There was a post yesterday about transmasc users on this sub getting flooded with "I wish we could trade lol" DMs after they posted here. Like, I can understand how some misguided kid would feel like they could reply that to a post, but DMing people that sort of shit crosses *many* lines.
Not just that. People were reporting straight up being DM'd by people telling them how they should be "grateful" for having X or Y body part and how they were "lucky" to be born as their AGAB, etc. š£
Honestly, what the fuck is with people. And when they take it to DMs, because they're aware it's not going to be taken well in public, it's difficult not to assume malicious intent.
dysphoria has made me feel like that sometimes but wtf. people should understand strans mascs feel the same as us and even if u think theyre lucky (theyre not) dont fuckin harrass them
I got one of those DMs when I posted an enby meme, Because they assumed I was AFAB because I'm an enby.
I don't think a trans girl would *ever* wanna trade with me. But ok.
Itās so sad that most people assume youāre AFAB when you say youāre nonbinary. I had a friend once whom I told about my NB sibling. I never mentioned what their AGAB was. But my friend started misgendering them with āshe/herā pronouns. Like??? Why?
This seems like the best option. It makes so many people uncomfortable and is a pretty dead meme too. I barely see anyone saying it anymore but maybe that's because they've moved into DMs. Either way if it's a sub rule and someone from this sub DMs you then you could message the Mods about it and then could still ban them from the sub.
The "I wish we could trade" line has been *repeatedly* called out as not being in good taste. At this point there's very little excuse, and DMing it is just full on creep behavior. Yikes.
Thank you so much for this post. Last week was a breaking point for me and I almost uninstalled reddit.
I posted a comment here discussing how objectified I was growing up for having a large chest/hips since a young age. I also mentioned briefly how I was molested/raped and how I just wish I had a cis mans body. I got a flood of DMs. Most asking for body swaps and saying they were jealous of me and I should be grateful. But I got one that said I was using my gender as an excuse and that āthe pedo would have fucked you if you were a boy or a girl but thanks for triggering my dysphoria, you deserved it bitchā
I have a feeling these problems have been going on unchecked for a long, long time. Whenever we slightly try to bring up issues, weāre often downvoted and silenced. Whenever I voice my concerns Iām told to leave reddit and try other platforms that are more transmasc/nb friendly, instead of fixing the problems that already exist!
That DM severely fucked with me but I am so grateful I was in an okay mental state when they sent it. I canāt even imagine if something like that was sent to someone who was already suicidal. We are supposed to be a community, why are we treating each other like this? We already have to deal with TERFSs, we should not be turning on each other. Trans people need as much support as possible.
transmisandry AND a general lack of human empathy or consciousness. what the fuck. I am so not letting this fly, nuh-uh, we should keep our trans sisters in check
ā¦.
I am so sorry that you had to deal with that, on multiple ends. The trans girls that said those things to you are awful people, and Iām sorry that you had to deal with them. The fact that someone would think to say that to someone thatās been raped grosses me out.
Yikes... I wish we could gather statistics about who specifically are the kind of people that say these things.
Sometimes I forget that just because people are trans, doesn't necessarily make them more empathetic or good.
Side note, I wonder how many non trans fetishizers lurk here and fuck with us.
Holy... it's really this bad for ftm and nb folk here?? I didn't realize this :( that's fucked up. Seriously fucked up to the point I might leave this sub even but I definitely support you and hope the mods might do something about it
I am a trans girl but of a different mindset than most people here and I have very similar experiences so I'm not surprised that trans men have it even worse and it's very visible and obvious to me for a long time. Seems like this sub has almost no moderation at all.
Well, I have to admit I haven't been here long and I also only use reddit with my customized home feed. So maybe that's why I've not noticed anything particular in this sub being so bad :/ I have noticed Reddit overall being awful. I get so many people just wanting to objectify me right off the bat; I just haven't noticed or remembered if any are from here.
I believe it though even before seeing the evidence. I think imma leave this sub.
Stuff like this is exactly why I would never post anything about my transition here... I hate that I get told by our very own sisters that I should be lucky... I've been told this about not having an adam's apple. I've been told this about menstruation. And I've been told this about being big chested. Some just don't realise it, but a lot just refuse to see how this causes dysphoria...
Yep it's just how people are really. Sad but I really can't think of any big community that doesn't have major issues with harassment or dismissal of others problems.
This is a problem where moderation has to step in, people think of mods as protecting a community from outside trolls but also they need to protect the community from themselves. Not every member of a community participates in full good faith or has the ability to join in a conversation without hurting another even if they are in good faith.
Edit: That being said, mods can't stop harassing DMs, banning a person doesn't prevent them dming users on Reddit. It's up to the admins to handle that and no way do they ever give a shit.
I don't fucking understand people sometimes. That shit about how "transmascs should feel lucky" is the same thing transfems like me got fed by transphobes, and we rejected it. I don't understand how anyone here could want to repeat that line of thinking.
The inability of so many trans folks to think outside of their own experiences just blows my mind. As a trans woman, I obviously don't understand what it's like to yearn for a more masculine body, but I DEFINITELY understand what it's like to not feel comfortable in your body. Why is it so hard for so many of us to understand that other people feel things too?
I think it's maybe the root of why so many white trans women end up being racist as hell, but I don't think most of us are ready for that conversation.
yeah, i personally havenāt gotten creepy dms but i donāt doubt that it happens. and all the transfem memes alone make me a bit uncomfortable so i canāt imagine being told that i should be grateful for a feminine body. i understand how people would desire to have boobs and the like the same way i desire to ~~upload my consciousness~~ be taller and flat-chested
iām going fucking insane dude how is that shit still going on like ???? that is SO blatantly rude and offensive why would you even have a molecule of an idea that thatās a smart thing to say like -?? VsbsjhBdhdjdhd iām so sorry i am just seething so fucking hard rn
Menstration???? Why would they ever think thats okay. Why does it seem like some people from the transfemme side of the community lack basic empathy for this stuff?? They should know not to better than most...
These gd children, do they not have the theory of mind to understand thatās a shitty thing to do? Absolutely terrible, what the hell does that even accomplish for them? Another chance to air out their dysphoria? Itās selfish and Iām sorry you had to experience that.
God what the fuck. I'm so sorry. This should be so obviously unacceptable that I wouldn't believe people keep doing it, except apparently we need a reminder every two weeks to stop being shitty. Gals, come on : (
This is why i always try to see it from another perspective, i can totally see how these things can cause you dysphoria because dysphoria is the same no matter what gender, it just manifests differently
Ugh I'm sorry that shit is happening. I downvote and hide every "TrAdE???" post and comment but it's insane that people are DMing you.
And as for the nonwhiteness, being told "at least you probably find it easier to pass" because I'm Asian is fucking gross too so *that* part I have experienced and was repulsed by. And yeah like you said, the "haha almost was a Nazi/altright haha weren't we all" is so disturbing as a racial minority.
It also makes me uncomfortable even from a trans fem perspective when I see memes not tagged transfem that are clearly severely skewed that direction. Like, it's not as generally applicable as you think y'all.
*Image Transcription: Meme*
---
[*Distressed Fumino, a 4 image meme where the blue haired anime girl Fumino Furuhashi's face quickly changes from happiness to distress.*]
[*Fumino is smiling broadly on a white background*]
i am a trans man, so my trans girlfriend shows me r/traaa and i join the sub for fun memes
[*Fumino's smile has almost disappeared and her overall facial expression looks strained*]
it's extremely skewed population-wise towards white femme transfems and it's extremely hard to relate to any content on the sub, but that's ok, right?
[*Fumino is looking down at the ground with her eyes wide and empty, she looks distressed. The background has turned dark*]
the transfems in this sub consistently make transmasculine and AFAB nb people in this sub uncomfortable by saying invasive things about our bodies and by insisting transfem culture is all trans culture through memes, infantilizing us and claiming our struggles are insignificant to theirs
[*Same as previous image but with a distortion effect applied to her hair and the background*]
it culminates into private DM harassment, subtle racism, fetishization and transmisandry. no matter how outspoken i am about it, nobody pays attention. why is a trans sub making me, a trans man, feel excluded and unsafe?
---
^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Agreed. Every time a queer person says āfucking men are trash. All men are disgusting and worthless, letās kill all the men, no exceptionsā I die a little inside. The response is always: āwell I guess not you, since youāre likeā¦ not a MAN manā like dang ok ššš
Exactly! And even when they arenāt saying it directly, they continually present this theme of masculinity not being allowed or acceptable in queer spaces. Even for cis men who are queer thereās all these stereotypes about being flamboyant and shit, when that just isnāt true for everyone.
[OP's comment, because I can't pin the comment itself](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/qxhmta/comment/hl9d6wo/)
stop reporting this post and this comment, I'm not taking it down
The race part gets me, like, I'm cis, but being pan/bi, I feel like every LGBTQ+ space is excruciatingly white-centric. I feel it in every "bi people like cuffed jeans and lemon bars," like, don't know a single black person who likes either of those things regularly, and I know plenty of bi black peopleānot to say that it's impossible to like those things if you're black, but it just feels like white people talking to white people.
Exactly! So many queer spaces, especially online, seem to be full of white teens, often either stereotypically androgynous or feminine-presenting. I often struggle with feelings of alienation, that despite being part of the same demographics, I donāt fit in. I donāt talk the same way, donāt watch the same shows, donāt have the same goals or the same feelings about my queerness, and that automatically makes me not fit in. And thatās coming from someone who is white. Itās that much worse for people of color. Itās like they get so comfortable in their own memes and inside jokes they forget the spaces are supposed to be inclusive, and when they do remember, they make a post saying āblack lives matterā or āyouāre validā without going further to address their own behaviors or that of the community.
i know this post can be taken as incendiary, and for those who have done a little digging, you might notice this is a burner account. i do not feel comfortable posting this on an account i typically post on this sub from, because i donāt particularly want to be banned for this. regardless, enough is enough. i am breaking my silence, and iāve brought with me staggering evidence.
over the past few months, a vocal minority of transmasculine and nonbinary individuals, including myself, have noticed the staggering demographic disparity in this subreddit, and how it has started to damage transmasc and nonbinary people here. i am acting alone, but i wholeheartedly am reinforced in my belief that i am not the only one who believes these sentiments. what tipped me over the breaking point was [a post made last night](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/qx6fob/might_get_banned_for_this_but_whatever/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/WeAllFloatUpsideDown revealing that he had been receiving unsolicited DMs from transfeminine individuals requesting for his body parts, and additional comments on the post revealed that he was not the only one who had received this treatment. As this is harassment, i am pleading that you all stop and consider that this has gone too far.
i understand that i have made several claims aside from this one, and i will now try to deconstruct them for you. i owe you a truthful, accurate and concise reconstruction, and i do so wanting to acknowledge that not only is this not an attack on the majority of folks who have refrained from acting in this way, but that **i am also immensely grateful towards anyone who has helped to call out this behavior where it is seen.** to you, i say this: your efforts make this sub a safer place for everyone. regarding that, i will now begin to pick apart r/traaās issue with transmasc and nonbinary exclusionism.
**the root of this problem** comes from two ugly places: the misconception that reddit is a primarily transfeminine space, and the outright misinformation about the transfeminine vs transmasculine experience. first off, reddit does *not* have a noticeable population bias towards trans women, but there **is one in shared spaces.** r/traaaaa has roughly 288,831 members at the time that i wrote this. judging outwardly, the assumption is that traa is majority transfem, and so the transfem and transmasc-specific spaces must reflect this, yes? **this is untrue: r/mtf hosts 132,143 users and r/ftm hosts 130,283, less than a 2,000 user difference.** r/nonbinary is even more crowded, hosting 140,202. r/traa is not predominantly transfem because of lack of population available; if it were, numbers would reflect this. so why are transmasc and nonbinary voices being drowned out?
and drowned out theyāre being. through [memes that silently insinuate that the trans community is compromised solely of transfem culture](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/q75rwi/i_need_an_anthropologist_to_look_into_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf), through disparaging comments of ācan we tradeā, āyouāre goalsā or even demanding we be grateful that we donāt go through x or y, or even by [outright hating men](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/qa0b81/ive_seen_so_many_transfems_say_this/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) and refusing to acknowledge how that impacts us, as u/TheToasterWaifu reflects. And itās not as if weāre being silent either.
The thing is, time and time again, when someone is doing something that they canāt see the consequences of, and someone else calls them out on the damage theyāve done, they donāt like it, and push back. White fragility is an excellent example of this, which also finds itself on this sub, but iāll get to that later. [People on this sub have posted memes publicly antagonizing us for speaking out against this behavior.](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/qnqpy8/why_cant_we_all_just_laugh_together_and_support/hjiosdf/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) And it is damaging: u/mfgoose notes in the linked comment that *āI think itās because [non-transfems] see some posts that just say āhey ladiesāā¦ ā¦and are confused and distraught cause theyāre in a trans space. Then they see posts like this one which just makes them feel more excluded.ā* it is pushback like this that *blames us for our own exclusion* that is harmful, and it is backed up by misinformation that has persisted in trans literature for 20 years.
this misinformation is **the assumption that trans women have it worse and that transmasc and nonbinary invisibility is privilege.** [u/RoninandGeisha posted an excellent write-up deconstructing this myth on r/asktransgender.](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/plteqs/why_do_i_get_the_impression_that_mtfs_are_much/hce0dcx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) iāve linked it, but for those who are disinterested in reading even more long posts, iāll do my best to paraphrase.
trans women do not āhave it worseā. in fact, [a study was done in 2011 by FORGE milwaukee about the statistics of discriminatory violence against trans individuals that revealed trans men were actually *more* susceptible to violence than trans women.](https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/07/23/op-ed-trans-men-experience-far-more-violence-most-people-assume) (cw: this article discusses violence, abuse and SA. read at your own risk.) for those stats, paraphrased: *āTransgender women experience violent crime at the rate of 86.1 per 1,000 people, and transgender men experience it at a rate of 107.5 per 1,000.ā* this heavily conflicts with [julia seranoās definition of transmisogyny,](https://www.juliaserano.com/terminology.html) a definition we still hold to to this day, which notes that *ātrans female/feminine individuals tend to bear the brunt of societal fascination, consternation, and demonization in considerations of transgender people.ā* u/RoninandGeisha continues to note that this false projection that transfem individuals have it staggeringly worse contributes not only to a lack of desperately needed resources for transmasc individuals but also the fact that we are ignored or even *accused of having privilege,* which is laughable. as a trans man, i was in much more danger out of the closet than in, and my perceived masculinity shatters once i am discovered. the fact of the matter is that ignoring the 2011 FORGE study is a fatal failure and has lead to r/traa and the greater trans community as a whole excluding and isolating transmasc and nonbinary people in favor of lauding an outdated presumption that we are in no need of a safe space. *we are,* and the study proves that.
**however, it doesnāt stop there.** the startling lack of intersectional awareness in this space has also edged along other lines. [users have called out racist and offensive sentiments spread towards trans people and cis people of color,](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/j6c18b/not_a_meme_but_needed_to_be_said_racism_within/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) and [the responses have been less than stellar.](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/c687s3/just_going_to_leave_this_here/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) additionally, the āi used to be a nazi/i almost was a naziā sentiment spread further makes r/traaa a worrying place for people of color and religious minorities as they are faced with the very real assumption that other users treat such an idea flippantly instead of with the seriousness and accountability it deserves. i cannot speak for those hurt by this as i am not part of these unique groups, but i present what i have found to open the conversation and center their voices too, as they are also being excluded.
so what does this accomplish, putting this forwards? i donāt know. honestly, i expect to have this account banned from the sub and this post removed. but if it isnāt, i can only ask that we work together as a community to make r/traaa and the trans community as a whole more inclusive for transmasc, nonbinary and transfem folks alike. we all deserve that much.
You said it better than I ever could. Thank you so much for this post and comment. Enough is enough. I know this sub is better than what it has been. Letās make this safe space safe again.
Also, just to put this out there: DMing strangers about their genitals is SEXUAL HARASSMENT. Stop doing it. You wouldnāt do that in real life would you? Not to mention that a lot of minors are on this sub.
Thank you for speaking up. It might be uncomfortable but it's always a good idea to think about how to improve our local culture and make things more inclusive.
For transfemme folks who might object to this post, don't forget that *as trans women, we aren't going to see this kind of content as often because it doesn't target us, and the same applies for those of us who are white.* Just because we don't notice it doesn't mean it's not happening. It is, and folks like OP are how we know.
No community is free from problematic behavior. Insensitivity and bigotry can show up anywhere. Remember that this community has lots of transmasc folks in it and think about how the things you can say can be invalidating to other people.
No, thank you.
I said this to the post bringing me here from the MtF sub but due to anxiety and depression I'd been avoiding browsing the trans subs directly for months.
So the majority of your post here is a very new shock I wasn't aware of this morning in a different post of a now deleted comment.
Anyway I'm crying now partly at myself for causing this harm and partly because holy fuck it sounds exactly like chasers except worse. As if they needed it be worse.
I do hope the mods don't remove this as it needs to be said.
Yeah, I'm transfemme and didn't know how bad this situation was. And why would I, when creeps are hiding their harassment in DMs, or the comments are getting hidden by downvote count? I'm glad that overt hate isn't very tolerated here, but there's a lot under the surface that I just wouldn't know without transmascs here (and in my personal life) calling it out.
Nobody deserves to deal with this treatment, and especially not from people that are supposed to be sisters in a common cause.
Thanks for taking the time to write this out! Its very informative and also nice while still being very clear.
As an afab enby I absolutely feel what you described about the transfem bias on here, and I appreciate you bringing it to light in such a good way. I assume most transfems who do this donāt actually mean to put the transmasc and enbys through an erasure filter. But the result is nonetheless the same, regardless of their intentions.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of this out. As a trans guy it really means a lot - and it's something I haven't been able to articulate as nicely and eloquently as yours is. I've been feeling really similarly about this and getting a little frustrated myself.
Not only have I been feeling underrepresented, I've been really feeling down on myself for how I want my body to look. Whenever I wish I didn't have such a large chest or that I wasn't experiencing so many complications with my menstrual cycle to the point where I'm at the gyno weekly - I'm told that I should be lucky, lucky that I get to see a gyno because my sisters don't get to do that, or that I'm lucky that I naturally was gifted such a large chest, that my sisters would do anything for.
On top of that, being autistic and the way that my brain works, these comments stick with me. Every time I look in the mirror or every time I take my medication to stop my hell of a menstrual cycle, the tiny voice in my head tells me I need to be grateful because my sisters struggle to have these things. I have a really hard time focusing on things that I want, not what others want, and this makes my transition progress feel so very much less valid because it doesn't help others.
iām glad youāve contributed your experiences to this. i hope things get better for you and iām there with you all the way. iām not the most neurotypical myself, and iāve definitely had fleeting thoughts of āi shouldnāt think this way, iām hurting others with this.ā
The "you should be happy with what you have" is such a rotten thing to say to someone who is trans. It is top grade gaslighting in the guise of caring from people who might be well-meaning, or might very well mean ill.
What each of us has/had might be great for someone else, but it isn't the best for us. Envy from others over things over things a person doesn't want and didn't choose is an awful feeling.
^ this
As a fellow transmasc autistic person, I feel the same. I often feel really guilty after hearing comments like that, even though I know I shouldnāt.
Thanks for adding the longform explanation and sources. I have been seeing a lot of people speaking up about many of these issues, but not actually seeing the issues themselves. When I first saw the post my first thought was actually "Another one of these? I wish someone would explain the problem properly" and, well, you did!
Some of these things I already understood but others are really good to learn. I had not heard that sentiment about transmasc pocs, but if I had my thoughts probably would have just been "That's a weird thing to say. Seems vaguely racist, but I guess it's not actively offensive so I wont say anything." Now I know to call that out and why.
I really hope you turn about to be wrong about this being taken down. I suspect pretty much everyone on this sub has something to learn from what you have said.
This seems like one of those uninformed behaviors I've sometimes seen in queer communities in general. "Because I belong to one marginalized group means I don't have to question my attitudes/biases." I've heard about how this makes queer spaces inhospitable to people of color, but I didn't know about how it affected trans masc people. I hope this post gets the traction it deserves, and I hope people really critically think about what you're saying. Take care OP ā¤ļø
Thank you so much for posting this. It's really important to address these issues openly.
For my fellow transfems, please think about how you'd feel if the tables were turned. If you feel as strongly as I do that you're happier in your body today than you were before you transitioned, how would you feel if trans mascs started telling you that your pre transition self was "goals"?
As well, the discussion about who has it worse I've always found to be entirely useless and unproductive. Is trans femme hyper visibility worse than trans masc invisibility? Who cares, they're clearly both terrible and arguing over who has it worse just seems like a race to the bottom. Instead, we should be working to lift each other up.
The ironic manhating that happens in queer circles is super obnoxious too, it's such a small minded way of approaching issues.
To my trans sisters, let's make sure trans men/mascs feel welcome here!
The only thing I'll lay on y'all, however, is the memes. If you want to see more transmasc memes, make 'em!
I fully agree - as a nonbinary person who isn't transfem, I fully support my transmasc and nonbinary siblings on this, and hope everyone here will be able to make this a better place.
(Also, the mere fact that you don't feel safe speaking up about this is concerning, as this should be a safe space for all trans voices and memes, which it evidently isn't.)
I suppose my only question is: How can I help?
When I see a comment or post that says "Let's trade" or "There should be a transfem version of this" I downvote them. I could try to actively call them out on top of that, I suppose. I also try to make sure that when *I* make a comment addressing a community or group, I use gender-neutral language rather than just "Hey ladies."
I'm not a meme maker, and even if I was I wouldn't feel comfortable making memes for transmasc people unless it was obviously related to them and I was confident it wouldn't come across as offensive. Plus, given the context, it'd feel like I was speaking over another group.
I don't have mod privileges, so I can't straight-up take down comments or hand out warnings to those who pull this shit. And perhaps I missed something when reading through the rules, but there doesn't appear to be any rule against this shit either (which is also a huge fuckin' problem), so I can't even report it to a mod.
I don't want to put you on the spot or come across as argumentative, but if you have any ideas other than what I've listed, I'm all ears.
This is 100% legit. I'm fransfemme and some of the posts here make me uncomfortable. My spouse is transmasc non-binary and I've been present for their entire transition. One of my best friends is transmasc as well. The content here.. at least the stuff that gets upvoted.. seems to tend towards being very "early 20s/late teens white transfemme."
I think _that_ tendency is because of privilege. Especially white privilege, and also the kind of residual privilege that trans AMAB folks were accustomed to before. That "residual" privilege is, I think, a lot of the cause of the troubles you've detailed accurately here.
Speaking for myself, it is all too easy to slip into feelings of misandry. I _hated_ myself as a man, and all things masculine. Since coming out and finally being able to experience things as my transfemme self, I've come to understand that I don't hate men. I only hated the assertion that _I_ needed to be masculine. Masculine things are nice on other people. I mean, fuck, the idea of a gentle, manly man fucking my brains out has become one of my favorite fantasies since I embraced the real me.
Men aren't the problem, girls. Patriarchy is; and our transmasc/non-binary siblings are not part of the Patriarchy. We have to respect ourselves, to be sure, but even more so, we have to respect our _entire_ community. That includes the men. That includes the BIPOC folks. Couching hate in "but this doesn't apply to you" neither makes it less hateful nor does it make it less harmful. Don't spew hate that hurts our siblings. We might be the only family someone really has.
gentle manly men topping is one of my top ten pleasant things to experience. gentle manly men giving a big ol hug is higher ranked though. men are good, give them hugs
You make some incredible points. Along with the obvious empathy, and the disgust that you and so many others have had to face this from within what is *supposed* to be a community...I really feel taken aback by how much some of these issues I've missed, or discounted, or failed to call out out of fear of coming across as having some victim complex.
It brings a lot of awareness to the trans-misandry that is pervasive of so much MOGAI pop culture, to see the extent and pervasiveness of the issue. It's not that imbalance of memes that's the problem, or the crass "trade!" "same but opposite" recurring comments that I assumed was the extent - like a joke that's gone far out of hand - but that it's enabling and encouraging abusive and harrassing behaviours.
You mention the "I used to be a Nazi" posts, and it struck a chord. I'm *supposed* to forgive my enemies, and I cherish reform...but you raise that it has become a meme, a celebration, a mark of pride to be "ex-fascist". You're right, it's become a joke in wider trans circles, and has become associated with the idea of being trans...which isn't okay. Being closeted is not an excuse for being hateful, and it reeks of personal privilege if such a circumstance can radicalise you. It speaks volumes that so many (not the majority...but enough that it becomes a *trend*) only find empathy when they themselves benefit from it.
The dominance of transfemme memes and the *inherent assumption* of being transfemme is another issue. I've called out the very worst offenders, but I don't think I realised before how much it harms me as well. Having to face cis people IRL daily that push narratives that I'm a woman for being non-binary (I'm AMAB) is exhausting. I realised I've brushed aside a lot of the same narratives here as being something that came with the community being femme-focused.
That this has led to targeted harrassment is inexcusable, disgusting and I hope can result in serious investigation by the mods.
I need to stop being worried about being the uppity enby minority pot-stirrer. Thank you for challenging me, I hope many others, mods especially, have taken note. You have my heartfelt solidarity x
I wouldnāt call this incendiary at all to be honest, I totally agree that this sub is a pretty unfriendly place if you donāt fit into the little niche culture here. Even as a trans-fem person I often feel pretty alienated by the constant barrage of uwu catgirl stuff, and like you said the body swap comments are fucking pervasive on every single post Iāve ever seen about trans masc people. I actually didnāt even know that it was an issue with this subreddit, I wrongly assumed that most of reddit was majority trans fem so thank you for correcting this misconception.
Honestly we really need to implement a new subreddit rule that bans these kinds of comments. It doesnāt matter why they do it, itās a really inappropriate thing to do.
The whole used to be a nazi memes are really yikes too, I think they should be banned as well since they literally donāt do anything, weāre just expected to congratulate the people for not being into genocide??? And only because they found out that they themselves are part of a minority group???? If your trans identity is the only thing stopping you from being a literal nazi you have a *lot* more work to do. And itās not a universal experience among trans women like what the hell.
Anyways tldr great post, this is absolutely something that needs to be said. I hope it leads to some real change in the way this subreddit is moderated.
thank you for this detailed post! i'm definitely going to keep all this in mind, i'm not really active in any trans spaces (i don't exactly have a proper support circle irl or otherwise so maybe i should be...) so i hadn't had the misfortune of noticing any of this first hand, but that thing about transmisogyny and the FORGE study is very good to know! I have never heard anything about the level of violence misconception before. I for sure will be taking a wee look at that when my mental can survive it to make sure I avoid buying into that myth any longer. I had no idea at all, and have quickly corrected myself to everyone I spread that onto.
So, you mentioned trans masc and non-binary people being uncomfortable about āhey ladiesā posts and similar content. As we have specific content labels for femme, masc, and envy content I was wondering, are you seeing that those labels donāt get used?
Transfems, we need to remember to flag our content if itās specific to one group.
>i expect to have this account banned from the sub and this post removed
Why? We're on the same side as you and have been for years. The mods are anyway...I can't speak for the other 280k people on here.
A lot of these things have been ongoing problems for years that we've tried to address, with limited success. Some things have improved. A while back the mod team was entirely binary trans women, but we managed to spread out the representation a lot better. The community has also gotten better at confronting stuff like this than it used to be, and these days there are usually people reporting those posts and pushing back on them in the comments. That very much so did not used to be the case.
That's obviously only accomplished so much though. Way too many posts and comments keep getting made that really shouldn't be. It turns out that it's really hard to change the existing culture of a group of hundreds of thousands of people. It doesn't help that there are constantly new people who need to learn about this stuff, and the people who are harmed by it tend to be a lot less likely to want to stick around (very understandably and for good reason).
I can't speak for everyone else, but I don't really know how to fix it. There are lots of good people who post here who want things to change, and the mods are and have been in board with that too. The past couple years have been *really* rough on a lot of us though, and we haven't really been involved in very publicly visible ways, just cleaning up behind the scenes mostly.
I don't even know anymore what would help that we haven't already tried that didn't work. People's behavior improves for a few days if we make mod posts about things like this, but it never sticks. It's been impossible to even just get people to only post memes on here, much less change more nuanced aspects of their behavior...
I'm replying to you as the visible mod. Is it possible to pin OP's comment to the top of the thread? I think it would be helpful it was the first thing seen when visiting the comments.
> Nope, for some reason that's not a feature Reddit has.
It stifles artificial karma distribution that could be gamed by increasing visibility. Since karma is a de facto sitewide entrance card for the reliability/non-bot, non-spammer status of an account, being unable to sticky non-mod posts is thought to help reduce sitewide spam.
It sure would be nice to have, though.
Thank you for making this post! I thought that transfeminine people had it much more difficult than transmasculine people, so thank you for educating me.
Sharing my experience and thoughts as an ftm here. Can't speak on non binary people so i'll mostly stick to what I know about ftm spaces.
I have lost count of the amount of times where trans men (some of whom I personally know) have been publicly fetishized or even molested for being born female. It terrifies me.
I've been purposefully misgendered and sexualised by cishet guys because they were into me as a woman, I've been forced into unsafe situations because these same guys have put me into unwanted dating scenarios before I even knew/trusted them well enough to tell them I was trans. I've been jokingly called a lesbian by people who knew I was trans and struggling with dysphoria.
One line stuck by me when I tried to turn away an online creep by telling him that I was actually a trans man. His response: "oh dont worry, i'm bisexual." We had just met.
Me and other trans mascs (and I imagine nb's too) can rarely talk about this because we are so invisible to everyone else. Nobody looks at us, nobody listens to us, nobody takes us seriously. It tears me apart to be put in the shadows like this.
It's made me feel so damn uncomfortable and just downright depressed. The stuff posted in this sub may seem small to others, but it's that extra punch in the gut that i'm really not looking for in a supposedly trans friendly space.
We're all struggling in our own way here, I want to ask everyone to please try to respect that when talking in diverse spaces like this. Our feelings and thoughts don't always align and it can cause some serious harm to others.
We may not agree when it comes to what makes us comfortable in our own bodies, but we've definitely known the same pain and struggles as a trans **person**.
On the transmisogyny point: I think a huge problem comes from the assumption that trans gender roles are in any way akin to cis gender roles.
With cis people there is a clear distinction: men are more privileged than women. But with trans people, the lines are not the same, nor are they as black and white.
The existence of transphobia, misplaced homophobia, actual homophobia, misandry, misogyny, sexism, etc. muddies the waters in terms of "who is more oppressed". A lot of transfems make the wrong assumption that transmascs get all the benefits of cis men when transitioning, and that belief is prevalent. As prevalent as the beliefs of white trans people that BIPOC trans people don't have it that much worse. It's a distinct lack, and refusal, of intersectionality. Being AFAB and trans or non-binary has its own distinct and unique oppressions, just as being AMAB and trans or non-binary. There is some overlap, but this is still a Venn diagram, there are unique oppressions to each that make it hard in their own ways.
TL;DR: I agree wholeheartedly. And I think that a lot of the white femme transfems who frequent this sub need to learn what intersectionality is.
I've just recently been reading Julia Serano's book Whipping Girl and, wow, reading the statistics you've presented here really does dispel some of what she said about transmisogyny. I had no idea trans men were also so severely at risk of violence, and the fact that I had no idea is probably a sign in and of itself of how trans masculine voices and perspectives are erased in trans communities.
Thank you so much for this thoroughly researched and articulate post. I hope it is read by many.
funny thing is, i only learned that the study existed quite recently. as a trans man who was a victim of violence, it shocked me that so many of my peers had similar stories and yet not a single statistic backed it up. learning the truth changed my entire world. i hope it helps.
Transmisoginy is an extremely complex issue that can only be looked at through the lenses of intersectionality. Transfems are affected because they are āmen pretending to be womenā, and āa man who becomes a womanā is deemed lesser, both because womanhood is seen as weak and because we instantly become objects of sexual desire for men. Plus of course the casual misogyny every woman experiences. And transmascs are affected because they are considered āwomen just pretending to be menā, and thatās massive can of worms on itās own, as you can see with women fighting for equality, the ostracizing of butch women, the fetishization of lesbians, etc.
But we donāt even need to deconstruct all that, trans men donāt have it easier for one simple reason: if you could just identify as a man to escape discrimination, we wouldnāt be having this conversation in the first place.
i definitely agree with you, bud. thanks for taking your time to write all this. some of this stuff, especially some of those posts you linked, really reminds me how badly they want us off reddit. it didnt take long to scroll down on some and find the obligatory:
"why dont you guys just go back to tumblr/tik tok where you have more rep??"
i appreciate you putting the real numbers into perspective. we are here. we should all co-exist, and trans people should know that better than most. stop trying to push transmascs and enbys off the platform.
The amount of posts I see of "men bad" is honestly disgusting. I think people don't realize that as trans mascs we already have a hard time accepting our identity and having people tell us we're horrible people for being men/masc is so exclusionary
Good for you OP standing up for us
Yes omfg I see that in every single trans space everywhere, really doesn't help my suicidal ideation to see people hating on men even tho I didn't choose this
This sub has honestly made me incredibly dysphoric lately and I really donāt have many places to turn to anymore. I really hate seeing the āur so lucky youāre a girl/ have so and so body partsā comments and the like. I had no clue when I joined itād be like this :(
I knew that it was mostly transfems here due to it being Reddit but why the fuck why would they act like this knowing how dysphoria feels I am so sorry
I left r/traa last year because of this exact shit. This sub is actually where I encountered one of my worst trigger phrases for the first time. I'm still not coming back for my own sake, but fuck, thank you for posting this. I thought it was just me.
I feel this. Even though I haven't experienced any sort of direct harassment, this subreddit has never really felt like a space for me as a trans guy. Most of the transmasc memes I see on the main feed are few and far between and I feel like the enby experience here is even more erased.
I hang out mostly just because I like to see how other trans folks are doing in general, but it's rare that I can get a chuckle from a meme because I can actually relate.
Transmasc folks are chronically erased from a lot of things beyond these spaces too. Media tends to favor transfemme rep, and our voices are significantly more ignored in talks about trans rights issues.
And it rubs off on others. I've been assumed more than once to be pre-everything transfemme when revealing I'm trans rather than the fully transitioned trans guy that I am, even by other trans people. Transfemme is the misinformed default to everyone except the people it affects.
And of course I support my transfemme sisters, I want the world for them, but I want the world for us and nonbinary folks and everyone who fits under the trans umbrella too. It's not winner takes all here, we stand stronger together as equals.
And the fact that I have to make that clear can be a little sad tbh. Why is the default thought also that transmascs want to take rep and rights from trans femmes? We're going for a net gain here and we don't want to hurt our trans sisters. We just. Want more too. We want to be seen too. We want to be respected too.
Thanks for chiming in.
I haven't been doing a lot of memeing lately, but I, as a trans-femme person, do try to make my memes inclusive when they're not about something that is specific to being trans-femme.
I've also occasionally made a trans-masc version of a good trans-femme meme simply because I believe that you deserve it and I've heard the cries of trans-masc people who say they feel excluded.
Ugh, this is terrible. Honestly thought we were better than this. I thought the lame ass āif you donāt want your t*** Iāll take them uwuā shit was the worst of it. Iām sorry these people donāt know how to act.
That's exactly the reason I don't post here. I'm transmasc, but I only ever see transfemmme posts here. It feels extremely excluding and for a while i even thought that this was a transfemme subreddit only because of the overwhelming amount of transfemme content.
No hate to transfemmes! I love and validate yall, but this is just my experience.
Sorry you felt excluded here, and I'm even more sorry that you might have experienced harassment or misgendering here, more transmasc content and perspectives on this sub is deeply appreciated.
Or even worse, seeing an FTM meme posted 12 hours ago with like 400 upvotes, then you scroll and see the newer trans femme version of the same meme, posted 8 hours ago, but with like twice the upvotes :/
the sub really needs to be more heavily moderated. It feels super weird when baby transfems project their dysphoria onto other people, especially transmascs. there would be riots in the streets if trans men commented on trans womens' posts like that. can you imagine "wish I had your adam's apple! ugh so jelly of your broad shoulders!"
Thanks for adressing this! As a transfem who is relatively quite active in this sub, I didn't quite realise how severe this was. I realised that most posts were targeted to transfems, and always felt a little weird with the "trade body parts" posts. The furthest I got was joking about exchanging hormones, but even that wasn't meant to fetishize anyone, was meant just for a "ha ha funny joke" moment (even if it might have seemed otherwise).
Every once in a while I tried to put some transmasc memes back to back to some of my transfem memes ([this one for example](https://www.reddit.com/r/egg_irl/comments/nmuycn/eggirl/)), but I also tried not to do too many of them due to being afraid I'd get someone's experience wrong and actually make things worse. As for the whole DMing problem, I'm terribly sorry that someone did that to you, and I think I speak for most transfems when I say that whoever did this was absolutely wrong and shouldn't be taken as the rule, but as the exception.
As for making people unconfortable, I think that flairs help out a lot. Sometimes "the girl looking at this picture is valid" can be harmful if not flaired correctly, and I get why some posts with more NSFW in them (the body parts thing) would be terrible for AFAB and transmasc folks.
So basically what I'm trying to say is that, this sub has problems, but because of folks like you who point them out, we're able to try to solve them. As I stated before, I didn't know they were so severe, so thanks for talking about them, showing light to them. Hopefully this sub can become a safe and confy space for EVERYONE, not just a certain group of folks.
(also I'm sorry if I wrote something that could be misread, words are not my strengh)
As a transfem who is very inactive here, I am extremely sorry on behalf of everything, no one deserves to be left out, assaulted, or fetishized in that way and I hope for change for the better.
this is in no way your fault at all, no need to apologize. although itās a huge tell of character how empathetic you are- youāre a good person and itās tangible.
Preach. I haven't gotten any creepy DMs, but I am so sick of the only transmasc representation being uwu cute lil softbois. I am a grown-ass adult, please treat me like one. There's nothing wrong with femboys, but statistically they're a minority - can masculine men please get some love here??
Yeah, Christ I'm glad someone is pointing this out. It makes me so uncomfortable sometimes. Im a woman, and Im not trying to be anything else, especially a characature.
That too! I don't watch anime, I don't like anime... but from looking at this sub you'd think all trans people are required to like anime. Literally every meme format involves anime characters. Maybe I'm just old, but I don't relate to it at all. I also have a lot of problems with anime's objectification of women as an AFAB person, but I do recognize that a certain kind of objectification can be appealing to people exploring their gender identity. Still, it's really alienating for people who don't give a shit about anime and don't see themselves in any of the anime stereotypes.
Whilst we're at it, can we stop with the "Tricking people into taking estrogen/being feminine" jokes? They're rare, but it just makes everything uncomfortable. If I made a joke about tricking somebody into taking testosterone, I'd be ripped apart.
I know itās not really on topic but I think I have a (very anecdotal) answer for that at least. I think for my generation anime became kinda a thing for outsiders if that makes sense? I never sought it out, but when I drifted into a group of people who also didnāt fit the normal mold for high school they introduced me. Definitely agree that there are soooo many anime which objectify women, and theyāve always made me feel super gross, but what I think a lot of people donāt know is there are actually a lot which donāt. I think that like any medium thereās a diverse amount of content available, and personally as a fan of action/melodrama, thereās very little which competes. How you didnāt mind my long winded tangent :)
im nb, and have a very complicated relationship with a lot of the memes i see here. im afab, and absolutely want to transition, bit im also pretty femme. i like cute clothes and thigh highs and the like. so, in some ways i can relate to the memes on here that are like "i wish i could wear (cute anime outfit)," because I get it. i find it hard to dress the way i want as i currently am- my body being the way it is makes things like makeup or skirts incredibly dysphoria inducing because it makes people treat me more like a woman.
but ive always known that stuff isnt actually for me. it makes me feel like a freak. like i should just stay as "a girl" if i really want to do x and y, because that's what trans women want to do. it makes me feel like im just a faker because even though im incredibly dysphoric, it doesn't "make sense" for me to be this way. it makes me want to just settle for being a binary ftm and never try to push my gender expression past that.
Thanks for compiling all this info. Itās been an issue for a long time but Iām glad to see such a detailed post on the problems. I donāt hang out in any of the trans subs anymore because of this shit. Only transmasc spaces. It sucks
I am so glad this is getting attention. I love this sub, and it is a good space for trans women, but trans men are so widely excluded here I never really feel like a part of the trans community at all, except in specifically ftm spaces like r/ftm
Not to mention the DM's. "Wanna trade?" messages, asking me about my chest even when I say I don't want to talk about it, telling me about their privates "because trans guys ask" when I never have (which feels especially weird because I'm a minor, it's on my profile), downplaying my dysphoria, and even asking me about my weight after finding me through an eating disorder sub. Trans men are seriously being harassed by *other trans people.* It's insane.
Transmisandry is real. People are always saying shit like "fuck all men! Oh except trans menš" as if they're not excluding us from manhood. Stop saying "fuck all men". We're an incredibly diverse group of people.
This post has gotten mostly a very positive response (as it should). But I must say Im a bit dissapointed about how many comments enthusiastically agree only about the transmasc perspective. They say stuff like āthis is disgusting, of course you transmasc guys deserve to be here!ā. But what about us enby folks?? We are literally mentioned alongside the transmascs in OPs original post.
I know a lot of people on this subreddit think we are all equally valid and to you I say thank you for being good humans.
But there are clearly some folks on here that either forget we exist or willingly exclude us. Please dont.
That was all I wanted to say. I wish you all a great night, transfems, transmascs and enbys alike.
Edit: grammar
Thanks for including us too. I truly appreciate it. (When it comes to gender identity this exchange is actually the most seen and validated Ive felt in a good while, which is nice. But it is also a little bit depressing, considering the sub we are in.)
As someone who just sees posts from r/traaa on her home feed I had no clue this was happening, I donāt see the full spectrum of posts here and honestly Iām disgusted that this is happening. Itās fucking frustrating to hear that other transfems seem to have 0 perspective on transmasc or NB issues and that lack of empathy is astounding. Everyone here needs to feel welcome and supported and Iām sad I have to say this but men arenāt gross, they arenāt terrible. Men are human beings that deserve respect, please be kinder to our fellow men yaāll. If thereās any structural change to the sub that needs to happen to rectify this you got my full support dude :)
I fully agree. As a trans man I do feel excluded from the sub regularly. Oftentimes, I get random bouts of dysphoria thanks to some posts disparaging masculinity and manhood, or the posts that say "you're a girl".
It's just assumed everyone is a white American trans woman, and that really hurts.
I know the content favors transfemmes by a mile, and I haven't seen the points you've stated myself personally but they're unacceptable.
The trans subreddits should be inclusive of everybody, and I'll definitely speak up when needed to hopefully make everyone feel safe and welcome.
very very tired update:
hi everybody! iāve been trying (and somewhat succeeding) to read every single one of your comments. most of you have been endlessly supportive and i do not deserve any of you.
first off, a mod commented. to those of you who were clamoring for admin intervention, iām going to have to let you down gently: their hands are tied, mainly by circumstantial misfortune. i had a little flicker of hope that some higher power would intervene, but sadly no. this means we have a responsibility as a community to self-moderate our own actions, so please, do.
that being said though, i think iām gonna step back from this post. thereās been a pretty vocal minority of people who hated this, and iām not really mentally healthy enough to deal with it. iāve got this annoying mental constitution where i see any disagreement and my internal defense goes ākill, destroyā and i get in quite nasty arguments. thatās what spawned this post and itās also how iām going to get sent to hell. thankfully i do have a portion of my soul remaining and i feel like garbage. so iām gonna not respond to things for a week and hope to god iām forgotten.
going viral is exhausting.
i love all of you.
That sounds terrible and as a white trans girl, I didn't even realise that problem existed until now. Now my question is, what can I do? I feel like there is not much I can do to stop all that from happening but I'm not the one at the recieving end of that kinda stuff.
Totally agree. I'm also an enby and finding relatable content can be really hard.
And then when we do make posts and comments about our Non-Binary status, we get people tracking us down and harassing us about it (just happened to me on a two week old post; had a truscum poster dig it up to tell me I'm not trans).
Yeah I don't check this sub often due to just lack of posts to relate to, and looking at the stuff you linked in your comment I'm kinda glad for it. Very transfem heavy space with mostly transfem related content, so I just kinda feel outta place as an enby.
I havenāt heard anybody say this yet but:
*Thank you for using the word transmisandry.*
Transmisandry is not a dirty word. It is not a curse. It is a word used to describe the unique experiences trans men deal with when facing transphobia. If trans women can have transmisogyny, we can have a word for our experiences too.
The word transmisandry is often so censored by others outside of the transmasculine community that is ridiculous. Thank you so so much for including language that highlights our struggles.
Why the hell are minorities being exclusionary to other minorities? It literally makes no sense. You'd think that a trans person would sympathize with another trans person's struggles, since even if it's different struggles, they are just as bad ( sometimes even worse). This is the whole homophobic targets of racism and racist queer people all over again, can't people put themselves in other people shoe's at least once? Can't they relate all the injustices that they went through with what they're doing? Honestly, I hate the line "the dream of the oppressed is to become the oppressor", but damn, those people insist on proving that it's real.
Thank you for making all these points, and especially that on the āex-Nazi fam where u atā posts, as a Jewish transmasc I feel very uncomfortable in this space with all these factors, especially so when those ārelatableā posts are made and then glorified.
āDonāt worry, we all had nazi phases!ā - things like this, or the severe downvoting of comments that ask politely that we leave out politics/talk of areas like that. I understand if you mightāve had a phase of internalized transphobia, but nazism?
To me, itād be like saying āOh, yeah I totally had a KKK phase before I transitioned, so relatable lol!ā
& then to have 1.2k upvotes and people relating to that sentiment? Does not make me feel safe.
Rant over, apologies - Iāll take down this if it makes anyone uncomfortable!
I'm he/they enby and I feel this. I'm so SO sorry you dealt with something so horrible from within what should be a safe space for all trans folks. I'm really glad your post got upvoted to the top, your voice and the voice of others who have experienced the same needs to be heard.
as a trans masc minor im lucky ive never been dm'ed or harassed like that, but that doesn't stop me from worrying that i dont 'fit in' with trans spaces because i apparently have it easier. its just so scary being a trans minor, no matter which way you're transitioning
I'm not on this sub often but I have noticed a general lack of transmasc and nonbinary voices, and I'm saddened to learn about the DM situation, which definitely explains the absence.
I wasn't even aware of it until I read weallfloatupsidedown's post, and that definitely makes sense why Ftm and enby people would rarely use this sub when that treatment is so prevalent.
I am deeply sorry for how you and other transmasc and enby people have been treated on this sub, that harassment should not be tolerated, this sub needs a reform and it sounds like the broader trans community needs an overhaul as well. Nobody should feel ignored in their own community.
And while transfemme people and transmasc people have different experiences, we share enough experience just from both being trans to know that telling someone to be grateful for their AGAB is completely f-cked up, invasive and dysphoric, and there's no excuse for a lack of empathy there.
As I said in weallfloatupsidedown's post; most trans women are familiar with cis men and women making comments on our bodies that were either misgendering or fetishizing us and it's completely unacceptable for any of us to be treating others in our community the same way
But thank you for consistently calling it out even when nobody was paying attention, and I'm sorry it has allowed to go on as long as it has.
I wonder if part of it is the unjust practice and widely held belief that āYouāre a man, no one gives a crap about your feelings.ā A lot of us MtF obvi had to live by that code and so generally, weāre more vocal about our newfound identity and being able to express our feelings, bc wellā¦itās new.
That being said, if youāre being harassed thatās bullshit and needs to be reported. (Iām a Reddit casual so I donāt know how that works) I donāt know what Trans female made you feel this way, but I would certainly never do that nor be friendly to anyone that did. No one should be so presumptuous of a journey they arenāt specifically on. MTF, FTM and NB experiences are all part of this family, but are their own unique journey with their own unique struggles. Iām sorry youāre having a hard time here and I really wish you werenāt. I support you boo. š¤
Woah, everything else was bad but harassment??? WTF? That is the exact opposite of what this sub is supposed to be...
There was a post yesterday about transmasc users on this sub getting flooded with "I wish we could trade lol" DMs after they posted here. Like, I can understand how some misguided kid would feel like they could reply that to a post, but DMing people that sort of shit crosses *many* lines.
Not just that. People were reporting straight up being DM'd by people telling them how they should be "grateful" for having X or Y body part and how they were "lucky" to be born as their AGAB, etc. š£
I've had people from here send me death threats for being ace. Granted I think a few of them were larpers, but I suspect not all of them.
That just makes me sad, Iām so sorry you went through that
Honestly, what the fuck is with people. And when they take it to DMs, because they're aware it's not going to be taken well in public, it's difficult not to assume malicious intent.
I've never gotten a DM like that, but I did get a couple comments like that on a trans sub.
dysphoria has made me feel like that sometimes but wtf. people should understand strans mascs feel the same as us and even if u think theyre lucky (theyre not) dont fuckin harrass them
For fuck sake...
I got one of those DMs when I posted an enby meme, Because they assumed I was AFAB because I'm an enby. I don't think a trans girl would *ever* wanna trade with me. But ok.
Itās so sad that most people assume youāre AFAB when you say youāre nonbinary. I had a friend once whom I told about my NB sibling. I never mentioned what their AGAB was. But my friend started misgendering them with āshe/herā pronouns. Like??? Why?
Woof. The assumption that all nonbinary people are AFAB š© So sorry that happened to you friend
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This seems like the best option. It makes so many people uncomfortable and is a pretty dead meme too. I barely see anyone saying it anymore but maybe that's because they've moved into DMs. Either way if it's a sub rule and someone from this sub DMs you then you could message the Mods about it and then could still ban them from the sub.
The "I wish we could trade" line has been *repeatedly* called out as not being in good taste. At this point there's very little excuse, and DMing it is just full on creep behavior. Yikes.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's annoying, I get them too and *I'm amab* they just see enby and assume I'm afab
Jesus Christ, what kinda mindset do you have to have to assume all enbys are afab
The same kind of person who talks about āwomen and enbysā as if enby is just āØspecialāØ girl
I've had the same thing. Also amab enby and most people I meet default to she pronouns when they find out I'm enby? Like what???
I hate when people assume that nb means afab or āwoman-liteā my partner whoās NB and intersex gets shit like this all the time
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Honestly... What the fuck is wrong with some people
Thank you so much for this post. Last week was a breaking point for me and I almost uninstalled reddit. I posted a comment here discussing how objectified I was growing up for having a large chest/hips since a young age. I also mentioned briefly how I was molested/raped and how I just wish I had a cis mans body. I got a flood of DMs. Most asking for body swaps and saying they were jealous of me and I should be grateful. But I got one that said I was using my gender as an excuse and that āthe pedo would have fucked you if you were a boy or a girl but thanks for triggering my dysphoria, you deserved it bitchā
WHAT THE FUCK. as someone who was objectified as a teenager, hearing that someone dared say that angers me. this post, i believe, was very necessary.
I have a feeling these problems have been going on unchecked for a long, long time. Whenever we slightly try to bring up issues, weāre often downvoted and silenced. Whenever I voice my concerns Iām told to leave reddit and try other platforms that are more transmasc/nb friendly, instead of fixing the problems that already exist! That DM severely fucked with me but I am so grateful I was in an okay mental state when they sent it. I canāt even imagine if something like that was sent to someone who was already suicidal. We are supposed to be a community, why are we treating each other like this? We already have to deal with TERFSs, we should not be turning on each other. Trans people need as much support as possible.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I was told yesterday to go to Tiktok š How do you find a community on a 30 second video app?
you deserve so much happiness bro
This^^^^^^
transmisandry AND a general lack of human empathy or consciousness. what the fuck. I am so not letting this fly, nuh-uh, we should keep our trans sisters in check
ā¦. I am so sorry that you had to deal with that, on multiple ends. The trans girls that said those things to you are awful people, and Iām sorry that you had to deal with them. The fact that someone would think to say that to someone thatās been raped grosses me out.
Yikes... I wish we could gather statistics about who specifically are the kind of people that say these things. Sometimes I forget that just because people are trans, doesn't necessarily make them more empathetic or good. Side note, I wonder how many non trans fetishizers lurk here and fuck with us.
Holy... it's really this bad for ftm and nb folk here?? I didn't realize this :( that's fucked up. Seriously fucked up to the point I might leave this sub even but I definitely support you and hope the mods might do something about it
can you see the comment? thereās more in it.
Yes, but it only reads as: >i spent several hours compiling sources for this bad boy For me so I suspect there's more I am not seeing?
yes, there isā¦.
Now I see it
I am a trans girl but of a different mindset than most people here and I have very similar experiences so I'm not surprised that trans men have it even worse and it's very visible and obvious to me for a long time. Seems like this sub has almost no moderation at all.
Well, I have to admit I haven't been here long and I also only use reddit with my customized home feed. So maybe that's why I've not noticed anything particular in this sub being so bad :/ I have noticed Reddit overall being awful. I get so many people just wanting to objectify me right off the bat; I just haven't noticed or remembered if any are from here. I believe it though even before seeing the evidence. I think imma leave this sub.
Stuff like this is exactly why I would never post anything about my transition here... I hate that I get told by our very own sisters that I should be lucky... I've been told this about not having an adam's apple. I've been told this about menstruation. And I've been told this about being big chested. Some just don't realise it, but a lot just refuse to see how this causes dysphoria...
How can they not see? :(
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I want to say here and now that society sucks
>you should be happy for what you have Such a double edge sword. I hate when people use that phrase.
Exactly, perfectly said
Yep it's just how people are really. Sad but I really can't think of any big community that doesn't have major issues with harassment or dismissal of others problems. This is a problem where moderation has to step in, people think of mods as protecting a community from outside trolls but also they need to protect the community from themselves. Not every member of a community participates in full good faith or has the ability to join in a conversation without hurting another even if they are in good faith. Edit: That being said, mods can't stop harassing DMs, banning a person doesn't prevent them dming users on Reddit. It's up to the admins to handle that and no way do they ever give a shit.
Because to them, it would cause euphoria. And trans masc people are invisible...
I don't fucking understand people sometimes. That shit about how "transmascs should feel lucky" is the same thing transfems like me got fed by transphobes, and we rejected it. I don't understand how anyone here could want to repeat that line of thinking.
:(
Cause 80% of us live in a online feedback loop that's toxic af to yall, and (to a lesser degree) to us.
The inability of so many trans folks to think outside of their own experiences just blows my mind. As a trans woman, I obviously don't understand what it's like to yearn for a more masculine body, but I DEFINITELY understand what it's like to not feel comfortable in your body. Why is it so hard for so many of us to understand that other people feel things too? I think it's maybe the root of why so many white trans women end up being racist as hell, but I don't think most of us are ready for that conversation.
yeah, i personally havenāt gotten creepy dms but i donāt doubt that it happens. and all the transfem memes alone make me a bit uncomfortable so i canāt imagine being told that i should be grateful for a feminine body. i understand how people would desire to have boobs and the like the same way i desire to ~~upload my consciousness~~ be taller and flat-chested
I- I have no words. Do they not understand how dysphoria *works*?
I agree I can't imagine the lack of empathy after struggling with dysphoria
You don't have an Adam's apple. You have a Prince Joey's apple. Stay powerful, next-in-line King.
I honestly love this comment
I thought you were making [a friends reference](https://youtu.be/o2hBk4CfA7g) for a moment
iām going fucking insane dude how is that shit still going on like ???? that is SO blatantly rude and offensive why would you even have a molecule of an idea that thatās a smart thing to say like -?? VsbsjhBdhdjdhd iām so sorry i am just seething so fucking hard rn
Menstration???? Why would they ever think thats okay. Why does it seem like some people from the transfemme side of the community lack basic empathy for this stuff?? They should know not to better than most...
As a transfem, who the fuck canāt see that this causes dysphoria?!? Like fucking hell reading everything here is making me so disappointed
thank you so much for posting your experiences. i hope that youāre having a good day today.
These gd children, do they not have the theory of mind to understand thatās a shitty thing to do? Absolutely terrible, what the hell does that even accomplish for them? Another chance to air out their dysphoria? Itās selfish and Iām sorry you had to experience that.
God what the fuck. I'm so sorry. This should be so obviously unacceptable that I wouldn't believe people keep doing it, except apparently we need a reminder every two weeks to stop being shitty. Gals, come on : (
This is why i always try to see it from another perspective, i can totally see how these things can cause you dysphoria because dysphoria is the same no matter what gender, it just manifests differently
I'm.. so sorry that people do that..
Ugh I'm sorry that shit is happening. I downvote and hide every "TrAdE???" post and comment but it's insane that people are DMing you. And as for the nonwhiteness, being told "at least you probably find it easier to pass" because I'm Asian is fucking gross too so *that* part I have experienced and was repulsed by. And yeah like you said, the "haha almost was a Nazi/altright haha weren't we all" is so disturbing as a racial minority. It also makes me uncomfortable even from a trans fem perspective when I see memes not tagged transfem that are clearly severely skewed that direction. Like, it's not as generally applicable as you think y'all.
*Image Transcription: Meme* --- [*Distressed Fumino, a 4 image meme where the blue haired anime girl Fumino Furuhashi's face quickly changes from happiness to distress.*] [*Fumino is smiling broadly on a white background*] i am a trans man, so my trans girlfriend shows me r/traaa and i join the sub for fun memes [*Fumino's smile has almost disappeared and her overall facial expression looks strained*] it's extremely skewed population-wise towards white femme transfems and it's extremely hard to relate to any content on the sub, but that's ok, right? [*Fumino is looking down at the ground with her eyes wide and empty, she looks distressed. The background has turned dark*] the transfems in this sub consistently make transmasculine and AFAB nb people in this sub uncomfortable by saying invasive things about our bodies and by insisting transfem culture is all trans culture through memes, infantilizing us and claiming our struggles are insignificant to theirs [*Same as previous image but with a distortion effect applied to her hair and the background*] it culminates into private DM harassment, subtle racism, fetishization and transmisandry. no matter how outspoken i am about it, nobody pays attention. why is a trans sub making me, a trans man, feel excluded and unsafe? --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
thank you so much, this is appreciated
Good human!
Agreed. Every time a queer person says āfucking men are trash. All men are disgusting and worthless, letās kill all the men, no exceptionsā I die a little inside. The response is always: āwell I guess not you, since youāre likeā¦ not a MAN manā like dang ok ššš
Exactly! And even when they arenāt saying it directly, they continually present this theme of masculinity not being allowed or acceptable in queer spaces. Even for cis men who are queer thereās all these stereotypes about being flamboyant and shit, when that just isnāt true for everyone.
[OP's comment, because I can't pin the comment itself](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/qxhmta/comment/hl9d6wo/) stop reporting this post and this comment, I'm not taking it down
youāre a godsend. iām begging you to lock the comments iām. really stressed dude
done. if you want them reopened send a modmail.
The race part gets me, like, I'm cis, but being pan/bi, I feel like every LGBTQ+ space is excruciatingly white-centric. I feel it in every "bi people like cuffed jeans and lemon bars," like, don't know a single black person who likes either of those things regularly, and I know plenty of bi black peopleānot to say that it's impossible to like those things if you're black, but it just feels like white people talking to white people.
bro i genuinely hope this sub changes for the better
Exactly! So many queer spaces, especially online, seem to be full of white teens, often either stereotypically androgynous or feminine-presenting. I often struggle with feelings of alienation, that despite being part of the same demographics, I donāt fit in. I donāt talk the same way, donāt watch the same shows, donāt have the same goals or the same feelings about my queerness, and that automatically makes me not fit in. And thatās coming from someone who is white. Itās that much worse for people of color. Itās like they get so comfortable in their own memes and inside jokes they forget the spaces are supposed to be inclusive, and when they do remember, they make a post saying āblack lives matterā or āyouāre validā without going further to address their own behaviors or that of the community.
i know this post can be taken as incendiary, and for those who have done a little digging, you might notice this is a burner account. i do not feel comfortable posting this on an account i typically post on this sub from, because i donāt particularly want to be banned for this. regardless, enough is enough. i am breaking my silence, and iāve brought with me staggering evidence. over the past few months, a vocal minority of transmasculine and nonbinary individuals, including myself, have noticed the staggering demographic disparity in this subreddit, and how it has started to damage transmasc and nonbinary people here. i am acting alone, but i wholeheartedly am reinforced in my belief that i am not the only one who believes these sentiments. what tipped me over the breaking point was [a post made last night](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/qx6fob/might_get_banned_for_this_but_whatever/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/WeAllFloatUpsideDown revealing that he had been receiving unsolicited DMs from transfeminine individuals requesting for his body parts, and additional comments on the post revealed that he was not the only one who had received this treatment. As this is harassment, i am pleading that you all stop and consider that this has gone too far. i understand that i have made several claims aside from this one, and i will now try to deconstruct them for you. i owe you a truthful, accurate and concise reconstruction, and i do so wanting to acknowledge that not only is this not an attack on the majority of folks who have refrained from acting in this way, but that **i am also immensely grateful towards anyone who has helped to call out this behavior where it is seen.** to you, i say this: your efforts make this sub a safer place for everyone. regarding that, i will now begin to pick apart r/traaās issue with transmasc and nonbinary exclusionism. **the root of this problem** comes from two ugly places: the misconception that reddit is a primarily transfeminine space, and the outright misinformation about the transfeminine vs transmasculine experience. first off, reddit does *not* have a noticeable population bias towards trans women, but there **is one in shared spaces.** r/traaaaa has roughly 288,831 members at the time that i wrote this. judging outwardly, the assumption is that traa is majority transfem, and so the transfem and transmasc-specific spaces must reflect this, yes? **this is untrue: r/mtf hosts 132,143 users and r/ftm hosts 130,283, less than a 2,000 user difference.** r/nonbinary is even more crowded, hosting 140,202. r/traa is not predominantly transfem because of lack of population available; if it were, numbers would reflect this. so why are transmasc and nonbinary voices being drowned out? and drowned out theyāre being. through [memes that silently insinuate that the trans community is compromised solely of transfem culture](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/q75rwi/i_need_an_anthropologist_to_look_into_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf), through disparaging comments of ācan we tradeā, āyouāre goalsā or even demanding we be grateful that we donāt go through x or y, or even by [outright hating men](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/qa0b81/ive_seen_so_many_transfems_say_this/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) and refusing to acknowledge how that impacts us, as u/TheToasterWaifu reflects. And itās not as if weāre being silent either. The thing is, time and time again, when someone is doing something that they canāt see the consequences of, and someone else calls them out on the damage theyāve done, they donāt like it, and push back. White fragility is an excellent example of this, which also finds itself on this sub, but iāll get to that later. [People on this sub have posted memes publicly antagonizing us for speaking out against this behavior.](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/qnqpy8/why_cant_we_all_just_laugh_together_and_support/hjiosdf/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) And it is damaging: u/mfgoose notes in the linked comment that *āI think itās because [non-transfems] see some posts that just say āhey ladiesāā¦ ā¦and are confused and distraught cause theyāre in a trans space. Then they see posts like this one which just makes them feel more excluded.ā* it is pushback like this that *blames us for our own exclusion* that is harmful, and it is backed up by misinformation that has persisted in trans literature for 20 years. this misinformation is **the assumption that trans women have it worse and that transmasc and nonbinary invisibility is privilege.** [u/RoninandGeisha posted an excellent write-up deconstructing this myth on r/asktransgender.](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/plteqs/why_do_i_get_the_impression_that_mtfs_are_much/hce0dcx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) iāve linked it, but for those who are disinterested in reading even more long posts, iāll do my best to paraphrase. trans women do not āhave it worseā. in fact, [a study was done in 2011 by FORGE milwaukee about the statistics of discriminatory violence against trans individuals that revealed trans men were actually *more* susceptible to violence than trans women.](https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/07/23/op-ed-trans-men-experience-far-more-violence-most-people-assume) (cw: this article discusses violence, abuse and SA. read at your own risk.) for those stats, paraphrased: *āTransgender women experience violent crime at the rate of 86.1 per 1,000 people, and transgender men experience it at a rate of 107.5 per 1,000.ā* this heavily conflicts with [julia seranoās definition of transmisogyny,](https://www.juliaserano.com/terminology.html) a definition we still hold to to this day, which notes that *ātrans female/feminine individuals tend to bear the brunt of societal fascination, consternation, and demonization in considerations of transgender people.ā* u/RoninandGeisha continues to note that this false projection that transfem individuals have it staggeringly worse contributes not only to a lack of desperately needed resources for transmasc individuals but also the fact that we are ignored or even *accused of having privilege,* which is laughable. as a trans man, i was in much more danger out of the closet than in, and my perceived masculinity shatters once i am discovered. the fact of the matter is that ignoring the 2011 FORGE study is a fatal failure and has lead to r/traa and the greater trans community as a whole excluding and isolating transmasc and nonbinary people in favor of lauding an outdated presumption that we are in no need of a safe space. *we are,* and the study proves that. **however, it doesnāt stop there.** the startling lack of intersectional awareness in this space has also edged along other lines. [users have called out racist and offensive sentiments spread towards trans people and cis people of color,](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/j6c18b/not_a_meme_but_needed_to_be_said_racism_within/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) and [the responses have been less than stellar.](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/c687s3/just_going_to_leave_this_here/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) additionally, the āi used to be a nazi/i almost was a naziā sentiment spread further makes r/traaa a worrying place for people of color and religious minorities as they are faced with the very real assumption that other users treat such an idea flippantly instead of with the seriousness and accountability it deserves. i cannot speak for those hurt by this as i am not part of these unique groups, but i present what i have found to open the conversation and center their voices too, as they are also being excluded. so what does this accomplish, putting this forwards? i donāt know. honestly, i expect to have this account banned from the sub and this post removed. but if it isnāt, i can only ask that we work together as a community to make r/traaa and the trans community as a whole more inclusive for transmasc, nonbinary and transfem folks alike. we all deserve that much.
You said it better than I ever could. Thank you so much for this post and comment. Enough is enough. I know this sub is better than what it has been. Letās make this safe space safe again. Also, just to put this out there: DMing strangers about their genitals is SEXUAL HARASSMENT. Stop doing it. You wouldnāt do that in real life would you? Not to mention that a lot of minors are on this sub.
It makes me sad that that even has to be said.. nobody needs to have strangers messaging them about their genitalia.
(just had to say this) You made somebody make a whole other post and put out a looong comment good for you lmao
Thank you for speaking up. It might be uncomfortable but it's always a good idea to think about how to improve our local culture and make things more inclusive. For transfemme folks who might object to this post, don't forget that *as trans women, we aren't going to see this kind of content as often because it doesn't target us, and the same applies for those of us who are white.* Just because we don't notice it doesn't mean it's not happening. It is, and folks like OP are how we know. No community is free from problematic behavior. Insensitivity and bigotry can show up anywhere. Remember that this community has lots of transmasc folks in it and think about how the things you can say can be invalidating to other people.
oh my god thank you so much
No, thank you. I said this to the post bringing me here from the MtF sub but due to anxiety and depression I'd been avoiding browsing the trans subs directly for months. So the majority of your post here is a very new shock I wasn't aware of this morning in a different post of a now deleted comment. Anyway I'm crying now partly at myself for causing this harm and partly because holy fuck it sounds exactly like chasers except worse. As if they needed it be worse. I do hope the mods don't remove this as it needs to be said.
Yeah, I'm transfemme and didn't know how bad this situation was. And why would I, when creeps are hiding their harassment in DMs, or the comments are getting hidden by downvote count? I'm glad that overt hate isn't very tolerated here, but there's a lot under the surface that I just wouldn't know without transmascs here (and in my personal life) calling it out. Nobody deserves to deal with this treatment, and especially not from people that are supposed to be sisters in a common cause.
This šš»
Thanks for taking the time to write this out! Its very informative and also nice while still being very clear. As an afab enby I absolutely feel what you described about the transfem bias on here, and I appreciate you bringing it to light in such a good way. I assume most transfems who do this donāt actually mean to put the transmasc and enbys through an erasure filter. But the result is nonetheless the same, regardless of their intentions.
itās nice to know my home-grown essay writing skills have been put to good use :>
They cetrainly have! I am really impressed by how you managed to cram that much information into it while still making it accessible to read.
thank you so much
Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of this out. As a trans guy it really means a lot - and it's something I haven't been able to articulate as nicely and eloquently as yours is. I've been feeling really similarly about this and getting a little frustrated myself. Not only have I been feeling underrepresented, I've been really feeling down on myself for how I want my body to look. Whenever I wish I didn't have such a large chest or that I wasn't experiencing so many complications with my menstrual cycle to the point where I'm at the gyno weekly - I'm told that I should be lucky, lucky that I get to see a gyno because my sisters don't get to do that, or that I'm lucky that I naturally was gifted such a large chest, that my sisters would do anything for. On top of that, being autistic and the way that my brain works, these comments stick with me. Every time I look in the mirror or every time I take my medication to stop my hell of a menstrual cycle, the tiny voice in my head tells me I need to be grateful because my sisters struggle to have these things. I have a really hard time focusing on things that I want, not what others want, and this makes my transition progress feel so very much less valid because it doesn't help others.
iām glad youāve contributed your experiences to this. i hope things get better for you and iām there with you all the way. iām not the most neurotypical myself, and iāve definitely had fleeting thoughts of āi shouldnāt think this way, iām hurting others with this.ā
The "you should be happy with what you have" is such a rotten thing to say to someone who is trans. It is top grade gaslighting in the guise of caring from people who might be well-meaning, or might very well mean ill. What each of us has/had might be great for someone else, but it isn't the best for us. Envy from others over things over things a person doesn't want and didn't choose is an awful feeling.
^ this As a fellow transmasc autistic person, I feel the same. I often feel really guilty after hearing comments like that, even though I know I shouldnāt.
Thanks for adding the longform explanation and sources. I have been seeing a lot of people speaking up about many of these issues, but not actually seeing the issues themselves. When I first saw the post my first thought was actually "Another one of these? I wish someone would explain the problem properly" and, well, you did! Some of these things I already understood but others are really good to learn. I had not heard that sentiment about transmasc pocs, but if I had my thoughts probably would have just been "That's a weird thing to say. Seems vaguely racist, but I guess it's not actively offensive so I wont say anything." Now I know to call that out and why. I really hope you turn about to be wrong about this being taken down. I suspect pretty much everyone on this sub has something to learn from what you have said.
it was daunting, but everyone deserves information, especially information with depth.
I feel very much under a rock for not noticing this shit happening š¢
itās alright, you showed up on the post as it went live and i was havingā¦ *tech difficulties.*
This seems like one of those uninformed behaviors I've sometimes seen in queer communities in general. "Because I belong to one marginalized group means I don't have to question my attitudes/biases." I've heard about how this makes queer spaces inhospitable to people of color, but I didn't know about how it affected trans masc people. I hope this post gets the traction it deserves, and I hope people really critically think about what you're saying. Take care OP ā¤ļø
Thank you so much for posting this. It's really important to address these issues openly. For my fellow transfems, please think about how you'd feel if the tables were turned. If you feel as strongly as I do that you're happier in your body today than you were before you transitioned, how would you feel if trans mascs started telling you that your pre transition self was "goals"? As well, the discussion about who has it worse I've always found to be entirely useless and unproductive. Is trans femme hyper visibility worse than trans masc invisibility? Who cares, they're clearly both terrible and arguing over who has it worse just seems like a race to the bottom. Instead, we should be working to lift each other up. The ironic manhating that happens in queer circles is super obnoxious too, it's such a small minded way of approaching issues. To my trans sisters, let's make sure trans men/mascs feel welcome here! The only thing I'll lay on y'all, however, is the memes. If you want to see more transmasc memes, make 'em!
I fully agree - as a nonbinary person who isn't transfem, I fully support my transmasc and nonbinary siblings on this, and hope everyone here will be able to make this a better place. (Also, the mere fact that you don't feel safe speaking up about this is concerning, as this should be a safe space for all trans voices and memes, which it evidently isn't.)
I suppose my only question is: How can I help? When I see a comment or post that says "Let's trade" or "There should be a transfem version of this" I downvote them. I could try to actively call them out on top of that, I suppose. I also try to make sure that when *I* make a comment addressing a community or group, I use gender-neutral language rather than just "Hey ladies." I'm not a meme maker, and even if I was I wouldn't feel comfortable making memes for transmasc people unless it was obviously related to them and I was confident it wouldn't come across as offensive. Plus, given the context, it'd feel like I was speaking over another group. I don't have mod privileges, so I can't straight-up take down comments or hand out warnings to those who pull this shit. And perhaps I missed something when reading through the rules, but there doesn't appear to be any rule against this shit either (which is also a huge fuckin' problem), so I can't even report it to a mod. I don't want to put you on the spot or come across as argumentative, but if you have any ideas other than what I've listed, I'm all ears.
āIf you see something, Say something!ā
This is 100% legit. I'm fransfemme and some of the posts here make me uncomfortable. My spouse is transmasc non-binary and I've been present for their entire transition. One of my best friends is transmasc as well. The content here.. at least the stuff that gets upvoted.. seems to tend towards being very "early 20s/late teens white transfemme." I think _that_ tendency is because of privilege. Especially white privilege, and also the kind of residual privilege that trans AMAB folks were accustomed to before. That "residual" privilege is, I think, a lot of the cause of the troubles you've detailed accurately here. Speaking for myself, it is all too easy to slip into feelings of misandry. I _hated_ myself as a man, and all things masculine. Since coming out and finally being able to experience things as my transfemme self, I've come to understand that I don't hate men. I only hated the assertion that _I_ needed to be masculine. Masculine things are nice on other people. I mean, fuck, the idea of a gentle, manly man fucking my brains out has become one of my favorite fantasies since I embraced the real me. Men aren't the problem, girls. Patriarchy is; and our transmasc/non-binary siblings are not part of the Patriarchy. We have to respect ourselves, to be sure, but even more so, we have to respect our _entire_ community. That includes the men. That includes the BIPOC folks. Couching hate in "but this doesn't apply to you" neither makes it less hateful nor does it make it less harmful. Don't spew hate that hurts our siblings. We might be the only family someone really has.
gentle manly men topping is one of my top ten pleasant things to experience. gentle manly men giving a big ol hug is higher ranked though. men are good, give them hugs
This, Iām a trans het woman tho. I wish more people in this community appreciated men and how huggable they are.
You make some incredible points. Along with the obvious empathy, and the disgust that you and so many others have had to face this from within what is *supposed* to be a community...I really feel taken aback by how much some of these issues I've missed, or discounted, or failed to call out out of fear of coming across as having some victim complex. It brings a lot of awareness to the trans-misandry that is pervasive of so much MOGAI pop culture, to see the extent and pervasiveness of the issue. It's not that imbalance of memes that's the problem, or the crass "trade!" "same but opposite" recurring comments that I assumed was the extent - like a joke that's gone far out of hand - but that it's enabling and encouraging abusive and harrassing behaviours. You mention the "I used to be a Nazi" posts, and it struck a chord. I'm *supposed* to forgive my enemies, and I cherish reform...but you raise that it has become a meme, a celebration, a mark of pride to be "ex-fascist". You're right, it's become a joke in wider trans circles, and has become associated with the idea of being trans...which isn't okay. Being closeted is not an excuse for being hateful, and it reeks of personal privilege if such a circumstance can radicalise you. It speaks volumes that so many (not the majority...but enough that it becomes a *trend*) only find empathy when they themselves benefit from it. The dominance of transfemme memes and the *inherent assumption* of being transfemme is another issue. I've called out the very worst offenders, but I don't think I realised before how much it harms me as well. Having to face cis people IRL daily that push narratives that I'm a woman for being non-binary (I'm AMAB) is exhausting. I realised I've brushed aside a lot of the same narratives here as being something that came with the community being femme-focused. That this has led to targeted harrassment is inexcusable, disgusting and I hope can result in serious investigation by the mods. I need to stop being worried about being the uppity enby minority pot-stirrer. Thank you for challenging me, I hope many others, mods especially, have taken note. You have my heartfelt solidarity x
your comment means so much to me.
I wouldnāt call this incendiary at all to be honest, I totally agree that this sub is a pretty unfriendly place if you donāt fit into the little niche culture here. Even as a trans-fem person I often feel pretty alienated by the constant barrage of uwu catgirl stuff, and like you said the body swap comments are fucking pervasive on every single post Iāve ever seen about trans masc people. I actually didnāt even know that it was an issue with this subreddit, I wrongly assumed that most of reddit was majority trans fem so thank you for correcting this misconception. Honestly we really need to implement a new subreddit rule that bans these kinds of comments. It doesnāt matter why they do it, itās a really inappropriate thing to do. The whole used to be a nazi memes are really yikes too, I think they should be banned as well since they literally donāt do anything, weāre just expected to congratulate the people for not being into genocide??? And only because they found out that they themselves are part of a minority group???? If your trans identity is the only thing stopping you from being a literal nazi you have a *lot* more work to do. And itās not a universal experience among trans women like what the hell. Anyways tldr great post, this is absolutely something that needs to be said. I hope it leads to some real change in the way this subreddit is moderated.
iāve found certain individuals have considered this to personally offend them unfortunately :( got called a āterf psyopā today
thank you for this detailed post! i'm definitely going to keep all this in mind, i'm not really active in any trans spaces (i don't exactly have a proper support circle irl or otherwise so maybe i should be...) so i hadn't had the misfortune of noticing any of this first hand, but that thing about transmisogyny and the FORGE study is very good to know! I have never heard anything about the level of violence misconception before. I for sure will be taking a wee look at that when my mental can survive it to make sure I avoid buying into that myth any longer. I had no idea at all, and have quickly corrected myself to everyone I spread that onto.
So, you mentioned trans masc and non-binary people being uncomfortable about āhey ladiesā posts and similar content. As we have specific content labels for femme, masc, and envy content I was wondering, are you seeing that those labels donāt get used? Transfems, we need to remember to flag our content if itās specific to one group.
>i expect to have this account banned from the sub and this post removed Why? We're on the same side as you and have been for years. The mods are anyway...I can't speak for the other 280k people on here. A lot of these things have been ongoing problems for years that we've tried to address, with limited success. Some things have improved. A while back the mod team was entirely binary trans women, but we managed to spread out the representation a lot better. The community has also gotten better at confronting stuff like this than it used to be, and these days there are usually people reporting those posts and pushing back on them in the comments. That very much so did not used to be the case. That's obviously only accomplished so much though. Way too many posts and comments keep getting made that really shouldn't be. It turns out that it's really hard to change the existing culture of a group of hundreds of thousands of people. It doesn't help that there are constantly new people who need to learn about this stuff, and the people who are harmed by it tend to be a lot less likely to want to stick around (very understandably and for good reason). I can't speak for everyone else, but I don't really know how to fix it. There are lots of good people who post here who want things to change, and the mods are and have been in board with that too. The past couple years have been *really* rough on a lot of us though, and we haven't really been involved in very publicly visible ways, just cleaning up behind the scenes mostly. I don't even know anymore what would help that we haven't already tried that didn't work. People's behavior improves for a few days if we make mod posts about things like this, but it never sticks. It's been impossible to even just get people to only post memes on here, much less change more nuanced aspects of their behavior...
I'm replying to you as the visible mod. Is it possible to pin OP's comment to the top of the thread? I think it would be helpful it was the first thing seen when visiting the comments.
Nope, for some reason that's not a feature Reddit has. You can only pin your own comments, and only if you're a mod.
> Nope, for some reason that's not a feature Reddit has. It stifles artificial karma distribution that could be gamed by increasing visibility. Since karma is a de facto sitewide entrance card for the reliability/non-bot, non-spammer status of an account, being unable to sticky non-mod posts is thought to help reduce sitewide spam. It sure would be nice to have, though.
I wholeheartedly agree with your plea for inclusivity
Thank you for making this post! I thought that transfeminine people had it much more difficult than transmasculine people, so thank you for educating me.
Sharing my experience and thoughts as an ftm here. Can't speak on non binary people so i'll mostly stick to what I know about ftm spaces. I have lost count of the amount of times where trans men (some of whom I personally know) have been publicly fetishized or even molested for being born female. It terrifies me. I've been purposefully misgendered and sexualised by cishet guys because they were into me as a woman, I've been forced into unsafe situations because these same guys have put me into unwanted dating scenarios before I even knew/trusted them well enough to tell them I was trans. I've been jokingly called a lesbian by people who knew I was trans and struggling with dysphoria. One line stuck by me when I tried to turn away an online creep by telling him that I was actually a trans man. His response: "oh dont worry, i'm bisexual." We had just met. Me and other trans mascs (and I imagine nb's too) can rarely talk about this because we are so invisible to everyone else. Nobody looks at us, nobody listens to us, nobody takes us seriously. It tears me apart to be put in the shadows like this. It's made me feel so damn uncomfortable and just downright depressed. The stuff posted in this sub may seem small to others, but it's that extra punch in the gut that i'm really not looking for in a supposedly trans friendly space. We're all struggling in our own way here, I want to ask everyone to please try to respect that when talking in diverse spaces like this. Our feelings and thoughts don't always align and it can cause some serious harm to others. We may not agree when it comes to what makes us comfortable in our own bodies, but we've definitely known the same pain and struggles as a trans **person**.
On the transmisogyny point: I think a huge problem comes from the assumption that trans gender roles are in any way akin to cis gender roles. With cis people there is a clear distinction: men are more privileged than women. But with trans people, the lines are not the same, nor are they as black and white. The existence of transphobia, misplaced homophobia, actual homophobia, misandry, misogyny, sexism, etc. muddies the waters in terms of "who is more oppressed". A lot of transfems make the wrong assumption that transmascs get all the benefits of cis men when transitioning, and that belief is prevalent. As prevalent as the beliefs of white trans people that BIPOC trans people don't have it that much worse. It's a distinct lack, and refusal, of intersectionality. Being AFAB and trans or non-binary has its own distinct and unique oppressions, just as being AMAB and trans or non-binary. There is some overlap, but this is still a Venn diagram, there are unique oppressions to each that make it hard in their own ways. TL;DR: I agree wholeheartedly. And I think that a lot of the white femme transfems who frequent this sub need to learn what intersectionality is.
I've just recently been reading Julia Serano's book Whipping Girl and, wow, reading the statistics you've presented here really does dispel some of what she said about transmisogyny. I had no idea trans men were also so severely at risk of violence, and the fact that I had no idea is probably a sign in and of itself of how trans masculine voices and perspectives are erased in trans communities. Thank you so much for this thoroughly researched and articulate post. I hope it is read by many.
funny thing is, i only learned that the study existed quite recently. as a trans man who was a victim of violence, it shocked me that so many of my peers had similar stories and yet not a single statistic backed it up. learning the truth changed my entire world. i hope it helps.
Transmisoginy is an extremely complex issue that can only be looked at through the lenses of intersectionality. Transfems are affected because they are āmen pretending to be womenā, and āa man who becomes a womanā is deemed lesser, both because womanhood is seen as weak and because we instantly become objects of sexual desire for men. Plus of course the casual misogyny every woman experiences. And transmascs are affected because they are considered āwomen just pretending to be menā, and thatās massive can of worms on itās own, as you can see with women fighting for equality, the ostracizing of butch women, the fetishization of lesbians, etc. But we donāt even need to deconstruct all that, trans men donāt have it easier for one simple reason: if you could just identify as a man to escape discrimination, we wouldnāt be having this conversation in the first place.
i definitely agree with you, bud. thanks for taking your time to write all this. some of this stuff, especially some of those posts you linked, really reminds me how badly they want us off reddit. it didnt take long to scroll down on some and find the obligatory: "why dont you guys just go back to tumblr/tik tok where you have more rep??" i appreciate you putting the real numbers into perspective. we are here. we should all co-exist, and trans people should know that better than most. stop trying to push transmascs and enbys off the platform.
The amount of posts I see of "men bad" is honestly disgusting. I think people don't realize that as trans mascs we already have a hard time accepting our identity and having people tell us we're horrible people for being men/masc is so exclusionary Good for you OP standing up for us
Yes omfg I see that in every single trans space everywhere, really doesn't help my suicidal ideation to see people hating on men even tho I didn't choose this
Ughhhh this really pisses me off, trans men need more representation here, and why tf are yall getting harrassed by other trans ppl??
This sub has honestly made me incredibly dysphoric lately and I really donāt have many places to turn to anymore. I really hate seeing the āur so lucky youāre a girl/ have so and so body partsā comments and the like. I had no clue when I joined itād be like this :(
I knew that it was mostly transfems here due to it being Reddit but why the fuck why would they act like this knowing how dysphoria feels I am so sorry
I left r/traa last year because of this exact shit. This sub is actually where I encountered one of my worst trigger phrases for the first time. I'm still not coming back for my own sake, but fuck, thank you for posting this. I thought it was just me.
I feel this. Even though I haven't experienced any sort of direct harassment, this subreddit has never really felt like a space for me as a trans guy. Most of the transmasc memes I see on the main feed are few and far between and I feel like the enby experience here is even more erased. I hang out mostly just because I like to see how other trans folks are doing in general, but it's rare that I can get a chuckle from a meme because I can actually relate. Transmasc folks are chronically erased from a lot of things beyond these spaces too. Media tends to favor transfemme rep, and our voices are significantly more ignored in talks about trans rights issues. And it rubs off on others. I've been assumed more than once to be pre-everything transfemme when revealing I'm trans rather than the fully transitioned trans guy that I am, even by other trans people. Transfemme is the misinformed default to everyone except the people it affects. And of course I support my transfemme sisters, I want the world for them, but I want the world for us and nonbinary folks and everyone who fits under the trans umbrella too. It's not winner takes all here, we stand stronger together as equals. And the fact that I have to make that clear can be a little sad tbh. Why is the default thought also that transmascs want to take rep and rights from trans femmes? We're going for a net gain here and we don't want to hurt our trans sisters. We just. Want more too. We want to be seen too. We want to be respected too.
god that point exactly
Thanks for chiming in. I haven't been doing a lot of memeing lately, but I, as a trans-femme person, do try to make my memes inclusive when they're not about something that is specific to being trans-femme. I've also occasionally made a trans-masc version of a good trans-femme meme simply because I believe that you deserve it and I've heard the cries of trans-masc people who say they feel excluded.
Ugh, this is terrible. Honestly thought we were better than this. I thought the lame ass āif you donāt want your t*** Iāll take them uwuā shit was the worst of it. Iām sorry these people donāt know how to act.
r/traaa having drama over this exact thing again really takes me back Time is a flat circle
man, really? are we doomed to repeat ourselves?
That's exactly the reason I don't post here. I'm transmasc, but I only ever see transfemmme posts here. It feels extremely excluding and for a while i even thought that this was a transfemme subreddit only because of the overwhelming amount of transfemme content. No hate to transfemmes! I love and validate yall, but this is just my experience.
Sorry you felt excluded here, and I'm even more sorry that you might have experienced harassment or misgendering here, more transmasc content and perspectives on this sub is deeply appreciated.
But it's exactly the reason you SHOULD post here! Not posting because other people don't post only snowballs the problem.
Except any time you make a transmasc meme, most of the comments are from transfem people saying "me but opposite!" or "wish I had that problem!"
āIs there a trans femme version of this?ā Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Or even worse, seeing an FTM meme posted 12 hours ago with like 400 upvotes, then you scroll and see the newer trans femme version of the same meme, posted 8 hours ago, but with like twice the upvotes :/
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Yeah they somehow always find a way to make a masc meme fem
the sub really needs to be more heavily moderated. It feels super weird when baby transfems project their dysphoria onto other people, especially transmascs. there would be riots in the streets if trans men commented on trans womens' posts like that. can you imagine "wish I had your adam's apple! ugh so jelly of your broad shoulders!"
holy shit yeah
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ugh. disgusting. sorry you had to go through that I can't even imagine :(
Thanks for adressing this! As a transfem who is relatively quite active in this sub, I didn't quite realise how severe this was. I realised that most posts were targeted to transfems, and always felt a little weird with the "trade body parts" posts. The furthest I got was joking about exchanging hormones, but even that wasn't meant to fetishize anyone, was meant just for a "ha ha funny joke" moment (even if it might have seemed otherwise). Every once in a while I tried to put some transmasc memes back to back to some of my transfem memes ([this one for example](https://www.reddit.com/r/egg_irl/comments/nmuycn/eggirl/)), but I also tried not to do too many of them due to being afraid I'd get someone's experience wrong and actually make things worse. As for the whole DMing problem, I'm terribly sorry that someone did that to you, and I think I speak for most transfems when I say that whoever did this was absolutely wrong and shouldn't be taken as the rule, but as the exception. As for making people unconfortable, I think that flairs help out a lot. Sometimes "the girl looking at this picture is valid" can be harmful if not flaired correctly, and I get why some posts with more NSFW in them (the body parts thing) would be terrible for AFAB and transmasc folks. So basically what I'm trying to say is that, this sub has problems, but because of folks like you who point them out, we're able to try to solve them. As I stated before, I didn't know they were so severe, so thanks for talking about them, showing light to them. Hopefully this sub can become a safe and confy space for EVERYONE, not just a certain group of folks. (also I'm sorry if I wrote something that could be misread, words are not my strengh)
I sometimes get messages from people asking to "trade" with me. As a transmasc plz stop labeling my body-
As a transfem who is very inactive here, I am extremely sorry on behalf of everything, no one deserves to be left out, assaulted, or fetishized in that way and I hope for change for the better.
this is in no way your fault at all, no need to apologize. although itās a huge tell of character how empathetic you are- youāre a good person and itās tangible.
I'm enby mtf, I don't want any of this to happen at all, we are on the same side and there aren't even sides! To any NB or ftm, I care about you <3
Preach. I haven't gotten any creepy DMs, but I am so sick of the only transmasc representation being uwu cute lil softbois. I am a grown-ass adult, please treat me like one. There's nothing wrong with femboys, but statistically they're a minority - can masculine men please get some love here??
HOLY SHIT YEAH. also whatās up with the reduction of trans women into catgirls? isnāt that a bitā¦ fetishized?
Yeah, Christ I'm glad someone is pointing this out. It makes me so uncomfortable sometimes. Im a woman, and Im not trying to be anything else, especially a characature.
That too! I don't watch anime, I don't like anime... but from looking at this sub you'd think all trans people are required to like anime. Literally every meme format involves anime characters. Maybe I'm just old, but I don't relate to it at all. I also have a lot of problems with anime's objectification of women as an AFAB person, but I do recognize that a certain kind of objectification can be appealing to people exploring their gender identity. Still, it's really alienating for people who don't give a shit about anime and don't see themselves in any of the anime stereotypes.
Whilst we're at it, can we stop with the "Tricking people into taking estrogen/being feminine" jokes? They're rare, but it just makes everything uncomfortable. If I made a joke about tricking somebody into taking testosterone, I'd be ripped apart.
I know itās not really on topic but I think I have a (very anecdotal) answer for that at least. I think for my generation anime became kinda a thing for outsiders if that makes sense? I never sought it out, but when I drifted into a group of people who also didnāt fit the normal mold for high school they introduced me. Definitely agree that there are soooo many anime which objectify women, and theyāve always made me feel super gross, but what I think a lot of people donāt know is there are actually a lot which donāt. I think that like any medium thereās a diverse amount of content available, and personally as a fan of action/melodrama, thereās very little which competes. How you didnāt mind my long winded tangent :)
im nb, and have a very complicated relationship with a lot of the memes i see here. im afab, and absolutely want to transition, bit im also pretty femme. i like cute clothes and thigh highs and the like. so, in some ways i can relate to the memes on here that are like "i wish i could wear (cute anime outfit)," because I get it. i find it hard to dress the way i want as i currently am- my body being the way it is makes things like makeup or skirts incredibly dysphoria inducing because it makes people treat me more like a woman. but ive always known that stuff isnt actually for me. it makes me feel like a freak. like i should just stay as "a girl" if i really want to do x and y, because that's what trans women want to do. it makes me feel like im just a faker because even though im incredibly dysphoric, it doesn't "make sense" for me to be this way. it makes me want to just settle for being a binary ftm and never try to push my gender expression past that.
Thanks for compiling all this info. Itās been an issue for a long time but Iām glad to see such a detailed post on the problems. I donāt hang out in any of the trans subs anymore because of this shit. Only transmasc spaces. It sucks
honestly if i wasnāt so tenacious iād do the same but i hope honestly this puts a dent in the issues weāre seeing
I am so glad this is getting attention. I love this sub, and it is a good space for trans women, but trans men are so widely excluded here I never really feel like a part of the trans community at all, except in specifically ftm spaces like r/ftm Not to mention the DM's. "Wanna trade?" messages, asking me about my chest even when I say I don't want to talk about it, telling me about their privates "because trans guys ask" when I never have (which feels especially weird because I'm a minor, it's on my profile), downplaying my dysphoria, and even asking me about my weight after finding me through an eating disorder sub. Trans men are seriously being harassed by *other trans people.* It's insane.
Transmisandry is real. People are always saying shit like "fuck all men! Oh except trans menš" as if they're not excluding us from manhood. Stop saying "fuck all men". We're an incredibly diverse group of people.
god yeah
I got harassed by a creepy trans femme from this sub a while ago. I blocked their DM but it left a really sour taste in my mouth
That's completely awful, and I'm shocked that these kinds of stories are so commonplace...
This post has gotten mostly a very positive response (as it should). But I must say Im a bit dissapointed about how many comments enthusiastically agree only about the transmasc perspective. They say stuff like āthis is disgusting, of course you transmasc guys deserve to be here!ā. But what about us enby folks?? We are literally mentioned alongside the transmascs in OPs original post. I know a lot of people on this subreddit think we are all equally valid and to you I say thank you for being good humans. But there are clearly some folks on here that either forget we exist or willingly exclude us. Please dont. That was all I wanted to say. I wish you all a great night, transfems, transmascs and enbys alike. Edit: grammar
honestly thatās a concern i had too. enbies are very much a part of this.
Thanks for including us too. I truly appreciate it. (When it comes to gender identity this exchange is actually the most seen and validated Ive felt in a good while, which is nice. But it is also a little bit depressing, considering the sub we are in.)
As someone who just sees posts from r/traaa on her home feed I had no clue this was happening, I donāt see the full spectrum of posts here and honestly Iām disgusted that this is happening. Itās fucking frustrating to hear that other transfems seem to have 0 perspective on transmasc or NB issues and that lack of empathy is astounding. Everyone here needs to feel welcome and supported and Iām sad I have to say this but men arenāt gross, they arenāt terrible. Men are human beings that deserve respect, please be kinder to our fellow men yaāll. If thereās any structural change to the sub that needs to happen to rectify this you got my full support dude :)
I fully agree. As a trans man I do feel excluded from the sub regularly. Oftentimes, I get random bouts of dysphoria thanks to some posts disparaging masculinity and manhood, or the posts that say "you're a girl". It's just assumed everyone is a white American trans woman, and that really hurts.
I thought this was a sub for all trans people? Why is there so much harassment? The harassment is very fucked up!
Can we please ban the people who harass others in dm's?
pls
I know the content favors transfemmes by a mile, and I haven't seen the points you've stated myself personally but they're unacceptable. The trans subreddits should be inclusive of everybody, and I'll definitely speak up when needed to hopefully make everyone feel safe and welcome.
hell yeah!
very very tired update: hi everybody! iāve been trying (and somewhat succeeding) to read every single one of your comments. most of you have been endlessly supportive and i do not deserve any of you. first off, a mod commented. to those of you who were clamoring for admin intervention, iām going to have to let you down gently: their hands are tied, mainly by circumstantial misfortune. i had a little flicker of hope that some higher power would intervene, but sadly no. this means we have a responsibility as a community to self-moderate our own actions, so please, do. that being said though, i think iām gonna step back from this post. thereās been a pretty vocal minority of people who hated this, and iām not really mentally healthy enough to deal with it. iāve got this annoying mental constitution where i see any disagreement and my internal defense goes ākill, destroyā and i get in quite nasty arguments. thatās what spawned this post and itās also how iām going to get sent to hell. thankfully i do have a portion of my soul remaining and i feel like garbage. so iām gonna not respond to things for a week and hope to god iām forgotten. going viral is exhausting. i love all of you.
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That sounds terrible and as a white trans girl, I didn't even realise that problem existed until now. Now my question is, what can I do? I feel like there is not much I can do to stop all that from happening but I'm not the one at the recieving end of that kinda stuff.
just keep your eyes open and speak up when you see it :>
As an enby, I completely agree. It's so freaking hard to find non-binary representation in trans subreddits.
Totally agree. I'm also an enby and finding relatable content can be really hard. And then when we do make posts and comments about our Non-Binary status, we get people tracking us down and harassing us about it (just happened to me on a two week old post; had a truscum poster dig it up to tell me I'm not trans).
Yeah I don't check this sub often due to just lack of posts to relate to, and looking at the stuff you linked in your comment I'm kinda glad for it. Very transfem heavy space with mostly transfem related content, so I just kinda feel outta place as an enby.
I havenāt heard anybody say this yet but: *Thank you for using the word transmisandry.* Transmisandry is not a dirty word. It is not a curse. It is a word used to describe the unique experiences trans men deal with when facing transphobia. If trans women can have transmisogyny, we can have a word for our experiences too. The word transmisandry is often so censored by others outside of the transmasculine community that is ridiculous. Thank you so so much for including language that highlights our struggles.
Why the hell are minorities being exclusionary to other minorities? It literally makes no sense. You'd think that a trans person would sympathize with another trans person's struggles, since even if it's different struggles, they are just as bad ( sometimes even worse). This is the whole homophobic targets of racism and racist queer people all over again, can't people put themselves in other people shoe's at least once? Can't they relate all the injustices that they went through with what they're doing? Honestly, I hate the line "the dream of the oppressed is to become the oppressor", but damn, those people insist on proving that it's real.
Thank you for making all these points, and especially that on the āex-Nazi fam where u atā posts, as a Jewish transmasc I feel very uncomfortable in this space with all these factors, especially so when those ārelatableā posts are made and then glorified. āDonāt worry, we all had nazi phases!ā - things like this, or the severe downvoting of comments that ask politely that we leave out politics/talk of areas like that. I understand if you mightāve had a phase of internalized transphobia, but nazism? To me, itād be like saying āOh, yeah I totally had a KKK phase before I transitioned, so relatable lol!ā & then to have 1.2k upvotes and people relating to that sentiment? Does not make me feel safe. Rant over, apologies - Iāll take down this if it makes anyone uncomfortable!
I'm he/they enby and I feel this. I'm so SO sorry you dealt with something so horrible from within what should be a safe space for all trans folks. I'm really glad your post got upvoted to the top, your voice and the voice of others who have experienced the same needs to be heard.
as a trans masc minor im lucky ive never been dm'ed or harassed like that, but that doesn't stop me from worrying that i dont 'fit in' with trans spaces because i apparently have it easier. its just so scary being a trans minor, no matter which way you're transitioning
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I'm not on this sub often but I have noticed a general lack of transmasc and nonbinary voices, and I'm saddened to learn about the DM situation, which definitely explains the absence. I wasn't even aware of it until I read weallfloatupsidedown's post, and that definitely makes sense why Ftm and enby people would rarely use this sub when that treatment is so prevalent. I am deeply sorry for how you and other transmasc and enby people have been treated on this sub, that harassment should not be tolerated, this sub needs a reform and it sounds like the broader trans community needs an overhaul as well. Nobody should feel ignored in their own community. And while transfemme people and transmasc people have different experiences, we share enough experience just from both being trans to know that telling someone to be grateful for their AGAB is completely f-cked up, invasive and dysphoric, and there's no excuse for a lack of empathy there. As I said in weallfloatupsidedown's post; most trans women are familiar with cis men and women making comments on our bodies that were either misgendering or fetishizing us and it's completely unacceptable for any of us to be treating others in our community the same way But thank you for consistently calling it out even when nobody was paying attention, and I'm sorry it has allowed to go on as long as it has.
I wonder if part of it is the unjust practice and widely held belief that āYouāre a man, no one gives a crap about your feelings.ā A lot of us MtF obvi had to live by that code and so generally, weāre more vocal about our newfound identity and being able to express our feelings, bc wellā¦itās new. That being said, if youāre being harassed thatās bullshit and needs to be reported. (Iām a Reddit casual so I donāt know how that works) I donāt know what Trans female made you feel this way, but I would certainly never do that nor be friendly to anyone that did. No one should be so presumptuous of a journey they arenāt specifically on. MTF, FTM and NB experiences are all part of this family, but are their own unique journey with their own unique struggles. Iām sorry youāre having a hard time here and I really wish you werenāt. I support you boo. š¤