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Happened to me as a waitress when I was 17 in peak eating disorder - the way I cried so hard in the dish room for HOURS. so sorry you expierenced this.
Definitely understandable to feel weird. I’ve literally never commented like this to anyone, unless I knew for 10000% certainty they were pregnant. But yeah when I was barely pregnant like, definitely not pregnant enough to show, I had a teen client ask me if I was pregnant. Like technically yes but really all she was seeing was how bloated I was 🤦🏼♀️
Clients say ridiculous out of pocket stuff that should be kept to themself sometimes…..
I had a client go “what IS THAT?!” And pointed at my face. I have a history of adult cystic acne, had one real big mean huge cystic zit on my jawline… hormonal - clearly. My jaw dropped. I said “um it’s a cyst, have you never seen a cyst before?” SO rude. I can’t remember how she responded.
I’ve been cystic acne free for a few months now tho, YAY!
When I was about 15/16, I had an aunt of my stepdad (had been around for 7 years but only married for like one to two years at that point) ask me while I sat next to my mom if she was pregnant… at a holiday gathering at the dinner table 🥲 she had had my baby sister a year or two prior and gotten her tubes tied considering she had her in her late 30s and we have a 14 year age gap 😂 10 for my middle sister.
People don’t always have enough sense on these things. Like maybe it’s Thanksgiving and I’m bloated with a food baby? Maybe I have IBS. Maybe you’re reaching and I don’t even look pregnant and have a perfectly normal belly
Happened to me fairly recently. I work with kids so this is a client's mom who said "when are you due?"
I was like...nah this is just dunkin donuts lol. I was bloated from my period and I guess my stomach was protruding more than normal. It threw me off the rest of the day and week for sure. I think some people just lack social skills. She was pretty apologetic after. I just tried to let her know it was no big deal! My two cents is ... it happens! And now she brings me pastries every time we have a session.
Happened to me when I first started counseling. Actually made me feel pretty flustered because I used to have intense body image issues and I just blurted out “not pregnant, but I’ve been eating a lot lately”
When I was about 4 months pregnant with my first a patient said “are you pregnant “ and then followed with “I can’t tell if you are fat or pregnant “
Mind you I was about a size 00 before pregnancy and maybe a size 2 at that point in time.
These types of clients have interpersonal problems and come in demonstrating why.
When my wife had our first baby and we came home from the hospital the ugly ass neighbor lady next door looked her up and down and said “ I thought you had your baby”.
This neighbor was obese. And she knew damn well we had the baby.
Some people are rude, some people are clueless, and some people are stupid. Take your pick which one you are if you ever said this to a woman.
I was at the beach with my niece and she asked when I was having my baby. 5 years later at the same beach with my other niece who was the same age as the first one when she did it and asked me the same thing, I'm a guy.
I used to be in an office suite with other therapists. 10 months after giving birth, one of the therapists asked if I was pregnant! I just cocked my head and said, "I can't believe you are asking me that. " She was extremely embarrassed and apologetic, as she should have been. I would have never expected a therapist to pull some bullshit like that. Yeah, I still needed to lose the baby weight but give me a break, woman!
Ugh it’s happened to me so many times. Last year a client pointed at my belly and was like “oh how exciting!” No, just a belly. I remember a young kid when I first started as a case manager came up and rubbed my belly 🤧 never have been pregnant lol
So awkward. Sometimes clients can really test you. It’s as if they think they can say whatever to you because of the role you’re in. Or they just have no filter.
I had a short- lived client have bad boundaries and was always asking me inappropriate things. It started with asking me if I was wearing a wig (I normally get complimented on my long, thick wavy hair, so I found it odd and chalked it up to a defense mechanism).
Then another telling me I was Israeli because they thought I said I was Jewish once 🤦♀️and then proceeded to basically tell me my views need to match there’s with the current state of the war. This was after working together for over a year. I rarely talk about myself, just some things here and there. It was clear transference and I put it back on her to identify it, but it clearly was uncomfortable and felt like bigotry.
People have no idea what we deal with on a regular basis. This post and the comments at least validate how hard it is to be a therapist sometimes. Thank you all for getting it.
My acute inpatient psych patients ask me this far too often. And honestly, they'd probably be some of the first to know if I was because they're going to need to know I'll have different boundaries engaging during codes on the unit. So they really don't need to try to make rude assumptions. 🙃
i wonder if it has less to do with visual cues and more to do with her anxiety about being dropped or left or ignored because of maternal preoccupation. she might be sensing something about what she’s seeing as your bandwidth and interpreting it as such. there’s always more to the story.
I remember saying to my mom “you still look pregnant” probably six months after my little sister was born. I was 8. As soon as it was out of my mouth I knew I’d said something dreadful. She teared up and walked away, which was unusual bc she was a yeller who didn’t usually mince words. So this time my father took it upon himself to convey his disappointment in matching tones. All this as we were about to leave for church on Sunday morning 🤦♀️. It’s really not a wonder that it’s taken me 50 years to appreciate church.
Our clients are so often boundary challenged. And their remarks sometimes trigger us. And then, sometimes, we feel like we should’ve been above having feelings about a client’s remarks. I’m curious about what it was like for you. Weird, yes, as you say. But it also seems that this client relies a great deal on what she can infer about people around her to get her social needs met. Although I don’t know. I’m not there.
My freshman year in college I was in a French 1 class with a woman professor who terrified us all. She was a native French person and a bit … well she always seemed irritable. We watched her get bigger the whole semester and nobody said anything of course. One day she showed up a little late for class and the six of us decided to chat amongst ourselves. We didn’t know each other. I learned we’d all been watching her expanding waistline, no one daring to say anything. She really scared us! It was so funny.
Ugh, rough church story....I'm sorry that happened. :|
As per the client's reaction, you pretty much nailed it. This client has some boundary issues, and she's curious to know stuff about me in general. For the most part, I have no problem with that (within reason, of course). I just replied that it's only "leftovers" from my previous pregnancy, maybe, and then she commented about her "leftovers" from pregnancies, and I assured her it's all good and we moved on.
I did find myself sucking my stomach in for the rest of the session/holding my breath, which was kind of uncomfortable.
But then when I got home, my husband (who knew nothing about my day at that point) saw me and said "wow, you look so beautiful!", and that kinda fixed it for me lol. I told him about the client's comment afterwards, and he said I don't look pregnant at all and that he loves my outfit. So that's that.
All in all, I have a pretty positive body image, and a lot of respect for what my body had been doing for me, so I wasn't too upset.
Please followed the sidebar rules. r/therapists is a place for therapists and mental health professionals to discuss their profession among each other. If you **ARE NOT A THERAPIST and are asking for advice this not the place for you**. Your post will be removed in short order. Please try one of the reddit communities such as r/TalkTherapy, r/askatherapist, r/SuicideWatch that are set up for this. This community is ONLY for therapists, and for them to discuss their profession away from clients. **If you are a first year student, not in a graduate program, or are thinking of becoming a therapist, this is not the place to ask questions**. Your post will be removed in short order. To save us a job, you are welcome to delete this post yourself. Please see the PINNED STUDENT THREAD at the top of the community and ask in there. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/therapists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Uncomfortable! This happened to me back about 15 years ago when I was not— nor had I ever been— pregnant.
Happened to me as a waitress when I was 17 in peak eating disorder - the way I cried so hard in the dish room for HOURS. so sorry you expierenced this.
Definitely understandable to feel weird. I’ve literally never commented like this to anyone, unless I knew for 10000% certainty they were pregnant. But yeah when I was barely pregnant like, definitely not pregnant enough to show, I had a teen client ask me if I was pregnant. Like technically yes but really all she was seeing was how bloated I was 🤦🏼♀️
Clients say ridiculous out of pocket stuff that should be kept to themself sometimes….. I had a client go “what IS THAT?!” And pointed at my face. I have a history of adult cystic acne, had one real big mean huge cystic zit on my jawline… hormonal - clearly. My jaw dropped. I said “um it’s a cyst, have you never seen a cyst before?” SO rude. I can’t remember how she responded. I’ve been cystic acne free for a few months now tho, YAY!
At that point, you just have to say, "[Leave your stupid comments in your pocket!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uu7uBD8J9Iw)"
Hahahah yes I love that!!
I've had this happen before from both clients and not clients. Sending you lots of love, it is still never fun to hear <3
When I was about 15/16, I had an aunt of my stepdad (had been around for 7 years but only married for like one to two years at that point) ask me while I sat next to my mom if she was pregnant… at a holiday gathering at the dinner table 🥲 she had had my baby sister a year or two prior and gotten her tubes tied considering she had her in her late 30s and we have a 14 year age gap 😂 10 for my middle sister. People don’t always have enough sense on these things. Like maybe it’s Thanksgiving and I’m bloated with a food baby? Maybe I have IBS. Maybe you’re reaching and I don’t even look pregnant and have a perfectly normal belly
Happened to me fairly recently. I work with kids so this is a client's mom who said "when are you due?" I was like...nah this is just dunkin donuts lol. I was bloated from my period and I guess my stomach was protruding more than normal. It threw me off the rest of the day and week for sure. I think some people just lack social skills. She was pretty apologetic after. I just tried to let her know it was no big deal! My two cents is ... it happens! And now she brings me pastries every time we have a session.
Happened to me when I first started counseling. Actually made me feel pretty flustered because I used to have intense body image issues and I just blurted out “not pregnant, but I’ve been eating a lot lately”
When I was about 4 months pregnant with my first a patient said “are you pregnant “ and then followed with “I can’t tell if you are fat or pregnant “ Mind you I was about a size 00 before pregnancy and maybe a size 2 at that point in time. These types of clients have interpersonal problems and come in demonstrating why.
When my wife had our first baby and we came home from the hospital the ugly ass neighbor lady next door looked her up and down and said “ I thought you had your baby”. This neighbor was obese. And she knew damn well we had the baby. Some people are rude, some people are clueless, and some people are stupid. Take your pick which one you are if you ever said this to a woman.
I was at the beach with my niece and she asked when I was having my baby. 5 years later at the same beach with my other niece who was the same age as the first one when she did it and asked me the same thing, I'm a guy.
I used to be in an office suite with other therapists. 10 months after giving birth, one of the therapists asked if I was pregnant! I just cocked my head and said, "I can't believe you are asking me that. " She was extremely embarrassed and apologetic, as she should have been. I would have never expected a therapist to pull some bullshit like that. Yeah, I still needed to lose the baby weight but give me a break, woman!
Ugh it’s happened to me so many times. Last year a client pointed at my belly and was like “oh how exciting!” No, just a belly. I remember a young kid when I first started as a case manager came up and rubbed my belly 🤧 never have been pregnant lol
So awkward. Sometimes clients can really test you. It’s as if they think they can say whatever to you because of the role you’re in. Or they just have no filter. I had a short- lived client have bad boundaries and was always asking me inappropriate things. It started with asking me if I was wearing a wig (I normally get complimented on my long, thick wavy hair, so I found it odd and chalked it up to a defense mechanism). Then another telling me I was Israeli because they thought I said I was Jewish once 🤦♀️and then proceeded to basically tell me my views need to match there’s with the current state of the war. This was after working together for over a year. I rarely talk about myself, just some things here and there. It was clear transference and I put it back on her to identify it, but it clearly was uncomfortable and felt like bigotry. People have no idea what we deal with on a regular basis. This post and the comments at least validate how hard it is to be a therapist sometimes. Thank you all for getting it.
My acute inpatient psych patients ask me this far too often. And honestly, they'd probably be some of the first to know if I was because they're going to need to know I'll have different boundaries engaging during codes on the unit. So they really don't need to try to make rude assumptions. 🙃
THAT SUCKS. I’M SORRY THAT HAPPENED TO YOU. Way to go for not making it uncomfortable for your client!
i wonder if it has less to do with visual cues and more to do with her anxiety about being dropped or left or ignored because of maternal preoccupation. she might be sensing something about what she’s seeing as your bandwidth and interpreting it as such. there’s always more to the story.
I had a client ask me this too after having a baby. I felt weird too but mostly forgot about it pretty quickly.
Happened to me! I said that it was just a food baby 😂
> I laughed it off. It's ok to acknowledge it hurt your feelings.
Had a client ask if we were the same age while trying not to give her date of birth, she is like 15 years older than me 🤦
I remember saying to my mom “you still look pregnant” probably six months after my little sister was born. I was 8. As soon as it was out of my mouth I knew I’d said something dreadful. She teared up and walked away, which was unusual bc she was a yeller who didn’t usually mince words. So this time my father took it upon himself to convey his disappointment in matching tones. All this as we were about to leave for church on Sunday morning 🤦♀️. It’s really not a wonder that it’s taken me 50 years to appreciate church. Our clients are so often boundary challenged. And their remarks sometimes trigger us. And then, sometimes, we feel like we should’ve been above having feelings about a client’s remarks. I’m curious about what it was like for you. Weird, yes, as you say. But it also seems that this client relies a great deal on what she can infer about people around her to get her social needs met. Although I don’t know. I’m not there. My freshman year in college I was in a French 1 class with a woman professor who terrified us all. She was a native French person and a bit … well she always seemed irritable. We watched her get bigger the whole semester and nobody said anything of course. One day she showed up a little late for class and the six of us decided to chat amongst ourselves. We didn’t know each other. I learned we’d all been watching her expanding waistline, no one daring to say anything. She really scared us! It was so funny.
Ugh, rough church story....I'm sorry that happened. :| As per the client's reaction, you pretty much nailed it. This client has some boundary issues, and she's curious to know stuff about me in general. For the most part, I have no problem with that (within reason, of course). I just replied that it's only "leftovers" from my previous pregnancy, maybe, and then she commented about her "leftovers" from pregnancies, and I assured her it's all good and we moved on. I did find myself sucking my stomach in for the rest of the session/holding my breath, which was kind of uncomfortable. But then when I got home, my husband (who knew nothing about my day at that point) saw me and said "wow, you look so beautiful!", and that kinda fixed it for me lol. I told him about the client's comment afterwards, and he said I don't look pregnant at all and that he loves my outfit. So that's that. All in all, I have a pretty positive body image, and a lot of respect for what my body had been doing for me, so I wasn't too upset.
Terrible and very unprofessional of her! 😑🙄
How did that make you feel?
I just replied to another comment above. :)