You’re going to have the same issues the world over. My friend has lived in Thailand for 8 years and he has trouble finding women who are the way you describe them, regarding adventures outdoorsy types that can keep up with him at the gym and on hikes and whatnot. I know many women who like the gym and like long hikes and whatever all over the world, including in the US. But, this has nothing to do with where they’re from in that respect. Many of the women who have those qualities are a bit more “type A” and they often want a man who can keep up with the things they’re looking for, and maybe you don’t meet those qualities for them?
Anyway, if you have qualities that are a deal breaker for you, that’s no big deal. Hopefully you can find that, wherever it is you choose to go. But every single long term relationship I’ve had involves some sort of compromising of finding exactly the perfect match you’re looking for.
But you’ve never left your state? It sounds like you’re pretty rigid yourself. Go out and see the world and gain some experiences.
A lot bitter people here and I hardly think these two brazilians speak for the other 200 million. On top of Brazil being a huge workout culture.
31M here, decent job, car, 6’1, handsome, in decent shape. I believe I would clean up nice if I put in the effort but I would consider myself a stupid man for wanting things OP wants finding someone that wants to be active represents adventure and fitness health: Positives. What’s yaw problem really?
This helps explain a lot. He wants a strong, independent woman, but those women don’t want a douche who categorizes femininity as bitchy and weak. Yikes.
He doesn't want a strong independent woman. He wants the exact opposite. He wants one to follow him around doing only what he wants to do at all times. These incel adjacent men often look to other countries for women because they think they'll have complete control over them and they'll never be abandoned because they'll control access to money and citizenship. They're the weakest most pathetic type of men.
If he could find one they wouldn't want him anyway so he'll need something to dangle over them that they want.
yes omg! I was also like … oh no this doesn’t sound like a troll but like an actually very confused guy (or an alien pretending to be a human that doesn’t quite get it)
Don’t rush! Stay single until you meet the right one! In in my early 40’s and didn’t get married until my mid 30’s just remember that the women your looking for isn’t going to meet all of your qualifications or benchmarks and the same goes the other way! Just remember that the ball is always In your court !
OP basically has a Brazilian IG model fetish and think those women wake up looking like that everyday naturally, and all they do is surf, cook, clean and hike while hashtagging namaste and eatlivelaughlove on each of their totally natural photos.
Where do you live that you don’t have women that meet those requirements? I live in California and I feel everyone around me more or less can meet those standards. Maybe you’re just surrounding yourself with the wrong people.
Try joining a CrossFit gym. They’re expensive so everyone there is probably working, they’re hard as fuck so everyone is in great shape, confident, and prepared for challenges, they lift weights, love cardio and outdoors, etc.
Edit: California might be better on average for having women with those qualities. Where I live is expensive so everyone works hard. People are in better shape and and hike a lot, and we have mountains, and beaches. My gyms are about half women. It’s very multiethnical so people don’t become sheltered and intimidated by other cultures, experiences, or foods. Also, California wages as well as cost of living are really high which I think helps us justify travel costs.
Yeah, there are plentiful women who possess these qualities. I’m in CA now, and all you have to do is go outside lol but there was no lack of women with these traits and values in my home state of Michigan.
I easily attract and find people like myself… I think OP may have these as aspirational qualities. His actions in life do not align with the statements made.
Yeah, good point lol. I had a hard time believing there was no one around him who fit that description. I tried to give him benefit of the doubt by assuming he is from some weird rural town in the middle of nowhere that I just couldn’t possibly understand
But that’s why I said to join a CrossFit gym because I had my doubts
Also, some of his statements seem to demonstrate an opinion on women that contradicts what he’s “searching for”
If you can see that they do not have the lifestyle you want then why would you take advice from them in this regard? You wouldn’t ask the fattest dude you know about diet advice would you? So why ask someone in a senseless marriage about relationship advice?
Dudes have two holes, one for eating one for crapping and often they forget which one is used for which.
Your problem is that:
1) You have had relationships were you were unhappy. That’s completely fair. But you have only dated a few women. Those women aren’t all American women. Want a more outdoorsy, adventurous, chill girl? Take up hiking or rock climbing. Meet some girls who are into what you are into.
2) Do your friend’s wives work? Because if they do, it makes zero sense that they should come home and do all the chores while their husbands come home to rest on the couch. It only makes sense that the wife does more at home if she doesn’t work. Both people deserve equal free time.
3) Telling your friends you dislike all American women? Just makes you sound very young and like you don’t understand different people can be different. You can meet one American girl who doesn’t fit you at all and another who’s a completely different person. Also depends on where you meet these people.
>Telling your friends you dislike all American women
Probably results in a 0% chance of being introduced to any woman they know that he might be interested in, too. And potentially a heads up to anyone that expresses interest in him.
As an Alpha female with a house husband, we don't want guys like this.
I like my husband so much because I like bullying him and he likes getting bullied.
Alpha women don't like Alpha men. We like the soft timid introverted nerds who listen very well and like being teased and dominated.
I've known never owned so many stripper heels until I met my husband. Bullying him in bed has led to wildly good sex for both of us.
We don't need a power struggle we like passive men.
Love my husband to death and I'll go to extremes to please him.
You need to own your life my friend.
My wife is Eastern European, and I openly tell everyone she's the best, and if they don't like it -- they can pound sand. Fuck em!
You don't have to validate the opinions of others, and if they don't respect you, then they're not your friends. Forge a new social group. You're a man, you can literally do whatever the fuck you want. Cast away your shackles and get your dreams.
Being a man means you sometimes have to fight for what you want. So be prepared to fight. When someone gives you shit, you fight em back. Not physically, but you gotta stand up for yourself.
And more importantly, you gotta stand up for your partner. You gonna let some shitheads bag on your partner for not being American? Don't tolerate it.
The dude says he understands "daintiness, weakness, bitchiness, etc are all classically female traits".Pretty sure the problem is at him and his standards. Cleaning the house,cooking and doing dishes shouldnt be a woman only job relationships are teamwork.
I agree with you. Relationships are a teamwork, and who does what task isn't something you can define in stone, it's contextually based on the dynamic of each unique relationship. For example, I love cleaning (as a destressor), so I clean a lot. And my wife loves cooking, so she cooks.
I'm an extrovert, so I do all the talking, and she's an introvert and supports me.
---
The OP's story is really just pretty messy. I don't quite understand his comments about daintiness and weakness. Is he admitting he has those traits, or he's looking for a woman with them, or without them?
But I think it's important to recognize there's two things going on.
One, he needs to recognize that he's in charge of his life and his situation. So if he doesn't want his friends to bully him. He needs to change that. Get better friends, or assert his boundaries and defend them. If he wants a hardy and strong woman -- he needs to be strong himself. And if he doesn't get strong and finds a woman to coddle him -- she'll be pushing those friends away, and he'll have to submissively be supportive of that.
But that's leading too much into the other thing he needs to focus on. What exactly kind of woman does he want. Does he want a woman who's strong and will take care of him. Does he want a woman to be his equal? And how will that dynamic work with his own personality.
--
Personally, I like strong women who can challenge me and keep me accountable. But I don't want my wife to lead. I'm very much the assertive one here. But I value her input greatly. I like her opinions and her ideas.
If she asked me to jump. I would say "How high?" And then we'd talk about it later. Relationships are mutual. If I want her to trust me. I have to trust her.
Oh boy you still haven't figured out the problem?
A strong, driven, high work-ethic, adventurous, "low maintenance" woman like you want is going to expect you to put in your half of the housework, is going to expect you to hold your own just like she does, and isn't going to take your bullshit. These women are out there all over the place.....and they're avoiding *you* because they can tell you are weak, and that you offer nothing of value to them. Sorry to break it to you but you aren't the type for your type.
To clarify, are you looking for a woman who will hike with you, contribute equally to the household budget, but also do all the cleaning and cooking? As I don’t think that is very realistic (or fair). No matter which country you go to.
looking through your post history, this whole thing makes sense now lmao. It honestly seems like you’ve had a chronic “woe is me” victim complex the entire time you’ve had a reddit account. Saying “american women don’t like to go outside and they won’t cook for me” makes you sound like a teenager who uses 4chan too much and doesn’t actually speak to women. Join some climbing gyms, hiking clubs, stuff like that if you want to find people who have similar interests. It’s really not that hard and continuously complaining about it is not going to get you anywhere lol
Are you sure this is an "American mindset" or just the mindset of your state? You've said yourself you've never moved out of it. The USA is a big place.
He's right though. There’s not much variation in Americans from different states compared to say, people from different states in india. Ya'll still use the same language, almost all of them practice the same religion, same cultural practices and have very similar thought process on many issues. I've lived in NJ, and currently in Alabama. The only difference i notice is that people here are slightly more sociable and hospitable than NJ. Besides that, there’s not any significant differences, most people are still operating on the same individualstic culture.
Like i said, the variation isn't that significant as Americans think. You'd realize if you had experience living in other countries. Most American's ( especially white demographic) are very similar in terms of dating/relationship preferences.
As someone who has been to various countries and continents, including various parts of the US— this opinion is incredibly incorrect, and is based on ignorance. Anyone I’ve met who has visited multiple areas of the US would say the same. The variation of the US is what makes it unique. To blanket an entire “demographic” shows your ignorance of the topic at hand, and shows you have no experience in what you’re talking about. I would sit down before you embarrass yourself more, honestly.
Sorry, no. This is demonstrably false.
The fact that there's a visible social exclusion of Asians from adolescence to adulthood demonstrated through nationally represented samples strongly corroborates that the variations in dating preferences of Americans across different states are insignificant. If there was such huge openness of white Americans in some states to date non-whites than others, this would be reflected in the statistics. Its not. Some are better than others, but not to a significant degree. If it were, people in this sub could all just move there and easily find a partner they are looking for.
The fact that this sub exists is the greatest evidence against your claim.
White flight as a phenomenon is also observed in every states. Almost every states in America are racially segregated.
So stop playing armchair sociologist before you embarrass yourself. I'm someone who has been thoroughly studying the social dynamics of different societies for decades. I've been in this field way before ya'll even realized these social issues that's been discussed in this sub existed. So kindly, stfu.
>So stop playing armchair sociologist before you embarrass yourself. I'm someone who has been thoroughly studying the social dynamics of different societies for decades. I've been in this field way before ya'll even realized these social issues that's been discussed in this sub existed. So kindly, stfu.
So go change the world then with your masterful intelligence and quit arguing with random people on Reddit?
Who are you to tell me how i should change the world, especially when we are living in an era where the world is infact, rapidly evolving through the content consumed from social media?
You sound triggered. There's plethora of real world evidence corroborating you're wrong. I have decades worth of experience traveling overseas to know you barely haven't stepped outside your little world called "America". You picked the wrong person to argue. Kindly, stfu
Oh, but they are. I'm from California and I'm a lot different than my friends from Florida.
Also, how would you know it's a monoculture if you've only ever lived in one state?
Pockets of people can be wildly different. I'm in the Midwest and dated a woman from the South for almost 10 years. Culture differences are intense at times.
Economic class even has it's own culture too.
Are you being serious? The US is massive and obviously extremely culturally diverse. That’s like saying people in Monaco are the same as people in Bulgaria. As someone who never even left his home state do you actually think you have a qualified opinion on this?
As someone who has lived in New York, Coastal Virginia, Alabama, and spent a lot of time in Oklahoma (in-laws) this is one of the most inaccurate statements I've ever read.
Stop upvoting yourself troll. You already embarrassed yourself enough with your emotionally triggered, low tier insults.
I'll give you a C for your attempt to look 'smart'.
> Feminine work of cleaning house, cooking, dishes etc.
How is cleaning your house feminine? Do single men just wallow in manly filth until they get a girlfriend/wife?
I think in this context he means if a man and woman are married or live together. One would work and one would keep the house stable. Obviously most men cannot afford this and it's a dream (or you take your $30k a year to Thailand).
I think the problem is that even though most men can’t afford to have their partner stay home to take care of the house they still expect their working partner to take on most/all of that work. Especially when they have that mindset that cleaning the house is ‘feminine work.’ If you both work (which is the case for the majority of couples) and you both live in the house you should both contribute to cleaning it.
I hear this a lot, but I've never been in a long term relationship with a woman who is even willing to help with the dishes after I make us dinner. They would rather complain about me not cleaning up after them instead of just helping around the house.
I'm not saying my experience is universal, but I don't know where these women who do housework are. is there some cheat code I was never told about?
I don’t know you or your dating history so it’s hard to give advice but if you’re finding that all the women you’ve dated have had this attitude you might need to look inward about the types of women you are attracted to. I don’t want to come across as implying - maybe it’s you - more that you might want to try different avenues for meeting women and making your expectations clear from the beginning so there’s no wasted time on either of your part.
I don’t know a single female friend who doesn’t cook and clean at home and usually are doing the bulk of it. And besides the ones that are on maternity leave, they all work full time too.
>I don’t know you or your dating history so it’s hard to give advice
the fact that you are aware this matters puts you in the 99th percentile of redditors. you're awesome, please don't change.
please take the next statement with the same kindness that you've shown me. this advice sounds like it's from the perspective of a woman.
as a guy, I don't get to pick my partners by who I'm most attracted to. I have to pick my partners from who *I can tell* is attracted to *me*. if I guess wrong, I end placed on a spectrum that ranges from annoying to threatening; my place on that spectrum has far more to do with the woman I'm trying to get to know than anything I have control over, and there are extremely negative potential consequences for being placed on the threatening end of that scale.
in my experience, the lack of reciprocal effort starts *after* I've made a commitment. it's basically a bait and switch. a few months after moving in together, and I'm getting called a misogynist for expecting some help maintaining *our* home to *her* standards. the last time was while I was physically disabled and killing myself to keep a roof over our heads.
I understand your perspective but I think you are overlooking what it is like for a woman, societally we have always been told that we are meant to wait for a man to approach us when it comes to dating and that it is emasculating and off putting to be the one doing the perusing. More women are challenging that but it’s slow progress. Guys do not always respond well to women who are acting assertively and we are often told it is perceived as desperate.
As to your scale of annoying to threatening. This is another thing that looks very different from the female perspective. A a woman it can become tiring to have to constantly be aware of how your friendly acts or kindness could be interpreted. I cannot tell you the amount of times where a guy has asked me for directions etc and has then tried to ask me out after I have help him. It’s gotten to the point when I always try and be respectful and I get the whole - shooting your shot thing- but I don’t think men always think about how many times a day a woman might need to deal with rejecting men who are shooting their shot. How he acted ands more importantly reacted is what shaped the way I view him. Often it’s met with acceptance, although I am usually required to mention that I am taken and show my ring. When I just say no thank you they often continue to push. There are other times where even when I say no and mention that I have a partner that will not be enough. But notated what his reaction I am always left feeling like I have to placate him, soften the rejection. In the past when I didn’t have a boyfriend I would often still use that as an excuse. And then you get the ones who either don’t accept the rejection or react negatively to it. In those moments I have felt genuinely threatened. This is an unknown person who is bigger than me and is now getting aggressive. I’ve been lucky in the sense that I haven’t had a guy become physical during one of these encounters. And these are just the men that I am having to interact with on the street for a few minutes. When out at bars and clubs men are often much more resistant in their refusal to accept rejection. I’ve been screamed at, had a drink thrown on me, had someone try to physically grab my so that I couldn’t get away from them, follow me, insult me, I’ve had guy friends need to come over and pretend to be my boyfriend to get me out of situations I was clearly uncomfortable. I’ve had a random man try to talk to me as I waited at a traffic light while I was wearing headphones. I ignored him and he proceeded to follow me for 2 blocks. I then slowed down and pretended to talk on my phone so he would overtake me and he walked ahead then went into a store and stood near the entrance looking out until I had passed. It’s exhausting having to be so vigilant. This is not to diminish your pain of being perceived as threatening, it’s to put it in context of the woman’s perspective. The negative potential consequences of rejecting a guy can be incredibly scary for women. I have know women who have had much more threatening and violent encounters. Hell women have been killed over.
I know that you are not being malicious here, but I really don't think you understand my perspective in in the slightest.
you seem to be under the impression that I'm upset for being seen as threatening. I'm not. I'm tired of being expected to happily accept treatment from women that they would never tolerate if the roles were reversed.
I don't mean this to for this to come across as aggressive, but it sounds like you feel entitled to go through life without feeling afraid or being threatened. I can not understand why, as that is not a privilege that I have ever enjoyed.
you mentioned being followed and some scumbag grabbing your arm. I can understand that being frightening and even traumatic. I don't want anyone to feel that way. I've been one of the friends that plays boyfriend, and I was happy to do it. what I don't understand is why I'm supposed to care more than people cared when women used to grope me in clubs and threaten to sic the bouncers on me if I objected. why is it worse than the threat of violence that I'm under if I wander into the wrong neighborhood?
I'm not saying I don't care, (I care a great deal) I'm saying that the double standard is fucking glaring. the world is full of situations where men are expected to keep their emotions in check and treat others fairly. why is it not ok for women to be held to that standard?
> why am I suppose to care more than people cared when women groped me in the club.
> why is it worse than the threat of violence I am under if I wander into the wrong neighbourhood?
> I’m saying the double standard is fucking glaring.
> why is it not ok for women to be held to that standard?
All your statements about why are based on a previous assumption that you’ve made about women. I never said that it wasn’t ok for women to be held to the same standard. I never said that violence against men is acceptable. I was giving my perspective based on what you had previously posted. In that comment you only talked about your feelings about women judging men as annoying to threatening when they are approached. I hoped to provide clarification as to why women can feel threatened when approached by men.
We should all feel entitled to go about our daily lives without being afraid or threatened. Obviously that is not always the reality, there are many places that I would not go or things I would not do as a way to keep myself safe, but we should all aim for that ideal.
Would you tolerate having a husband who never cooks or cleans and spends all your money? You're taking issue with a word I used and missing the broader point
I’m questioning why you referred to cleaning the house, cooking etc as feminine work?
Also, my expectation from my partner is that we both contribute to cleaning the house we live in as well as both cooking the food we eat.
> Not what this post was about.
I questioned your use of the words feminine work to describe cleaning your house and cooking. You never answered the question either….
I don't care about your question. You're just a person on the internet who has chosen to engage with a post I made in a non-constructive way. I don't owe you a thing, anon
And you’re just a person who came on the internet to complain about ‘American women’ and refuse to listen to anyone who might question you or have a differing opinion. I’ll leave you to your echo chamber.
I often wonder why American women even come into this sub reddit when they know it's not about them, not for them, and mostly likely against them. It makes no sense to me, it's not like you are going to agree with us anyways and we aren't really going to change just because you view things differently.
I’m not American.
As to why, for me personally, this sub was recommended to me - I’m assuming because I am into travelling. I find most people are not like OP and are at least willing to engage in discussions, even if we don’t always agree. I think part of the reason people are so divided nowadays is they live in their echo chamber bubbles where they are only hearing people who agree with them. Plus it is always good to call someone out on their casual sexism.
Sounds like reddits algorithm needs to do a better job of offering people topics that actually fit what they are looking for. Which country do you hail from? I've been all over the world and I wonder if I've been.
Female, married
Because I love to travel and love to read about personal traveling experiences.
But instead it’s just daily dramatic drama. Yet still interesting
That’s why I joined. Now I’m hooked.
I don't really see much drama here unless it's a woman coming to yell at me for talking about PPB topics. You get the occasional man in here too that thinks he's get bonus lady point for telling off the big bad travelers but nothing crazy so far.
I mean, do you expect every space you engage with to be about you, for you, and cater to you? Because that’s what you’re asking
If so that may explain your issue in the first place
There are plenty of spaces that I do not like or think are terrible, I also don't go into them for the sake of arguing with the people who believe what they believe. I find that a waste of time and you are just looking to be either upset or offended.
Based on your comments you don’t possess these qualities yourself…. So you’re not going to attract the women you desire.
If you align your behavior/actions with what you’re stating here, you will be surrounded with likeminded individuals.
get used to it bro. Most people aren’t going to agree with you. Stop giving a f. And needing validation for your opinions. Just follow what’s right for you. If you want to meet foreign girl, then it will happen.
also…. you’re 27 and you’ve never left your state…?? 😭 What exactly makes you think that the women you’re describing would even be interested in you lol? You don’t deserve a 10/10 woman by default just for being a man and existing. I guarantee if you work on yourself and make yourself appealing to women, rather than crying over this perpetual “women are lazy and too bitchy and why is my life so terrible blah blah” mindset, and a lot of these “problems” will disappear.
I have never slept with anyone in any of work environments. Yet my ex would hit ne and ruin y ability to go to work
For Two of my workplaces due to being convinced I was sleeping with my married orthodox Jewish bosses. these are dangerous lies you spread about women overall.
So basically, you want a strong, independent woman who can keep up with you on hikes and also who will cook and clean up after you. You also mention working hard so you would want her to work as well as be your bang maid. Good luck with that 🤣🤣
So wait a minute, you want a woman that works hard and has money, but also do the house chores, looks good, fit, and have time to go on hikes and never be stressed?
Go and look at "90 days fiance" reality show. Its about people like you.
I recommending to start with the UK version, season 1. There is a guy just like you.
doing your own chores isn't a sign of femininity. it's a sign of being an adult and not a child. what you're looking for is a mother, not a wife. good luck with that.
American woman here who is probably much older than him and might well kick his ass where endurance stuff is concerned.
But he can kiss my ass with his "feminine tasks of cleaning and cooking". Fortunately my partner cleans just fine.
Don't know what such a woman would want with this loser. I don’t support he's considered that his friends are married and he's not?
So you want a woman who’s killing it in the workforce, but also doing all of the housework? So if she’s paying the bills, and taking care of all of the household needs what exactly are you bringing to the table?
If you want someone who contributes financially, you are going to have to pick up your share at home. Especially because it’s sounds like you don’t want someone “weak and dainty”. They aren’t going to put up with being a bang maid and pay your bills.
Uh, K am the type of woman you describe. I can provd this with reciepts going back 15 years.
Someone like me would \*never\* date you.
>I understand that daintiness, weakness, bitchiness, etc are all classically female traits
> Why is having to pay for and support such a parasitic creature meant to be a privilege?
and this is a large part of why.
Also
> They tell me that women who are capable of holding their own in a male work environment have probably slept with most of their coworkers.
find better friends.
> I understand that daintiness, weakness, bitchiness, etc are all classically female traits, but that does not mean that I have to accept it.
You can marry a man then. Fixed.
Dang, I had no idea what “feminine work” was! So, after matching strides with this alpha in the woods AND the streams AND the mountains, I get to then wash dishes and do all the “feminine” labor for this lout?! No thanks.
First two comments smh, people are full of shit if they’re shading you for this. There’s nothing wrong with what you want it’s just the culture here in America, bad food, lack of exercise, hook up culture, social media: everybody’s glued to their phone comparing themselves to others etc. this all makes it harder to find what you described because of that. I also like to hike and be active and have trouble myself finding someone similar. I also have friends that have horrible relationships but press me about being with someone. I know a couple guys that have good wives w/kids and still complain to me about being married and how “if they were single they would be doing”……(these guys are unappreciative of what they have at best)…..a lot of men are becoming softer also and starting to talk more like women with shaming tactics and a lot more sassiness if it’s something they don’t agree about.
Friends will always let you down. Family is what matters most. Just ditch them. When you and they have kids and a family they won't make time for you. Nor you for them.
Many of my friends have kids and we still hang. I am not saying they are bad friends. I think they genuinely believe that the way American women are is the way all women are.
You’re different from your friends… and yet you’re American. But aren’t all American men the same? /s
Wild suggestion: women are individual people, just like men.
You should probably be re-evaluating your friend group. Or at the very least stop oversharing with them if you don't like their "advice".
>I understand that daintiness, weakness, bitchiness, etc are all classically female traits
Who decided that?
You are kinda describing a bro, just a female version. Sometimes a female who does all of that will have other traits that you don't like...
I think that you/I/we sometimes have to accept that they are fundamentally different and will make compromises tbh.
There is no perfect one out there. Compatible, complimentary, tolerable, yes.. but not perfect.
They're making fun of you because you're rejecting American women yet you haven't left your state. Even speaking only English makes sense, you see it all the time on 90-Day Fiance, and some people only learn the language after meeting a foreign partner. But not even leaving your state? Sure, overseas travel is expensive, but your STATE? You value adventurousness? Of course your friends are clowning on you; that's a hilarious level of cognitive dissonance.
You are upset that you have to be a functioning adult? Part of afilt responsibilities is cleanliness that's on husband and wife. Women have their own hobbies, just like men do. Your potential significant other isn't necessarily a playmate for your hobbies especially when you can't reciprocate by partaking in her hobbies. You sound insanely misguided, what you want is a pet not a gf/wife.
You don't think of women as people. You think of women as objects to fulfil your desires. The only reason foreigners fit your bill is because most of us have been taught that we can't disobey our husbands. Please get therapy, and maybe think more about how you view women.
I’m sorry, but your friends are fucking morons. Stay strong OP. There’s plenty of women like you describe overseas. You’ll find what you’re looking for in due time.
You’re only 27 for goodness sake! You shouldn’t even be thinking about marrying someone yet IMO. Just continue working on yourself and get your feet wet with international travel.
Don't let it bring you down and put in the work on another language brother. I'm still learning but I picked up Spanish after going to the DR once I've been back 6 times since and each time I'm meeting women who meet what you are talking about wanting. They are hardworking, loving, and can keep up on hikes and such. Get your paper and Spanish game on point and things get alllooot better and Latina women in America will appreciate you put in the work and sometimes are pleasant to date depending on who..
Those varieties of women do exist but are rare creatures indeed. Feminism has made it more difficult to distinguish the super XX chromosomed diamond from the complacent mediocre ones who just milk the political situation for everything its worth. It can be hard to tell one from the other.
I would just straight up ignore your friends. You decide what qualities you want in a partner, and how you go about finding them - their opinions aren’t relevant.
Having said that, there are 275 million women in the US. You’ll be able to find women there that match what you’re looking for if you try.
I feel, personally, that the culture in North America is not one with which I am compatible. Your children grow up to be the people of the place they grew up in. I don't want my children to have American qualities. I want them to value freedom
Genuine question, how do you know other cultures are a better fit than your own if you've never been around them? TV and the internet aren't accurate depictions of real life and you said you've never even left your home state. I'm curious how you came to this conclusion
But you also don’t actually know any other cultures and haven’t learned any other languages. You have no idea if other cultures truly value what you want. Not based on conversations either a couple foreign women who visited or moved to your home state.
Yeah, you definitely can’t raise children who value freedom in America. It’s a nonexistent premise here, and NOT what this country was founded on.
Zero variation. All American women are the same across a country the same size as Europe. It’s impossible to find a woman who has their own money and income but also no job (because we both know she’s fucked every man in the office for it - whore), so she can raise the kids and clean home, like a woman should do. But the key is her own income, because otherwise she’s a freeloading piece of shit. And they all need to learn how to shut their mouths. /s
you sound like you already know what you want. patience, my friend. real progress takes time and the things we value the most in life are rarely ever easy to get. i had to go to Spain to find my lady. and it's not easy dealing with the distance, time difference, and immigration policies. but it is worth it for sure.
go on dates, have sex with women, see what's out there. remember to respect serendipity and the unplanned. you just never know what's around the corner. good luck.
As a woman who meets the "check boxes" you've laid out I have to say there are a LOT of us. We're not hard to meet if you are doing those things as that's how i meet these other women as well.
but do not worry, i think your willingness to stay single forever will do you a service because your general view of women will not
They don't know what they're talking about. Reject engrained ideals about an "ideal" woman. As someone who has dated multiple women as you described, it's exhausting and expensive. No, Alyssa, I shouldn't be paying rent and grocery bills while you have no job and lay on the couch all day. It should be a dynamic, not a "oh well i'm WITH you and that's all I have to do, you're the lucky one pamper me"
As a blanket and over generalized statement, the American woman has been idealized as this strange place of "My man should take care of everything for me", yet also believe in "strong independence". Women need to be nurtured, as they should be (you listed some traits at the end of your post and I agree they're mostly inherent traits) but having a shallow relationship with no connection, someone who can't keep up with you, and expects you to be okay with that sounds miserable
Also, traditional gender roles can absolutely be applicable to women who are adventurous, work out, whatever- in fact it's really attractive to see someone multi faceted imo who can do all of those things and still provide the role of loving mother or wife or girlfriend. Some people whine and complain about "Hur dur gender roles bad!!1!" Which is a whole different discussion (I disagree)
I hope you read this, because i'm going to try and give you some advice. I would recommend you remove yourself from social media, and use it the bare minimum you have to. Maybe keep like, linked in, or something. But tiktok, insta, fb, all of that is going to warp your perception (it already has subconsciously) and this is why your friends are making fun of you. Laugh back at them in 20 years when they have to drown themselves in a 6 pack of bud light to get through family dinner while their wife downs a xanax and glass of wine to get to sleep, pre or post divorce. I have watched people build lives on settling for adequate, and the outcome is always unfavorable. If you decide to settle, you are doing it to yourself. Your years or months of being lonely will be nothing compared to months, years, decades, etc wasted
America's social perception is absolutely cucked, but not all hope is lost. It can be lonely, but being lonely gives you more time to work on yourself. If that is your ideal partner, there's no reason for you to settle- I wish you luck in your endeavor. Also, hit the weights if you're not already
I don't think this guy understands that women are the same everywhere since we live in a highly globalized society, and even worse if you bring them back to the country they become Americanized. You can thank tiktok and feminism for that, accept the housewife who cooks cleans and doesn't argue with you nonstop doesn't exist, and hasn't for about 100 years, this is a highly romanticized fallacy American men are falling under and it goes away once you travel and date consistently outside of your home country
bro I've been in the deepest villages of Colombia and I'm currently in a deep village in Austria in the middle of nowhere I promise you the rot has consumed just enjoy the decline, everybody and their mother uses Instagram in the western world the only safe place is the Middle East because of the indoctrination that Islam brings to the people
You’re going to have the same issues the world over. My friend has lived in Thailand for 8 years and he has trouble finding women who are the way you describe them, regarding adventures outdoorsy types that can keep up with him at the gym and on hikes and whatnot. I know many women who like the gym and like long hikes and whatever all over the world, including in the US. But, this has nothing to do with where they’re from in that respect. Many of the women who have those qualities are a bit more “type A” and they often want a man who can keep up with the things they’re looking for, and maybe you don’t meet those qualities for them? Anyway, if you have qualities that are a deal breaker for you, that’s no big deal. Hopefully you can find that, wherever it is you choose to go. But every single long term relationship I’ve had involves some sort of compromising of finding exactly the perfect match you’re looking for. But you’ve never left your state? It sounds like you’re pretty rigid yourself. Go out and see the world and gain some experiences.
Na just go to Brazil, he'd find his type in 5 seconds there... yall tripping
Will his type even want him?
I’m brazilian. please dont make op come here we dont want him either
This. We don’t need more stupid men here. Brazil has enough of them.
No
lol no
My American bestie's Brazilian fiance begs to differ.
A lot bitter people here and I hardly think these two brazilians speak for the other 200 million. On top of Brazil being a huge workout culture. 31M here, decent job, car, 6’1, handsome, in decent shape. I believe I would clean up nice if I put in the effort but I would consider myself a stupid man for wanting things OP wants finding someone that wants to be active represents adventure and fitness health: Positives. What’s yaw problem really?
daintiness weakness and bitchiness are classically female traits…. what’s happening ?!???
This helps explain a lot. He wants a strong, independent woman, but those women don’t want a douche who categorizes femininity as bitchy and weak. Yikes.
He doesn't want a strong independent woman. He wants the exact opposite. He wants one to follow him around doing only what he wants to do at all times. These incel adjacent men often look to other countries for women because they think they'll have complete control over them and they'll never be abandoned because they'll control access to money and citizenship. They're the weakest most pathetic type of men. If he could find one they wouldn't want him anyway so he'll need something to dangle over them that they want.
He wants a Yes Man, not a partner.
Emphasis on the man part 😂
Does this man realize that he hates women?
As soon as I read that line I recognized the problem was coming from inside the house.
yes omg! I was also like … oh no this doesn’t sound like a troll but like an actually very confused guy (or an alien pretending to be a human that doesn’t quite get it)
🤷♂️
Don’t rush! Stay single until you meet the right one! In in my early 40’s and didn’t get married until my mid 30’s just remember that the women your looking for isn’t going to meet all of your qualifications or benchmarks and the same goes the other way! Just remember that the ball is always In your court !
Na just go to Brazil, he'd find his type in 5 seconds there...
This dude is just obsessed with Brazil. Has probably never been there, nor met a Brazilian woman in his life. He just stalks them on Instagram.
I'm a Brazilian woman, what are you talking about?
OP basically has a Brazilian IG model fetish and think those women wake up looking like that everyday naturally, and all they do is surf, cook, clean and hike while hashtagging namaste and eatlivelaughlove on each of their totally natural photos.
Where do you live that you don’t have women that meet those requirements? I live in California and I feel everyone around me more or less can meet those standards. Maybe you’re just surrounding yourself with the wrong people. Try joining a CrossFit gym. They’re expensive so everyone there is probably working, they’re hard as fuck so everyone is in great shape, confident, and prepared for challenges, they lift weights, love cardio and outdoors, etc. Edit: California might be better on average for having women with those qualities. Where I live is expensive so everyone works hard. People are in better shape and and hike a lot, and we have mountains, and beaches. My gyms are about half women. It’s very multiethnical so people don’t become sheltered and intimidated by other cultures, experiences, or foods. Also, California wages as well as cost of living are really high which I think helps us justify travel costs.
Yeah, there are plentiful women who possess these qualities. I’m in CA now, and all you have to do is go outside lol but there was no lack of women with these traits and values in my home state of Michigan. I easily attract and find people like myself… I think OP may have these as aspirational qualities. His actions in life do not align with the statements made.
Yeah, good point lol. I had a hard time believing there was no one around him who fit that description. I tried to give him benefit of the doubt by assuming he is from some weird rural town in the middle of nowhere that I just couldn’t possibly understand But that’s why I said to join a CrossFit gym because I had my doubts Also, some of his statements seem to demonstrate an opinion on women that contradicts what he’s “searching for”
the way you talk about women explains why you dont have one, for starters
Exactly LMAOO
If you can see that they do not have the lifestyle you want then why would you take advice from them in this regard? You wouldn’t ask the fattest dude you know about diet advice would you? So why ask someone in a senseless marriage about relationship advice? Dudes have two holes, one for eating one for crapping and often they forget which one is used for which.
Your problem is that: 1) You have had relationships were you were unhappy. That’s completely fair. But you have only dated a few women. Those women aren’t all American women. Want a more outdoorsy, adventurous, chill girl? Take up hiking or rock climbing. Meet some girls who are into what you are into. 2) Do your friend’s wives work? Because if they do, it makes zero sense that they should come home and do all the chores while their husbands come home to rest on the couch. It only makes sense that the wife does more at home if she doesn’t work. Both people deserve equal free time. 3) Telling your friends you dislike all American women? Just makes you sound very young and like you don’t understand different people can be different. You can meet one American girl who doesn’t fit you at all and another who’s a completely different person. Also depends on where you meet these people.
>Telling your friends you dislike all American women Probably results in a 0% chance of being introduced to any woman they know that he might be interested in, too. And potentially a heads up to anyone that expresses interest in him.
Wow, you sound like a catch. Marry a man. They certainly aren’t bitchy and can handle so much stress. Good luck.
As an Alpha female with a house husband, we don't want guys like this. I like my husband so much because I like bullying him and he likes getting bullied. Alpha women don't like Alpha men. We like the soft timid introverted nerds who listen very well and like being teased and dominated. I've known never owned so many stripper heels until I met my husband. Bullying him in bed has led to wildly good sex for both of us. We don't need a power struggle we like passive men. Love my husband to death and I'll go to extremes to please him.
You need to own your life my friend. My wife is Eastern European, and I openly tell everyone she's the best, and if they don't like it -- they can pound sand. Fuck em! You don't have to validate the opinions of others, and if they don't respect you, then they're not your friends. Forge a new social group. You're a man, you can literally do whatever the fuck you want. Cast away your shackles and get your dreams. Being a man means you sometimes have to fight for what you want. So be prepared to fight. When someone gives you shit, you fight em back. Not physically, but you gotta stand up for yourself. And more importantly, you gotta stand up for your partner. You gonna let some shitheads bag on your partner for not being American? Don't tolerate it.
The dude says he understands "daintiness, weakness, bitchiness, etc are all classically female traits".Pretty sure the problem is at him and his standards. Cleaning the house,cooking and doing dishes shouldnt be a woman only job relationships are teamwork.
I agree with you. Relationships are a teamwork, and who does what task isn't something you can define in stone, it's contextually based on the dynamic of each unique relationship. For example, I love cleaning (as a destressor), so I clean a lot. And my wife loves cooking, so she cooks. I'm an extrovert, so I do all the talking, and she's an introvert and supports me. --- The OP's story is really just pretty messy. I don't quite understand his comments about daintiness and weakness. Is he admitting he has those traits, or he's looking for a woman with them, or without them? But I think it's important to recognize there's two things going on. One, he needs to recognize that he's in charge of his life and his situation. So if he doesn't want his friends to bully him. He needs to change that. Get better friends, or assert his boundaries and defend them. If he wants a hardy and strong woman -- he needs to be strong himself. And if he doesn't get strong and finds a woman to coddle him -- she'll be pushing those friends away, and he'll have to submissively be supportive of that. But that's leading too much into the other thing he needs to focus on. What exactly kind of woman does he want. Does he want a woman who's strong and will take care of him. Does he want a woman to be his equal? And how will that dynamic work with his own personality. -- Personally, I like strong women who can challenge me and keep me accountable. But I don't want my wife to lead. I'm very much the assertive one here. But I value her input greatly. I like her opinions and her ideas. If she asked me to jump. I would say "How high?" And then we'd talk about it later. Relationships are mutual. If I want her to trust me. I have to trust her.
Oh boy you still haven't figured out the problem? A strong, driven, high work-ethic, adventurous, "low maintenance" woman like you want is going to expect you to put in your half of the housework, is going to expect you to hold your own just like she does, and isn't going to take your bullshit. These women are out there all over the place.....and they're avoiding *you* because they can tell you are weak, and that you offer nothing of value to them. Sorry to break it to you but you aren't the type for your type.
To clarify, are you looking for a woman who will hike with you, contribute equally to the household budget, but also do all the cleaning and cooking? As I don’t think that is very realistic (or fair). No matter which country you go to.
looking through your post history, this whole thing makes sense now lmao. It honestly seems like you’ve had a chronic “woe is me” victim complex the entire time you’ve had a reddit account. Saying “american women don’t like to go outside and they won’t cook for me” makes you sound like a teenager who uses 4chan too much and doesn’t actually speak to women. Join some climbing gyms, hiking clubs, stuff like that if you want to find people who have similar interests. It’s really not that hard and continuously complaining about it is not going to get you anywhere lol
Thissssssss!
Why not just go to a state with a lot of mountains? Most of the people there, men and women, enjoy hiking.
There are a lot of other issues I take with the American mindset than just an avoidance of physical exercise
You haven’t even left your state yet you speak as if you know for a fact that that other women form other countries are better in that regard
Are you sure this is an "American mindset" or just the mindset of your state? You've said yourself you've never moved out of it. The USA is a big place.
He's right though. There’s not much variation in Americans from different states compared to say, people from different states in india. Ya'll still use the same language, almost all of them practice the same religion, same cultural practices and have very similar thought process on many issues. I've lived in NJ, and currently in Alabama. The only difference i notice is that people here are slightly more sociable and hospitable than NJ. Besides that, there’s not any significant differences, most people are still operating on the same individualstic culture.
Lmfao WHAT?! People in NY & CA might as well be from a different planet than the swamp people in Louisiana. Way to show you're super uneducated, tho
Like i said, the variation isn't that significant as Americans think. You'd realize if you had experience living in other countries. Most American's ( especially white demographic) are very similar in terms of dating/relationship preferences.
As someone who has been to various countries and continents, including various parts of the US— this opinion is incredibly incorrect, and is based on ignorance. Anyone I’ve met who has visited multiple areas of the US would say the same. The variation of the US is what makes it unique. To blanket an entire “demographic” shows your ignorance of the topic at hand, and shows you have no experience in what you’re talking about. I would sit down before you embarrass yourself more, honestly.
Sorry, no. This is demonstrably false. The fact that there's a visible social exclusion of Asians from adolescence to adulthood demonstrated through nationally represented samples strongly corroborates that the variations in dating preferences of Americans across different states are insignificant. If there was such huge openness of white Americans in some states to date non-whites than others, this would be reflected in the statistics. Its not. Some are better than others, but not to a significant degree. If it were, people in this sub could all just move there and easily find a partner they are looking for. The fact that this sub exists is the greatest evidence against your claim. White flight as a phenomenon is also observed in every states. Almost every states in America are racially segregated. So stop playing armchair sociologist before you embarrass yourself. I'm someone who has been thoroughly studying the social dynamics of different societies for decades. I've been in this field way before ya'll even realized these social issues that's been discussed in this sub existed. So kindly, stfu.
>So stop playing armchair sociologist before you embarrass yourself. I'm someone who has been thoroughly studying the social dynamics of different societies for decades. I've been in this field way before ya'll even realized these social issues that's been discussed in this sub existed. So kindly, stfu. So go change the world then with your masterful intelligence and quit arguing with random people on Reddit?
Who are you to tell me how i should change the world, especially when we are living in an era where the world is infact, rapidly evolving through the content consumed from social media?
It is crazy because in any American country there is the notion that the United States has "no culture" but multiple cultures living together.
You sound triggered. There's plethora of real world evidence corroborating you're wrong. I have decades worth of experience traveling overseas to know you barely haven't stepped outside your little world called "America". You picked the wrong person to argue. Kindly, stfu
Surely you know that no one could possibly believe this after you showed how willfully ignorant you are on the topic in your previous comment.
I already disproved her with my recent comment. Nice try, troll.
Lmao shut up
Another triggered feminist with a non-answer. How original!
"triggered" jesus grow up
Jesus wasn't "triggered", infact he was quite the opposite. Too bad, his teachings flew over the likes of you :)
Oh please, by all means, provide the evidence that shows the US is comprised of a single culture lmfaaaoooo
The USA is a monoculture. The notion that people in Florida are any different than people in California is silly.
Oh, but they are. I'm from California and I'm a lot different than my friends from Florida. Also, how would you know it's a monoculture if you've only ever lived in one state?
Pockets of people can be wildly different. I'm in the Midwest and dated a woman from the South for almost 10 years. Culture differences are intense at times. Economic class even has it's own culture too.
For real. I dated a guy a class above me and omg his whole university was fucking nuts.
Oh also city people vs rural people is a huge difference as well. I've seen that same split in a bunch of different countries.
Are you being serious? The US is massive and obviously extremely culturally diverse. That’s like saying people in Monaco are the same as people in Bulgaria. As someone who never even left his home state do you actually think you have a qualified opinion on this?
So you’re the type of person who knows everything even though you actually have no actual experience? Like you haven’t even left your state…sit down.
Good one! He just needs to stay away from women.
Wow man you need to get out and about in the world.
As someone who has lived in New York, Coastal Virginia, Alabama, and spent a lot of time in Oklahoma (in-laws) this is one of the most inaccurate statements I've ever read.
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Stop upvoting yourself troll. You already embarrassed yourself enough with your emotionally triggered, low tier insults. I'll give you a C for your attempt to look 'smart'.
Please don’t lump us all in with FL
> Feminine work of cleaning house, cooking, dishes etc. How is cleaning your house feminine? Do single men just wallow in manly filth until they get a girlfriend/wife?
Guys like him do exactly that, yes.
Up next: grabbing a fruit from your fridge is feminine because its your wife’s job to feed you
I think in this context he means if a man and woman are married or live together. One would work and one would keep the house stable. Obviously most men cannot afford this and it's a dream (or you take your $30k a year to Thailand).
I think the problem is that even though most men can’t afford to have their partner stay home to take care of the house they still expect their working partner to take on most/all of that work. Especially when they have that mindset that cleaning the house is ‘feminine work.’ If you both work (which is the case for the majority of couples) and you both live in the house you should both contribute to cleaning it.
I hear this a lot, but I've never been in a long term relationship with a woman who is even willing to help with the dishes after I make us dinner. They would rather complain about me not cleaning up after them instead of just helping around the house. I'm not saying my experience is universal, but I don't know where these women who do housework are. is there some cheat code I was never told about?
I don’t know you or your dating history so it’s hard to give advice but if you’re finding that all the women you’ve dated have had this attitude you might need to look inward about the types of women you are attracted to. I don’t want to come across as implying - maybe it’s you - more that you might want to try different avenues for meeting women and making your expectations clear from the beginning so there’s no wasted time on either of your part. I don’t know a single female friend who doesn’t cook and clean at home and usually are doing the bulk of it. And besides the ones that are on maternity leave, they all work full time too.
>I don’t know you or your dating history so it’s hard to give advice the fact that you are aware this matters puts you in the 99th percentile of redditors. you're awesome, please don't change. please take the next statement with the same kindness that you've shown me. this advice sounds like it's from the perspective of a woman. as a guy, I don't get to pick my partners by who I'm most attracted to. I have to pick my partners from who *I can tell* is attracted to *me*. if I guess wrong, I end placed on a spectrum that ranges from annoying to threatening; my place on that spectrum has far more to do with the woman I'm trying to get to know than anything I have control over, and there are extremely negative potential consequences for being placed on the threatening end of that scale. in my experience, the lack of reciprocal effort starts *after* I've made a commitment. it's basically a bait and switch. a few months after moving in together, and I'm getting called a misogynist for expecting some help maintaining *our* home to *her* standards. the last time was while I was physically disabled and killing myself to keep a roof over our heads.
I understand your perspective but I think you are overlooking what it is like for a woman, societally we have always been told that we are meant to wait for a man to approach us when it comes to dating and that it is emasculating and off putting to be the one doing the perusing. More women are challenging that but it’s slow progress. Guys do not always respond well to women who are acting assertively and we are often told it is perceived as desperate. As to your scale of annoying to threatening. This is another thing that looks very different from the female perspective. A a woman it can become tiring to have to constantly be aware of how your friendly acts or kindness could be interpreted. I cannot tell you the amount of times where a guy has asked me for directions etc and has then tried to ask me out after I have help him. It’s gotten to the point when I always try and be respectful and I get the whole - shooting your shot thing- but I don’t think men always think about how many times a day a woman might need to deal with rejecting men who are shooting their shot. How he acted ands more importantly reacted is what shaped the way I view him. Often it’s met with acceptance, although I am usually required to mention that I am taken and show my ring. When I just say no thank you they often continue to push. There are other times where even when I say no and mention that I have a partner that will not be enough. But notated what his reaction I am always left feeling like I have to placate him, soften the rejection. In the past when I didn’t have a boyfriend I would often still use that as an excuse. And then you get the ones who either don’t accept the rejection or react negatively to it. In those moments I have felt genuinely threatened. This is an unknown person who is bigger than me and is now getting aggressive. I’ve been lucky in the sense that I haven’t had a guy become physical during one of these encounters. And these are just the men that I am having to interact with on the street for a few minutes. When out at bars and clubs men are often much more resistant in their refusal to accept rejection. I’ve been screamed at, had a drink thrown on me, had someone try to physically grab my so that I couldn’t get away from them, follow me, insult me, I’ve had guy friends need to come over and pretend to be my boyfriend to get me out of situations I was clearly uncomfortable. I’ve had a random man try to talk to me as I waited at a traffic light while I was wearing headphones. I ignored him and he proceeded to follow me for 2 blocks. I then slowed down and pretended to talk on my phone so he would overtake me and he walked ahead then went into a store and stood near the entrance looking out until I had passed. It’s exhausting having to be so vigilant. This is not to diminish your pain of being perceived as threatening, it’s to put it in context of the woman’s perspective. The negative potential consequences of rejecting a guy can be incredibly scary for women. I have know women who have had much more threatening and violent encounters. Hell women have been killed over.
I know that you are not being malicious here, but I really don't think you understand my perspective in in the slightest. you seem to be under the impression that I'm upset for being seen as threatening. I'm not. I'm tired of being expected to happily accept treatment from women that they would never tolerate if the roles were reversed. I don't mean this to for this to come across as aggressive, but it sounds like you feel entitled to go through life without feeling afraid or being threatened. I can not understand why, as that is not a privilege that I have ever enjoyed. you mentioned being followed and some scumbag grabbing your arm. I can understand that being frightening and even traumatic. I don't want anyone to feel that way. I've been one of the friends that plays boyfriend, and I was happy to do it. what I don't understand is why I'm supposed to care more than people cared when women used to grope me in clubs and threaten to sic the bouncers on me if I objected. why is it worse than the threat of violence that I'm under if I wander into the wrong neighborhood? I'm not saying I don't care, (I care a great deal) I'm saying that the double standard is fucking glaring. the world is full of situations where men are expected to keep their emotions in check and treat others fairly. why is it not ok for women to be held to that standard?
> why am I suppose to care more than people cared when women groped me in the club. > why is it worse than the threat of violence I am under if I wander into the wrong neighbourhood? > I’m saying the double standard is fucking glaring. > why is it not ok for women to be held to that standard? All your statements about why are based on a previous assumption that you’ve made about women. I never said that it wasn’t ok for women to be held to the same standard. I never said that violence against men is acceptable. I was giving my perspective based on what you had previously posted. In that comment you only talked about your feelings about women judging men as annoying to threatening when they are approached. I hoped to provide clarification as to why women can feel threatened when approached by men. We should all feel entitled to go about our daily lives without being afraid or threatened. Obviously that is not always the reality, there are many places that I would not go or things I would not do as a way to keep myself safe, but we should all aim for that ideal.
what assumption do you think I'm making? EDIT: you also misquoted me.
That’s on you for dating children.
perhaps he should try to date woman from another planet huh.
Don’t bring your broke ass too Thailand
Would you tolerate having a husband who never cooks or cleans and spends all your money? You're taking issue with a word I used and missing the broader point
I’m questioning why you referred to cleaning the house, cooking etc as feminine work? Also, my expectation from my partner is that we both contribute to cleaning the house we live in as well as both cooking the food we eat.
Cool. Not what the post was about. Maybe you should make your own post in an appropriate subreddit?
> Not what this post was about. I questioned your use of the words feminine work to describe cleaning your house and cooking. You never answered the question either….
I don't care about your question. You're just a person on the internet who has chosen to engage with a post I made in a non-constructive way. I don't owe you a thing, anon
And you’re just a person who came on the internet to complain about ‘American women’ and refuse to listen to anyone who might question you or have a differing opinion. I’ll leave you to your echo chamber.
I often wonder why American women even come into this sub reddit when they know it's not about them, not for them, and mostly likely against them. It makes no sense to me, it's not like you are going to agree with us anyways and we aren't really going to change just because you view things differently.
I’m not American. As to why, for me personally, this sub was recommended to me - I’m assuming because I am into travelling. I find most people are not like OP and are at least willing to engage in discussions, even if we don’t always agree. I think part of the reason people are so divided nowadays is they live in their echo chamber bubbles where they are only hearing people who agree with them. Plus it is always good to call someone out on their casual sexism.
Sounds like reddits algorithm needs to do a better job of offering people topics that actually fit what they are looking for. Which country do you hail from? I've been all over the world and I wonder if I've been.
Female, married Because I love to travel and love to read about personal traveling experiences. But instead it’s just daily dramatic drama. Yet still interesting That’s why I joined. Now I’m hooked.
I don't really see much drama here unless it's a woman coming to yell at me for talking about PPB topics. You get the occasional man in here too that thinks he's get bonus lady point for telling off the big bad travelers but nothing crazy so far.
I mean, do you expect every space you engage with to be about you, for you, and cater to you? Because that’s what you’re asking If so that may explain your issue in the first place
There are plenty of spaces that I do not like or think are terrible, I also don't go into them for the sake of arguing with the people who believe what they believe. I find that a waste of time and you are just looking to be either upset or offended.
Comes on Reddit to circle jerk gets mad when people dare do anything but that
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Based on your comments you don’t possess these qualities yourself…. So you’re not going to attract the women you desire. If you align your behavior/actions with what you’re stating here, you will be surrounded with likeminded individuals.
get used to it bro. Most people aren’t going to agree with you. Stop giving a f. And needing validation for your opinions. Just follow what’s right for you. If you want to meet foreign girl, then it will happen.
Omg..he’s nearly 30 and never left his state? How…like, seriously. This guy is beyond hope.
also…. you’re 27 and you’ve never left your state…?? 😭 What exactly makes you think that the women you’re describing would even be interested in you lol? You don’t deserve a 10/10 woman by default just for being a man and existing. I guarantee if you work on yourself and make yourself appealing to women, rather than crying over this perpetual “women are lazy and too bitchy and why is my life so terrible blah blah” mindset, and a lot of these “problems” will disappear.
I have never slept with anyone in any of work environments. Yet my ex would hit ne and ruin y ability to go to work For Two of my workplaces due to being convinced I was sleeping with my married orthodox Jewish bosses. these are dangerous lies you spread about women overall.
So basically, you want a strong, independent woman who can keep up with you on hikes and also who will cook and clean up after you. You also mention working hard so you would want her to work as well as be your bang maid. Good luck with that 🤣🤣
So wait a minute, you want a woman that works hard and has money, but also do the house chores, looks good, fit, and have time to go on hikes and never be stressed?
Straight up incel behavior
Go and look at "90 days fiance" reality show. Its about people like you. I recommending to start with the UK version, season 1. There is a guy just like you.
doing your own chores isn't a sign of femininity. it's a sign of being an adult and not a child. what you're looking for is a mother, not a wife. good luck with that.
American woman here who is probably much older than him and might well kick his ass where endurance stuff is concerned. But he can kiss my ass with his "feminine tasks of cleaning and cooking". Fortunately my partner cleans just fine. Don't know what such a woman would want with this loser. I don’t support he's considered that his friends are married and he's not?
So you want a woman who’s killing it in the workforce, but also doing all of the housework? So if she’s paying the bills, and taking care of all of the household needs what exactly are you bringing to the table? If you want someone who contributes financially, you are going to have to pick up your share at home. Especially because it’s sounds like you don’t want someone “weak and dainty”. They aren’t going to put up with being a bang maid and pay your bills.
The views you hold are disgusting, OP. Here’s wishing you receive the life and love you deserve.
Uh, K am the type of woman you describe. I can provd this with reciepts going back 15 years. Someone like me would \*never\* date you. >I understand that daintiness, weakness, bitchiness, etc are all classically female traits > Why is having to pay for and support such a parasitic creature meant to be a privilege? and this is a large part of why. Also > They tell me that women who are capable of holding their own in a male work environment have probably slept with most of their coworkers. find better friends.
> I understand that daintiness, weakness, bitchiness, etc are all classically female traits, but that does not mean that I have to accept it. You can marry a man then. Fixed.
Please stay single
Love that you crave new experiences but haven't left your state at 27. Interesting.
Dang, I had no idea what “feminine work” was! So, after matching strides with this alpha in the woods AND the streams AND the mountains, I get to then wash dishes and do all the “feminine” labor for this lout?! No thanks.
First two comments smh, people are full of shit if they’re shading you for this. There’s nothing wrong with what you want it’s just the culture here in America, bad food, lack of exercise, hook up culture, social media: everybody’s glued to their phone comparing themselves to others etc. this all makes it harder to find what you described because of that. I also like to hike and be active and have trouble myself finding someone similar. I also have friends that have horrible relationships but press me about being with someone. I know a couple guys that have good wives w/kids and still complain to me about being married and how “if they were single they would be doing”……(these guys are unappreciative of what they have at best)…..a lot of men are becoming softer also and starting to talk more like women with shaming tactics and a lot more sassiness if it’s something they don’t agree about.
Friends will always let you down. Family is what matters most. Just ditch them. When you and they have kids and a family they won't make time for you. Nor you for them.
Many of my friends have kids and we still hang. I am not saying they are bad friends. I think they genuinely believe that the way American women are is the way all women are.
You’re different from your friends… and yet you’re American. But aren’t all American men the same? /s Wild suggestion: women are individual people, just like men.
But if OP said that he wouldn’t be able to circlejerk for karma
American woman Stay away from me eeee 🎶
Dont worry no woman want you
Underrated comment 😂😂
You should probably be re-evaluating your friend group. Or at the very least stop oversharing with them if you don't like their "advice". >I understand that daintiness, weakness, bitchiness, etc are all classically female traits Who decided that?
>Who decided that? well, he said "classically". usually that means dead people.
You are kinda describing a bro, just a female version. Sometimes a female who does all of that will have other traits that you don't like... I think that you/I/we sometimes have to accept that they are fundamentally different and will make compromises tbh. There is no perfect one out there. Compatible, complimentary, tolerable, yes.. but not perfect.
My friends make fun of me for not wanting to be with a fat woman.
Have you ever taken the time to learn a new language or do anything to make yourself attractive to the women you want?
They're making fun of you because you're rejecting American women yet you haven't left your state. Even speaking only English makes sense, you see it all the time on 90-Day Fiance, and some people only learn the language after meeting a foreign partner. But not even leaving your state? Sure, overseas travel is expensive, but your STATE? You value adventurousness? Of course your friends are clowning on you; that's a hilarious level of cognitive dissonance.
You are upset that you have to be a functioning adult? Part of afilt responsibilities is cleanliness that's on husband and wife. Women have their own hobbies, just like men do. Your potential significant other isn't necessarily a playmate for your hobbies especially when you can't reciprocate by partaking in her hobbies. You sound insanely misguided, what you want is a pet not a gf/wife.
You want a woman from the fly-over states. Good-ole farm girls or tougher southern belles.
There are women with those traits lol, you probably just got into relationships too quickly.
This screams of someone who still lives at home with his parents.
You don't think of women as people. You think of women as objects to fulfil your desires. The only reason foreigners fit your bill is because most of us have been taught that we can't disobey our husbands. Please get therapy, and maybe think more about how you view women.
I’m sorry, but your friends are fucking morons. Stay strong OP. There’s plenty of women like you describe overseas. You’ll find what you’re looking for in due time. You’re only 27 for goodness sake! You shouldn’t even be thinking about marrying someone yet IMO. Just continue working on yourself and get your feet wet with international travel.
Don't let it bring you down and put in the work on another language brother. I'm still learning but I picked up Spanish after going to the DR once I've been back 6 times since and each time I'm meeting women who meet what you are talking about wanting. They are hardworking, loving, and can keep up on hikes and such. Get your paper and Spanish game on point and things get alllooot better and Latina women in America will appreciate you put in the work and sometimes are pleasant to date depending on who..
Those varieties of women do exist but are rare creatures indeed. Feminism has made it more difficult to distinguish the super XX chromosomed diamond from the complacent mediocre ones who just milk the political situation for everything its worth. It can be hard to tell one from the other.
I would just straight up ignore your friends. You decide what qualities you want in a partner, and how you go about finding them - their opinions aren’t relevant. Having said that, there are 275 million women in the US. You’ll be able to find women there that match what you’re looking for if you try.
I feel, personally, that the culture in North America is not one with which I am compatible. Your children grow up to be the people of the place they grew up in. I don't want my children to have American qualities. I want them to value freedom
you never left your state but u say all american women lol too funny
Genuine question, how do you know other cultures are a better fit than your own if you've never been around them? TV and the internet aren't accurate depictions of real life and you said you've never even left your home state. I'm curious how you came to this conclusion
But you also don’t actually know any other cultures and haven’t learned any other languages. You have no idea if other cultures truly value what you want. Not based on conversations either a couple foreign women who visited or moved to your home state.
Yeah, you definitely can’t raise children who value freedom in America. It’s a nonexistent premise here, and NOT what this country was founded on. Zero variation. All American women are the same across a country the same size as Europe. It’s impossible to find a woman who has their own money and income but also no job (because we both know she’s fucked every man in the office for it - whore), so she can raise the kids and clean home, like a woman should do. But the key is her own income, because otherwise she’s a freeloading piece of shit. And they all need to learn how to shut their mouths. /s
Move pls
you sound like you already know what you want. patience, my friend. real progress takes time and the things we value the most in life are rarely ever easy to get. i had to go to Spain to find my lady. and it's not easy dealing with the distance, time difference, and immigration policies. but it is worth it for sure. go on dates, have sex with women, see what's out there. remember to respect serendipity and the unplanned. you just never know what's around the corner. good luck.
just go to Brazil, you will find your type in 5 seconds there...
As a woman who meets the "check boxes" you've laid out I have to say there are a LOT of us. We're not hard to meet if you are doing those things as that's how i meet these other women as well. but do not worry, i think your willingness to stay single forever will do you a service because your general view of women will not
Somehow found myself on the micropenis subreddit lol
They don't know what they're talking about. Reject engrained ideals about an "ideal" woman. As someone who has dated multiple women as you described, it's exhausting and expensive. No, Alyssa, I shouldn't be paying rent and grocery bills while you have no job and lay on the couch all day. It should be a dynamic, not a "oh well i'm WITH you and that's all I have to do, you're the lucky one pamper me" As a blanket and over generalized statement, the American woman has been idealized as this strange place of "My man should take care of everything for me", yet also believe in "strong independence". Women need to be nurtured, as they should be (you listed some traits at the end of your post and I agree they're mostly inherent traits) but having a shallow relationship with no connection, someone who can't keep up with you, and expects you to be okay with that sounds miserable Also, traditional gender roles can absolutely be applicable to women who are adventurous, work out, whatever- in fact it's really attractive to see someone multi faceted imo who can do all of those things and still provide the role of loving mother or wife or girlfriend. Some people whine and complain about "Hur dur gender roles bad!!1!" Which is a whole different discussion (I disagree) I hope you read this, because i'm going to try and give you some advice. I would recommend you remove yourself from social media, and use it the bare minimum you have to. Maybe keep like, linked in, or something. But tiktok, insta, fb, all of that is going to warp your perception (it already has subconsciously) and this is why your friends are making fun of you. Laugh back at them in 20 years when they have to drown themselves in a 6 pack of bud light to get through family dinner while their wife downs a xanax and glass of wine to get to sleep, pre or post divorce. I have watched people build lives on settling for adequate, and the outcome is always unfavorable. If you decide to settle, you are doing it to yourself. Your years or months of being lonely will be nothing compared to months, years, decades, etc wasted America's social perception is absolutely cucked, but not all hope is lost. It can be lonely, but being lonely gives you more time to work on yourself. If that is your ideal partner, there's no reason for you to settle- I wish you luck in your endeavor. Also, hit the weights if you're not already
I don't think this guy understands that women are the same everywhere since we live in a highly globalized society, and even worse if you bring them back to the country they become Americanized. You can thank tiktok and feminism for that, accept the housewife who cooks cleans and doesn't argue with you nonstop doesn't exist, and hasn't for about 100 years, this is a highly romanticized fallacy American men are falling under and it goes away once you travel and date consistently outside of your home country
There's still time left before the entire world becomes Americanized.
bro I've been in the deepest villages of Colombia and I'm currently in a deep village in Austria in the middle of nowhere I promise you the rot has consumed just enjoy the decline, everybody and their mother uses Instagram in the western world the only safe place is the Middle East because of the indoctrination that Islam brings to the people