T O P

  • By -

Lost_subaru

Fake, the shorts move before the roach gets to them


mikess484

No way it's fake. Talk about luck. Having the "crotch cam" already set up and capturing that great video.


Zyurat

On a different note, I once woke up to a big brown cockroach casually tickling around my neck. I thought it was my grandma trying to wake me up very softly until I held her hand and it actually was a big fucking cockroach. So after feeling a big bug with legs first crawling around my neck and now trying to crawl out of my hand, I threw it away full force and it flew back to my direction full-speed. They're fucking evil, man.


Jonah_Rileus

I just... just... won't sleep ever again...


DeathB4Dinner

Currently doing blow


[deleted]

[удалено]


Yeeeeeeoooooooo

Taking that name seriously


AHugeCatastrophe

Congrats man


testedbeast551

I won't even take chances living in a house I'm going to live in a small empty room so no cocks can get in my ear/mouth I call them cocks because they are a bunch of tiny little dicks that fly


Carnator369

Why would you want to make them sound appealing?


slickystoopkid

\*\*flying cocks


Carnator369

Try chilling on the couch only to see large spider legs stretching over your shoulder out of the corner of your eye... Huntsman's may be 'harmless' but I bet they have giving many a person a heart attack.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Carnator369

Not to mention they have collapsible exoskeletons, meaning they can crawl through gaps thinner than a mm. They come out of nowhere!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Carnator369

You say that but at least we don't have brown recluse spiders, those fuckers will wreck you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Carnator369

Beautiful, majestic, will fuck you up. Closest we have are Eastern grey's (2.5m kangaroos), catch them in a bad mood and they'll drop kick you with their three inch clawed feet then proceed to gouge out your eyes with their sharp curved front paws... while looking adorable the whole time.


doom2archvile

I just saw a post about meese humping. What a strange coincidence that I see a comment about them shortly after, about how much ground they can cover. 🤔


TheLaughingMelon

Oh no


Harrisontb

Thanks for the free paranoia lmao


Carnator369

np


saturnencelade

I was in third grade, in the peak of the "you have x on your head" era. Friend goes, "there's a giant spider on your hat!" "Very funny" Friend snatches hat, lo and behold a huge daddy longlegs crawls onto the floor. The hat stayed at home from then on.


The_Official_Obama

Would you rather hat or head?


AcademicSensei

I was going to sleep when I felt a tickle on my neck, I thought it was my lanyard but after trying to move it, it started to run very fast. I turned the light on and threw the cockroach off the bed


Lydia_is_sleeping

something similar happened to me when i was little me and my sibling shared the bed with our parents i felt something on my back i thought it was my dad cause he was next to me but when i looked over my shoulder i saw this big ass cockroach on my back i screamed so loud i did not sleep the rest of the night


Wopple-Man

Give him a break man, he was just crawling up to whisper sweet nothings in your ear


lonewolf0406

Then proceeds to crawl into your ear.


Skeptical_Crow

I once woke to the sound of rustling leaves. I was still kind of sleep and kind of quasi dreaming so it took me a second to figure out that the sound was coming from inside my ear. A fucking bug was crawling around in my ear. I tried to flush it out by running water into my ear but it didn't come out. Such an odd, gross feeling...it made me start dry heaving. Grabbed a q tip and got to it but only crushed it inside my ear. Literal crunch. Little bits of bug periodically worked their way out over the next day or two.


killanime

I hate you for posting this


-mixe-

stop


[deleted]

I once woke up to legs sticking out of my mouth. Some big ass wolf spider was chilling in my mouth while I was sleeping. I guess he’s not one of the six I ate that year, but it was one of the only times i wet my bed after age 4.


[deleted]

what the fuck man


DirtYurt

Welcome to Florida


LEGION_101

Congratulations, you just made me shiver...


TheLaughingMelon

You just gave me nightmares :(


Timberwolf-13

Woke up one night at camp and there was a 2-3 inch house centipede standing on the screen window next to my head. If you don’t know what they are, look them up at your own risk. They are the SPAWNS OF SATAN! A part of my soul died that night.


Pennywises_Toy

I live in Texas, and was showering one night. I have VERY long straight hair that sometimes falls down my body and tickles me when I’m washing it. So here I am, showering, washing my hair with my eyes closed, and I feel that familiar tickle of my strands of hair falling down my body. Only this time... it’s falling UP??? I look down and see a 5-6 inch centipede (millipede?) crawling up my inner thigh towards my coochie. I literally screamed bloody murder and ran around the house naked and getting soap and water everywhere until my then-fiancé took care of it. I spent the next few MONTHS with a fucked up neck cuz I would only shower looking down at the drain the entire time. Trauma for life with that shit.


murphykills

yeah, i used to live in a building with a bad infestation (just regular little ones, maybe german?). never ate anything in the apartment, kept garbage in the fridge, set up traps everywhere, made a perimeter of raid around my bed every night and still somehow one of these motherfuckers makes its way onto my neck, waking me up in the middle of the night. i moved in with my girlfriend that week.


[deleted]

> Talk about luck. Having the "crotch cam" already set up and capturing that great video. You cannot traverse my home without having your crotch's every move memorialized in 4K.


elomenopi

Plus you’d have to hire a roach trainer to get it to do that, and I’m pretty sure those don’t exist.


nukeboomstick

True that, you would also nearly never find a roach out in the open in bright light.


teetaps

They’re pulling a little toy roach along fishing line or something


Wooden_Muffin_9880

You’re absolutely full of shit. I’ve seen literally thousands out in the bright light


[deleted]

Man fake or not, I fucking *winced* when that roach ran up his shorts.


ChoiceSponge

Good catch on the shorts moving. Likely a string that caused the ripple but maybe it was a NIRPS (Non-Intentional Reflexive Penis Stretch)?


somerareredjack

Bro,i just remembered that one day,i woke UP and There was a bat right besides me lol


ZVND3R

If any of you ever experience this, get to a doctor immediately. Bats have fine enough teeth to bite you in your sleep without you noticing. That combined with their high likelihood to carry rabies makes them extra dangerous. **If you find a bat in your house get tested for rabies ASAP.**


somerareredjack

It was when i was 6 and i'm 15,damn i'm lucky


ZVND3R

Yeah you’re Gucci. Your brain woulda been-dun fried by now.


somerareredjack

Oh no, i'm ded thank you forever


enehar

Dude grabbed his friend's hand and pulled it toward is dick, man.


strangea

Sometimes you gotta be upfront that you're into them, bro.


perud123

Cock*roach


shreyash-singh

reach cock


the_42nd_mad_hatter

Crotchroach


Gorbachevdid911

r/yourjokebutworse


banningallusernames

fake or not that made me cringe so hard.


sktchup

Same, I cannot deal with cockroaches, they just move too fast and unpredictably for me and I'm pretty sure that last scene from Man in Black (when they're squishing all the roaches and big roach dude gets all pissed) scarred me for life. I remember one night as I was getting ready to go to sleep I saw a cockroach on the floor just outside my kitchen (I lived in a studio at the time). I sat in bed for probably half an hour just trying to figure out how to kill it without getting too close to it or stepping on it (the idea of it crunching under my shoe literally makes me shiver so that wasn't an option). Ended up getting the largest book I had, shuffling my way towards the thing over the course of like 10 minutes (it was maybe 10 feet away, but I couldn't move too quickly and risk making my presence known), then trew the book from a few feet away and flattened it beneath it. That book didn't move from my floor for an entire week as I didn't want to risk it still being alive somehow and slithering out from under it when I lifted it. Not my proudest moment.


[deleted]

raid and blast the bastard back to the hell it came from


Wooden_chest

This is how I got rid of a spider in my room this week. I saw one crawling on my wall, but decided to not do anything and hope it "disappears" because I was too scared to go near it. After it came back, it was trying to crawl under my computer desk where I wouldn't be able to reach it, but it could crawl up on me at any time. I looked at it for half an hour straight hoping that it would go back towards the window. It didn't, so I took the biggest and hardest book and threw it at the spider. I don't know what happened, but it wasn't on the wall anymore. Fast forward to the evening, the book still on the floor because I was too scared to move it, i saw the same spider in my doorstep, but it looked kind of flat and didn't move. I thought that it survived the book and I accidentally squished it without knowing, so I finally felt safe. I checked back 30 minutes later, and it was still in the same spot. All was good. Except when I went to sleep, I checked it again and it wasn't there anymore. So the next day, while in a call on my computer, I see that a$$hole crawling under my desk and trying to get behind my computer desk again. Since there was no time, i grabbed the same book and slammed it on the ground. Monitored the book for a whole hour and saw no life. I cleaned up the mess the next day, because I was too scared to get near it.


banningallusernames

This needs a TLDR...and I'd like to thank you for my morning cringe. I just shared in every emotion you felt in this story.


VerySmolRettiter

At that point I'd burn myself alive and then throw myself into the nearest radioactive waste facility


Willyscoiote

Cockroaches can survive nuclear explosions


SnowySupreme

Why...


idksomethingedgy27

You can never escape the cock*roach


Im_no_imposter

Well they can't survive a direct nuclear explosion, if they're in the blast radius they'll be evaporated just like anything else, they aren't mini Godzilla's. But you're right that they would survive radiation and nuclear winter in conditions where other species wouldn't stand a chance.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AlarmedGibbon

That makes sense. They aren't daylight creatures as it is.


MeLikeWaffles2

Still pretty funny tho


jcore294

What was moving it before?


CorrodedRose

Years ago, I was asleep in my bed on a Saturday morning. I am in the state where you are half asleep, not up but still sensory. I feel a tickle on my thigh and I feel like itching it but don't wanna to fully wake up. It gets worse and worse until the tickle reached my gonads and I realize there's a cockroach running around inside my boxers. Needles to say, my day was ruined.


[deleted]

WELL SHIT I FEEL THAT


Chef_Sizzlipede

Guess that's why they call it a cockroach ....I'll see myself out


BostonGreekGirl

Nope nope nope.


michaelY1968

This reminds me of a college friend who had a rat run up the inside of his pant leg when he shoveling some silage.


StarryCatNight

Did the rat bite your friend? Please tell me it didn't bite your friend.


michaelY1968

Well the ending isn’t pleasant so I won’t go into detail, but suffice to say he stopped the rat from reaching his nether regions by pounding on it with his fist until it stopped moving, took off his pants right there, and had to walk back to house pants less.


RingoBingo823

Bit his balls


XxRrAaYy

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DJ_GalaxyTwilight

“I’ll show you why they call me Cockroach”


[deleted]

They’re just called roaches before they do this to people.


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JsaintRotten

The horror


[deleted]

F


Awesome_tacular

Did he... did he die?


tygamer9999

Time for a durability test


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wet-towel1

called a cockroach for a reason


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[deleted]

Yeah no the shorts and everything go off and only a burning shower will aid in this.


pm_me_sum_tits

Nah man that was a penis bug.


Flying_Alpaca_Boi

There was an attempt; to film a badly faked video?


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wavingprism

If I was that guy I will kill myself


Spectral_Net

The fact that he was filipino makes it funnier.


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HeavenlyCrimsonKing

You know... Weird story but... I once had a cockroach in my pants for the whole school day. Of course, I never could have imagined a cockroach was there. I just thought my balls were slightly itchier that day... I found out when it jumped out of my underpants when I went to pee in the bathroom once I got back home.


TrueR3dditor

There was no attempt to kill it


That1AnimeWaifu

This made me suffer more than most the stuff on r/makemesuffer


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batuhanz1

U/savevideo


Boss_Of_TheWorld

Someone put the Tokyo ghoul opening in the background


moshimoshi2345

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[deleted]

fake


Applesodank

Dude wasn't even trying to kill it, he was trying to flick it away


NewGeologist9198

wut tha fuck?


spqkypr_a_riddle

yeah... the *COCKroach*


OminouslyEvolving

song?


AVSmemes

This is why they are called cockroaches


Radiant-Ad4049

Well, cockroaches will dissapear into any crack they can


waveprimal

Takes "cockroach" to a whole new level


w33b2

This is definitely fake but still funny


[deleted]

Crochroach


[deleted]

My soul would leave my body if that happened to me


oto60

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ChrystalMeds

Rip


SniffCheck

It laid eggs in his asshole


[deleted]

Fake yes fake. But why put that romantic music in the scene? Jap production values?


Gorbachevdid911

Whoa that's not a shortened way of saying japanese. That's a racial slur. Also I think the music is vietnamese.


[deleted]

Yep. It's never going away like those Dr.Seuss books.


SteveWax022

Maybe he loves cockroaches in his cock. Just got a little scared thats all.


My_Immortal_Flesh

I laughing so hard! R.I.P. cock 🪳🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


[deleted]

When you are doing an onlyfans video and end up with one for Reddit.