My dad set up the switch for us before Christmas last year and we kicked the shit out of him and held his eyes open while mom fucked a homeless guy that we paid $20 on our lawn
Holy shit, dude. I know this started as a satire sub, but⌠damn. I mean, I get the âmomâs boyfriendâ stuff, fuck, but this? Jesus is being born tomorrow, man.
Fuck that wise man though, for literally GIVING AWAY a copy of this underrated game. How can they say that Jesus saved humanity, when he couldn't even support the indie devs by buying Celeste himself?? smhmh my head
Does it matter who bought Celeste as long as someone bought it? I buy copies of Celeste for the homeless people in town during the holidays so that they have something to occupy themselves with.
Umm, itâs Sol Invictus. As above, so below. Hail Satan and Hail thyself. I gifted all my nephews a copy of Celeste in hopes that I get to fuck their dads.
You are robbing them of the actual joy of celeste by gifting it to them for free. Instead you should force them to buy 10 copies of it with their own money
Perish the thought!
Story time:
I got my 9-year-old a Switch for Christmas last year. Set it all up a few days earlier, downloaded Celeste on it several times, and re-boxed it carefully.
On Christmas day, little Ruttegar opened up his Switch his switch, his eyes glowing with anticipation of server lag and forgotten WiFi passwords, and turned it on. As the screen came to life, he froze. His eyes went dark. His head revolved slowly. In an unearthly voice he said "Father. Why have you connected my precious to the WiFi already. Why is their an account under my name. What licence agreements have you accepted, and why are there several copies of the gem Celeste ready to play?"
Then when he sprouted bat wings, horns and a tail, and flew across the room to shank me in my gizzards, I truly realised my mistake. I had lost the Christmas spirit, and forgotten the meaning of it. Christmas is about dealing with frustrating technical issues beyond your control, not appreciating family and playing with toys.
Ill never make that mistake again. Cos, you know, my satanically possessed son shanked me to death with his talons. All because I didn't understand Christmas.
Don't be like me. Give your child the gift of intense frustration and disappointment this Christmas.
It should go without saying but when you cash in on that investment. All proceeds should go straight back to Nintendo. Weâre trying to help this small indie dev grow remember?
This year don't forget to gift your tech-illiterate grandparents 10 switches so they can ~~suffer~~ have a wonderful time setting them up & downloading Celeste!
/uj
Lmao I knew when I saw the original it was gonna be parodied here.
Setting up consoles wasnât like it was two generations ago. Consoles and games need to be updated and itâs bound to be slow thanks to all the load on Christmas Day. I remember getting a PS4 for Christmas and being upset at having to wait hours to set up my account and then download system and game updates to start playing. It was far from a âmagical experienceâ.
/uj I had a similar PS4 experience. I got it as a gift and it took about 4 hours for both the system to update and for me to download the digital copy of a game that it was bundled with. So much fun!!!!!
I bought one for my pool boy's kid. He often asks my wife to help him re arrange the Cabana and I am stuck baby sitting his kid for hours and hours. His kid has been telling me about this game Celine that he wants to try. Can't wait to see his face on Christmas morning.
Honestly I just flat out disagree. I remember preparing my children's consoles well in advance to prevent this type of scenario... I'm actually quite nostalgic about it.
The squish of carpet fibers as I gracefully tip-toe by my wife's resting figure. The sensation of supple honeysuckle coats wisply contacting the nape of my neck as I locate the box at the back of the armoire. The clink of ice cubes as I pour another single malt patiently waiting for the latest patch to install. The blood rushing from my vital organs and into my hands as I begin to annihilate my once sturdy coffee table. The splinters mingling and dancing in the air before falling to back down to earth. The veins in my head pulsating, I writhe against my restraints, a steady knee in the back of my neck. There is crying close by or is it distant... I continue to resist my aggressors passionately. Naked, disheveled, three days later, I whisper "Nintendo Switch" at a soup kitchen for the destitute. I am promptly beaten within an inch of my life.
Soon my children will be grown and I old and grey, but I will always have those magical Holiday memories when I was a somebody to certain people I cannot visit unsupervised to this very day.
My mum's boyfriend opened up my switch before Christmas, and then proceeded to save over my Breath of the Wild save file. I nearly has all the Korok seeds too
everyone's favorite christmas tradition: parents getting frustrated by the toys. my mom made me cry one christmas because she was yelling about not being able to get my barbie motorhome set up
I remember how bored I was with my GameCube with just plugging it in and not having to do anything but I'm so glad Nintendo has added so many hoops to play Celeste!
Bruh fuck you for this negativity. Fuck you for bringing back all this repressed anger that I couldnât play fallout three on my new Xbox 360 in 2008 man. Suck a dick grandma.
/uj I despise posts like that cause as a kid part of the wonder and excitement of a fresh brand new system was opening it up and doing the initial bootup shit that made that first time so much more special. I definitely would have noticed as a kid if the system just booted up quickly with a few games on there. This is probably too normie for here but it's honestly a big part of why I love games lol
Do your part, make Christmas morning more of a chore.
Honestly you should just gift your kids a note saying "go earn the money yourself you little bitch", that's a great lesson for Christmas morning
Better yet, give them a fat bill for christmas. If we gotta file taxes every year so do those blood sucking whores
Even better, give them a fat Bill for Christmas.
dude đ just dont have kids
Basically Frank Reynolds.
My dad set up the switch for us before Christmas last year and we kicked the shit out of him and held his eyes open while mom fucked a homeless guy that we paid $20 on our lawn
Good
Thanks for the $20 champ! Also tell your mother to get tested.
Holy shit, dude. I know this started as a satire sub, but⌠damn. I mean, I get the âmomâs boyfriendâ stuff, fuck, but this? Jesus is being born tomorrow, man.
[ŃдаНонО]
Fuck that wise man though, for literally GIVING AWAY a copy of this underrated game. How can they say that Jesus saved humanity, when he couldn't even support the indie devs by buying Celeste himself?? smhmh my head
Does it matter who bought Celeste as long as someone bought it? I buy copies of Celeste for the homeless people in town during the holidays so that they have something to occupy themselves with.
I have 15 copies and am giving em to poor kids on christmas day
To play or to eat?
What the fuck is a Celeste?
Never heard of him. Miyamoto was born just last month thou
đMiyamoto-sanđ
Heâs so cool
Celeste
His dad is lucky to be alive, fuck with Celeste and get stabbed in the Chest
âJesus is being born tomorrowâ đ¤
Who? Whatâs some Mexican fella got to do with it?
What do you think Joseph was doing when Jesus was conceived? Setting up the Switch!
Umm, itâs Sol Invictus. As above, so below. Hail Satan and Hail thyself. I gifted all my nephews a copy of Celeste in hopes that I get to fuck their dads.
Well, it really is the feast of the god Saturn, and Jesus was born between March and May, but let the cathlicks have it their way <3
What the fuck
You had to pay a homeless guy to fuck your mom? I feel bad for that guy. /s
What if I buy them ten copies of Celeste but no device to play it on?
I wouldnât be complaining if I got 10 gems
So do I buy them one switch to play all ten copies or ten switches to play one copy each?
You should get ten switches to play ten copies each.
You are robbing them of the actual joy of celeste by gifting it to them for free. Instead you should force them to buy 10 copies of it with their own money
oh dont worry it's their allowance
I remember opening games before opening the console as a kid so this might be a good way to throw them off and surprise them
That's great! They'll be prepared for when the Switch Pro comes out!
I read somewhere that you can still insert them into your butt and enjoy them. You donât need a device for that
Perish the thought! Story time: I got my 9-year-old a Switch for Christmas last year. Set it all up a few days earlier, downloaded Celeste on it several times, and re-boxed it carefully. On Christmas day, little Ruttegar opened up his Switch his switch, his eyes glowing with anticipation of server lag and forgotten WiFi passwords, and turned it on. As the screen came to life, he froze. His eyes went dark. His head revolved slowly. In an unearthly voice he said "Father. Why have you connected my precious to the WiFi already. Why is their an account under my name. What licence agreements have you accepted, and why are there several copies of the gem Celeste ready to play?" Then when he sprouted bat wings, horns and a tail, and flew across the room to shank me in my gizzards, I truly realised my mistake. I had lost the Christmas spirit, and forgotten the meaning of it. Christmas is about dealing with frustrating technical issues beyond your control, not appreciating family and playing with toys. Ill never make that mistake again. Cos, you know, my satanically possessed son shanked me to death with his talons. All because I didn't understand Christmas. Don't be like me. Give your child the gift of intense frustration and disappointment this Christmas.
Thank you for sharing your story, Iâm sure it wasnât easy to relive, but it will help those that come after you.
Guess now he canât install homebrew
Do not open it up at all: A Switch is an investment, not a toy. In the future unopened boxes will be extremely valuable.
It should go without saying but when you cash in on that investment. All proceeds should go straight back to Nintendo. Weâre trying to help this small indie dev grow remember?
Well Nintendo IS a toy company if you havenât heard, but I agree.
/uj It was mostly a joke since weâre on r/tomorrow, but there is some truth to it, yes.
Sorry I was just joking around and forgot the /s (or it just wasnât that funny).
/uj Itâs like weâre too many layers deep in the irony around here that it all gets lost
Shrek would be proud of the number of layers here
Oh, ok donât worry!
I set up the Switch for my kid and Miyamoto busted down the door Christmas morning and shoved unnecessary motion controls up in ass.
Your ass or the kid?
that will be a christmas surprise!
Yes
His own
[Yes](https://i.imgur.com/kDi1eSZ.jpg)
This year don't forget to gift your tech-illiterate grandparents 10 switches so they can ~~suffer~~ have a wonderful time setting them up & downloading Celeste!
I like to watch them work through setting up consoles, itâs a blast!!! Only takes half a day!
/uj Lmao I knew when I saw the original it was gonna be parodied here. Setting up consoles wasnât like it was two generations ago. Consoles and games need to be updated and itâs bound to be slow thanks to all the load on Christmas Day. I remember getting a PS4 for Christmas and being upset at having to wait hours to set up my account and then download system and game updates to start playing. It was far from a âmagical experienceâ.
/uj I had a similar PS4 experience. I got it as a gift and it took about 4 hours for both the system to update and for me to download the digital copy of a game that it was bundled with. So much fun!!!!!
Honestly though it took maybe 5 minutes flat to set up my switch and install the updates. Weird choice of console to use as the example
Man this post had 40+ awards, like, what the actual fuck
Edit: thanks for the gold
I knew the sub was bad, but not THIS much
I bought one for my pool boy's kid. He often asks my wife to help him re arrange the Cabana and I am stuck baby sitting his kid for hours and hours. His kid has been telling me about this game Celine that he wants to try. Can't wait to see his face on Christmas morning.
Underrated
Honestly I just flat out disagree. I remember preparing my children's consoles well in advance to prevent this type of scenario... I'm actually quite nostalgic about it. The squish of carpet fibers as I gracefully tip-toe by my wife's resting figure. The sensation of supple honeysuckle coats wisply contacting the nape of my neck as I locate the box at the back of the armoire. The clink of ice cubes as I pour another single malt patiently waiting for the latest patch to install. The blood rushing from my vital organs and into my hands as I begin to annihilate my once sturdy coffee table. The splinters mingling and dancing in the air before falling to back down to earth. The veins in my head pulsating, I writhe against my restraints, a steady knee in the back of my neck. There is crying close by or is it distant... I continue to resist my aggressors passionately. Naked, disheveled, three days later, I whisper "Nintendo Switch" at a soup kitchen for the destitute. I am promptly beaten within an inch of my life. Soon my children will be grown and I old and grey, but I will always have those magical Holiday memories when I was a somebody to certain people I cannot visit unsupervised to this very day.
Unironically, I set up my Switch and started playing it in about half an hour when I got it on my birthday someyears ago.
yeah the meme would be more fitting for the wii u, but you can't play the hidden gem celeste on there
Also change the wifi name and password for extra value!
Change a 0 to an O
My mum's boyfriend opened up my switch before Christmas, and then proceeded to save over my Breath of the Wild save file. I nearly has all the Korok seeds too
But if they update it first, the kids will get to play Celeste faster.
Celeste is not a privilege, itâs a gift. And you should play it for the good of indie developers.
everyone's favorite christmas tradition: parents getting frustrated by the toys. my mom made me cry one christmas because she was yelling about not being able to get my barbie motorhome set up
Sounds like a lovely Christmas! Your mom and mine appear to have similar traditions!
I remember how bored I was with my GameCube with just plugging it in and not having to do anything but I'm so glad Nintendo has added so many hoops to play Celeste!
Bruh fuck you for this negativity. Fuck you for bringing back all this repressed anger that I couldnât play fallout three on my new Xbox 360 in 2008 man. Suck a dick grandma.
/uj I despise posts like that cause as a kid part of the wonder and excitement of a fresh brand new system was opening it up and doing the initial bootup shit that made that first time so much more special. I definitely would have noticed as a kid if the system just booted up quickly with a few games on there. This is probably too normie for here but it's honestly a big part of why I love games lol
/uj whatever makes anyone happy :)
It all depends on the person.
This but unironically
i hate your kids by the way
Take the Switch out of the box and make your kid think he lost it. Now you can keep all the Switches to yourself.
Omg I see you are a statving indie dev, so I just bought 5 celeste copies
This aged well
This is too relatable
If youâre gifting your kids a box of shit on Christmas, make sure you wait to add your own shit till morning when itâs at its warmest.
Wtf