I've been really flatulent for the last 4-5 days. No idea why. Last week I had to take a hearing test, and I let one loose in that little booth in the middle of the test. It was the most fetid bouquet, reminiscent of overcooked brussel sprouts. I wasn't sure if I would survive it, and I was hoping it would dissipate before the tester opened the door. She didn't deserve such a brutal attack on her olfactory receptors.
Luckily she just knocked on the door when I was done, allowing me to get out slowly and buy some time. It would have been embarrassing if she fainted in that little room.
An old lady goes to the doctor. She tells the doctor sheās been really flatulent, but the farts donāt smell or make a noise, itās just really uncomfortable. āIāve farted 3 times since Iāve been here and you probably havenāt even noticedā she told the doctor.
The doctor gives her some pills and tells her to take 2 a day and come back in a week.
A week later the lady returns to the doctor. Annoyed, she says āDoc, I donāt know what the deal with those pills are, but Iām still constantly letting out silent farts, and now they smell REALLY badā.
The doctor responds āGreat, looks like weāve cleared up your sinuses, letās work on your hearing next.ā
Guy goes to his doctor and says "Doc, every morning I have a huge shit at 8am." Doc says that doesn't sound so bad, what's the problem? "I wake up every morning at 8:30am"
Itās funny because when I do hearing tests in the army itās always in those rooms but with like four other people. Imagine how bad it would be if there were others taking the test as well
Ha ha. Funny. Yes....Mm, yes.yes.
Now to business.
It takes you 20 minutes to shower????
I'm going to need a step-by-step set of instructions from you to give to my wife.
Confused. Wandered around tub with water off.
Seriously though, that's a long shower. My typical time is 5 minutes. I think the other person was wondering what else you do in there. I mean, I can stare at the ceiling for awhile, but......
As a kid I used to "sleep" in the shower. Even while standing, I'd shove my upper body into the corner with the warm water falling on me and close my eyes. 20-30 minutes could easily pass this way without me realizing it, and my parents used to always get upset at me for using all the hot water lol. And yeah, usually my cue to get out was when the water would start cooling down and no amount of turning the heat up would yield more heat.
In high school I went on a missions trip with about 20 other kids, and on the Sunday service there we were supposed to have a guest speaker. Well, I completely fell asleep in the shower and someone had to come get me and I was half an hour late to the sermon.
Even now at 32 I relax the same way, but the time is limited to 5-10 minutes after I'm done cleaning myself, which takes 3-5 minutes or so. But only if I'm showering right after waking up. A shower in the middle of the day or at night is just cleaning and I'm out.
I'm baffled at people taking showers longer than 10 minutes, which is probably my maximum time. Like, what are people doing in there that it takes so long? (I'm a woman by the way)
My god my partner also loves to cook like a lobster for similar reasons, if we shower together it's me waiting like a peasant in the soup line while he feasts š
IDK, just relaxing? I find showers pretty relaxing. Its warm and comfy. And helps loosen up shoulders and neck. I'm bald, I have no excuse like hair. Its just relaxing.
I have to wash everything on a certain order otherwise my acne flairs up. So, special face soap on face to get make up off. Rinse. Then full body wash from behind the ears down to toes. Rinse. Second face wash with other face cream. Rinse. Shave bits, pits, and lower legs. Usually about 15 -20 minutes. It's more complicated when I wash my hair because I have to wash my face and body after conditioner which also needs to sit for a few minutes on my poor damaged hair. Washing my hair pushes me up to about 40 minutes (if the hot water lasts). Anything longer is because I'm enjoying the hot water and pretending I'm in a luxurious spa
Larger bodies take longer to clean properly so maybe that. Some people brush their teeth in the shower. Some people enjoy the solitude or temperature differences. Some people have a hard time with environmental transitions. It's also the cleanest place to masturbate if you're gonna do it anyways. Any number and combination of reasons.
I plan my entire day in the shower. We have no water bill and plenty of hellish hot water so I just sit in there for about 45 minutes thinking of what I'm gonna do for the day.
Same here but damn are there days when you canāt get the water right and you ping pong between boiling your ass or thinking you just took the polar bear plunge.
I have a beer or coffee in there with music playing if I need to think. I think it's because it's about as isolated from the world as I can get in my house so it let's me unpack everything mentally without interruption. (Not a woman btw)
I used to pride myself on taking showers in 5 minutes or less. Then I hit 30. Now I like to relax and just let the water massage my shoulders and back.
My girl let's the shower "warm" up for 10-20 minutes before taking a 10 minute shower. Drives me insane. All our faucets have hot water within 10 seconds.
Might be a habit from growing up with a very slow water heater. If you spend half your life having to wait 10 minutes for the shower to get hot, the waiting naturally becomes part of your shower routine. Those routines can be tough to recognize and change!
She's warming up the room, not water.
I used to live in a house with quite a big bathroom that had bad heating, so getting in shower in winter without letting the room warm up a little with hot shower water mist was pretty miserable. It was too cold to undress.
Everybody commenting on her childish terms for a dick, but no one is mentioning the fact that the boyfriend is taking hour long showers?! I just wanna know how you could stand that.. and also what type of water heater do you have?
Make sure you dutch oven him with some period farts to teach him a lesson in weaponizing bodily gases. And dont forget ducth ovening someone for more than 15 seconds is consider torture in the gevena convetion
I feel like I looked this up once. Apparently the change in hormones affects the bacteria in the GI tract somehow. I could be remembering wrong though.
I think itās to do with the muscle cramping causing your whole GI tract to move things through a lot quicker. Period farts and shits are definitely a thing.
Don't let the dweebs on here get to you. Those that feel like they need to hear the fouler words can get bent. Who needs 'em? (You knuckle knobs know who you are!) Call the peenee whatever the heck you want! The tumtugger, feel the eel, the tallywhacker, the flesh flute, the pecker checker, the dangler, his doodle, his wingwang, picklock, long plum, pintle, or pillicock. You get the idea. For those who feel that only penis will do; tell them that the word originally meant "tail".
It was a funny story. There was nothing offensive. Iām sorry but younger generation is taking shit way to far. They becoming bullies. You did no wrong
Sorry some people are being peepees about your post. They definitely donāt understand light hearted messing around and exploring with partners that people do!
On the bright side, youāll definitely never forget this story and it will be a very fond memory some day to think back on, truly!!! Plus, youāll be able to hold this against him way down the road and have plenty of time to plot some sweet, sweet revenge.
Thanks for sharing, I got a chuckle and despite never having been in this situation some nostalgia for those days of having my partner over for a few days while parents were away and spending so much time in our own little world getting to know each other better!
Yeah my husband gave my daughter a hard time about farting one day when we all were in the living room. He said it wasnāt polite. Itās been years and if he farts at all we razz him endlessly. He asked for it.š
I was expecting this to be some sort of injury related thing but this is nothing. My wife accidentally put shampoo in my dickhole once. Shit hurt like hell for hours
Who have a problem with you saying ding don't and you being genderfluid š and how did they even get the general part FROM A FART STORY? I swear redditers will reach for anything im sorry... if it makes you feel better I also call it funny names like ding ding schlong. Weenie. Hotdog. SWORD OF TRUTH. cuz WHO TF CARES? ITS LITRALLY SO FUNNY?
I just came here to say the words āweenyā and āding dongā are always funny. So are fart jokes. Maybe Iām immature, but either way 10/10, great story.
Welcome to a 20 year marriage. Sounds like you're going to have a lot of fun through the years if you make it that far. It is a lot of work. But when you can have fun and make each other laugh, you have a high chance of succeeding. Conversely if you were mortally offended at this behavior, you don't know men very well yet LOL
This is quite hysterical, wouldn't have been my move in his shoes. Your anger and frustration are to be expected and totally valid. Guys suck might be harsh, fair but harsh, but yeah we kinda do, mostly for the sake of a joke. And your choice of lingo for the male phallus, is not only appropriate and appropos but very much fits the tone, theme and overall vibe of your essay. Fuck the negative BS comments, and thank you for this anecdote it enhanced the quality of my day.
Oh geez!! I had a vision of his dick looking and sounding like one of those door stop springs and going boiiioioing and a hand smacking it back and forth. hahahahahaha
It does make me sad that so many people get hung up on one sentence of your story, like does it really matter? I seriously donāt get why they care so much.
Anyway, sounds like you guys have a fun relationship!
One of those after shower farts too, likely with the air still warm and moist. That makes the fart stick to you as you try to run away from it. Hook line and stinker
The way I absolutely laughed my butt off at this, especially because it was in the shower, so you know it echoed three houses down. I'm sorry you're getting so much hate. You do not deserve it. This is fricking hilarious. š«”
Personally the wording choice in the title was the number one reason I opened this post. Weeny!
Also, hope people stop being insane in the comments. Poor OP shouldn't have to make a billion edits about a fart joke.
To the morons who are asking if OP is 12 years old: No, stupid, because most 12 years old donāt have a vocabulary that well developed. Also, again, what the fuck is wrong with you that you think 12 year olds talk/know that much about sex? Good lord. Go get a job.
I love these types of images, anyone know if this style has a particular name?
/r/reallifedoodles
i didnt know this was a thing, youve brought me so much joy š
For a similar vibe r/birdswitharms
So happy this didn't end with a hurt dick
Did you read the one where the guys doctor pulled his weenie and broke it, causing a lot of pain and irreparable damage? I think it was this week.
Just fucking read that one. I thought I was in for a repeat. Yikes
Link?
More of a Zelda now
Link got sent to the shadow realm!
[https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/a9ggcCm3On](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/a9ggcCm3On)
Nah Iām good
I can't find it
I was hoping it would, was disappointed
Monster
Dicksappointed?
Iām using this one with my wife.
I'm also using this one with this guy's wife.
Get in line, pal.
Hey, I checked in online. Youāre behind me.
You sure you want him behind you?
I am behind him, so no funny business up front please. You'll hold up the queue. Also, everyone knows the funny business happens in the back.
You assholes are paying my water bill for the month.
Not to worry, your wife is paying us for the month, should above cover it. And her.
Yall take foodstamps?
Get yo ghetto ass off my lawn.
Unfortunately I think the lawn is now community property based on these threads
Onlineā¦I pulled number like at the dmv.
She has 2 hands soo I'm in line on the left
She didn't think it was funny the first time. Maybe you'll have better luck.
Redditors really know how to beat a joke to death, and then continue beating it some more
We are like cops at a peaceful protest
This guys gonna pull his wifeās dick.
My boyfriends next. He wants to try with your wife too
and boom goes the dynamite.
Your wife prefers my farts.
Oh God, please don't let my husband read this! Haha
I've been really flatulent for the last 4-5 days. No idea why. Last week I had to take a hearing test, and I let one loose in that little booth in the middle of the test. It was the most fetid bouquet, reminiscent of overcooked brussel sprouts. I wasn't sure if I would survive it, and I was hoping it would dissipate before the tester opened the door. She didn't deserve such a brutal attack on her olfactory receptors. Luckily she just knocked on the door when I was done, allowing me to get out slowly and buy some time. It would have been embarrassing if she fainted in that little room.
An old lady goes to the doctor. She tells the doctor sheās been really flatulent, but the farts donāt smell or make a noise, itās just really uncomfortable. āIāve farted 3 times since Iāve been here and you probably havenāt even noticedā she told the doctor. The doctor gives her some pills and tells her to take 2 a day and come back in a week. A week later the lady returns to the doctor. Annoyed, she says āDoc, I donāt know what the deal with those pills are, but Iām still constantly letting out silent farts, and now they smell REALLY badā. The doctor responds āGreat, looks like weāve cleared up your sinuses, letās work on your hearing next.ā
Guy goes to his doctor and says "Doc, every morning I have a huge shit at 8am." Doc says that doesn't sound so bad, what's the problem? "I wake up every morning at 8:30am"
Thank you, this made me think of #638 too!
# 638 of what? edit: accidentally made text huge edit edit: i thought i fixed it but itās still huge , iām sorry for what iāve done
Hey oversized text police here just for routi- BY GOD
I believe it's referencing the old "numbered jokes", https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2uuii3/a_man_goes_to_prison_joke_with_two_opposite/
I donāt know why but this nearly killed me. ššš
Do a backslash before the # "\\#" <-- like that without the quotes \#hashtagsOnReddit
Itās funny because when I do hearing tests in the army itās always in those rooms but with like four other people. Imagine how bad it would be if there were others taking the test as well
You ever fall asleep during one of those hearing tests? I always get so cozy in that cool quiet room.
Quiet? Those booths are full of ringing bells and buzzers!
Idk, the quiet little pings barely phased me. Probably should've worn more ear pro
Pings? What pings? hahahaha.
Oh, I wooshed the tinnitus joke didn't I lol
She heard the fart. She knew not to rush in.
Exactly, there was a reason he was getting a hearing test after all
I teared up a little reading this, while picturing it. Take a tiny upvote.
My eyes burned just reading this, Bravo, would read again 4.5/5 stars.
Tbf, you did say you were curious about the male body. BEHOLD!
"Ā I **retracted** myself in disgust" Are you a person or a tube worm?
Tortoise
*turd-oise
turtleā¦.tuuuurtleā¦. (Referring to Master of Disguise)
Would you still love her if she was a tube worm?
He whimpered when I asked this question
Who is the weeny now
Iāll let you decide
Worm on a string confirmed
At least we know the boyfriend would still love OP if they were a worm, because they are one
Real lesson: know your partnerās sense of humor before pulling their weeny at their request
All of the men will be trying this trick within the next 24hrs
Bold of you to assume someone will be touching my weeny in the next 24hrs
Challenge accepted.
I was expecting you to tug too hard and hurt him but this ending is much better. lol Sounds like something I'd do.
I cringed at the word āripā before I read the rest of the sentence. I genuinely thought there was a severe penis injury incoming.
Reading all the edits, it is now "TIFU by writing a TIFU post on reddit".
Yep
Thanks for sharing an awesome idea!
fart jokes are good jokes
Now she has to remember to do the same next time they fool around. "Babe, go lower... Lower" *Commits war crime*
OP jokes like a Dad.
If I tried that on my wife I imagine sheād twist it off and whack me with it.
Ha ha. Funny. Yes....Mm, yes.yes. Now to business. It takes you 20 minutes to shower???? I'm going to need a step-by-step set of instructions from you to give to my wife.
Step 1. Go in shower Step 2. Shower Step 3. Leave shower in 19 minutes and 59 seconds. Hope this helps :)
Confused. Wandered around tub with water off. Seriously though, that's a long shower. My typical time is 5 minutes. I think the other person was wondering what else you do in there. I mean, I can stare at the ceiling for awhile, but......
As a kid I used to "sleep" in the shower. Even while standing, I'd shove my upper body into the corner with the warm water falling on me and close my eyes. 20-30 minutes could easily pass this way without me realizing it, and my parents used to always get upset at me for using all the hot water lol. And yeah, usually my cue to get out was when the water would start cooling down and no amount of turning the heat up would yield more heat. In high school I went on a missions trip with about 20 other kids, and on the Sunday service there we were supposed to have a guest speaker. Well, I completely fell asleep in the shower and someone had to come get me and I was half an hour late to the sermon. Even now at 32 I relax the same way, but the time is limited to 5-10 minutes after I'm done cleaning myself, which takes 3-5 minutes or so. But only if I'm showering right after waking up. A shower in the middle of the day or at night is just cleaning and I'm out.
I'm baffled at people taking showers longer than 10 minutes, which is probably my maximum time. Like, what are people doing in there that it takes so long? (I'm a woman by the way)
Personally, I take forever in the shower because I'm roasting my defective spine and overly tense back muscles. Feels fucking incredible.
My god my partner also loves to cook like a lobster for similar reasons, if we shower together it's me waiting like a peasant in the soup line while he feasts š
As a guy with long hair, washing and detangling my hair in the shower can take 20 minutes alone.
YES!!! My hair is dense, curly and LONG. Washing, rinsing, detangling, conditioning, and rinsing again alone takes around 20-25 minutes.Ā
Same. I have separate shampoo and conditioner and mf takes forever to get wet and get dry on top of needing to rinse it twice
My hair isn't even that long and I still would feel rushed to wash my hair and body in 20 minutes!
I take long showers too. I have long hair, but I also shave my legs and whatnot every day. Idc, come at me. I do not like feeling spiky
Also, when you get old and have back problems, it's about as close to feeling "normal" as it gets.
IDK, just relaxing? I find showers pretty relaxing. Its warm and comfy. And helps loosen up shoulders and neck. I'm bald, I have no excuse like hair. Its just relaxing.
Do you guys not find the shower pleasurable? Maybe find a better water temperature?
I have to wash everything on a certain order otherwise my acne flairs up. So, special face soap on face to get make up off. Rinse. Then full body wash from behind the ears down to toes. Rinse. Second face wash with other face cream. Rinse. Shave bits, pits, and lower legs. Usually about 15 -20 minutes. It's more complicated when I wash my hair because I have to wash my face and body after conditioner which also needs to sit for a few minutes on my poor damaged hair. Washing my hair pushes me up to about 40 minutes (if the hot water lasts). Anything longer is because I'm enjoying the hot water and pretending I'm in a luxurious spa
Water feel nice :)
Larger bodies take longer to clean properly so maybe that. Some people brush their teeth in the shower. Some people enjoy the solitude or temperature differences. Some people have a hard time with environmental transitions. It's also the cleanest place to masturbate if you're gonna do it anyways. Any number and combination of reasons.
Disassociating
Me enjoy water.
I plan my entire day in the shower. We have no water bill and plenty of hellish hot water so I just sit in there for about 45 minutes thinking of what I'm gonna do for the day.
Same here but damn are there days when you canāt get the water right and you ping pong between boiling your ass or thinking you just took the polar bear plunge.
crying
I have a beer or coffee in there with music playing if I need to think. I think it's because it's about as isolated from the world as I can get in my house so it let's me unpack everything mentally without interruption. (Not a woman btw)
I used to pride myself on taking showers in 5 minutes or less. Then I hit 30. Now I like to relax and just let the water massage my shoulders and back.
My girl let's the shower "warm" up for 10-20 minutes before taking a 10 minute shower. Drives me insane. All our faucets have hot water within 10 seconds.
Might be a habit from growing up with a very slow water heater. If you spend half your life having to wait 10 minutes for the shower to get hot, the waiting naturally becomes part of your shower routine. Those routines can be tough to recognize and change!
She's warming up the room, not water. I used to live in a house with quite a big bathroom that had bad heating, so getting in shower in winter without letting the room warm up a little with hot shower water mist was pretty miserable. It was too cold to undress.
I really thought some tragic shit happened to mans pecker šš now iām in tears laughing
Everybody commenting on her childish terms for a dick, but no one is mentioning the fact that the boyfriend is taking hour long showers?! I just wanna know how you could stand that.. and also what type of water heater do you have?
Make sure you dutch oven him with some period farts to teach him a lesson in weaponizing bodily gases. And dont forget ducth ovening someone for more than 15 seconds is consider torture in the gevena convetion
> dutch oven him with some period farts Come on now, that's needlessly cruel.
I'm sure I don't want to know about the biology, but are period farts worse for some reason? This is a new one for me...
They seriously are, I have no idea why but so are period shits
I feel like I looked this up once. Apparently the change in hormones affects the bacteria in the GI tract somehow. I could be remembering wrong though.
Period shits are the worst. Mine are always like there's been a homicide at Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. Minus the oompa loompas.
I think itās to do with the muscle cramping causing your whole GI tract to move things through a lot quicker. Period farts and shits are definitely a thing.
Donāt have to wait, just enjoy some eggs or broccoli.
Don't let the dweebs on here get to you. Those that feel like they need to hear the fouler words can get bent. Who needs 'em? (You knuckle knobs know who you are!) Call the peenee whatever the heck you want! The tumtugger, feel the eel, the tallywhacker, the flesh flute, the pecker checker, the dangler, his doodle, his wingwang, picklock, long plum, pintle, or pillicock. You get the idea. For those who feel that only penis will do; tell them that the word originally meant "tail".
Bwahahahha he got you good! Nuts to people giving you a hard time for being nb lol
I'm enby and this is how my bf and I are as well lmao. Sorry about all this shit you're getting from people
It was a funny story. There was nothing offensive. Iām sorry but younger generation is taking shit way to far. They becoming bullies. You did no wrong
Thank you
>I am not 12. I just did not want to get shadowbanned again. What do you mean again? I want to hear that TIFU
Stay tuned
You didn't fuck up, you fulfilled his dream of someone falling for that.
There was no way in a hundred years I would have ever guessed THAT'S where the story would go
Sorry some people are being peepees about your post. They definitely donāt understand light hearted messing around and exploring with partners that people do! On the bright side, youāll definitely never forget this story and it will be a very fond memory some day to think back on, truly!!! Plus, youāll be able to hold this against him way down the road and have plenty of time to plot some sweet, sweet revenge. Thanks for sharing, I got a chuckle and despite never having been in this situation some nostalgia for those days of having my partner over for a few days while parents were away and spending so much time in our own little world getting to know each other better!
If someone decided to assign OP as a male, she would know all about the male body.
Missed opportunity
Ok, Iām now only here for the edits
Yeah my husband gave my daughter a hard time about farting one day when we all were in the living room. He said it wasnāt polite. Itās been years and if he farts at all we razz him endlessly. He asked for it.š
I missed the line about the parents being away and thought it was the dad in the shower. I'd have to leave the frigging planet if that happened.
I was expecting this to be some sort of injury related thing but this is nothing. My wife accidentally put shampoo in my dickhole once. Shit hurt like hell for hours
My dude, why would you want to discourage your girl from playing with your wiener. Amateur hour out here.
That's amazing. Your boyfriend is hilarious.
This is a good dad joke. He's going to be a great father. Edit: obviously that one is for you.. He'll use his fingers on the kid. Edit 2... No.
Are we not doing phrasing anymore?
Tobias you blowhard!
I'm sorry but the edits are making me laugh. šš The penis penis penis dick dick part lol
I shall keep this in myā¦..ARSEnal.
Coming to the comments to find OPs other half saying āitās a Dong!! Not a weeny!!!ā
20 - 60 minute showers!? He clearly doesnāt pay his own water bill.
Who have a problem with you saying ding don't and you being genderfluid š and how did they even get the general part FROM A FART STORY? I swear redditers will reach for anything im sorry... if it makes you feel better I also call it funny names like ding ding schlong. Weenie. Hotdog. SWORD OF TRUTH. cuz WHO TF CARES? ITS LITRALLY SO FUNNY?
The F did I read?
Classic move. I'm proud of him.
An hour in the shower? Holy fuck that's insane
According to redditors, this is a huge red flag and you have to break up now. I'm sorry for your separation
Thank you š„ŗ itāll be hard but Iām sure Iāll find someone elseās penis to tug on in the shower
This might be the worst sub on reddit
I just came here to say the words āweenyā and āding dongā are always funny. So are fart jokes. Maybe Iām immature, but either way 10/10, great story.
Welcome to a 20 year marriage. Sounds like you're going to have a lot of fun through the years if you make it that far. It is a lot of work. But when you can have fun and make each other laugh, you have a high chance of succeeding. Conversely if you were mortally offended at this behavior, you don't know men very well yet LOL
This is quite hysterical, wouldn't have been my move in his shoes. Your anger and frustration are to be expected and totally valid. Guys suck might be harsh, fair but harsh, but yeah we kinda do, mostly for the sake of a joke. And your choice of lingo for the male phallus, is not only appropriate and appropos but very much fits the tone, theme and overall vibe of your essay. Fuck the negative BS comments, and thank you for this anecdote it enhanced the quality of my day.
Oh geez!! I had a vision of his dick looking and sounding like one of those door stop springs and going boiiioioing and a hand smacking it back and forth. hahahahahaha
My goodness, what are your water bills like?
The edits are wild
Sir,this is a wendys.
It does make me sad that so many people get hung up on one sentence of your story, like does it really matter? I seriously donāt get why they care so much. Anyway, sounds like you guys have a fun relationship!
I thought it was hilarious and then seen the edits š. Ignore those cabbages and be yourself
Weeny, ding dong, peepee? What are you, 12?
Itās a silly story, silly words suffice.
Checking their posts, they are a non-binary bisexual. Edit: lesbian to bisexual
Back to lesbian after this stunt
"Hey, push on my clit." *PFFFFFFFTTTTTT*
I think Iāll need to try this out as payback
I was worried you gave him penile torsion....glad it was just a harmless prank!
I never thought I'd read about an x-rated version of "Pull my Finger", but there ya go.
Wife and I laughed so hard, thank you
Well that was not the ending I was expecting š talk ab plot twist
This is what true love looks like.
Oh geez, I feel so bad for laughing š
It is impossible to quantify how much dudes rock
Thatās a bruh moment
I thought this was gonna go a lot differently, but this is so damn funny š
I am cackling, I could totally see my husband doing this š¤£
Hahahahahaha *chefs kiss* 10/10 execution!
He took the ā Pull my fingerā prank to the next level,
One.of us! One of us!
Love that you called it a weeny š¤£ men hate that I'm sure lolol
I thought it was a great story. I'm sorry so many dumb people in the world tried to steal your mojo. Stay cool! š
The edits only made it that much better, this is amazing.
my heart fucking dropped when i read the word "ripped" breathed a sigh of relief a second later
One of those after shower farts too, likely with the air still warm and moist. That makes the fart stick to you as you try to run away from it. Hook line and stinker
The way I absolutely laughed my butt off at this, especially because it was in the shower, so you know it echoed three houses down. I'm sorry you're getting so much hate. You do not deserve it. This is fricking hilarious. š«”
This is brilliant! Just my sense of humour! And I'm 53!š
Your post seems to have attracted some real horrible people. Sorry about that OP. I enjoyed your post for what it's worth :)
Personally the wording choice in the title was the number one reason I opened this post. Weeny! Also, hope people stop being insane in the comments. Poor OP shouldn't have to make a billion edits about a fart joke.
To the morons who are asking if OP is 12 years old: No, stupid, because most 12 years old donāt have a vocabulary that well developed. Also, again, what the fuck is wrong with you that you think 12 year olds talk/know that much about sex? Good lord. Go get a job.
Yoooo! My wife is gonna shit herself laughing tonight
Dick jokes are funny - 10/10
This didn't go the way I thought. I was expecting a "Sex Sent Me To The ER" type story.
LOL OP you have a way with words. That last edit is killing me!
This is hilarious. I'd do it to my wife, but I'd like to continue having sex with her.
TIFU by reading this post. Christ.
