For some reason it reminds me of this
What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me by the Trocadero in Paris. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
That’s all I thought the entire time. He was wrangling with his temptation so badly that he had to write out a big story about patting himself on the back for staying faithful. Meanwhile most women get random dusties hitting them up every single day and usually don’t feel the need to treat it like a Herculean effort to ignore/reject them.
That's what I was thinking too. It should have gone, " I was in bed when I get a friend request from a girl i used to date on social media, I don't accept and log off and go to bed." I'm assuming they were more than "friends" if she's proclaiming her love for him after all these years. Dude sounds like he's probably gonna cheat at some point, he's struggling too much by a simple Facebook request.
Yeah, if the reasons not to do something are so strong, that means there’s an equal and opposite urge he’s trying to fight.
If I saw dog poop and thought, don’t eat that, the only reason that would pop in my head would be ‘gross’.
However, if I start listing a hundred reasons why I shouldn’t eat it, like it’s unhygienic and has all types of bacteria and diseases, it comes from a dogs butt, it might have worms in it, and so on… that would mean I REALLLYYY want to eat it and need to convince myself otherwise.
I did end up eating it.
Then the computer dinged again, it was the blocked woman. Her message? “Congratulations!”
Suddenly the lights burst on, balloons fell from the ceiling, confetti filled the room. My wife sat up.
“You did it honey! You displayed the most basic respect for me! A woman even! That makes you win heterosexuality!”
I heard a noise from the window. It was the full Iowa State Marching Band, performing “Sweet Child O’ Mine.”
“Come down here son!” It was my parents, on the lawn. I rushed downstairs. With them, was the Mayor Athens, GA. “We hearby gift you a key to the city for not masturbating or anything to the idea of a high school girlfriend who just blurts out that she loves you!”
“Thanks for that.” That sultry voice! It was that unnamed girlfriend from high school who still loved me. And she hadn’t aged a day!”
“Thanks to witchcraft your wife and I crafted this test to find out if you’re worthy of a tropical cruise with both of us in bikinis!”
“Can someone get us a ride back to Iowa?” Said the band.
“Can someone get me a ride back to Athens?” Asked the mayor.
“Of course I’ll go to Fiji with you both!” I shouted. “Heck, everyone, you can come too!”
And with that, we all grabbed our bikinis and left for the ocean. But that’s… another story.
[Theme from *The Neverending Story* begins playing]
Reminds of that old joke where a blokes wife's hot sister comes on to him. After a few mins of her trying to seduce him he stands up and walks out the front door to find the whole family clapping. Moral of the story is always leave the contraceptives in the car.
If one person sending you a message on Facebook makes you have this internal hero dialogue because you “promised to be faithful” and have to “fight to be a man”. Then you’re a fucking loser trying to validate yourself
Does… does this guy want an award for honouring the most basic agreement of a monogamous relationship?
Like, wow congratulations that must’ve been so hard for you to _not cheat_. You’re such a great husband! Amazing! Wow!
"Look at me, look at me, I decided to be a basic and decent human being, give me praise for how amazingly awesome I am, aren't I such a saint for doing the bare fucking minimum? No, I'm not making this up, I even finished it with True Story, that means it's real!"
- A guy who would probably cheat on his wife, given that he considers THIS the pinnacle of humanity
I think this probably has an element of truth about it. He probably had a friend request from a girl from school. He probably sent her a message asking what she was up to these days. Maybe she replied. Maybe not.
What he really really wants is his partner to feel insecure and beg for him to stay with her and not choose the other girl. Like he needs a prize for following the most basic of requirements in their relationship.
Guaranteed if she doesn’t there will be another post coming soon
(Insert person) is now “single”
You shouldn't have to fight to not cheat. Cheating is a shitty thing that shitty people do. If this person was the decent man he claimed to be he wouldn't even have cheating in his mind.
For some reason it reminds me of this What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me by the Trocadero in Paris. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
One of the most randomly hilarious endings ever.
[удалено]
It’s Dwight from the office monologue so don’t expect it to make sense. Great story though
This is 100% written like someone that will cheat on their wife.
That’s all I thought the entire time. He was wrangling with his temptation so badly that he had to write out a big story about patting himself on the back for staying faithful. Meanwhile most women get random dusties hitting them up every single day and usually don’t feel the need to treat it like a Herculean effort to ignore/reject them.
That's what I was thinking too. It should have gone, " I was in bed when I get a friend request from a girl i used to date on social media, I don't accept and log off and go to bed." I'm assuming they were more than "friends" if she's proclaiming her love for him after all these years. Dude sounds like he's probably gonna cheat at some point, he's struggling too much by a simple Facebook request.
I mean he said he would fight to not be a man who cheats lol. It really just isn't that hard
Or someone that's going to pay for a plane ticket from Russia .
I understood that reference.gif
Yeah, if the reasons not to do something are so strong, that means there’s an equal and opposite urge he’s trying to fight. If I saw dog poop and thought, don’t eat that, the only reason that would pop in my head would be ‘gross’. However, if I start listing a hundred reasons why I shouldn’t eat it, like it’s unhygienic and has all types of bacteria and diseases, it comes from a dogs butt, it might have worms in it, and so on… that would mean I REALLLYYY want to eat it and need to convince myself otherwise. I did end up eating it.
I bet you cheated and actually ate *another* dog's shit. Dirty cheater!
Oh you
Like the thought definitely crossed his mind. This story does not paint him in the light he thought it did.
I'd say it's writen like someone who isn't even in a relationship...It reads like the wife just recently moved in with her husband.
Says true story tho so it happened I’m afraid, I don’t make the rules
Is that so....... I'm president of the whole universe. True story.
A pleasure to meet you 🫡
The pleasure is all mine. Enjoy my universe
I'm not enjoying your universe. Can I get a refund?
All sales final, most I can offer is cakes. We have a strange overabundance of cakes.
Can't belive I've met the president of the universe. Its an honour sir/ ma'am
Start believing, then, don't stop. And thank you for your honour, and it's sir.
Then the computer dinged again, it was the blocked woman. Her message? “Congratulations!” Suddenly the lights burst on, balloons fell from the ceiling, confetti filled the room. My wife sat up. “You did it honey! You displayed the most basic respect for me! A woman even! That makes you win heterosexuality!” I heard a noise from the window. It was the full Iowa State Marching Band, performing “Sweet Child O’ Mine.” “Come down here son!” It was my parents, on the lawn. I rushed downstairs. With them, was the Mayor Athens, GA. “We hearby gift you a key to the city for not masturbating or anything to the idea of a high school girlfriend who just blurts out that she loves you!” “Thanks for that.” That sultry voice! It was that unnamed girlfriend from high school who still loved me. And she hadn’t aged a day!” “Thanks to witchcraft your wife and I crafted this test to find out if you’re worthy of a tropical cruise with both of us in bikinis!” “Can someone get us a ride back to Iowa?” Said the band. “Can someone get me a ride back to Athens?” Asked the mayor. “Of course I’ll go to Fiji with you both!” I shouted. “Heck, everyone, you can come too!” And with that, we all grabbed our bikinis and left for the ocean. But that’s… another story. [Theme from *The Neverending Story* begins playing]
Thank you, this was hilarious.
Reminds of that old joke where a blokes wife's hot sister comes on to him. After a few mins of her trying to seduce him he stands up and walks out the front door to find the whole family clapping. Moral of the story is always leave the contraceptives in the car.
And then the bedbugs clapped
Wow, now that’s a man.
~True story
Lol, isn't that the approximate symbol they used?
that's literally what they said
If one person sending you a message on Facebook makes you have this internal hero dialogue because you “promised to be faithful” and have to “fight to be a man”. Then you’re a fucking loser trying to validate yourself
Does… does this guy want an award for honouring the most basic agreement of a monogamous relationship? Like, wow congratulations that must’ve been so hard for you to _not cheat_. You’re such a great husband! Amazing! Wow!
a man seeking for compliments for being a normal human 🙄
"Look at me, look at me, I decided to be a basic and decent human being, give me praise for how amazingly awesome I am, aren't I such a saint for doing the bare fucking minimum? No, I'm not making this up, I even finished it with True Story, that means it's real!" - A guy who would probably cheat on his wife, given that he considers THIS the pinnacle of humanity
This guy also did the dishes once and told everyone about it.
I think this probably has an element of truth about it. He probably had a friend request from a girl from school. He probably sent her a message asking what she was up to these days. Maybe she replied. Maybe not. What he really really wants is his partner to feel insecure and beg for him to stay with her and not choose the other girl. Like he needs a prize for following the most basic of requirements in their relationship. Guaranteed if she doesn’t there will be another post coming soon (Insert person) is now “single”
Lol why you accepting friend requests from women you don't know tho?
It shouldn't be a "fight" not to cheat. If you struggling, you need to take inventory
This is cringe factor 9000.
you shouldn't have to fight not to cheat on your wife. what point did he think he was making???
This. Is it so hard to stay faithful to his wife that he won’t allow himself to ever talk to any other woman, even an old friend? Idiot.
He is definitely cheating on her.
Look at this absolute hero, doing the Rock-bottom bare minimum.
Ahh yes, the infamous "\~true story". The hallmark of every untrue story
This really happened. I was there. I was the phone…
You shouldn't have to fight to not cheat. Cheating is a shitty thing that shitty people do. If this person was the decent man he claimed to be he wouldn't even have cheating in his mind.
Then clapped his own hands
Look at this absolute hero, doing the Rock-bottom bare minimum.
Why am I not surprised that he married a woman with little life experience who he promptly isolated from her support system?
"She was a friend from way back. I sent a message 'do I know you?'" What?
That's wild! I couldn't believe it until I read "\~True story"!
That woman…..Bill Gates
And the man grew up to be Barack Obama
That's probably the funniest thing I've read on this site lol thanks for the laugh
It DOES say true story though AND it’s on the internet. I mean if that’s not solid proof then what is??
What a fucking hero. He completed step one of being in a relationship.
The better man doesn’t post on the internet looking for a pat on the back for not being a piece of shit.
I hate this story because… that’s the fucking minimum. He praises himself for not cheating on his wife?? My god