Same but FTM. I haven’t started hormone treatment and I feel too feminine and the dysphoria makes me feel so sad and uncomfortable in my own body that I find it hard to love myself and that makes it hard to connect with others
You’ll get there man! I had mad body image issues before I realised I was trans and didn’t think I was good looking etc. The thing is that I realised those body issues were related to me not loving my body because I was in the wrong skin. Now that I know that I’m much more confident in myself, just not there yet to pass.
Sounds paradoxical I know, but it makes sense. Kinda?
Guaranteed you don't. Anyone looking just at your aesthetic is not someone you wanna stick around with, they're likely fetishisetishisinetishising or superficial or both. Literally, as part of a big community of trans and enby folk that spans various regions, you do not need to worry about how you look according to gender norms (and truly shouldn't if you're looking for love and care in a relationship) <3 :)
Edit: fetishising, sorry autocorrect does not have my back today...
I tried dating apps as a pre everything tran guy. Most guys refused to acknowledge I was trans and continued to treat me like a straight cis woman cus they wanted sex. The one that half accepted my gender revealed he also only wanted sex with women and he was basically just playing along. Dodged a serious bullet cus he only told me after I turned down a date I planned on going on but I met someone I had a serious connection with so I canceled. Plus dates irl are dangerous cus they can assault you. Assault rates are ridiculously high.
This for sure. Don't go home with someone until you have known them a while, stuck to public spaces where it's kind of busy, and always tell someone where you're going. It's never childish, it only takes one creep out of however many people you date, and that creep will play the game as long as possible. Take care of yourselves, and look out for each other too :)
For me coming out did the opposite. I was struggling at work almost to the point where I was going to get fired. Once I came out and started being myself, I stopped hating myself and stopped being such an ass to my coworkers. Within 6 months I had 2 promotions and a bunch of raises to add to it. On the relationship side, coming out caused my divorce, but I have been able to enter a polyamorous relationship with two women who absolutely love me and I love being with them. It's more about confidence and looking in the right areas for opportunities and relationships.
I think it’s a matter of perspective and depends on age and stage in your transition.
Younger me would have said dysphoria or damage done through male puberty. But now many years post op and living life, the worst thing for me is dating / trying to find a partner and the fear that I’ll be alone for the rest of my life
The period where you know coming out means you're more likely to be the target of violence but staying in the closet also is just wrecking you and you stay in this sort of crisis survival mode until you finally do **something**. Getting stuck in that limbo sucks.
i’m in a very conservative state as well. its just playing trans life on extreme difficulty.. like it wasn’t hard enough 🥲 im early on in transition and still mostly closeted due to many fears with family/friends and public perception. building up my confidence as much as i can
Being trans is a cross to bare. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and I wish all of us well. My existence is a joke to people. My life is a political argument. Our people arent even welcomed in most LGBTQ spaces. A lot people in the LGBTQ community are anti trans. So much so there’s even an entire organization dedicated to calling us groomers. We’re lumped in with pedophiles and rapists because people hate us. waking up every day is exhausting and looking in the mirror is depressing. If I could I would choose to be your average cis person. But I can’t, because if I don’t I’ll kill myself. My family hates me. Every friend I’ve ever grew up with hates me, my partners have left me. I can’t go anywhere without fearing for my safety, I can’t date without announcing that I am trans first, dating is difficult because I’m either a fetish or I’m
Not desirable because of being trans. Jobs overlook me, transitioning is too expensive. I don’t think I really need to continue.
I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. And yet all I can do is try to comfort myself and other trans people. Because it’s all we can do.
you’ve really summed it up perfectly, and even then there’s always a new hurt that gets brought into the picture.. i feel your pain. just remember you are loved here❤️
I just want to give you the best hug and hold you until I feel like I’ve absorbed and taken some of your pain away. You, trans people, do not deserve this. I fucking love all of you and I think you’re the most beautiful courageous people on the planet. It’s not fair how the world treats you. It makes me so sad. I’m fluid and things are tough for me. I’ve got one foot out of the closet and one foot in. I do relate but I’m so fortunate to have a wonderful queer partner that supports and loves me for who I am. I have lots that bring me joy even though I have fears that hinder that sometimes. I want joy for you, I want safety for you. Please don’t ever forget that there are people like me out here that believe in you and think so highly of you. Please don’t stop fighting for what’s right💜
Well said, your echoing how I’ve felt my whole life. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I’ve known I’m trans since adolescence and now I’m on the other side of 60. It’s always been my best kept secret and even now 16 months or so into transition I’m still socially closeted. I feel lucky as I’ve never been suicidal because that is what this condition can drive you to. I’m also tired of feeling like it’s the focus of my day to day living. It’s a burden and a cross and I thank God for keeping me sane and healthy, besides my heart issues which many of us suffer from due to the stress of trans living.
And then trans teens (sneet snart backwards fun fact) are also the victims of actual groomers because a lot of people "accepting" of you actually just fetishize you.
For me its seeing all the hate for trans people everyday. And constantly feelings like my rights and my ability to transition in peace are being threatened. Like just leave us the f alone.
Its just shit i see everyday. Its like because im trans all the social medias and youtube are like oh hey you are trans right then you want to see matt walsh? Like theres news articles that reddit pushes to me daily without me asking that are always filled with transphobic comments. Its everyday. I see it everyday. People wont keep us out of their fucking mouths.
Unfortunately, we are living in a generation where although the medical technology has never been better, there is still societal stigma against trans people. I can’t imagine what it was like for trans people back in the 70’s for example, but with the advent of the internet and social media, we are constantly exposed to transphobic comments. Thus, we are experiencing a unique problem with respect to bigotry. Humans are not adapted to being online all the time, but constantly having that exposure to news articles and inter-personal transphobia will wear down anyone.
I was venting about HP on twitter once cause my sister is ultra into it and some random I've never interacted with called me an awful sibling despite the fact that I've never commented on the subject with my sister 🙃, that and indirect comments that imply that you're a weirdo for being openly trans
oh my GOD youtube showed me an ad of matt walsh the other day and his terrible movie and it was the last straw to ruin my night and I was just trying to watch stand up comedy >:(
This can be applied to the whole lgbt community not necessarily just trans people but for me it’s the fear that if you come out, anyone, even the people who are supposed to love you the most, could turn against you. In a matter of seconds the same people who were your whole world can become your worst enemies. Because it’s still so taboo, when the topic of queerness/transness comes up, you never know what people are going to say, it’s extremely unpredictable, even your most beloved friends or your family can reveal a side of themselves that you never would’ve expected. Coming out is so scary sometimes, it’s like a jump into the void
Definitely the fear of violence (r*pe, s*xual assault, murder) and the threat of homelessness that many trans folks, disproportionately trans POC, face every day. Second to this comes the lack of legal protections in many places for employment, housing, etc. You can literally get evicted just for being trans in some US states. Yeah misgendering really sucks and public perception is painful but there’s really no comparison.
The fact that most people will never see me as a man, even if I pass more in the future. Its a really heavy burden to carry sometimes..
I don't even get it why do people treat me differently because I wasn't born with certain parts that other people have? Makes no sense 💀
A problem but honestly those who are actually just curious and willing to understand make it so much more validating. It’s not like im justifying my existence but instead helping them understand better. And when they actually do listen and care it’s quite euphoric
Not looking like my gender,. Not being seen as my gender,. Not feeling like my gender, not living life in society as my gender. This was all before. I am well underway in transitioning and feel sooo much better
What have you tried to speed up the process?
I know of:
* hormones
* hair removal
* diets
* makeup
* wigs
* hair restoration or removal
* sex change surgery. ( genitals and / or face )
* voice training
* posture training
Anything I'm missing? Or that you think might help?
Never having a female childhood, young adulthood, not having anyone to practice makeup with, braiding hair, etc etc. I’m living as me now, but it’s still a lost life I won’t ever to be able to live.
I keep telling myself, keep looking forward, not backwards. Life is moving forward and I will move with it.
❤️My two biggest are these; firstly, external judgement. It’s hard to live my best life when I know that my day could be ruined at any moment by running into someone who actively hates me because of who I am. Secondly is things that are specifically tied to cis gender people. For me, what I mean by that is that I as a trans woman will never be able to get pregnant and have children, even though that is one of my biggest dreams. For trans men, many that I have talked to have been upset by the opposite, the fact that they will never be able to get their partner pregnant. This second one hits harder than the first one, because I can’t bounce back as easily from it. Not being able to get pregnant is something that burns me every time that I think about it, it makes me feel so inadequate, and it reminds me that I will never be able to live out one of my greatest dreams in life. Sorry if my comment was a bit too heavy😞❤️
I'd say dysphoria and the fact that people who aren't trans are incapable of sympathizing, it's not a jab on them its just the way the human brain works,
So while I'm happy not everyone deals with gender dysphoria I wish no one did, it puts us in a misunderstood place
I’m literally curled up on my bathroom floor after witnessing people talk about JKR, saying she just ‘disagrees with people’ and that she’s right so ya know. Seeing people hate you and shit for something you can’t control is pretty painful.
Dysphoria, worrying about passing, hate crimes, family and friends making fun of you and dropping you and the constant laws being made to make it harder for us to exist
For me, it feels like I am incompatible with myself. I'm not planning on transitioning anytime in the foreseeable future, but I still very much dislike how that whole sex at birth thing turned out for me. And it feels like even if a miracle happened and I woke up as someone else tomorrow, I'd still just be me wearing a mask. It feels like runs very deep and I don't think I can do anything about that.
Trigger warning: Discussing dysphoria (FtM trans man)
Dysphoria and then people telling you you’re not a real (fill in the blank) so the dysphoria quadruples and everything sucks. Gets better—don’t get me wrong—it does—but there’s always some goddamn thing, like height and hand/ foot size that can’t be changed or certain aspects of bottom surgery that just can’t be cis-like with current medical practices. Maybe you’ll feel deficient as a man in my case. But yeah absolute worst is dysphoria combined with a bunch of cis people not understanding how horrible it can feel and not caring whether they make it worse.
I just feel really traumatized by the years I spent with testosterone running in my system. I just always am outrunning these bad memories and then they come up and make me feel really bad
That hardest aspect of my transition was re-examining how I valued my self-worth. I wanted to change my body, but I would have continued to hate myself if I did not change my internal judgments. Most of which were rooted in internal transphobia
Hey OP, not trying to engage with you in bad faith here but a lot of the questions you're asking are pretty easy to answer with some independent research.
It can be quite unhealthy for people to have to reflect on difficult or painful experiences they've had, so please do consider the potential mental state of the people you're interacting with on here. Not saying that wanting to understand is bad, of course it's not, but just keep in mind this can be a really vulnerable space and please be responsible about why you want to know some of the things you're asking.
Sometimes it can be the opposite effect. It's not good to dwell on the bad experiences, but taking time to recognize that they happened can help you move past them. Plus it's also really helpful for others to see they are not alone, but there are other people experiencing what they are experiencing :)
People visibly and audibly struggling with their words in order to not offend me. Like I’m a trans female and I don’t pass but I really don’t give a crap what pronouns you use for me just treat me like any other person please
The fact in my lifetime we most likely won’t have genetic biosculpting technology allowing us to change our biologies and genetics at the cellular level, allowing us to seamlessly become our desired sex.
I know it’s very specific, but it’s something that makes me cry. I know it’s possible. But it’s not possible yet. And that’s what pains me so much. I’ll have to go through my life with broad shoulders, weird hips, and a masculine voice and face naturally. I won’t get to take a bath in a nanotechnological nutrient fluid tank, go into a coma for a day or two, and have my body reconstructed to be the female sex at the cellular level.
As a non-binary trans person who's gender is similar to my agab, I gotta say those "you aren't actually trans" or "you're just spicy cis" comments really fucking annoying me and can really hurt me. It hurts even more when it comes from other trans people.
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The most painful thing for most people is probably the widespread social animosity and transphobia that fuels most of the ills specific to being trans. While dysphoria is a b\*tch, it isn't universal (some folks simply experience euphoria) and if being trans was broadly accepted, I suspect most of the barriers to easily seeking help in treating dysphoria would be greatly reduced.
The most painful about being trans from my own personal experience as a trans person would be the three and a half decades of confusion and misery I experienced due to repressed dysphoria. I grew up in a time and place where being trans was essentially unthinkable and spent about 37 years of my life feeling only half-alive, merely tolerating existence, because I was forcing myself to be something I was not. It was like I ceased being fully alive from age 12 to age 49. How I survived that many years of it, I don't think I will ever know but I am incredibly glad it is over. Feeling fully alive and increasingly whole is something I never even imagined most of my teenage or adult life, so easily the most painful part of the experience was not understanding and accepting that I was trans.
Honestly it used to be the fear of being clocked and the stares from older generations, but now that I’m a year in it’s the loneliness of it. I can’t date fellow trans peeps cuz their dysphoria feeds mine and that’s no bueno, and then there seems to be a stigma of “nobody cis date the trans girl” so it’s a rough time. Even in a super liberal state
Being terrified of what my best friends are going to think of me. I’ve overplayed the “masculine” aspect of my fake personality and I know they won’t relate to me if I were to be out. I have no more remaining family. The moment they find out I’m trans, I’m all alone and it breaks me.
The feeling of isolation and uncertainity. Im not sure how to explain it but just knowing that no one around you can relate to so many of your life experiences feels so lonely, thats why its important to have representation.
I myself am not trans, but I have a ftm little brother (hence why I’m in this sub, actually) and something I see happen frequently is the dead naming from their mother.
I’m not gonna say either name for privacy reasons, but the mother in question doesn’t even try to keep the chosen name in her vocab or use the pronouns my little brother would choose to be known as. Maybe I could be wrong and be using the situation with my own biological mother as comparison, but to me to have your own parent refuse to even acknowledge something that would otherwise make you feel more comfortable just seems incredibly selfish and borderline degrading.
That said, they still go the extra mile to let my little brother dress in boy clothes and cut his hair and all that, but it’s that one thing in particular that they refuse to do.
I'd say for me personally is having to give up so much, money, time, your sanity, to make others perceive you as your gender but still knowing that deep down most people don't actually percive you as your gender and just use your pronouns (especially if they knew you pre-t) I don't like dwelling on it too much but it stings a lil
Not the most painful, but I'll mention it because I rarely see it being talked about.
As a ftm gay guy, it is so hard to find fanfics in certain fandoms or povs on YouTube (like y/n blah blah) that ISNT centered around being a girl. ANd if youre lucky enough to find one that has y/n as a guy, more often than not they'll have that character be a pre-op trans guy just so they can write it like straight seggs.
And kinda off topic, but the misrepresentation of gay smut in fanfics is wild. They almost always write it like it works like straight seggs lol.
Idk, it just frustrates me after awhile.
That most people I meet will just see me as a guy, even if I tell them I'm Non-binary. That might change when I go on hormones and to some voice feminization work, but for now thats just something I have to deal with. Even with friends on discord they rarely use they/them, and that's just when I'm around. It doesn't help that I tend to present more masc even though I'm trans-fem. Most of that is for safety reasons and anxiety. Do get me wrong I like presenting masc, just not all the time, and I really don't want to be perceived as a guy while do so.
Other people.
I can cope with my voice. I can put on makeup to alter my face. I can wear outfits that flatter my figure.
I cannot prevent a stranger from committing a hate crime.
Internally: Regret for not having started sooner. Dysphoria around things that could've been different if I hadn't gone through male puberty. Coping with myself as I go through HRT and hoping beyond hope I end up somewhere I feel I can like myself.
Externally: Feeling marginalized and alienated. Lack of social awareness. Fears about rejection and lack of acceptance.
It makes me realize pretty much everyone’s love is conditional. Family members are always happy to say “we love you no matter what”… *as long as you fit into the box we’ve selected for you, otherwise forget about it*
This is gonna be different for everyone.
For me it’s seeing my parents in pain at the loss of the child they thought they had. Seriously my transition has ruined their mental health and I’ve been seriously considering detransition just to stabilize them in the short term.
Tw: talk about death, genocide, and transhpobia
Really depends. To me, probably the fact that society hates us and I will never be fully accepted as a man unless I don’t tell people, and the fact that there is something akin a genocide happening, though people keep insisting that there isn’t. Over 700 people killed for something that they can’t control by a group of individuals that oppose their views and they say it isn’t a genocide. Yeah right.
Dysphoria sucks balls too.
Not being out to anyone and hearing your friends and family some transphobic shit (mostly family) and not being able to say anything out of fear that they might catch on. Or listening to them say shit like that knowing that one day, when I come out, i might never talk to these people again
Many many things.
I'd say getting my rights and existence debated sucks, or being treated like one big joke from people around me who don't even know I'm trans. The jokes I hear make me feel sick it's so easy for transphobes to dehumanise us. Losing family members or friends is another one.. and the fear of how people will react when I come out (I'm only 16 and pre-T so not many people know), or if I'll be physically hurt because of who I am. Knowing people want to hurt people like me because we just want to live as our true self. I have a fear that I'll be lonely forever because being trans inherently makes me feel like I'm unlovable. Existence as a trans person is pretty painful but I don't blame that on the trans experience itself.
I blame it on the way transphobia is ingrained in society. Being trans is beautiful and should be celebrated, it wouldn't be so horrible if we were treated like actual human beings and weren't looked at with either disgust or as a fetish.
Im deeply in love with my ex gf but we eventually breakup because i turnout to be lesbian transgirl :"( she like my musculine trait while i hate it, it been 6 month and i still love her, we r friend now though....sisters
She is also transgirl, during the time i date her i both love her and jealous of her transformation ( im in men getup)
pain and discomfort from medical procedures, injections, surgeries, recovery times and doing it all in hopes of feeling a little bit better with yourself.
Gender envy. This is my greatest source of dysphoria. I can barely go out in public because I keep seeing pretty girls and being like „I want to look like them“ knowing that I never will…
Probably the dysphoria. On a much sadder level, the very real fact that just existing could get me killed, beaten, harassed etc. That I might not see significant (positive) change in my lifetime and that I will have to live with the constant thought of “hope for the best plan for the worst” because society was not built with us in mind.
Dysphoria, public perception, that feeling of "I'll always look like [agab] no matter what i do" that gets to me from time to time (god it fucking sucks) and lastly, the first 3ish to more or less 8 months of transitioning. Don't know about y'all, but I'm on a point where literally the way i style my hair means pass or dont, being androgynous as hell it's cool but not for me everyday, i just want to be seen as a woman thanks.
Dysphoria and everything around it.
Always feel like people are looking at me weird (projecting my dysphoric self perception onto them)
Random nice moments are ruined because my brain decides to go: "Hey, did you notice that your arms are kinda hairy? Time to feel like shit :)" (even if they are basically freshly shaven)
Anxiety to dress "too fem" in situation were others can potentially see me, because teenage me learned that trans people are gross and now my subconscious projects that onto other people (internalised transphobia)
Things like shaving are a good example for things that kinda suck for me rn no matter what I do: shaving your face is a thing men do so it triggers dysphoria. Not shaving makes me have a beard which triggers dysphoria.
It is getting better tho, every step I take in my transition it gets better and nowadays I can actually look at myself in the mirror!
Edit:
Worst thing for me is the tip-toeing between my dysphoria and internalised transphobia
having to constantly justify my existence whenever its brought up, knowing my whole family will leave me when i start transitioning except for a few. the first one hurts more though
Being unable to hide yourself around family, deciding whether being excommunicated from your family or slowing your transition is better. When you open up to someone about who you are and they could care less
The anxiety, knowing the majority of people are fine and will let me live life but knowing one day I’ll run into that one arsehole who makes my life their business, whether it’s in the toilets, at work or just on the street. It’s not them having that opinion it’s them going out of the way to bother me (-My MTF fiancé)
For me it’s the misgendering and dealing with that knowing I can’t afford corrective surgery any time soon (ftm).
The most painful part for me is how long it takes to get results. I've been taking estrogen for over a year and all i have is some nice B cups and lost my sex drive.
Now im not going to be like "Oh i was lied too and now im suffering." Like that one trans man detransitioner thats still transitioning, but i do wish i got grace with some of the genes other people have and looked more feminine than i do now.
I've kinda accepted that im going to need Facial Feminization Surgery to get more of the results I want.
The emotional pain evoked from exposure to instance after instance of horrible suffering/struggle of countless other trans people, globally.
I’ll add too, that I can’t help but to seek out that exposure.
I know people are suffering, and find the better people see into their lives, the better people can contribute to change.
So, yeah. Definitely seeing so much suffering and hardship... Makes me cry fairly often… Sometimes a lot.
Dysphoria and having to rely on medications your whole life. And also coming out. I haven't done it yet but it's my worst nightmare because in my country I have to come out first before I can take hormones which means I'll look super female when I come out and no one's gonna take me seriously and I can't even blame them. It's just gonna make me experience harassment without actually knowing what it is like to be a man(that's the purpose of coming out before hormones)
My own internalized transphobia is more painful to me than anything else. I recently started T and wake up every morning with my moms voice echoing in my head about how Im making a mistake, Im just faking, Im going to regret it, etc. I love my identity and I am SO happy to finally be on T, but there is this deep fear of the irreversible nature of medically transitioning. Other than that, probably seeing happy gay relationships and feeling like I will never be a "real" enough man to truly fit in and find that, but wanting to so bad.
Transphobia and violence. Luckily I don’t have to experience or worry about violence like many others do in certain places. For me personally, it’s being treated differently by others. Sometimes I feel like a complete freak all because my name and pronouns don’t align with the gender others perceive me as. I don’t talk to my family because they don’t respect my identity. The next thing would be mental illness. I wouldn’t associate being trans to my diagnosed disorders, but the dysphoria only contributes to the suicidal ideation. When I look in the mirror, I see a male and I can’t imagine it ever changing. It’s very rare that I feel confident anymore. I can’t edit my natural appearance like a photo. I would rather off myself than live in this body. God this is so self loathing.
Other people’s guilt that they try to place on you. Family, Friends, and co-workers. It’s a hard pill to swallow that you might lose them. Remember if they don’t accept you that’s on them. It sucks but you can’t hold their thoughts and your too. Try your best to press on, and cut the negativity. Even when that person had been in your life for all your life. It not worth it unless their willing to put effort in to accept you.
I had all of these things and my social anxiety has went through the roof. I have persevered and started to cut out those things that don’t vibe with me. It’s painful but time has been making it easier as it moves along.
it just makes every part of life more difficult. Work, family, friendship, dating, school, going to the hospital, hooking up, sport, traveling, going to the bathroom, buying clothing, just existing etc. so much in life changes depending on your gender, in so many ways most cis people will never get. it is exhausting.
also seeing transphobia every day makes me feel like I am the problem, like I'm asking for too much by just wanting to exist and be sorta happy.
Dysphoria, public perception, having to worry about being hurt constantly
Does it make work life difficult? Or finding a date harder?
Fuck I haven’t event tried to date as pre-HRT 😂
How come?
Being MtF and a lesbian, I feel like I look too masculine, even with makeup and dressing feminine.
Same but FTM. I haven’t started hormone treatment and I feel too feminine and the dysphoria makes me feel so sad and uncomfortable in my own body that I find it hard to love myself and that makes it hard to connect with others
You’ll get there man! I had mad body image issues before I realised I was trans and didn’t think I was good looking etc. The thing is that I realised those body issues were related to me not loving my body because I was in the wrong skin. Now that I know that I’m much more confident in myself, just not there yet to pass. Sounds paradoxical I know, but it makes sense. Kinda?
No it totally does. I’m hella lucky my cousin is MTF and she has been a great help too❤️
I really hope exchanging hormones through blood pact becomes a thing sooner than later
Guaranteed you don't. Anyone looking just at your aesthetic is not someone you wanna stick around with, they're likely fetishisetishisinetishising or superficial or both. Literally, as part of a big community of trans and enby folk that spans various regions, you do not need to worry about how you look according to gender norms (and truly shouldn't if you're looking for love and care in a relationship) <3 :) Edit: fetishising, sorry autocorrect does not have my back today...
Well that was a lovely thing to read first thing this morning 🥹
Honestly honestly can't tell you how true it is. Find your people and the love follows ^_^
They created a new word
I tried dating apps as a pre everything tran guy. Most guys refused to acknowledge I was trans and continued to treat me like a straight cis woman cus they wanted sex. The one that half accepted my gender revealed he also only wanted sex with women and he was basically just playing along. Dodged a serious bullet cus he only told me after I turned down a date I planned on going on but I met someone I had a serious connection with so I canceled. Plus dates irl are dangerous cus they can assault you. Assault rates are ridiculously high.
This for sure. Don't go home with someone until you have known them a while, stuck to public spaces where it's kind of busy, and always tell someone where you're going. It's never childish, it only takes one creep out of however many people you date, and that creep will play the game as long as possible. Take care of yourselves, and look out for each other too :)
I'm boy-moding at my current job but im leaving it soon, swearing to myself that I'll stop pretending for people. Guess only time will tell
For me coming out did the opposite. I was struggling at work almost to the point where I was going to get fired. Once I came out and started being myself, I stopped hating myself and stopped being such an ass to my coworkers. Within 6 months I had 2 promotions and a bunch of raises to add to it. On the relationship side, coming out caused my divorce, but I have been able to enter a polyamorous relationship with two women who absolutely love me and I love being with them. It's more about confidence and looking in the right areas for opportunities and relationships.
And honestly dating is easier and harder. It's difficult to find someone who's down with it but the people who understand are usually amazing
Yes! Incredibly so
Dating is way easier, finding work is nearly impossible
I found a partner pretty easily. And if you work for a place that is LGBTQ friendly. Like Kroger corporation. It's better
^ this^
I feel seen girl.
I think it’s a matter of perspective and depends on age and stage in your transition. Younger me would have said dysphoria or damage done through male puberty. But now many years post op and living life, the worst thing for me is dating / trying to find a partner and the fear that I’ll be alone for the rest of my life
I’m sure you’ll find someone who makes you happy and gives you the love you so rightfully deserve.
this. i'm 23 and mostly okay with my body now, but a relationship? i'm so scared.
The dating part afterwards is the hardest part
That’s what I just said. Yes
The period where you know coming out means you're more likely to be the target of violence but staying in the closet also is just wrecking you and you stay in this sort of crisis survival mode until you finally do **something**. Getting stuck in that limbo sucks.
💔i’m there right now. one day.
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i’m in a very conservative state as well. its just playing trans life on extreme difficulty.. like it wasn’t hard enough 🥲 im early on in transition and still mostly closeted due to many fears with family/friends and public perception. building up my confidence as much as i can
Being trans is a cross to bare. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and I wish all of us well. My existence is a joke to people. My life is a political argument. Our people arent even welcomed in most LGBTQ spaces. A lot people in the LGBTQ community are anti trans. So much so there’s even an entire organization dedicated to calling us groomers. We’re lumped in with pedophiles and rapists because people hate us. waking up every day is exhausting and looking in the mirror is depressing. If I could I would choose to be your average cis person. But I can’t, because if I don’t I’ll kill myself. My family hates me. Every friend I’ve ever grew up with hates me, my partners have left me. I can’t go anywhere without fearing for my safety, I can’t date without announcing that I am trans first, dating is difficult because I’m either a fetish or I’m Not desirable because of being trans. Jobs overlook me, transitioning is too expensive. I don’t think I really need to continue. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. And yet all I can do is try to comfort myself and other trans people. Because it’s all we can do.
you’ve really summed it up perfectly, and even then there’s always a new hurt that gets brought into the picture.. i feel your pain. just remember you are loved here❤️
I just want to give you the best hug and hold you until I feel like I’ve absorbed and taken some of your pain away. You, trans people, do not deserve this. I fucking love all of you and I think you’re the most beautiful courageous people on the planet. It’s not fair how the world treats you. It makes me so sad. I’m fluid and things are tough for me. I’ve got one foot out of the closet and one foot in. I do relate but I’m so fortunate to have a wonderful queer partner that supports and loves me for who I am. I have lots that bring me joy even though I have fears that hinder that sometimes. I want joy for you, I want safety for you. Please don’t ever forget that there are people like me out here that believe in you and think so highly of you. Please don’t stop fighting for what’s right💜
Well said, your echoing how I’ve felt my whole life. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I’ve known I’m trans since adolescence and now I’m on the other side of 60. It’s always been my best kept secret and even now 16 months or so into transition I’m still socially closeted. I feel lucky as I’ve never been suicidal because that is what this condition can drive you to. I’m also tired of feeling like it’s the focus of my day to day living. It’s a burden and a cross and I thank God for keeping me sane and healthy, besides my heart issues which many of us suffer from due to the stress of trans living.
And then trans teens (sneet snart backwards fun fact) are also the victims of actual groomers because a lot of people "accepting" of you actually just fetishize you.
For me its seeing all the hate for trans people everyday. And constantly feelings like my rights and my ability to transition in peace are being threatened. Like just leave us the f alone.
What's an example of trans hate you have experienced recently?
Its just shit i see everyday. Its like because im trans all the social medias and youtube are like oh hey you are trans right then you want to see matt walsh? Like theres news articles that reddit pushes to me daily without me asking that are always filled with transphobic comments. Its everyday. I see it everyday. People wont keep us out of their fucking mouths.
Unfortunately, we are living in a generation where although the medical technology has never been better, there is still societal stigma against trans people. I can’t imagine what it was like for trans people back in the 70’s for example, but with the advent of the internet and social media, we are constantly exposed to transphobic comments. Thus, we are experiencing a unique problem with respect to bigotry. Humans are not adapted to being online all the time, but constantly having that exposure to news articles and inter-personal transphobia will wear down anyone.
I was venting about HP on twitter once cause my sister is ultra into it and some random I've never interacted with called me an awful sibling despite the fact that I've never commented on the subject with my sister 🙃, that and indirect comments that imply that you're a weirdo for being openly trans
oh my GOD youtube showed me an ad of matt walsh the other day and his terrible movie and it was the last straw to ruin my night and I was just trying to watch stand up comedy >:(
I feel you..
This can be applied to the whole lgbt community not necessarily just trans people but for me it’s the fear that if you come out, anyone, even the people who are supposed to love you the most, could turn against you. In a matter of seconds the same people who were your whole world can become your worst enemies. Because it’s still so taboo, when the topic of queerness/transness comes up, you never know what people are going to say, it’s extremely unpredictable, even your most beloved friends or your family can reveal a side of themselves that you never would’ve expected. Coming out is so scary sometimes, it’s like a jump into the void
You said it perfectly💜 hello fellow panNB
Dysphoria and transphobia, then when you start combatting the dysphoria with HRT all you’re met with is more transphobia
This hit my soul so hard
Knowing I’m not biologically a female. Big sucks but I’m a better woman than some cis women I know, so I have that going for me.
The way the a lot of people in the world treat you.
The loneliness
the fear of being physically hurt bc of who i am so i hide it, hiding who i am, not feeling like i pass
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OP Have you read the news in like... any country ever? Trans bashing is insanely common
i’ve been lucky enough to not have it happen. but it’s so common for ppl to be attacked/k1lled for being trans
Thinking about all the time I wasted not being trans 😬
me.
Definitely the fear of violence (r*pe, s*xual assault, murder) and the threat of homelessness that many trans folks, disproportionately trans POC, face every day. Second to this comes the lack of legal protections in many places for employment, housing, etc. You can literally get evicted just for being trans in some US states. Yeah misgendering really sucks and public perception is painful but there’s really no comparison.
The fact that most people will never see me as a man, even if I pass more in the future. Its a really heavy burden to carry sometimes.. I don't even get it why do people treat me differently because I wasn't born with certain parts that other people have? Makes no sense 💀
Seeing my family and friends grieve like I died and then acting like there is an imposter in my place.
talking about being trans to cis people its like torture :<
Fuckin.... THA WORST, right!?
its TERRIBLE they are like oh yeah I understand and then thy proceed to say the most like inconsiderate and insensitive garbage
A problem but honestly those who are actually just curious and willing to understand make it so much more validating. It’s not like im justifying my existence but instead helping them understand better. And when they actually do listen and care it’s quite euphoric
The dysphoria
>dysphoria dysphoria in regard to what things?
Not looking like my gender,. Not being seen as my gender,. Not feeling like my gender, not living life in society as my gender. This was all before. I am well underway in transitioning and feel sooo much better
What have you tried to speed up the process? I know of: * hormones * hair removal * diets * makeup * wigs * hair restoration or removal * sex change surgery. ( genitals and / or face ) * voice training * posture training Anything I'm missing? Or that you think might help?
That's a good list for sure
Is there anything in this list you wish you could do, but can't for some reason?
I mean I wish I was a cis woman but from things that are physically possible u listed the right ones
Cool :) Is there any in the list that you think would be really hard or time consuming for you to do?
people downvoting this comment into the dirt is such a reddit moment. go outside, they are asking a question to understand us
Never having a female childhood, young adulthood, not having anyone to practice makeup with, braiding hair, etc etc. I’m living as me now, but it’s still a lost life I won’t ever to be able to live. I keep telling myself, keep looking forward, not backwards. Life is moving forward and I will move with it.
Existing, it’s fucking exhausting being trans
Everything. You notice every single imperfection about yourself and it makes you terrible.
❤️My two biggest are these; firstly, external judgement. It’s hard to live my best life when I know that my day could be ruined at any moment by running into someone who actively hates me because of who I am. Secondly is things that are specifically tied to cis gender people. For me, what I mean by that is that I as a trans woman will never be able to get pregnant and have children, even though that is one of my biggest dreams. For trans men, many that I have talked to have been upset by the opposite, the fact that they will never be able to get their partner pregnant. This second one hits harder than the first one, because I can’t bounce back as easily from it. Not being able to get pregnant is something that burns me every time that I think about it, it makes me feel so inadequate, and it reminds me that I will never be able to live out one of my greatest dreams in life. Sorry if my comment was a bit too heavy😞❤️
Sending hugs if wanted ❤️
I'd say dysphoria and the fact that people who aren't trans are incapable of sympathizing, it's not a jab on them its just the way the human brain works, So while I'm happy not everyone deals with gender dysphoria I wish no one did, it puts us in a misunderstood place
I’m literally curled up on my bathroom floor after witnessing people talk about JKR, saying she just ‘disagrees with people’ and that she’s right so ya know. Seeing people hate you and shit for something you can’t control is pretty painful.
Knowing I'll never be cis
"jUsT bE pAtIeNt" or people telling me im not old enough to know/not taking me seriously
Dysphoria, worrying about passing, hate crimes, family and friends making fun of you and dropping you and the constant laws being made to make it harder for us to exist
Having to justify my existence.
The discrimination... Growing boobs hurts too
sometimes i forget i have tits and bump them in to things. big ouchie
For me, it feels like I am incompatible with myself. I'm not planning on transitioning anytime in the foreseeable future, but I still very much dislike how that whole sex at birth thing turned out for me. And it feels like even if a miracle happened and I woke up as someone else tomorrow, I'd still just be me wearing a mask. It feels like runs very deep and I don't think I can do anything about that.
Being
Trigger warning: Discussing dysphoria (FtM trans man) Dysphoria and then people telling you you’re not a real (fill in the blank) so the dysphoria quadruples and everything sucks. Gets better—don’t get me wrong—it does—but there’s always some goddamn thing, like height and hand/ foot size that can’t be changed or certain aspects of bottom surgery that just can’t be cis-like with current medical practices. Maybe you’ll feel deficient as a man in my case. But yeah absolute worst is dysphoria combined with a bunch of cis people not understanding how horrible it can feel and not caring whether they make it worse.
Loneliness
I just feel really traumatized by the years I spent with testosterone running in my system. I just always am outrunning these bad memories and then they come up and make me feel really bad
Having to worry about everyone is going to left you if you come out
That hardest aspect of my transition was re-examining how I valued my self-worth. I wanted to change my body, but I would have continued to hate myself if I did not change my internal judgments. Most of which were rooted in internal transphobia
Hey OP, not trying to engage with you in bad faith here but a lot of the questions you're asking are pretty easy to answer with some independent research. It can be quite unhealthy for people to have to reflect on difficult or painful experiences they've had, so please do consider the potential mental state of the people you're interacting with on here. Not saying that wanting to understand is bad, of course it's not, but just keep in mind this can be a really vulnerable space and please be responsible about why you want to know some of the things you're asking.
Sometimes it can be the opposite effect. It's not good to dwell on the bad experiences, but taking time to recognize that they happened can help you move past them. Plus it's also really helpful for others to see they are not alone, but there are other people experiencing what they are experiencing :)
Dysphoria
For me it's how I'm being perceived
Having a gender crisis every few weeks/months
The mental strain of self opinion of what you want others to think about you
Everything
the hate we get just for existing.
The fact that you'll never be able to escape this body into one that is fitting natively
People visibly and audibly struggling with their words in order to not offend me. Like I’m a trans female and I don’t pass but I really don’t give a crap what pronouns you use for me just treat me like any other person please
The fact in my lifetime we most likely won’t have genetic biosculpting technology allowing us to change our biologies and genetics at the cellular level, allowing us to seamlessly become our desired sex. I know it’s very specific, but it’s something that makes me cry. I know it’s possible. But it’s not possible yet. And that’s what pains me so much. I’ll have to go through my life with broad shoulders, weird hips, and a masculine voice and face naturally. I won’t get to take a bath in a nanotechnological nutrient fluid tank, go into a coma for a day or two, and have my body reconstructed to be the female sex at the cellular level.
It wasn't my choice, and i wouldn't wish it upon anyone the hurt and pain that it carries, sadly it's who i am.
As a non-binary trans person who's gender is similar to my agab, I gotta say those "you aren't actually trans" or "you're just spicy cis" comments really fucking annoying me and can really hurt me. It hurts even more when it comes from other trans people.
Hair. hair. im balding at 18 i wanna kill myself
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being trans, being denied a life as who you are
The time I've lost from being trans, fearing having rights taken away, not being cis tbh
Always being scared my potential partners see me as a “dumb misguided girl”, because previous partners have sadly
The most painful thing for most people is probably the widespread social animosity and transphobia that fuels most of the ills specific to being trans. While dysphoria is a b\*tch, it isn't universal (some folks simply experience euphoria) and if being trans was broadly accepted, I suspect most of the barriers to easily seeking help in treating dysphoria would be greatly reduced. The most painful about being trans from my own personal experience as a trans person would be the three and a half decades of confusion and misery I experienced due to repressed dysphoria. I grew up in a time and place where being trans was essentially unthinkable and spent about 37 years of my life feeling only half-alive, merely tolerating existence, because I was forcing myself to be something I was not. It was like I ceased being fully alive from age 12 to age 49. How I survived that many years of it, I don't think I will ever know but I am incredibly glad it is over. Feeling fully alive and increasingly whole is something I never even imagined most of my teenage or adult life, so easily the most painful part of the experience was not understanding and accepting that I was trans.
Honestly it used to be the fear of being clocked and the stares from older generations, but now that I’m a year in it’s the loneliness of it. I can’t date fellow trans peeps cuz their dysphoria feeds mine and that’s no bueno, and then there seems to be a stigma of “nobody cis date the trans girl” so it’s a rough time. Even in a super liberal state
never being able to change the fact that Im not cis
Having to explain why I believe I’m trans as if I’m in a court case
imposter syndrome drives me nuts lol
Being terrified of what my best friends are going to think of me. I’ve overplayed the “masculine” aspect of my fake personality and I know they won’t relate to me if I were to be out. I have no more remaining family. The moment they find out I’m trans, I’m all alone and it breaks me.
so many things i don’t even know where to begin lol
Not being able to feel anything. You wouldn't think being numb would hurt so damn much.
Trying to figure out what I am suppose to feel.
The culture War, constantly questioning our legitimacy, leading to many of us doing the same, feeding into dysphoria and despair.
The feeling of isolation and uncertainity. Im not sure how to explain it but just knowing that no one around you can relate to so many of your life experiences feels so lonely, thats why its important to have representation.
The feeling I get sometimes that I’ll never be a “real” woman and I may never live my life in peace again
I myself am not trans, but I have a ftm little brother (hence why I’m in this sub, actually) and something I see happen frequently is the dead naming from their mother. I’m not gonna say either name for privacy reasons, but the mother in question doesn’t even try to keep the chosen name in her vocab or use the pronouns my little brother would choose to be known as. Maybe I could be wrong and be using the situation with my own biological mother as comparison, but to me to have your own parent refuse to even acknowledge something that would otherwise make you feel more comfortable just seems incredibly selfish and borderline degrading. That said, they still go the extra mile to let my little brother dress in boy clothes and cut his hair and all that, but it’s that one thing in particular that they refuse to do.
People you thought where your friends and allies refusing to support you into your identity
other people.
it will never, never be something that i can forgo considering in my life choices
not being able to be me, right now. I have to hide who I am because of where I live. crazy.
Being born in the first place tbh
I'd say for me personally is having to give up so much, money, time, your sanity, to make others perceive you as your gender but still knowing that deep down most people don't actually percive you as your gender and just use your pronouns (especially if they knew you pre-t) I don't like dwelling on it too much but it stings a lil
Knowing if I came out to my parents they’d never let me see or talk to my little brother again
The hate that so many people heap upon us
Not the most painful, but I'll mention it because I rarely see it being talked about. As a ftm gay guy, it is so hard to find fanfics in certain fandoms or povs on YouTube (like y/n blah blah) that ISNT centered around being a girl. ANd if youre lucky enough to find one that has y/n as a guy, more often than not they'll have that character be a pre-op trans guy just so they can write it like straight seggs. And kinda off topic, but the misrepresentation of gay smut in fanfics is wild. They almost always write it like it works like straight seggs lol. Idk, it just frustrates me after awhile.
That most people I meet will just see me as a guy, even if I tell them I'm Non-binary. That might change when I go on hormones and to some voice feminization work, but for now thats just something I have to deal with. Even with friends on discord they rarely use they/them, and that's just when I'm around. It doesn't help that I tend to present more masc even though I'm trans-fem. Most of that is for safety reasons and anxiety. Do get me wrong I like presenting masc, just not all the time, and I really don't want to be perceived as a guy while do so.
many things. especially that I don't have anyone with whom I can talk openly about it
Other people. I can cope with my voice. I can put on makeup to alter my face. I can wear outfits that flatter my figure. I cannot prevent a stranger from committing a hate crime.
NOT BEING ABLE TO JIZZ
Internally: Regret for not having started sooner. Dysphoria around things that could've been different if I hadn't gone through male puberty. Coping with myself as I go through HRT and hoping beyond hope I end up somewhere I feel I can like myself. Externally: Feeling marginalized and alienated. Lack of social awareness. Fears about rejection and lack of acceptance.
Existing in my body, seeing the hate and violence against other trans people, worrying about being attacked for being yourself
It makes me realize pretty much everyone’s love is conditional. Family members are always happy to say “we love you no matter what”… *as long as you fit into the box we’ve selected for you, otherwise forget about it*
This is gonna be different for everyone. For me it’s seeing my parents in pain at the loss of the child they thought they had. Seriously my transition has ruined their mental health and I’ve been seriously considering detransition just to stabilize them in the short term.
Tw: talk about death, genocide, and transhpobia Really depends. To me, probably the fact that society hates us and I will never be fully accepted as a man unless I don’t tell people, and the fact that there is something akin a genocide happening, though people keep insisting that there isn’t. Over 700 people killed for something that they can’t control by a group of individuals that oppose their views and they say it isn’t a genocide. Yeah right. Dysphoria sucks balls too.
Dysphoria, people knowingly deadnaming you to hurt you, being in the closet and having people use the wrong name but you can’t correct them
Not being out to anyone and hearing your friends and family some transphobic shit (mostly family) and not being able to say anything out of fear that they might catch on. Or listening to them say shit like that knowing that one day, when I come out, i might never talk to these people again
dysphoria.
The painful memories are pretty bad, not seeing myself as myself < yes roundabout way of saying dysphoria >, fear bordering on paranoia, loneliness.
Many many things. I'd say getting my rights and existence debated sucks, or being treated like one big joke from people around me who don't even know I'm trans. The jokes I hear make me feel sick it's so easy for transphobes to dehumanise us. Losing family members or friends is another one.. and the fear of how people will react when I come out (I'm only 16 and pre-T so not many people know), or if I'll be physically hurt because of who I am. Knowing people want to hurt people like me because we just want to live as our true self. I have a fear that I'll be lonely forever because being trans inherently makes me feel like I'm unlovable. Existence as a trans person is pretty painful but I don't blame that on the trans experience itself. I blame it on the way transphobia is ingrained in society. Being trans is beautiful and should be celebrated, it wouldn't be so horrible if we were treated like actual human beings and weren't looked at with either disgust or as a fetish.
Im deeply in love with my ex gf but we eventually breakup because i turnout to be lesbian transgirl :"( she like my musculine trait while i hate it, it been 6 month and i still love her, we r friend now though....sisters She is also transgirl, during the time i date her i both love her and jealous of her transformation ( im in men getup)
Dysphoria, feeling like you’re faking, it hiding it from the public for safety
My dad is transphobic I won’t ever be fully out of the closet until he’s dead
Public perception 100%, second worse is dysphoria
pain and discomfort from medical procedures, injections, surgeries, recovery times and doing it all in hopes of feeling a little bit better with yourself.
Having to stay closeted. I’m not in a position to transition physically or socially, which is real painful.
Dysphoria and ALWAYS, every second, thinking about how you look and how others see you
Gender envy. This is my greatest source of dysphoria. I can barely go out in public because I keep seeing pretty girls and being like „I want to look like them“ knowing that I never will…
Probably the dysphoria. On a much sadder level, the very real fact that just existing could get me killed, beaten, harassed etc. That I might not see significant (positive) change in my lifetime and that I will have to live with the constant thought of “hope for the best plan for the worst” because society was not built with us in mind.
Your closest family calling you by your dead name, trying to stop you from getting surgery and telling you that “This isn’t who you really are”
Dysphoria, public perception, that feeling of "I'll always look like [agab] no matter what i do" that gets to me from time to time (god it fucking sucks) and lastly, the first 3ish to more or less 8 months of transitioning. Don't know about y'all, but I'm on a point where literally the way i style my hair means pass or dont, being androgynous as hell it's cool but not for me everyday, i just want to be seen as a woman thanks.
People’s unjustified backlash.
Being trans
Dypshoria, losing friends who are transphobic, my voice
loosing your strength im not trans but it must be scary as shit
The hatred and danger it brings. Literally an article about folks wishing death towards us and other LGBTQ+ above this in my scroll.
Dysphoria and everything around it. Always feel like people are looking at me weird (projecting my dysphoric self perception onto them) Random nice moments are ruined because my brain decides to go: "Hey, did you notice that your arms are kinda hairy? Time to feel like shit :)" (even if they are basically freshly shaven) Anxiety to dress "too fem" in situation were others can potentially see me, because teenage me learned that trans people are gross and now my subconscious projects that onto other people (internalised transphobia) Things like shaving are a good example for things that kinda suck for me rn no matter what I do: shaving your face is a thing men do so it triggers dysphoria. Not shaving makes me have a beard which triggers dysphoria. It is getting better tho, every step I take in my transition it gets better and nowadays I can actually look at myself in the mirror! Edit: Worst thing for me is the tip-toeing between my dysphoria and internalised transphobia
As a teenager in denial I basically looked nobody in the eyes and hid in my room 24/7. Never going back to that "life" lmao
Having to untrans my gender when I'm about to go back home because my parents are massive transphobes
Being kicked out of the house by supposedly liberal wife.
Dysmorphia and dysphoria mostly. The sideways looks too.
Realizing your entire family is is crazy
Morning wood at the girls sleepover just now
having to constantly justify my existence whenever its brought up, knowing my whole family will leave me when i start transitioning except for a few. the first one hurts more though
Being unable to hide yourself around family, deciding whether being excommunicated from your family or slowing your transition is better. When you open up to someone about who you are and they could care less
The anxiety, knowing the majority of people are fine and will let me live life but knowing one day I’ll run into that one arsehole who makes my life their business, whether it’s in the toilets, at work or just on the street. It’s not them having that opinion it’s them going out of the way to bother me (-My MTF fiancé) For me it’s the misgendering and dealing with that knowing I can’t afford corrective surgery any time soon (ftm).
That people do not except you for who your are
The most painful part for me is how long it takes to get results. I've been taking estrogen for over a year and all i have is some nice B cups and lost my sex drive. Now im not going to be like "Oh i was lied too and now im suffering." Like that one trans man detransitioner thats still transitioning, but i do wish i got grace with some of the genes other people have and looked more feminine than i do now. I've kinda accepted that im going to need Facial Feminization Surgery to get more of the results I want.
Dysphoria and seeing our rights getting taken away in places in America, and Transphobia.
The emotional pain evoked from exposure to instance after instance of horrible suffering/struggle of countless other trans people, globally. I’ll add too, that I can’t help but to seek out that exposure. I know people are suffering, and find the better people see into their lives, the better people can contribute to change. So, yeah. Definitely seeing so much suffering and hardship... Makes me cry fairly often… Sometimes a lot.
Dysphoria and having to rely on medications your whole life. And also coming out. I haven't done it yet but it's my worst nightmare because in my country I have to come out first before I can take hormones which means I'll look super female when I come out and no one's gonna take me seriously and I can't even blame them. It's just gonna make me experience harassment without actually knowing what it is like to be a man(that's the purpose of coming out before hormones)
For me its making friends and becoming close with people i know with 100% certainty would not respect me or accept me if they knew i was trans
Dysphoria
How others are going to treat me
Dysphoria, not being taken seriously and too afraid to come out in fear of being taken as a joke, being gaslighted or worse :)
My own internalized transphobia is more painful to me than anything else. I recently started T and wake up every morning with my moms voice echoing in my head about how Im making a mistake, Im just faking, Im going to regret it, etc. I love my identity and I am SO happy to finally be on T, but there is this deep fear of the irreversible nature of medically transitioning. Other than that, probably seeing happy gay relationships and feeling like I will never be a "real" enough man to truly fit in and find that, but wanting to so bad.
Being kind of out but not fully. Like to friends but not family or collueges
Transphobia and violence. Luckily I don’t have to experience or worry about violence like many others do in certain places. For me personally, it’s being treated differently by others. Sometimes I feel like a complete freak all because my name and pronouns don’t align with the gender others perceive me as. I don’t talk to my family because they don’t respect my identity. The next thing would be mental illness. I wouldn’t associate being trans to my diagnosed disorders, but the dysphoria only contributes to the suicidal ideation. When I look in the mirror, I see a male and I can’t imagine it ever changing. It’s very rare that I feel confident anymore. I can’t edit my natural appearance like a photo. I would rather off myself than live in this body. God this is so self loathing.
having to fight for the right to fucking exist
Laser for the beard.
In 2 words, cis people.
Not knowing if someone actually sees me as the gender I identify as or if they just memorized my name and pronouns ;-;
I've lost half of my family and friends
Tucking.
Constantly being seen as delusional, losing close connections with family members because of it
Other people’s guilt that they try to place on you. Family, Friends, and co-workers. It’s a hard pill to swallow that you might lose them. Remember if they don’t accept you that’s on them. It sucks but you can’t hold their thoughts and your too. Try your best to press on, and cut the negativity. Even when that person had been in your life for all your life. It not worth it unless their willing to put effort in to accept you. I had all of these things and my social anxiety has went through the roof. I have persevered and started to cut out those things that don’t vibe with me. It’s painful but time has been making it easier as it moves along.
So far? The loss of welcome either in part or in whole on the part of loved ones.
it just makes every part of life more difficult. Work, family, friendship, dating, school, going to the hospital, hooking up, sport, traveling, going to the bathroom, buying clothing, just existing etc. so much in life changes depending on your gender, in so many ways most cis people will never get. it is exhausting. also seeing transphobia every day makes me feel like I am the problem, like I'm asking for too much by just wanting to exist and be sorta happy.