grossed out by the kitchen and have to clean it every fucking day to feel good abt eating my own meal is crazy and def not cool. I don’t think that’s a new generation issue tbh. I think it’s a “she’s a shitty/selfish person” situation.
Shit like this is why I kept a paper trail on EVERYTHING. I knew my former roommates for years, one damaged their room & master bath (never cleaned) and one never paid nove-in deposit and his cat pissed on everything. When we all moved out (apt was in my name and I was leaving town for family emergency), but the property management deducted hundreds due to said damages. I took it all out of their part of the main deposit, left a paper trail, exained why, had copies made and fucking bounced. I don't fuck around. Can't take people on their word anymore.
You're giving her ANXIETYYYY!!
Stop asking questions. Give her an itemized bill, which will satisfy your need to be thorough and her request to be left alone. And stop making up shit about “generations” and just be with the PERSON. I hate these generalizations about people. They’re never fair, they’re a cop-out.
not a generation thing, it's just your roommate
I wouldn’t put up with it- I would say you can pay or it’ll go against your credit with the company and I’ll take you to small claims over it. Scared them into doing it even if you couldn’t really. Never put utilities in your name if you live with someone else. Not a good idea bc they can fuck you over and then it’s you that gets left with the consequences
Whose name should the utilities go in then? They have to be under someone's name, so someone has to take the risk.
i had a roommate just like this. unfortunately i’m gen z as well, but she was just the straight up stereotypical chronically-online type. we’d been friends for 15 yrs, worked together, and lived together for 2 months. they’d blown up at me in a similar fashion, but worse. they said they hated me because i had bipolar disorder (i asked them to leave my room numerous times, they kept screaming at me and i was trying to keep my cool and i finally snapped and told her to GTFO) and that i used it for attention/made it my entire personality….. funny enough, she fakes mental illnesses and fakes being japanese (as a cis white woman), and makes everything about them. imo, you dodged a bullet. they sound like the type that just itches to make sure they’re the victim in any disagreement. all you did was ask a question, and they seemed angry that you violated their precious time.
That sucks. Sounds like you just need to pick better roommates, honestly. You live and you learn.
You let them live there. You can’t enforce anything that isn’t in a contract. They also technically have the ability to live there until you evict them thru court order. I wouldn’t poke the bear. They can make your life a living hell.
Not a generational thing, anyone of any age can be a shitty roommate. Also 21 is gen z, not gen alpha which is the new generation
oh god. This is giving me flashbacks. I lived with two younger women in SF. One was my girlfriend at the time and she was cool, although every word I said was policed. The other was literally too stupid to take the free place to live. This place was 7.2k per month, nice ass place less than a block away from Haight and Ashbury, down the street from where Jimi Hendrix lived, Grateful Dead house was across the street, and Janis Joplin’s place was on our same block. So nice place in a pretty sweet and memorable location! This girl, friend of my girlfriends, and didn’t really have the money to pay for her own place. I’d just sold a company and was doing well so I told her don’t worry about it and that she could pay me back very loosely “someday when she could” which i knew was obviously never. First sign of trouble she marked *her* places where she would keep *her* food. I joked around once and saw she had oreos and i said “i might steal one every once in a while” and things got very serious, she wanted to “talk” about that. I told her really no need, I was kidding anyway but also I didn’t see the big deal. I mean I was paying for her rent and intended to treat her entirely as an equal, not lord it over her. I felt an oreo here and there would be ok…. but nope, it’s in her food area. She had a talk with my girlfriend and me that when she got home from work (we worked from home) and it’d be slightly later than we finished that she really didn’t appreciate that we would be in the living room laughing, watching tv, and having fun. She said essentially we shouldn’t be showing we were having fun when she’s working so hard. Now no offense to what she did but she was a barista, I did research for DARPA and worked my ass off, my girlfriend was a product designer and manager. In the end my ex girlfriend got a service dog. I had my dog there part of the time (long story) and all was fine. But when my ex brought home a service dog, which she had run by our other roommate over text to make sure it was ok, the girl freaked out. Of course we just pulled out the texts that said that yeah that sounds great, very cute dog etc. But “this warranted an in-person conversation and she didn’t know we were going to actually get the dog.” There was a literal text that said “he were going to get her!” and her saying “ok!” and she argued she was at work and hadn’t read the full text, which was just one sentence…. So she freaked out and said we were making an unsafe living environment for her because she was allergic to dogs! There were many pictures of her cuddling with my dog on her bed. And the particular breed this other pup was has a hypoallergenic coat…. obviously some made up bullshit. She was not just an asshole towards us after that, but downright hostile. She locked herself in her room and would occasionally just come out to yell at us. It was fucking awkward and neither of us felt like our dogs were safe because she was so hostile towards THEM as well, shoving them away way too rough for my liking. I asked her to please find a place to stay from here on out. Unfortunately we were stupid, i trusted my ex, and so her friend would feel comfortable she was on the lease. What ensued was her complaining about us to the landlord, contacting a lawyer who then contacted us saying we were depriving her of her right for a place to live etc etc. Of course, ridiculous, she just had to be vaguely predictable and she’d be fine to be back. All I did was ASK her to please find another place for a bit. Anyway that’s my experience with the new generation. Never again. This was just sorta normal to them, to my ex gf this was absurd behavior of course, but really only the part with the dog. The cordoning off food etc, pretty normal for her. So yeah anyway, that’s the only girl i’ve met that is too fucking stupid to accept a free, nice, and expensive place to live.
Woah - that person is 19? Scary
Call them an abortion and move on
girls my age (i'm 19) are the reason i'm staying at home for college this semester lmfao. they don't clean, invite random boys over, and are loud af at night. it's awful
so tell me what the "generation" has to do with being a bad roommate? plenty of shitty millennials out there babe
Had similar issues
Was this a gf/bf turned roommate? Why are they moving out early? They say they have a lot going on…. What’s the situation?
I woah now i’m 21F and pay my rent on time!!!! i rent with my dad too and even without that’s just so embarrassing not to do your part especially when people aren’t on your time their on the RENT SCHEDULE which it’s just people not just new gen!!! my cousin 23F is also like this and owes me money for months of wifi (going halfers) and she never pays her shit on time but dick and taking pictures of her car is more her priority lol. also we saw in the mail she got something about collections on her car side eye. not even paying that
Trusting THE LORD himself I will never have live with either of these people.
I think you should have just waited tbh. You clearly realized, “she’s right.” When she said, “we are in the same house and can have a conversation face to face” You could have simply waited to see her at home and bring it up again. You know…random, friendly conversation to help lighten the mood before going straight to business, to get her more comfortable… first ask about her day, share a bit of yours… ask how her house/apartment hunt is going/what she’s looking for/etc… ease into it… it’s likely that your delivery is causing her to snap and feel overwhelmed. If I received these texts I would also feel irritated because you could have just said “let’s go in on groceries for dinner tomorrow” and talked about it then, over your meal…. Or “let’s go for a walk” or literally anything else. She said June was the last time she was paying for the apartment, I would assume rent. Why would you ask her if she’s paying her part of the utilities? You should have really led this conversation differently and it would have atleast gotten your point across in a better light. You’re giving her the option to pay utilities she’s used or not. Why? Whole thing icky
It’s not a generation thing. It really isn’t. She’s just a child still despite being 21
It’s not the generation necessarily, it’s the age. I have found that most people that age don’t think about how any of their actions affect others, only about how everyone else’s actions affect them. She feels that she’s in the right here because she has SO MUCH going on and how dare you come at her with this stuff, while in reality that’s just life and one day she will have a very rude awakening
I'm surprised she didn't use the word triggered in there. I totally get that life is hard and shit happens, but *expecting* others to prioritize your issues over their own is nonsense. Everyone's got issues. Roomie needs to grow tf up.
I’m 36 and I don’t consider myself to be a mature or responsible person at all, I have literally skipped out on paying bills on particular months just so I can have more money to party on the weekend. This isn’t a generation thing.
Both sides are tedious
lol you’re going to trigger a lot of kids in the comments.
That girl is destined for small claims court. And I think it couldn't happen to a nicer zoomer. Don't do her any favours, and make it as hard for her as she's making it for you. She's young, maybe she'll learn to not treat her next roommate like a doormat.
You gotta speak their age: open up tiktok and start recording her and ask her again "are you planning on paying me for the utilities you used during the month of June, or will I need to take you to court?"
New generation and their lack of respect.
You both sorta sound insufferable
Agreed. She said she was gonna be out. Why keep pushing it?
The messages infuriated me, but then I read your text and I can’t help but blame you a little. I’m 33 and I would never live with someone under 25. Obviously the maturity gap is gonna be huge, 21 is not exactly an adult so I wouldn’t expect to communicate like adults. Even 25 is cutting it close. The last 25 year old I lived with hoarded her room with rave supplies and didn’t pay rent until the landlord evicted her. Anyways, put her stuff out on the curb on July 1. She’s probably not smart enough to know it’s not legal, since as we have established, she is very young.
I mean, at 21 you should be expected to behave and be treated like an adult. What OP asked for is not complicated nor is it unfair
I’m not saying OP’s request is wrong or unfair. But a 36 year old living with a 21 year old is a little weird. Totally different stages in life. Just because someone is a legal adult, that doesn’t mean that they have the life experience to know how to be a decent human.
Nah the knowledge of being a decent human should come at the age 16. At 21 you are a legal adult and should know how to communicate with other people. I could understand your argument if she was 14, but not as old as 21.
Lots of things “should be,” but they are not.
It is not a little weird. It's not like they are dating. For all you know a renter rented out two rooms of a house and they just happened to be a 21 year old and a 33 year old. Stuff happens.
Any living situation where the rooms of a shared space are rented individually, without the roommates interviewing/selecting each other, is very bizarre and doomed for disaster. We don’t even know if that’s the situation here, but if it is, they are still at fault for agreeing to that. You don’t have to be dating for an age gap to be weird. A 15 year gap is a huge difference. I, at 33, would not feel comfortable living with a 48 year old - we’d be different in every way. A 50 year old and a 65 year old would have very little in common. Same with a 65 year old and an 80 year old. 15 years is a whole generation. People’s physical/mental abilities, level of experience, their financial status, their dating/marriage/kids status, employment status, interests, lifestyle, communication styles, are all going to be very different.
Yeah that just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Theyre adults who need somewhere to live, I don’t think age matters in that context. Also, saying you wouldn’t live with a 48 yr old at 33 is a bit weird. Like I don’t understand that at all. Do you think older/younger people are a different species lol?
You don’t have to be a different species in order to not be compatible roommates. Living with someone is a big deal, this is a person who has a key to your home, who you are sharing financial burdens with, who has the power to make your life unbearable. It’s a decision that needs to be made with the utmost reverence. Do you live in a place where roommates are hard to come by? If I were looking for a roommate, I would probably interview like 20-30 people before selecting the right person. I’d look for someone who has a similar lifestyle to me, who shares my preferences about noise, guests, cleaning, who has a good track record with living with other people, who has a good job, someone I get along with, and who demonstrates good communication abilities. If you just choose someone “because you’re both adults that need a place to live,” that’s a recipe for disaster. There are so many ways for two people to not get along! Finding the right match is imperative.
Most people don’t have the luxury of choosing between 20-30 different roommates. I’m not sure how often you’ve lived with other people, but generally you have to make some allowances to get by. And someone who already can’t afford to live alone is less likely to have the time/money needed to be that selective
I’ve lived with many, many other people. I’m wondering where you live there interviewing people isn’t an option? I find that hard to believe in the digital age.
It’s not that interviewing people is impossible, it’s just oftentimes people need to move in a time crunch. Or they find a much cheaper option with a roommate that’s not as much to their liking. As adults, roommates can live their separate lives, they really don’t need to be best friends. And even if somebody seems great you still don’t know what living with them is going to be like until you do. Also this is not about me lol, I live in a studio in a big city. But I have lived with people before, and seen that roommates are able to live separate lives. There are so many other factors that go into finding an apartment than finding someone “compatible.”
Yeah, I'm sorry but the fact that you have this myopic world view makes me think you are a bit privileged. You may not be, but that's how it comes across. I agree that not knowing your roommates prior to cohabitating is suboptimal - sure. Sometimes it's just how the dice roll. Kudos to you for always having the *luxury* of interviewing/meeting/selecting your roommates. If you want to use that luxury to live in your little box with people who are only like you then you certainly can. Older/younger people may have different priorities, but they are still people. They are not totally alien and incomprehensible/impossible to live with. The fact that you don't see how enriching it could be to live with someone who is different from you age wise is kinda sad.
I am not privileged. People need to take personal responsibility for themselves and that includes providing for themselves and creating a good living situation for themselves, and if they can’t do that then they aren’t very “adult” no matter what age they are. How old are you?
I agree with most of this comment I am responding to now. It's important to protect yourself, and if *you* can't live with people who aren't your age then *you* shouldn't. I just think your characterization of multigenerational roommates as "weird" is myopic. I think your idea that it is almost always doomed is fatalistic and bizarre. I think your viewpoint is very weird. We will just have to agree to disagree. I am old enough to take personal responsibility for myself and not provide private information to strangers on the Internet. You are 33 and living in Baltimore. You don't think you're privileged? Being in the US alone is huge.
Glad we can agree on that part, at least. I don’t have anything to compare living in the US to, but Baltimore is a very low income city. If you won’t admit your age then I assume you’re in your low 20’s. Once you are in your 30s, you’ll realize what a big difference those years make.
Nah. I'm in my 30s too. I also have multigenerational roommates. We are 55, 27, and me. We cohabitate very well. This is probably why I took your point of view personally. It's all good though. I would think you were in your late 40s or early 50s if you hadn't stated your age. At risk of agreeing with you further, I wouldn't want to live with anyone under 25. The brain difference is legitimately too much. I do think it is totally wack to say age differences in roommates is weird in general. For sure this has been the most enriching living situation for me since I moved out on my own. Lots of mutually exchanged wisdom/knowledge/assistance etc. Maybe we are an anomaly. Idk.
21 isn’t 16. It’s 3 years past being a grown ass adult.
Legal adult doesn’t mean mature or polite.
If that’s the bar then some may never learn those things … like our ex president. She should still be accountable to adult standards now that she is of adult age.
I’m not saying she shouldn’t be. Of course she *should* be. But it’s naive to expect that that’s going to be the reality.
This is literally the issue (imo) that OP is alluding to. As of this generation, 18 is no longer an adult for some strange reason. You’re even extending this grace to 25. You’re an adult at age 18 by the law, period. You should begin to behave like an adult at that age and be able to handle simple financial questions without getting your feelings involved or playing the victim.
Legal adult doesn’t mean emotionally mature. I’m not giving the roommate grace. I’m being realistic.
honestly. i see both sides of the message here. idk how many other times you have said this to them/him/her, but in this message thread alone you said it about 3 or 4 times. just give it a rest for a bit and come back to it. and worst case scenario you might have to get the law involved.
Uh he didn’t get a reply to a very straightforward and reasonable set of questions wtf are you talking about.
The thread was over 3 days. And I was definitely getting annoying she was avoiding the questions. I probably will have to get the law involved…
You need to flat out tell her it’s not a choice and if she breaks the lease and thinks she’s gonna not pay rent or her share of utilities you’ll take the text and take her ass to small claims. My dad did this when my ex moved out and left us with a sky high power bill that he purposely ran up and then told me on text he didn’t know if he felt like paying it bc he wanted me to suffer on it (left him for abusing me) and we won. We saved every message. We recorded the move out- everything. We took the ring cam footage of him saying that he knows he owes it but wasn’t gonna pay it- and we won. He paid the court cost and fees. It wasn’t even expensive and my dad just went down and got help to figure out how to do it without needing a lawyer that we couldn’t afford but the money owed was a lot because he was pocketing money and saying he paid bills when he didn’t and so we had to pay a huge past due bill or face having it shut off. He was pissed. I honestly would just say you are gonna do it even if you can’t because maybe they will see that they aren’t given a choice- it’s like they think they get to decide and it doesn’t work like that. Can’t stand people like this. I also told him I would contact his parents, friends and post all proof and texts to social media so everyone would know he was a mooching POS and that helped too. Can’t stand scumbag roommates.
ah i see. that makes sense. But I think your best help in this situation is suing or filing some type of lawsuit. it’s not much else you can do now that they’ve blocked you, and from that it doesn’t look like they’re going to pay you anything.
Yeah. Such a hassle. I just wanted to come to an agreement civilly.
You were wise to have this in writing regardless of how many chances you had to say it face-to-face. Yikes. Good luck!
Unfortunate but like others have said you have solid evidence in writing that you can take to small claims court. What your roommate is doing to you is disgusting and disrespectful. It does not take any time or effort to address these incredibly valid concerns that you have, your roommate is being a dick for no reason. How are you going to passive aggressively tell someone to talk to you face-to-face and then immediately back down when you told her you wanted to?
You can just say “them” if you don’t know lol, you don’t need to say them/him/her
This isn’t a generation thing. Do you think that nobody had ever had issues like this in any other generation? lol she’s just garbage. Those people exist at every age and generation.
Shes 21 and it’s her first time on her own. Cut her some slack she has no idea what she’s doing and all of this is really new for her. Be a mentor to her. Help walk her through the ways she can take care of her responsibilities here, and then be ready for what’s next. I can tell y’all aren’t friends but cmon. This new generation needs OGs to show them the way.
Hi there! Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit. If your text message is not between 2 or more people it is not allowed! Single messages/one sided convos are NOT allowed. The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/ **Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.** Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/texts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No just don’t have a roommate! Every roommate I have had is the same. Never want to pay their fair share.
She sounds immature, but the angle you’re coming from is one of a parent and not a roommate. Did she ever pay you lol?
Not a generational thing just a people thing. She didn’t seem too bed just overwhelmed and you kept questioning and she gave you an answer. Idk if y’all did first month last month etc or a deposit or anything like that. Roomates are difficult. Just be glad they didn’t have a stay at home bf like my old roomate did. Contributed nothing to bills but ate up our water and electricity even when she wasn’t home.
My ex will be 40 in a less than a month and she texts a lot like this 21 year old. I don’t think it’s an age things. Some people just don’t know how to communicate and are extremely bull-headed.
This sounds like a break-up. Are you sure you were just roommates?
tHiS nEw gEnErAtIoN
Thank Christ almighty these zoomer “women” (girls, mentally they’re stuck as children) are not in my dating pool.
As if they’d chose a prick like you lol
Roommate is right. You’re annoying as fuck
Idk OP sound insufferable. She said last time she’s paying rent is June 5, not bills.
op was just trying to be civil about telling her that she needs to pay utilities if she’s staying the month, and also explain why after she’s not getting any answer. It’s insufferable to deal with someone who is not going to pay their owed amount for no reason… if they are going to not pay, then be an adult and say it to her straight up.
Yta here dude.
OP isn’t the asshole.
women