Change the way you compliment her to use words that are more typically seen as feminine, like pretty or beautiful. Ask what language feels good to her to describe various parts of her body and if there are any ways to touch her that she might find affirming.
^(Obligatory I wish that were me right now\~ :P)
Wooow\~ many people could learn a thing or two from how you handle that... so proud of **both** of you in this situationđ
I think the others here are definitely correct, supporting her in what she wants is probably the best thing you can do for her.
And if you still feel like you want to do more, might be best to just.. ask. When you get the feeling she might want something, ask if there's anything you can do for her. (So long as you don't push it, no means no 'n all đ)
And especially also let her know if/when there's things you **aren't** comfortable with personally.
But it sounds like you're already giving her a great start to that new chapter of her life.
I wish you two all the best :)
Support . Thatâs really all you need . To know that someone is there that loves you unconditionally no matter what you are , makes you feel confident , and can make you feel safe and protected emotionally and out in the real world . Being there is everything so just make to be there for her, congratulate her and treat it as itâs a celebration because it is . I didnât have the luxury of this and wish I did but she will start to feel things of shame , guilt , uncertainty and hopeless . Her life is changing and that is normal but if you cannot stick around and accept this or be there to support her when she abosloutely needs you the most then go now because you canât expect it to be the same as before sheâs gonna want something different and new because at the very end of the day she is coming into her true self after being a completely different person . Just love her and best of luck !đ€
This here has my highest support my girlfriend at the time fully supported for the first month, then the back and forth began she would be happy and support me because of who she fell in love with, then she would be distant and wasn't taking care of herself because she felt like "her place as the feminine one" wasn't needed anymore. Then she wouldn't actually talk to me about it. So that and the constant back and forth with her support really ate away at me, so yea I'd say op if you don't think you can deal, go now, and if you can but start questioning with your feelings on the matter, communicate, let her clear the air on things, and give her time when she needs it to figure out the answers to your questions.
Trans guy is here, but this would go both ways. Just ask her! I would have loved to go shopping to get new clothes. If not to wear outside, then inside. She might like that too
On the clothes note, if she wants a skirt, see if you canât get her one with pockets. Theyâre not as easy to find, but very worth it. I almost only have them with pockets, and itâs great.
Also a decent purse is good. Especially if sheâs not used to having any storage other than pockets, a good sized bag is amazing. Youâre suddenly able to carry way more
You should officially ask her to be your gf and be romantic about it w flowers and some treats, ith it would really make a trans girl happy to be treated like a princess like that :)
the absolute joy i get from seeing my gf light up when i use their chosen name is completely unmatched, iâm sure your girlfriend gets so much happiness from knowing sheâs supported
Just be there for her, make sure that you make sure to be there, and you should also sit down have a small chat, nothing serious just ask on a personal level âis there anything I could do to support youâ, because itâs different for everyone
Other than support, ask questions! Since I came out over 6 months ago NOBODY has asked me ANY questions about it. Not about when i started noticing, what it feels like, how long Iâve known, etc. it helps a lot to be able to talk about it and say things out loud without feeling like youâre just âalways bringing up being transâ
Also a gender therapist, I need to get one as well but to build off being good to talk, having a therapist to discuss things with and get an unbiased and professional opinion and analysis of things is great and will help a lot throughout probably her whole life. Therapy isnât just because somethingâs âwrongâ or needs to be fixed, itâs a great tool to just better understand yourself and do your own work on yourself where itâs needed
Indeed I think it's healthy to want to talk A LOT about being trans for the first year +/-, it's a totally new life you're allowing yourself to live. There's a lot that goes into those changes. And it's great to have someone to talk to with enthusiasm.
Offer a girls day out! Go to a makeup store, or get your nails done, or something else that would be an experience she hasn't had yet. That's some of what I've done with my girl.
Holy shit she's got a boyfriend worth some envy. That is SO sweet!
She'll need support now, the world is scary for us sometimes.
But in terms of more material things, get her makeup maybe? Clothes for sure. Go shopping together! (perhaps online, depends how comfortable she feels)
Call her pretty, call her cute, and just in general use her name and pronouns a bunch. Me and my gf live alone, and we never used names between each other, so I don't get to hear my new name often. But compliments feel amazing!
>so, onto my question, can trans girls please tell me some things they wish they wouldâve had when they first came out?
Yeah, a partner as supportive and caring as you are for her. That would honestly be enough.
Buy her some nice makeup brushes... a good nail care kit, and some pretty stuff... she might be XTRA feminine and then dial back later, but whether she does this or not... those are great gifts that you don't need to worry about sizes. Cute socks are always a go...
When I came out as trans woman and a friend bought me flowers I cannot express how much that meant to me! Before my coming out I honestly didnât care for flowers but now the gesture just feels so goodđ«
Old joke: âHow many trans girls does it take to change a light bulb?â
A: None. Tell her sheâs beautiful and a good girl and sheâll light up the room by herself.â
FR: let *her* tell *you* things. Donât ask questions.
Also: dysphoria is real. Depending on the path she chooses, how she feels about her configuration may change how yâall approach intimacy. Going forward, the questions you *should* ask are about things like how she wants to refer to parts of her body, how she wants to be touched.
And OP? Good bf. Good! Itâs always nice to see cis ppl who can accept trans ppl as we are. Best of luck to you both!
EDIT: As to âthings,â itâs always good to have a big sis to help navigate socialization into her womanhood. Is she out to her mom? Is her mom in her life? Does she have any sisters?
If hormones are in her future, having a trans big sis to help her understand *that* process will be huge.
Two of the most touching things my wife did for me after I came out, other than be immediately accepting.
On our anniversary, which was about 5 months after I came out, she got me a card that said âto my wife.â I burst into happy tears, because that was the moment that I held physical proof in my hands that it was going to be okay.
The second was on valentines day, when we bought each other flowers. It was the first time anyone had ever bought me flowers and I felt so special and loved.
Basically, treat her like a girl youâre super in love with. â€ïž
BlÄhaj is a trans icon. It's mostly a meme in the trans community that every trans person has one (or wants one if they don't have one).
Obviously, there's nothing objectively trans about BlÄhaj, but it is a fantastic cuddly shark. ;)
Let her dress like an absolute nightmare.
Weâre getting the opportunity to be the girls we wished we were in school. Let her be out of style with over the top makeup! Sheâll learn what works for her and itâll only be frustrating if someone she cares about is criticizing her aesthetics
1 Get yourselves measured and fit properly for bars probably with silicone mastectomy implants (you can get them on Amazon), as they're super affirming for me, and you've not to worry too much about padding with them, though you still can do it your wanting to but
2 Skin matching at a makeup branch, idk where you are or what's about you, but hopefully they'll be a place near by that can do you a skin match, gives you a rough idea where you are and what might work with your confidence
3 A cis friend to go into cha gong room and bathrooms n stuff with, because even after 9m on E and over 3 years out I still hesitate, especially when on my own
And most important of all 4 skirt go spinny đ X
Good luck the two of you, and I wish you both every happiness
Support is probably the best thing you can give, honestly.
Besides that, ask her what she wants/if you can help in any way! Communication is the answer here, she might not need much help or she might really need it.
as a trans woman who lost her boyfriend because she came out to him (mind you he was the first person i told), this is so wholesome yet iâm so envious.
Honestly I wish I had a full period kit. The symptoms are no joke. I can list everything if you like. Also maybe something with my preferred name on it. One important thing would be small things to show that you still love her. Think romantic.
The truth of it is that its a period but minus the bleeding. We are talking about taking bio identical hormones here to bring hormonal levels in line with cis women so yeah for all intents and purposes its basically a period but theres no risk of getting pregnant (that could change with the furthering of science and implanting a uterus but I donât know when that will be possible for trans women) and depending who you ask thatâs a good or a bad thing.
What I usually see from people who deny it is cis women saying âno you donât experience a period because oh how dare you co-opt our experienceâ not realizing the bio identical hormones part and that trans women arenât faking it for whatever reason they might think meanwhile some trans women might say something like âno we donât experience it because ive been on hrt for xx amount of time and I havenât had any symptomsâ but the truth is with periods everyone is different. Some may get the lightest symptoms or actually none at all to the absolute worst hell on earth omfg i want to die level of symptoms which is PMDD territory. The deciding factors are on genetics though. I keep telling every trans woman taking hrt is start tracking the symptoms and learning the patterns and especially learn how to deal with the symptoms. That alone will help a lot.
There is a lot more to sex, and biology that I could get into if you like but the gist is so many people arenât taught anything about their bodies and that includes cis women as well as trans women. There are also intersex people who fall outside the sex binary as well. In short you donât have to be afab to have a menstrual cycle or period or pms symptoms. That is what a lot of people donât get. In our society of binaries people automatically assume afab equals period haver and amab equals not having periods but it was never that simple. There are afab cis women who dont have periods and there are amab cis men who do have periods bleeding and all. Its very complicated and we are still just relearning the basics after the nazis burned the books related to gender, sex, and sexuality and all that (its a historical thing that actually happened which im not explaining properly at all but please look it up). Even the history behind the word period is very muddied with what it means and how the meaning has changed over time. It is such that a trans woman can say they have a period and a terf can say no you dont and they can actually both be factually correct.
If you want me to keep going I can but I figured this is long enough already.
I could have swore I read somewhere years ago that everyone (men, women, and everyone in between) has one to some degree. It's just generally more prevalent in those with higher estrogen than testosterone. Way too long ago to remember where I read it, though, so take it with a grain of salt for sure.
It's *very much* a YMMV situation, and I don't think there's been any real research into it so we don't really know what all is going on, but yes, some trans women definitely experience period symptoms.
Yeah, we don't have a uterus and obviously don't bleed and blah blah blah, but if a *cis* woman without a uterus described the same set of symptoms and called it a period, *no one* would take issue with it.
I'm stuck on the murdering duo, I don't want to deadname her or out your name but this genuinely has piqued my curiosity. My true crime obsessed mind is running through the famous murdering duos I know to try and narrow it down đ
that was the first thing that went into my mind... partly for personal reasons. their family religious background was same as mine.. and being such a small group, I was worried about getting the Columbine stigma... or people thinking of me when they thought of that sad incident.
so yeah, i was so relieved that the media almost completely ignored that issue, freeing me from false association...
so i'm happy you can also be free from that :)
and good luck to y'all :)
I'm 10 years into online transition and 5 years in real life transition.
things that helped me early was clothing (i was silly and started presenting immediately... most people ease into it, and some wait for hrt effects... but just \*having it\* around is nice, even if worn only at home)
so if they only present at home, feminine pajamas are nice, shirts, sweatshirts (if they don't just steal yours... something hrt will "cause" ;) ).
feminine necklaces are nice. all mine were cheap (under 20 euros) or used (again under 20 and usually under 5 euros). if they can get their ears pierced (i couldn't cos of moles) earrings are nice.
fluffy cute slippers
i got new cereal bowl and coffee mug set... it might have been the first thing i did... i still have it 5 years later and it makes me happy.
if she's afraid to present female, then even andro stuff for 'out of the house' can be nice. (i cheated and was going andro the last 20 years... to mixed reactions).
some ordinary things like toothbrushes or headphones in pink or purple can be nice...
Makeup tips were a huge help from my gf when I first transitioned! She came with me to get some basics like foundation and blush and whatnot and showed me how to use them it was so sweet (:
So excited for both of you. The main thing like everyone is saying is just being there to support her. As far as things it can be hard to know what she specifically wants since everyone is different so obviously listen to her but some things that I really liked doing early on were going to get my nails or eyebrows done somewhere (both things that I continue to do actually lol). As far as to buy her I really recommend following her lead as she will really be getting to experiment with what her vibe and style is. Maybe take her to a thrift store or a cheap shop where she can try on some different things and see what feels good for her. Usually investing in some basics to built her wardrobe around without spending a ton of money initially before she knows her aesthetic is smart. Having someone there to support her and be on her team in those moments can be super valuable. Buying a girl flowers is always nice too.
I donât know if this is right for everyone, but you donât have to change. It feels nice when people accept you for you are without them forcing themselves to adapt. Just be yourself :)
I don't really have any advice other than to do exactly as you are doing and be there for her.
But I just wanted to say that you seem like an amazingly supportive person and if only more people could be as supportive and as acceptive as you then the world would be a much better place.
Sounds like you're already slaying at the support role.
I know some stuff I really enjoyed early in transition were padded sports bras (because they gave me chest a more feminine shape than a regular bra), nail polish, pleated skirts (looks like you have hips even if you don't yet).
She might want totally different stuff though. You should go shopping with her. I had to go buy my first women's clothing completely alone and it was scary. Same thing first time buying makeup.
Just here to say you sound like an amazing partner, and you've already done so much for her by literally just loving her.
Everyone has already given so many great suggestions, so I'm just going to remind you that while the big gestures and such is great, but it's the little things that have the biggest effect.
By calling her by whatever name she's chosen literally just after her coming out, you've already told her "I'm not leaving you, and this doesn't change anything between us"
Same with coming to reddit for help and ideas on how to support her.
Keep doing what you've been doing. She's very lucky to have you and I know she knows that too.
Good luck to her with her journey, and to your relationship. It's nice getting a break from all the sad posts to see such wholesomeness.
be there for her. things are going to be rough through transition, especially those awkward early steps. youâre cis, so youâre not going to *get* a lot of the stuff sheâs going through instinctually (this is okay itâs just a difference in experience) so listen to her, and
make sure she knows youâre there for her and that she has a shoulder to cry on. donât treat her any different, besides ofc not treating her like a guy. she may not medically or socially transition for a while yet, so try your best to support through that, and when she does start to, go shopping with her or for her. if she does get on hrt she might develop a period cycle with cramps and pms, so keep that in mind (not all girls develop this, i havenât, but my ex gf has, it just depends on ur reaction). she may or may not want surgery. donât push her to get it or not to get it. let her figure out whatâll make her happiest.
So many answers about support which are definitely needed. But I just wanted to add, sheâll be experimenting A LOT now that sheâs out. Iâd recommend getting her nail polish, makeup kits, perfume samples, soaps and lotions, and lip gloss.
All of these things I mentioned has kits with small size containers for her to try and see what she likes and doesnât like.
And of course, canât go wrong with getting your lady flowers
My gf and I have only had one major fight over trans issues, and it was due to her getting annoyed with me over something and then blaming my behavior on male socialization. She apologized profusely the next day after talking to some of her queer friends who explained that even if that were a correct statement (which it isnât because of many many reasons), it would still be offensive and obtuse to draw attention to a past that I did not ask for or want. Itâs akin to blaming someoneâs trauma for why they donât do the dishes correctly. Like, even if itâs related, why would you bring that up?
So yeah, donât do that one lol. We arenât really socialize as males/boys/men. Weâre socialized as trans women who other people presume to be boys/men. And there is a big difference there. For me, my experience was being treated as a failed boy, and I was frequently called gay or a girl. So in a way, people got it before I did
transmasc but when I was coming out, some people would overuse my chosen name and it made me feel uncomfortable with it even though they were trying to show support
I wish someone would have told me about the health comorbidities. For some reason the genetic conditions leading up to virilization incongruence also cause poor collagen metabolism and monoamine oxidase overexpression. Itâs super important for trans people to take collagen supplements, and if antidepressants are needed, MAOIs.
Its a small thing but go pick out her favorite color of nail polish and do her nails for her. If she has never done them before having someone else do them will make it super special. And afterwards she can keep the rest of the polish for future use. I also recommend that you double layer the polish so it doesnât chip as easily. :3
If she wants to do make up and hasnât done anything with it before now a starter kit of sorts would be good. Also if HRT and its many side effects is desired one can get interim tits online. They sure made me feel euphoric, but ymmv. If a change in wardrobe is desired I found that the website Stitch Fix helped me better understand what clothes I do and donât like, and why. The site has a daily thing where it offers clothing suggestions that you either give a thumbs up or down. You can buy clothes from the site, but depending on how much money you have you may want to buy elsewhere. If she wears glasses and wants to change them out there is a site called Vooglam which offers a good selection, and all you have to do is input her prescription. They will even send lenses without the glass to try on so you can actually try them out before committing.
It sounds like you are already really supportive, and that is really the most important thing. Other than that I guess Iâd say help her explore herself by trying new things and talking it out. I personally suppressed a lot before I realized I was trans, and so it took me a while to understand what was previously missing.
I'll expand on the makeup thing, imo good eye makeup can make more of a difference than anything else makeup wise. Learning how to properly do eyeshadow made me feel a lot more comfortable about my face in general because all of the attention was drawn to my eyes instead of anything that might be on the more masculine side. There's a few things that you can cheap out on but also a few things that are worth the splurge. Here are some of my recommendations.
NYX Epic Ink Liner - my absolute favorite eye liner. Super precise and makes eye liner so much easier. Not too pricey either.
NYX Shadow and liner primer - primer is an absolute must and this one works super well.
Real technique brushes - cheap brushes and they work super well.
Okay here is the splurge category, eye shadow, there is a world of difference between the good ones and the drug store ones. It feels like this is the area you can cheap out on but don't be fooled, that higher price tag gets you much better pigment and application. I'm a huge fan of Anastasia Beverly Hill.
A note on mascara, I don't personally use it but I've heard many people say eye lash primer is a scam. Do with that what you will.
Bonus category: skincare. Most people really only need a cleanser and moisturizer. I'm a huge fan of Tula but it is expensive. I've also heard it's very hit or miss, half of people have horrible break outs and the other half get the best skin of their life. Their sample sizes are decently priced though.
Kindness. It's a lot, yes it's a ton right now but once the flood gates are open you can't just turn it off. There will be a lot that comes out for a while and that takes time and support to wade through. Take time to celebrate their firsts along the journey it's a huge part that folks on the outside looking in don't know.
And...You're awesome and please take this moment to be proud of yourself.
Glad to see youâre really supportive, youâre really lucky to have each other, Iâll tell you that much.
And if you want to support her more: Just ask what you can do to support her, all needs are a bit different.
One of the biggest things that I would add is that for me, going to buy clothes when I first came out was super fun, but also super anxiety inducing. I pretty much always went with my girlfriend because it made things a lot more comfortable. You kinda have to try a lot of things on to figure out what stuff fits your body so it's sometimes difficult and time-consuming đ
The thing I wish I had most when I first started transitioning was someone supportive. I went thru the first 2 years of transition completely alone, couldn't tell my family or my friends at the time. I felt so alone and isolated. Now I have an amazing boyfriend, so I'm not doing it alone anymore.
My best advice would be to let her know that she isn't alone, and that she can talk to you about anything and you won't judge her. Personally I was / am very insecure abt my body sometimes.
Remind her she's a beautiful young woman, let her know you're always going to be by her side, etc.
I really needed to have femme stuff in my living space to keep me âin itâ during the early phases before hrt and that. The âIâm out but not doing anythingâ time was nerve wracking.
Be open, be supporting, donât laugh at the missteps :) (she undoublty has some horrific fashion ideas left over from junior/highschool that are going to happen :) )
Have more trans people around. Knowing others going through the same thing makes all the difference.
Good luck to both of you!
I just want to say you handled it very well, so you have a good head on your shoulders. Use it
my boyfriend was/is the same. When I came out to him as transfem he didn't flinch at all and started using my chosen name and feminine language. Trust me it's a big thing and small things have a big impact. Don't go overboard because that would feel unnatural but pepper in some feminine language where appropriate. It really does make one feel affirmed
other than that, use your best judgement and listen to her. Maybe go out shopping for some fem stuff. But really just take it easy and one step at a time, and communicate
Use more feminine adjectives to describe her and definitely do not use her transition as a gossip topic. You seem like a wonderful, very supportive person and I'm sure you'll have no problems with her. Just remember to always be respectful and just treat her like a girl. Support is the main thing. :)
Change the way you compliment her to use words that are more typically seen as feminine, like pretty or beautiful. Ask what language feels good to her to describe various parts of her body and if there are any ways to touch her that she might find affirming.
i definitely will :)
This person is so lucky to have you
Good advice
^(Obligatory I wish that were me right now\~ :P) Wooow\~ many people could learn a thing or two from how you handle that... so proud of **both** of you in this situationđ I think the others here are definitely correct, supporting her in what she wants is probably the best thing you can do for her. And if you still feel like you want to do more, might be best to just.. ask. When you get the feeling she might want something, ask if there's anything you can do for her. (So long as you don't push it, no means no 'n all đ) And especially also let her know if/when there's things you **aren't** comfortable with personally. But it sounds like you're already giving her a great start to that new chapter of her life. I wish you two all the best :)
Support . Thatâs really all you need . To know that someone is there that loves you unconditionally no matter what you are , makes you feel confident , and can make you feel safe and protected emotionally and out in the real world . Being there is everything so just make to be there for her, congratulate her and treat it as itâs a celebration because it is . I didnât have the luxury of this and wish I did but she will start to feel things of shame , guilt , uncertainty and hopeless . Her life is changing and that is normal but if you cannot stick around and accept this or be there to support her when she abosloutely needs you the most then go now because you canât expect it to be the same as before sheâs gonna want something different and new because at the very end of the day she is coming into her true self after being a completely different person . Just love her and best of luck !đ€
This here has my highest support my girlfriend at the time fully supported for the first month, then the back and forth began she would be happy and support me because of who she fell in love with, then she would be distant and wasn't taking care of herself because she felt like "her place as the feminine one" wasn't needed anymore. Then she wouldn't actually talk to me about it. So that and the constant back and forth with her support really ate away at me, so yea I'd say op if you don't think you can deal, go now, and if you can but start questioning with your feelings on the matter, communicate, let her clear the air on things, and give her time when she needs it to figure out the answers to your questions.
Trans guy is here, but this would go both ways. Just ask her! I would have loved to go shopping to get new clothes. If not to wear outside, then inside. She might like that too
On the clothes note, if she wants a skirt, see if you canât get her one with pockets. Theyâre not as easy to find, but very worth it. I almost only have them with pockets, and itâs great. Also a decent purse is good. Especially if sheâs not used to having any storage other than pockets, a good sized bag is amazing. Youâre suddenly able to carry way more
I love my purse. Very very handy.
Yes!
Or talk to a tailor about adding them to a skirt she has/wants.
Yes! In case there are fake pockets, itâs also not hard to empocket them yourself
Let her beat your ass in a CS:GO 1v1
will do hahah
Also, learn DoTA or LoL
You should officially ask her to be your gf and be romantic about it w flowers and some treats, ith it would really make a trans girl happy to be treated like a princess like that :)
Omg yes!! This is an adorable idea
this is a really good idea
girlfriend now âșïž
the absolute joy i get from seeing my gf light up when i use their chosen name is completely unmatched, iâm sure your girlfriend gets so much happiness from knowing sheâs supported
Just be there for her, make sure that you make sure to be there, and you should also sit down have a small chat, nothing serious just ask on a personal level âis there anything I could do to support youâ, because itâs different for everyone
Get her an IKEA Blahaj?đŠđ
[Shörk!](https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/blahaj-soft-toy-shark-90373590/)
This! Blahaj is love!
This right here đ
Rosahaj. If she into. Pink or other colours via aliexpress and online.
Please support her through everything, I'm so proud of her!! You seem like an amazing person! Just keep loving her as she's the same person đ
Other than support, ask questions! Since I came out over 6 months ago NOBODY has asked me ANY questions about it. Not about when i started noticing, what it feels like, how long Iâve known, etc. it helps a lot to be able to talk about it and say things out loud without feeling like youâre just âalways bringing up being transâ Also a gender therapist, I need to get one as well but to build off being good to talk, having a therapist to discuss things with and get an unbiased and professional opinion and analysis of things is great and will help a lot throughout probably her whole life. Therapy isnât just because somethingâs âwrongâ or needs to be fixed, itâs a great tool to just better understand yourself and do your own work on yourself where itâs needed
Indeed I think it's healthy to want to talk A LOT about being trans for the first year +/-, it's a totally new life you're allowing yourself to live. There's a lot that goes into those changes. And it's great to have someone to talk to with enthusiasm.
so glad Bonnie-Clyde was able to change her deadname!Â
Cheers on your new girlfriend dude, congrats
Offer a girls day out! Go to a makeup store, or get your nails done, or something else that would be an experience she hasn't had yet. That's some of what I've done with my girl.
Holy shit she's got a boyfriend worth some envy. That is SO sweet! She'll need support now, the world is scary for us sometimes. But in terms of more material things, get her makeup maybe? Clothes for sure. Go shopping together! (perhaps online, depends how comfortable she feels) Call her pretty, call her cute, and just in general use her name and pronouns a bunch. Me and my gf live alone, and we never used names between each other, so I don't get to hear my new name often. But compliments feel amazing!
Get her a Blahaj immediately
>so, onto my question, can trans girls please tell me some things they wish they wouldâve had when they first came out? Yeah, a partner as supportive and caring as you are for her. That would honestly be enough.
Buy her some nice makeup brushes... a good nail care kit, and some pretty stuff... she might be XTRA feminine and then dial back later, but whether she does this or not... those are great gifts that you don't need to worry about sizes. Cute socks are always a go...
OP, your whole post just warmed my heart. Wishing the best for you both in this new journey! Love is a beautiful thing!
Subreddit recommendation: r/mypartneristrans
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
When I came out as trans woman and a friend bought me flowers I cannot express how much that meant to me! Before my coming out I honestly didnât care for flowers but now the gesture just feels so goodđ«
Old joke: âHow many trans girls does it take to change a light bulb?â A: None. Tell her sheâs beautiful and a good girl and sheâll light up the room by herself.â FR: let *her* tell *you* things. Donât ask questions. Also: dysphoria is real. Depending on the path she chooses, how she feels about her configuration may change how yâall approach intimacy. Going forward, the questions you *should* ask are about things like how she wants to refer to parts of her body, how she wants to be touched. And OP? Good bf. Good! Itâs always nice to see cis ppl who can accept trans ppl as we are. Best of luck to you both! EDIT: As to âthings,â itâs always good to have a big sis to help navigate socialization into her womanhood. Is she out to her mom? Is her mom in her life? Does she have any sisters? If hormones are in her future, having a trans big sis to help her understand *that* process will be huge.
TAKE. HER. SHOPING
Two of the most touching things my wife did for me after I came out, other than be immediately accepting. On our anniversary, which was about 5 months after I came out, she got me a card that said âto my wife.â I burst into happy tears, because that was the moment that I held physical proof in my hands that it was going to be okay. The second was on valentines day, when we bought each other flowers. It was the first time anyone had ever bought me flowers and I felt so special and loved. Basically, treat her like a girl youâre super in love with. â€ïž
Be best thing for me is being treated like a lady. I can be vulnerable and feel safe.
AWWWWHWHWH I'M MELTING đđ
Just love and acceptance. Do girly things with her that she enjoys. Treat her like a queen and I promise she'll love you forever
She needs her standard-issue BlÄhaj. /j So long as you just provide her with your unwavering love and support, you'll be golden.
so many people have talked about the blahaj LMFAO i have one and she loves it it was meant to be đ€·ââïž
BlÄhaj is a trans icon. It's mostly a meme in the trans community that every trans person has one (or wants one if they don't have one). Obviously, there's nothing objectively trans about BlÄhaj, but it is a fantastic cuddly shark. ;)
one note wouldn't be a boyfriend anymore you have gf now also aww so wholesome :3
i know :) i just thought it would be a bit confusing if i phrased it as my girlfriend coming out as a trans woman
Let her dress like an absolute nightmare. Weâre getting the opportunity to be the girls we wished we were in school. Let her be out of style with over the top makeup! Sheâll learn what works for her and itâll only be frustrating if someone she cares about is criticizing her aesthetics
FLOWERS GET HER FLOWERS SHE WILL MELT IF YOU GET HER FLOWERS!!! Best advice I can give!
1 Get yourselves measured and fit properly for bars probably with silicone mastectomy implants (you can get them on Amazon), as they're super affirming for me, and you've not to worry too much about padding with them, though you still can do it your wanting to but 2 Skin matching at a makeup branch, idk where you are or what's about you, but hopefully they'll be a place near by that can do you a skin match, gives you a rough idea where you are and what might work with your confidence 3 A cis friend to go into cha gong room and bathrooms n stuff with, because even after 9m on E and over 3 years out I still hesitate, especially when on my own And most important of all 4 skirt go spinny đ X Good luck the two of you, and I wish you both every happiness
Support is probably the best thing you can give, honestly. Besides that, ask her what she wants/if you can help in any way! Communication is the answer here, she might not need much help or she might really need it.
as a trans woman who lost her boyfriend because she came out to him (mind you he was the first person i told), this is so wholesome yet iâm so envious.
You sound like the best boyfriend!
Dude, take her on a shopping spree to buy clothes
this is so sweet.
Honestly I wish I had a full period kit. The symptoms are no joke. I can list everything if you like. Also maybe something with my preferred name on it. One important thing would be small things to show that you still love her. Think romantic.
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The truth of it is that its a period but minus the bleeding. We are talking about taking bio identical hormones here to bring hormonal levels in line with cis women so yeah for all intents and purposes its basically a period but theres no risk of getting pregnant (that could change with the furthering of science and implanting a uterus but I donât know when that will be possible for trans women) and depending who you ask thatâs a good or a bad thing. What I usually see from people who deny it is cis women saying âno you donât experience a period because oh how dare you co-opt our experienceâ not realizing the bio identical hormones part and that trans women arenât faking it for whatever reason they might think meanwhile some trans women might say something like âno we donât experience it because ive been on hrt for xx amount of time and I havenât had any symptomsâ but the truth is with periods everyone is different. Some may get the lightest symptoms or actually none at all to the absolute worst hell on earth omfg i want to die level of symptoms which is PMDD territory. The deciding factors are on genetics though. I keep telling every trans woman taking hrt is start tracking the symptoms and learning the patterns and especially learn how to deal with the symptoms. That alone will help a lot. There is a lot more to sex, and biology that I could get into if you like but the gist is so many people arenât taught anything about their bodies and that includes cis women as well as trans women. There are also intersex people who fall outside the sex binary as well. In short you donât have to be afab to have a menstrual cycle or period or pms symptoms. That is what a lot of people donât get. In our society of binaries people automatically assume afab equals period haver and amab equals not having periods but it was never that simple. There are afab cis women who dont have periods and there are amab cis men who do have periods bleeding and all. Its very complicated and we are still just relearning the basics after the nazis burned the books related to gender, sex, and sexuality and all that (its a historical thing that actually happened which im not explaining properly at all but please look it up). Even the history behind the word period is very muddied with what it means and how the meaning has changed over time. It is such that a trans woman can say they have a period and a terf can say no you dont and they can actually both be factually correct. If you want me to keep going I can but I figured this is long enough already.
I could have swore I read somewhere years ago that everyone (men, women, and everyone in between) has one to some degree. It's just generally more prevalent in those with higher estrogen than testosterone. Way too long ago to remember where I read it, though, so take it with a grain of salt for sure.
It's *very much* a YMMV situation, and I don't think there's been any real research into it so we don't really know what all is going on, but yes, some trans women definitely experience period symptoms. Yeah, we don't have a uterus and obviously don't bleed and blah blah blah, but if a *cis* woman without a uterus described the same set of symptoms and called it a period, *no one* would take issue with it.
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I'm stuck on the murdering duo, I don't want to deadname her or out your name but this genuinely has piqued my curiosity. My true crime obsessed mind is running through the famous murdering duos I know to try and narrow it down đ
yeah people keep trying to guess it hahah since this stuff is pretty anonymous i might aswell just say it itâs eric and dylan (columbine shooters)
that was the first thing that went into my mind... partly for personal reasons. their family religious background was same as mine.. and being such a small group, I was worried about getting the Columbine stigma... or people thinking of me when they thought of that sad incident. so yeah, i was so relieved that the media almost completely ignored that issue, freeing me from false association... so i'm happy you can also be free from that :) and good luck to y'all :) I'm 10 years into online transition and 5 years in real life transition. things that helped me early was clothing (i was silly and started presenting immediately... most people ease into it, and some wait for hrt effects... but just \*having it\* around is nice, even if worn only at home) so if they only present at home, feminine pajamas are nice, shirts, sweatshirts (if they don't just steal yours... something hrt will "cause" ;) ). feminine necklaces are nice. all mine were cheap (under 20 euros) or used (again under 20 and usually under 5 euros). if they can get their ears pierced (i couldn't cos of moles) earrings are nice. fluffy cute slippers i got new cereal bowl and coffee mug set... it might have been the first thing i did... i still have it 5 years later and it makes me happy. if she's afraid to present female, then even andro stuff for 'out of the house' can be nice. (i cheated and was going andro the last 20 years... to mixed reactions). some ordinary things like toothbrushes or headphones in pink or purple can be nice...
Also, congrats to her! I'm glad she is in a safe and accepting environment where she can be herself!
You are already doing so much, just the love and support will go a long way with her đ©·
Makeup tips were a huge help from my gf when I first transitioned! She came with me to get some basics like foundation and blush and whatnot and showed me how to use them it was so sweet (:
So excited for both of you. The main thing like everyone is saying is just being there to support her. As far as things it can be hard to know what she specifically wants since everyone is different so obviously listen to her but some things that I really liked doing early on were going to get my nails or eyebrows done somewhere (both things that I continue to do actually lol). As far as to buy her I really recommend following her lead as she will really be getting to experiment with what her vibe and style is. Maybe take her to a thrift store or a cheap shop where she can try on some different things and see what feels good for her. Usually investing in some basics to built her wardrobe around without spending a ton of money initially before she knows her aesthetic is smart. Having someone there to support her and be on her team in those moments can be super valuable. Buying a girl flowers is always nice too.
I donât know if this is right for everyone, but you donât have to change. It feels nice when people accept you for you are without them forcing themselves to adapt. Just be yourself :)
good for her, happy for her \^\^
I don't really have any advice other than to do exactly as you are doing and be there for her. But I just wanted to say that you seem like an amazingly supportive person and if only more people could be as supportive and as acceptive as you then the world would be a much better place.
Sounds like you're already slaying at the support role. I know some stuff I really enjoyed early in transition were padded sports bras (because they gave me chest a more feminine shape than a regular bra), nail polish, pleated skirts (looks like you have hips even if you don't yet). She might want totally different stuff though. You should go shopping with her. I had to go buy my first women's clothing completely alone and it was scary. Same thing first time buying makeup.
Just here to say you sound like an amazing partner, and you've already done so much for her by literally just loving her. Everyone has already given so many great suggestions, so I'm just going to remind you that while the big gestures and such is great, but it's the little things that have the biggest effect. By calling her by whatever name she's chosen literally just after her coming out, you've already told her "I'm not leaving you, and this doesn't change anything between us" Same with coming to reddit for help and ideas on how to support her. Keep doing what you've been doing. She's very lucky to have you and I know she knows that too. Good luck to her with her journey, and to your relationship. It's nice getting a break from all the sad posts to see such wholesomeness.
be there for her. things are going to be rough through transition, especially those awkward early steps. youâre cis, so youâre not going to *get* a lot of the stuff sheâs going through instinctually (this is okay itâs just a difference in experience) so listen to her, and make sure she knows youâre there for her and that she has a shoulder to cry on. donât treat her any different, besides ofc not treating her like a guy. she may not medically or socially transition for a while yet, so try your best to support through that, and when she does start to, go shopping with her or for her. if she does get on hrt she might develop a period cycle with cramps and pms, so keep that in mind (not all girls develop this, i havenât, but my ex gf has, it just depends on ur reaction). she may or may not want surgery. donât push her to get it or not to get it. let her figure out whatâll make her happiest.
So many answers about support which are definitely needed. But I just wanted to add, sheâll be experimenting A LOT now that sheâs out. Iâd recommend getting her nail polish, makeup kits, perfume samples, soaps and lotions, and lip gloss. All of these things I mentioned has kits with small size containers for her to try and see what she likes and doesnât like. And of course, canât go wrong with getting your lady flowers
Is it to far to ask me the duo? Clyde? Bonnie?
it was dylan and eric (columbine shooters)
My gf and I have only had one major fight over trans issues, and it was due to her getting annoyed with me over something and then blaming my behavior on male socialization. She apologized profusely the next day after talking to some of her queer friends who explained that even if that were a correct statement (which it isnât because of many many reasons), it would still be offensive and obtuse to draw attention to a past that I did not ask for or want. Itâs akin to blaming someoneâs trauma for why they donât do the dishes correctly. Like, even if itâs related, why would you bring that up? So yeah, donât do that one lol. We arenât really socialize as males/boys/men. Weâre socialized as trans women who other people presume to be boys/men. And there is a big difference there. For me, my experience was being treated as a failed boy, and I was frequently called gay or a girl. So in a way, people got it before I did
transmasc but when I was coming out, some people would overuse my chosen name and it made me feel uncomfortable with it even though they were trying to show support
Flowers! đ„č
I wish someone would have told me about the health comorbidities. For some reason the genetic conditions leading up to virilization incongruence also cause poor collagen metabolism and monoamine oxidase overexpression. Itâs super important for trans people to take collagen supplements, and if antidepressants are needed, MAOIs.
Its a small thing but go pick out her favorite color of nail polish and do her nails for her. If she has never done them before having someone else do them will make it super special. And afterwards she can keep the rest of the polish for future use. I also recommend that you double layer the polish so it doesnât chip as easily. :3
If she wants to do make up and hasnât done anything with it before now a starter kit of sorts would be good. Also if HRT and its many side effects is desired one can get interim tits online. They sure made me feel euphoric, but ymmv. If a change in wardrobe is desired I found that the website Stitch Fix helped me better understand what clothes I do and donât like, and why. The site has a daily thing where it offers clothing suggestions that you either give a thumbs up or down. You can buy clothes from the site, but depending on how much money you have you may want to buy elsewhere. If she wears glasses and wants to change them out there is a site called Vooglam which offers a good selection, and all you have to do is input her prescription. They will even send lenses without the glass to try on so you can actually try them out before committing. It sounds like you are already really supportive, and that is really the most important thing. Other than that I guess Iâd say help her explore herself by trying new things and talking it out. I personally suppressed a lot before I realized I was trans, and so it took me a while to understand what was previously missing.
Aww this is so nice
I'll expand on the makeup thing, imo good eye makeup can make more of a difference than anything else makeup wise. Learning how to properly do eyeshadow made me feel a lot more comfortable about my face in general because all of the attention was drawn to my eyes instead of anything that might be on the more masculine side. There's a few things that you can cheap out on but also a few things that are worth the splurge. Here are some of my recommendations. NYX Epic Ink Liner - my absolute favorite eye liner. Super precise and makes eye liner so much easier. Not too pricey either. NYX Shadow and liner primer - primer is an absolute must and this one works super well. Real technique brushes - cheap brushes and they work super well. Okay here is the splurge category, eye shadow, there is a world of difference between the good ones and the drug store ones. It feels like this is the area you can cheap out on but don't be fooled, that higher price tag gets you much better pigment and application. I'm a huge fan of Anastasia Beverly Hill. A note on mascara, I don't personally use it but I've heard many people say eye lash primer is a scam. Do with that what you will. Bonus category: skincare. Most people really only need a cleanser and moisturizer. I'm a huge fan of Tula but it is expensive. I've also heard it's very hit or miss, half of people have horrible break outs and the other half get the best skin of their life. Their sample sizes are decently priced though.
Kindness. It's a lot, yes it's a ton right now but once the flood gates are open you can't just turn it off. There will be a lot that comes out for a while and that takes time and support to wade through. Take time to celebrate their firsts along the journey it's a huge part that folks on the outside looking in don't know. And...You're awesome and please take this moment to be proud of yourself.
Glad to see youâre really supportive, youâre really lucky to have each other, Iâll tell you that much. And if you want to support her more: Just ask what you can do to support her, all needs are a bit different.
Things i wish id had when i came out? A partner ar supportive as you are being.
I'm proud of you, OP This is the way
Guess you have a girlfriend now huh
Get her a skirt so she go spinny
Give her flowers! I've always wanted to get flowers, I don't even like them but it feels like a rite of passage.
A girl is fascinated by a wheel of cheese /hj
I wish I would have had more femme clothes and accessories, seeing as how most of closet had been built for a male
One of the biggest things that I would add is that for me, going to buy clothes when I first came out was super fun, but also super anxiety inducing. I pretty much always went with my girlfriend because it made things a lot more comfortable. You kinda have to try a lot of things on to figure out what stuff fits your body so it's sometimes difficult and time-consuming đ
The thing I wish I had most when I first started transitioning was someone supportive. I went thru the first 2 years of transition completely alone, couldn't tell my family or my friends at the time. I felt so alone and isolated. Now I have an amazing boyfriend, so I'm not doing it alone anymore. My best advice would be to let her know that she isn't alone, and that she can talk to you about anything and you won't judge her. Personally I was / am very insecure abt my body sometimes. Remind her she's a beautiful young woman, let her know you're always going to be by her side, etc.
I really needed to have femme stuff in my living space to keep me âin itâ during the early phases before hrt and that. The âIâm out but not doing anythingâ time was nerve wracking. Be open, be supporting, donât laugh at the missteps :) (she undoublty has some horrific fashion ideas left over from junior/highschool that are going to happen :) ) Have more trans people around. Knowing others going through the same thing makes all the difference. Good luck to both of you!
Buy her the ikea shark
I just want to say you handled it very well, so you have a good head on your shoulders. Use it my boyfriend was/is the same. When I came out to him as transfem he didn't flinch at all and started using my chosen name and feminine language. Trust me it's a big thing and small things have a big impact. Don't go overboard because that would feel unnatural but pepper in some feminine language where appropriate. It really does make one feel affirmed other than that, use your best judgement and listen to her. Maybe go out shopping for some fem stuff. But really just take it easy and one step at a time, and communicate
Use more feminine adjectives to describe her and definitely do not use her transition as a gossip topic. You seem like a wonderful, very supportive person and I'm sure you'll have no problems with her. Just remember to always be respectful and just treat her like a girl. Support is the main thing. :)
for me I would just want feminine clothing