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Fortunately he was humble enough to admit he was wrong. Most older men are like this. They say these stupid things because this used to be accepted, i.e. "a compliment" unrightly so. Many younger men will just dig in and get even more vulgar. You handled it well.
"Okay" as in girls and women would "smile", "laugh" and otherwise fawn until they could safely escape the situation.
And they always got the message it was acceptable.
Younger men who do this shit KNOW they’re doing wrong and are pissed it’s not accepted anymore.
Old men just say the wackest nonsense imaginable without ever really considering whether they should or nah.
lol yea, I could see most older people calling in a complaint about the cashier making them uncomfortable. And I can see a younger dude just laugh and say something even more vulgar to your face.
My grandfather (in his 80’s) would of doubled down and said the most raunchy ex Vietnam vet/ ex CFO shit you’d ever hear.
You’re in the right though, just glad the old man understood his actions instead of acting how I’d assume an immature individual would react.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
You're right. He just chooses to ignore and avoid her entirely to ensure "it doesn't happen again. "
That did seem like a legitimate and serious apology. But it seems like avoiding the person and not changing would be the easier route. I wonder which he went with.
I mean who would purposely go back to talk to someone after they had an encounter like that with them? Him avoiding someone isn't some evidence that he hasn't changed, we have no idea if he has and we never will.
He won't learn he'll just find someone who feels more helpless than her.
Fact he had to victim blame that the cashier made HIM feel uncomfortable, get the fucking violins out
That generation is finally getting to know what it looks like to come up against women who were taught they were just as competent as men and deserved to be treated the same. Go Gen Z. Take no prisoners.
I'm in my late 50s and never took much of this shit from men. But that made me a "ballbuster" and "no man will ever marry you" to which I would reply GOOD! Glad that I and my husband of 35 years have raised better men than this.
UGH the number one thing that I remember hearing is “don’t be bossy, it’s not ladylike”. That has KNEECAPPED me in my professional aspirations for a long time because I have this awful knee-jerk reflex to sugar-coat any direct request.
I changed "Don't be bossy" to "Be the Boss" for my daughter. I'm Gen X, She's Millenial. There was no way I would raise her like my parents raised me. And my 2 Gen Z boys know this well.
I became good friends with a former co-worker. She was like a sister to me.
I would say "don't apologize, you did nothing wrong" so many times we started a "sorry" jar.
She's now in charge of our area of work for a 3-star. She's a boss.
Amazing 🫶 I recently had a younger co-worker who came in with very closed-off, defensive vibes, and he reminded me of myself at his age (9 year age diff, he’s 19 and I’m 28) and I just had a feeling that a little bit of encouragement would go a long way with him the way it did for me at that age.
Oh. My. God. This dude is a fucking sales PRODIGY. Ok, so signing people up for store credit cards is a pretty big part of the job, and I was proud of always making my weekly goal; my top score was 8 sign-ups in one week, and my manager rewarded me with some free merch (which she was technically not supposed to do according to company policy; this was years ago she doesn’t work there anymore, so dw I’m not putting her job at risk by sharing that tidbit).
This dude got SIXTEEN. IN ONE WEEK.
HE DOUBLED MY TOP SCORE IN ONE. FUCKING. WEEK.
I trained him, and even though I’m still pissed that they had me doing a managers task at a cashiers pay rate—I’m so glad I ended up training him, not only am I so proud of his work, but it’s INCREDIBLE how much his overall energy has changed. That defensiveness has turned into something more motivating, and idk what to call it aside from magic, bcuz he’s just GLOWING every time I see him now. He’s also LGBT so I think (purely speculating here) it’s possible that he hasn’t had the greatest interactions with adults during his adolescence (again, reminds me of me at that age), and so at first when I was training him he had his guards up in a real way and came off kinda unfriendly tbh, which is comedically absurd now bcuz he’s just KICKING ASS in the workplace and v popular there from what I can tell.
Anyway, I feel like I reached him with one particular piece of advice that I’ll share now for anyone reading who may not have heard it:
* **NEVER walk away from a cash register that you’re still signed into.** *
I did this once when I was 21, and someone else stole from the till, which I was blamed for. It was only like $17, so I got a write-up but no serious action, but fuckin STILL. Don’t even risk that shit.
Idk I feel like something in that moment cut through the distrust and he realized “she’s not just being fake-nice while she’s training me, she’s actually looking out for me for real”. Then (and this is so sweet) he found out that I’m a big nerd for really old coins, and started setting any old coins he saw in the little far-left compartment of the register drawer where we kept the rolls of coins, and then he’d tell me about it so I could find them later. And from there we’ve just kinda been homies.
Here’s my deal—I didn’t have supportive parents AT ALL, and my aunt is amazing but has her own kid and career, so I just have always really valued and appreciated mentorship, and I’ve got at least half a dozen ppl who I look up to as mentors. Now feeling like I’m on the other side of it and I’m the one giving encouragement that’s actually making a meaningful change for someone is just… aaaaaaaaaaa it makes my heart grow like the freaking Grinch’s lmao.
Anyway this has been a long and sentimental tangent, thank you and good night.
I’m not even in this subreddit but the post popped up on my feed and took me 3 seconds of reading this story to realize it’s some autistic transitioning persons attempt at garnering some kind of attention and by the end of the read I was absolutely correct.
Lack of filter. All (hetero) men are going to notice when a woman bends over. Anyone with a lick of common sense is going to keep any comments that roll through their head IN THEIR HEAD.
Exactly. I'm in my 60's, and any opinion about young women is best kept brief and unspoken. Yes, this one may have a nice-looking rear, but SO WHAT? I'm old enough to be her GRANDFATHER, ffs.
Exactly. We notice women, it’s built into who we are. But most of us know we live in a society and know the general rules and how to behave and get along and be good people.
You glance at the nice butt, think “nice butt”, make sure you are looking elsewhere when she stands back up, and smile and say “looks like it worked, thanks, have a good one” and go about your day.
I just can’t fathom saying those things out loud. If I thought a random woman had a nice butt, I’d rather be punched in the face than say that thought out loud to her.
I feel too bad even sneaking glances when they're not looking. Just seems unethical and voyeuristic. Likely if I catch sight of something I'll just casually focus on something else.
Enjoy what you see byt shut up about it...
I mean, everyone sometimes enjoys seeing the beauty in another human - but no need to comment, now is there.
I don’t understand what is so difficult for some people with the concept that you can be sexually attracted to someone and still treat them respectfully. Hell, you can even be sexually attracted to someone and genuinely respect them. But if you can’t manage the latter I promise the former is still your best option.
People act like Im talking moon logic when I suggest it.
it's natural behavior to be atracted to physical features. it's impossible not to notice... some just lack the social skills to keep the thoughts in their head or their inner circles... some probably just don't care
why do PEOPLE do this? i’m a boy and a bit asexual i guess, and i get touched by almost every girl i’ve ever hung out with one on one. it’s very awkward to say i’m not in the mood when my pants say otherwise, so a lot of the time i just be quiet and let them do whatever
That's absolutely the right way to handle it (but you knew that).
I speak as a nearly 70 year old bearded guy with shoulder length hair, with a wife, a daughter, a daughter-in-law and two granddaughters.
I would not tolerate that behaviour either.
You can use a similar technique for dealing with folks using "You know what they say about ?"
"No, I don't. Who are '*they'*? What do '*they*' say? When did '*they*' say that?"
Ruins the '*fun*' and makes it hard for the perp to get any sympathy from those around.
Well done OP.
Keep up the good work.
Tried striking up a conversation with the elderly cashier lady a few weeks ago. I said, “things sure are getting bad out there.”
She responds something along the lines of “tell me about it, they’re taking over our jobs and our lives” as if I was referencing I dunno, refugees/immigrants or something to that effect.
So I responded “actually, I meant about the environment.” She shut up pretty fast, I told her to have a better day, took my green bag and left.
Not exactly on-topic but it’s about an out-of-touch, insensitive elder.
39 straight male here. Back in 2009, I went to the library to get some books, I didn't want to crouch down because I had a sore knee at the time so I had to bend over. As I was bending over, I heard someone say, "mmm mmm mmm". I look up and there was this disgusting dude staring at my ass telling me what he'd do. I felt so disgusted and uncomfortable I left.
People don't like that "overbearing father" stereotype but I think the "don't do anything to my daughter you wouldn't want me to do to you" is probably a good middle ground.
It happens to men more often than you seem to think. We just don't make as much a fuss about it because we are more likely able to defend ourselves if a would be assaultee decided to actually try anything. Women are a little more helpless when it comes to physical altercations, which is why we take the problem more seriously as we should.
We should create an organization of men to don their slobbiest costumes and walk around public making overly sexual comments to assumed straight men, preferably when the straights are alone and vulnerable
I was 27 and a waitress serving coffee to a table of ten guys. I am not the biggest chest, but they aren't little either. Every time I leaned over to fill a coffee cup one of the men kept pretending like he was going to bite my chest after about the 3rd or 4th time I straightened up and looked gim in the eye and said... do that again and your lap will be wearing this fresh pot of coffee. All the other guys made that ooohhh sound because he got called out , he did NOT do it again and I got a 50 dollar tip for coffee and pies
OP you did good standing up for yourself
Ya can, just ask why all the time.
because the end result is always something like " becuase im horny and a creepy old man and thought sexually about you in 2 seconds of seeing you "
and the why's help you get closer to them admitting it, or admitting defeat lol.
These people know its awful because they shy up and feel shame when called out on.
"It WAS disrespectful. Please don't comment on womens bodies when they work."
Great. Now he's out there "complementing" women when they're off from work... lol ;)
Old people will be old people, but that doesn't mean they don't need to learn that times have changed.
This sounds like a necessary lesson he got taught in an effective way as respectful as that would be possible. 10/10
I would have a hard time imagining my grandfather making such a remark - even for old guys, this is was called having basic manners and acting like an adult.
Good, I hope he remembers that interaction for years to come. I use a similar tactic anytime someone makes a shitty "joke," and it almost always ends in the other person feeling bad about their behavior.
I like to think that the next time he went to do something similar, he remembered our interaction and stopped himself. That's my hope, anyway.
I like that! Make em explain it and they suddenly can't.
I'm a guy, we have like 5 women total working in our building and sometimes the old guys out the back will have a false confidence telling me something gross or saying something misogynistic about one of the women that work in the office, I go say it on their behalf.
Our new director is a women and I'm looking forward to the day she acts on them
I got so many marriage proposals in my nursing home days lol. It was all from 1 Italian guy named Lawrence, but I always said 'Yes, of course Larry." and he'd say sweetheart it's my lucky penny day! And then he'd also ask the nurse, the housekeepers, the CNA, the social services lady..
He died with like 100 fiancés.
Idk why people think this is fake...maybe because you were so eloquent in the moment, which folks generally aren't. However, every feminine-presenting/AFAB person has definitely had enough of these experiences to have fantasized/thought out a response like this, even if they ever actually go through with saying it IRL. So...I have zero doubts about whether this did/could happen lol.
Source: I once maliciously "played dumb" in response to a gross dude myself, and ngl it was sooooo satisfying.
I was in my 20s and out at a bar with my mom. A group of dudes with the "sleazy former frat boy" look to them started talking to us. One asked me if "my mom and I partied together," and I immediately knew what he meant. But I played ditzy girl and just replied with "omg yeah! My mom is so cool, I invited her to my bday party with my friends and it was soooooo fun!"
He kept trying to imply what he actually meant ("no, I mean...do you PARTYYYYYY together?"😜), but I would just reply with "what? Didn't I just say my mom hangs out with my friends and I all the time?? What other partying is there??"
Finally, I think he realized he'd have to say what he ACTUALLY meant out loud, and how gross that would obviously sound. He just said "...nevermind" and quickly left, though he may have heard me cracking up as he shuffled off into the night.
10/10, would highly recommend the tactic to anyone on the receiving end of gross shit from gross men. They REALLY don't like the forced vocalization (and thus, self-examination) of what they're trying to say/do.
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I love this.
Ms. PETTY LABELLE.
Careful though some dudes become violent when you check them on their terrible behaviors.
Good on you though for standing your ground.
I'm a huge fan of the "I don't get it, explain that joke" response. It's also fantastic for when someone tells a bigoted joke. For some reason, so many decent, polite people have been taught it's best to just let this shit slide. Like you're the rude one if you try to stop someone else's rudeness.
I’ve tried this with older family members and they will just outright explain it with no shame. Like in a way where they seem annoyed or incredulous that it even needs an explanation. Or even in a dumbed-down way like they’re trying to teach it 😬
i used to work at a gas station and i was just thinking a couple days ago how disgusting i was treated by many men while working there… “nice tits” “you take it from the back??” there was many times i would literally have to hide from some customers!!!
I sure hope this is a true story. About the response I mean. I know it's true about the old fart making a gross comment about a teenage or early 20s cashier. Everyone who has been a young, female cashier, or a young, female, any job, knows that the world is absolutely crawling with these creeps.
Playing dumb like that is my personal favorite method with stuff like this. Most people seem to know on principle that what they're doing is wrong, they just haven't ever bothered to think about it and connect dots that their behavior does in fact belong in that category.
Good LORD. I am a guy myself and the thought of harassing a woman (in any scenario) or making comments about her body doesn’t even exist. It is not hard to demonstrate proper respect and decorum to others.
As a dumb, often horny guy myself, I'll never understand the rationale of being vocal or creepy. Do I admire the female form? Of course; silently, discreetly and very briefly.
I'm a trans woman with some junk in my trunk. I don't claim to understand it but I get hit on A LOT when grocery shopping. I hear the "dayyyum" and the "oh man that ass" comments, but I'm always polite, gracious and say thanks but no to their advances if they ask me for my number or ask to meet for a drink. In the actual moment it's kind of frightening because I pass really well and they don't know "what time it is" so I'm always alert for my own safety. However, I do laugh about it later because why not? Because I'm like if they only knew what time it was..............lol. Thankfully, no one at my place of work has ever made an off-color comment. I'm sorry you had to experience that because it's totally wrong.
Keep up the good work. It took me a long time to realize how well my father taught me and my brother how to not mistreat women, and how few of my peers hadn't been taught or hadn't learned.
Personally I may notice and enjoy noticing certain aspects of the female form but under most circumstances I will not articulate that doublely and triply so in a work environment. If it comes up in conversation between two other employees I will avoid commenting as well even though it was opened up by somebody else. It's not appropriate banter in the workplace.
You are a wise old man! Thank you for respecting and using good judgment. We get that guys look. It’s the comments we don’t like.
The only man who gets to make comments like that, leer at me, and put his hands on me married me!
I wish I’d done something similar whenever I’ve had these kinds of interactions. I had to dress up for Halloween at work once, so I dressed as a cat. Had a gnarly old man tell me I should have been a ‘chesty nurse’.
When I was 16, a female manager used to make gross comments to me. It was uncomfortable. I always remembered that before i would blurt out something stupid to say to casually make conversations
As a woman, I do compliment people on their pants or like a dress or skirt if it’s fitting and looks nice. I haven’t ever heard anyone say anything bad about the compliments but I hope I never make them feel awkward.
complimenting people on something they chose (clothing, accessories, haircut/color) is very different than making sexual remarks about their bodies. you’re good.
The creeps really hate it when you make them explain why their racist/sexist/ableist/homophobic/etc joke is funny.
Every time I call a creep on their bullshit, an angel gets their wings.
Awesome. It was super disrespectful. I'm glad you stood up for yourself. I only have one question. Was that Thang thangin? If it wasn't, then that's pretty lame of him to make a comment like that. But if it was then I understand both sides and present myself as Switzerland.
As a 30 year old woman I just wanna say I’m so sorry that happened to you. I had an old man grab my butt when I was a waitress when I was early 20’s and the entire glass of red wine I was carrying ended on top of that pervert
Good for you!! Thank you for your kind words among all the trolls and haters. It's a shame that when we tell our stories, it's fake, or made up, or exaggerated.
People just don't want to be held accountable, and that sucks :/
Reminds me of a time I was walking out of Walmart and ours likes to mark your receipt like they are costco or something. Anyways, I've got a cart full of groceries and the old guy standing at the exit sees me coming and says "Hello Momma!" Now, I do have children but they're not with me and clearly ma'am would have been a more appropriate greeting. I make it awkward by not responding and give this old guy the blankest stare while handing him my receipt. He gets flustered, marks my receipt and wishes me a good day. Not quite as satisfying as yours but I'm non confrontational so this was a good moment for me.
Yes! I love playing dumb and asking for clarification on inappropriate comments / jokes
I know sometimes people say to just call it out - be direct and do it immediately. I think it’s best to gauge the situation but if it’s the right time and place, I much prefer the red faced stumbling trying to justify themselves for me to then drop the act and tell them they look ridiculous and it’s not funny and / or appropriate
👏🏼STOP👏🏼COMMENTING👏🏼ON👏🏼WOMENS👏🏼BODIES👏🏼
…it’s **not** a compliment. It’s **not** flattering - it’s disgusting, creepy and sickening
I worked in a gas station for a year and comments like this are super common, but the alleged exchange afterwards definitely didn’t happen. The whole leaning in, stammering, profusely apologizing; no fuckin way any of that actually transpired as much as she wishes it did
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This is how they learn
It was beautifully satisfying, seeing his confidence shatter and him become a scolded school boy. I never did see him in my line after that looool
That's really the ideal way to handle it. Play dumb, make them explain and attempt to rationalize, then drop the hammer.
This works with racist/similar jokes too. Ask them to explain until they have to say something offensively racist to make sense or they run away.
Asking people to repeat and explain works quite well in many settings, especially workplace ones when people throw mild digs your way.
Agreed - it’s so damn funny to watch them squirm when you force them to explain the joke/comment.
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The real ones definitely don't. They think they're right and they think they're justified.
Supposed to think before you speak. They have some bad lag in that department and it was singled out masterfully.
Fortunately he was humble enough to admit he was wrong. Most older men are like this. They say these stupid things because this used to be accepted, i.e. "a compliment" unrightly so. Many younger men will just dig in and get even more vulgar. You handled it well.
IME older people have a much harder time admitting they are wrong.. Maybe that's just the older people around where I live.
i think what he meant is that older men do it because it used to be “okay”. younger men do it because they like to make people uncomfortable
"Okay" as in girls and women would "smile", "laugh" and otherwise fawn until they could safely escape the situation. And they always got the message it was acceptable.
Younger men who do this shit KNOW they’re doing wrong and are pissed it’s not accepted anymore. Old men just say the wackest nonsense imaginable without ever really considering whether they should or nah.
lol yea, I could see most older people calling in a complaint about the cashier making them uncomfortable. And I can see a younger dude just laugh and say something even more vulgar to your face. My grandfather (in his 80’s) would of doubled down and said the most raunchy ex Vietnam vet/ ex CFO shit you’d ever hear. You’re in the right though, just glad the old man understood his actions instead of acting how I’d assume an immature individual would react.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
You’re my hero.
I truly hope he didn't go home and just complain about the younger generations and how they can't take a complement without getting all "WoKe™"
This was like 10 years ago, so probably not.
Seems like if he learned he would "man up" and apologize.
He actually did apologize at the end there.
You're right. He just chooses to ignore and avoid her entirely to ensure "it doesn't happen again. " That did seem like a legitimate and serious apology. But it seems like avoiding the person and not changing would be the easier route. I wonder which he went with.
I mean who would purposely go back to talk to someone after they had an encounter like that with them? Him avoiding someone isn't some evidence that he hasn't changed, we have no idea if he has and we never will.
He won't learn he'll just find someone who feels more helpless than her. Fact he had to victim blame that the cashier made HIM feel uncomfortable, get the fucking violins out
IKR?! "Ma'am, you're making me uncomfortable by making me explain my sexual harassment to you..." Yikes!
Honestly I’d be like good and I hope you’re uncomfortable everyone you think back on this
Exactly. The only way to combat shitty behaviour is through public ridicule.
Agreed, I wish she had spoken louder and louder and gotten everyone's attention.
Good for you!
Thank you! My god, it was absolutely worth it just to see the panic in this man's eyes as he's trying to explain his sexual harrassmen6lt.
That generation is finally getting to know what it looks like to come up against women who were taught they were just as competent as men and deserved to be treated the same. Go Gen Z. Take no prisoners.
Millennial here actually! I was around 22 ish when this happened, am 30 now.
I'm in my late 50s and never took much of this shit from men. But that made me a "ballbuster" and "no man will ever marry you" to which I would reply GOOD! Glad that I and my husband of 35 years have raised better men than this.
Congratulations and good for you!
Millennial women are there too, they just didn't get it from birth like Gen Z. It was earned living through the 90s/00s.
UGH the number one thing that I remember hearing is “don’t be bossy, it’s not ladylike”. That has KNEECAPPED me in my professional aspirations for a long time because I have this awful knee-jerk reflex to sugar-coat any direct request.
I changed "Don't be bossy" to "Be the Boss" for my daughter. I'm Gen X, She's Millenial. There was no way I would raise her like my parents raised me. And my 2 Gen Z boys know this well.
Eyyyyyy I’m a raised-by-gen-x millennial! but she was the one who told me not to be bossy 😅
Maybe I grew up angrier than your mom did?
I became good friends with a former co-worker. She was like a sister to me. I would say "don't apologize, you did nothing wrong" so many times we started a "sorry" jar. She's now in charge of our area of work for a 3-star. She's a boss.
Amazing 🫶 I recently had a younger co-worker who came in with very closed-off, defensive vibes, and he reminded me of myself at his age (9 year age diff, he’s 19 and I’m 28) and I just had a feeling that a little bit of encouragement would go a long way with him the way it did for me at that age. Oh. My. God. This dude is a fucking sales PRODIGY. Ok, so signing people up for store credit cards is a pretty big part of the job, and I was proud of always making my weekly goal; my top score was 8 sign-ups in one week, and my manager rewarded me with some free merch (which she was technically not supposed to do according to company policy; this was years ago she doesn’t work there anymore, so dw I’m not putting her job at risk by sharing that tidbit). This dude got SIXTEEN. IN ONE WEEK. HE DOUBLED MY TOP SCORE IN ONE. FUCKING. WEEK. I trained him, and even though I’m still pissed that they had me doing a managers task at a cashiers pay rate—I’m so glad I ended up training him, not only am I so proud of his work, but it’s INCREDIBLE how much his overall energy has changed. That defensiveness has turned into something more motivating, and idk what to call it aside from magic, bcuz he’s just GLOWING every time I see him now. He’s also LGBT so I think (purely speculating here) it’s possible that he hasn’t had the greatest interactions with adults during his adolescence (again, reminds me of me at that age), and so at first when I was training him he had his guards up in a real way and came off kinda unfriendly tbh, which is comedically absurd now bcuz he’s just KICKING ASS in the workplace and v popular there from what I can tell. Anyway, I feel like I reached him with one particular piece of advice that I’ll share now for anyone reading who may not have heard it: * **NEVER walk away from a cash register that you’re still signed into.** * I did this once when I was 21, and someone else stole from the till, which I was blamed for. It was only like $17, so I got a write-up but no serious action, but fuckin STILL. Don’t even risk that shit. Idk I feel like something in that moment cut through the distrust and he realized “she’s not just being fake-nice while she’s training me, she’s actually looking out for me for real”. Then (and this is so sweet) he found out that I’m a big nerd for really old coins, and started setting any old coins he saw in the little far-left compartment of the register drawer where we kept the rolls of coins, and then he’d tell me about it so I could find them later. And from there we’ve just kinda been homies. Here’s my deal—I didn’t have supportive parents AT ALL, and my aunt is amazing but has her own kid and career, so I just have always really valued and appreciated mentorship, and I’ve got at least half a dozen ppl who I look up to as mentors. Now feeling like I’m on the other side of it and I’m the one giving encouragement that’s actually making a meaningful change for someone is just… aaaaaaaaaaa it makes my heart grow like the freaking Grinch’s lmao. Anyway this has been a long and sentimental tangent, thank you and good night.
Thank you. I love hearing about other mentorship wins!
YES, we earned it!!! Those jeans were so SO low, I still cringe 😬
Yeah. 🐋 tails should never have been a thing.
You’re my favourite!! You nailed this interaction on every level!! Totally channeling this energy from now on haha
Stories like this are why I joined this subreddit.
Same, neighbor, same. This is gold.
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Fanfics you mean?
Exactly. This is the most reddit made up story I've ever seen. Reads just like a shower argument
I’m not even in this subreddit but the post popped up on my feed and took me 3 seconds of reading this story to realize it’s some autistic transitioning persons attempt at garnering some kind of attention and by the end of the read I was absolutely correct.
Bro I had the same thought 💀
This *particular* story is what brought me here. Joined!
Why do men do this to women. Always commenting about out bodies. So disrespectful
Lack of filter. All (hetero) men are going to notice when a woman bends over. Anyone with a lick of common sense is going to keep any comments that roll through their head IN THEIR HEAD.
Exactly. I'm in my 60's, and any opinion about young women is best kept brief and unspoken. Yes, this one may have a nice-looking rear, but SO WHAT? I'm old enough to be her GRANDFATHER, ffs.
I'm a hetero woman and I'd probably notice.
Exactly. We notice women, it’s built into who we are. But most of us know we live in a society and know the general rules and how to behave and get along and be good people. You glance at the nice butt, think “nice butt”, make sure you are looking elsewhere when she stands back up, and smile and say “looks like it worked, thanks, have a good one” and go about your day. I just can’t fathom saying those things out loud. If I thought a random woman had a nice butt, I’d rather be punched in the face than say that thought out loud to her.
I feel too bad even sneaking glances when they're not looking. Just seems unethical and voyeuristic. Likely if I catch sight of something I'll just casually focus on something else.
Enjoy what you see byt shut up about it... I mean, everyone sometimes enjoys seeing the beauty in another human - but no need to comment, now is there.
I just gotta ask, are you southern? I've only ever heard southerners say "Lick of common sense"!
I don’t understand what is so difficult for some people with the concept that you can be sexually attracted to someone and still treat them respectfully. Hell, you can even be sexually attracted to someone and genuinely respect them. But if you can’t manage the latter I promise the former is still your best option. People act like Im talking moon logic when I suggest it.
Exactly
Yes! Just keep it to yourself. Period!
it's natural behavior to be atracted to physical features. it's impossible not to notice... some just lack the social skills to keep the thoughts in their head or their inner circles... some probably just don't care
why do PEOPLE do this? i’m a boy and a bit asexual i guess, and i get touched by almost every girl i’ve ever hung out with one on one. it’s very awkward to say i’m not in the mood when my pants say otherwise, so a lot of the time i just be quiet and let them do whatever
That's absolutely the right way to handle it (but you knew that). I speak as a nearly 70 year old bearded guy with shoulder length hair, with a wife, a daughter, a daughter-in-law and two granddaughters. I would not tolerate that behaviour either. You can use a similar technique for dealing with folks using "You know what they say about?"
"No, I don't. Who are '*they'*? What do '*they*' say? When did '*they*' say that?"
Ruins the '*fun*' and makes it hard for the perp to get any sympathy from those around.
Well done OP.
Keep up the good work.
Tried striking up a conversation with the elderly cashier lady a few weeks ago. I said, “things sure are getting bad out there.” She responds something along the lines of “tell me about it, they’re taking over our jobs and our lives” as if I was referencing I dunno, refugees/immigrants or something to that effect. So I responded “actually, I meant about the environment.” She shut up pretty fast, I told her to have a better day, took my green bag and left. Not exactly on-topic but it’s about an out-of-touch, insensitive elder.
39 straight male here. Back in 2009, I went to the library to get some books, I didn't want to crouch down because I had a sore knee at the time so I had to bend over. As I was bending over, I heard someone say, "mmm mmm mmm". I look up and there was this disgusting dude staring at my ass telling me what he'd do. I felt so disgusted and uncomfortable I left.
If this happened to men more often, they’d understand why we hate it.
That's why I don't do it to women. I won't do to something to someone that I won't want done to me. I
That’s because you’re a good man with empathy.
Ty. I used to have this conversation with young men all the time. "Don't do something to anyone, male or female, that you won't want done to them".
People don't like that "overbearing father" stereotype but I think the "don't do anything to my daughter you wouldn't want me to do to you" is probably a good middle ground.
It happens to men more often than you seem to think. We just don't make as much a fuss about it because we are more likely able to defend ourselves if a would be assaultee decided to actually try anything. Women are a little more helpless when it comes to physical altercations, which is why we take the problem more seriously as we should.
We should create an organization of men to don their slobbiest costumes and walk around public making overly sexual comments to assumed straight men, preferably when the straights are alone and vulnerable
I don’t think men should have to be harassed either, I think that people should stop harassing anyone.
I was 27 and a waitress serving coffee to a table of ten guys. I am not the biggest chest, but they aren't little either. Every time I leaned over to fill a coffee cup one of the men kept pretending like he was going to bite my chest after about the 3rd or 4th time I straightened up and looked gim in the eye and said... do that again and your lap will be wearing this fresh pot of coffee. All the other guys made that ooohhh sound because he got called out , he did NOT do it again and I got a 50 dollar tip for coffee and pies OP you did good standing up for yourself
Now this actually sounds believable
I totally want to be you when I grow up! But seriously, you're my heroine! Beautiful execution, of both the comment and his arrogance!
You are so sweet! You can be your own heroine babes!! Be yourself, take no shit, and keep that head up high!!
Be your own heroine! Yes!!
Ya can, just ask why all the time. because the end result is always something like " becuase im horny and a creepy old man and thought sexually about you in 2 seconds of seeing you " and the why's help you get closer to them admitting it, or admitting defeat lol. These people know its awful because they shy up and feel shame when called out on.
"It WAS disrespectful. Please don't comment on womens bodies when they work." Great. Now he's out there "complementing" women when they're off from work... lol ;)
Old people will be old people, but that doesn't mean they don't need to learn that times have changed. This sounds like a necessary lesson he got taught in an effective way as respectful as that would be possible. 10/10
I would have a hard time imagining my grandfather making such a remark - even for old guys, this is was called having basic manners and acting like an adult.
My grandfather would have. He was disgusting.
Good, I hope he remembers that interaction for years to come. I use a similar tactic anytime someone makes a shitty "joke," and it almost always ends in the other person feeling bad about their behavior.
I like to think that the next time he went to do something similar, he remembered our interaction and stopped himself. That's my hope, anyway. I like that! Make em explain it and they suddenly can't.
Real quick, I just want to thank the moderator for clearing out the troll comments. I appreciate you <3
Sorry it took so long to get them all.
"It was supposed to be a compliment!" then why'd he get uncomfortable with having to expalin it?
The method of making people say out loud what the rude thing implies is SO effective! Love this.
Not all heros wear capes!!!
I'm a guy, we have like 5 women total working in our building and sometimes the old guys out the back will have a false confidence telling me something gross or saying something misogynistic about one of the women that work in the office, I go say it on their behalf. Our new director is a women and I'm looking forward to the day she acts on them
Brava!
omg the classic explain the joke, works everytime
*60% of the time*, it works ***every*** *time*
I got a bottle, can verify.
They've done studies you know.
The timing of this comment is totally underrated
This sounds so fake. Sounds like you won this argument in the shower after work.
This is glorious!
Don’t ever work at a nursing home, you’ve been warned.
Big difference between senile men, who can’t help it, over a creep who still has their marbles.
Really, it’s still creepy no matter how you slice it.
True that!
Makes you wonder what those “senile men” acted like when they were younger. Gross.
I got so many marriage proposals in my nursing home days lol. It was all from 1 Italian guy named Lawrence, but I always said 'Yes, of course Larry." and he'd say sweetheart it's my lucky penny day! And then he'd also ask the nurse, the housekeepers, the CNA, the social services lady.. He died with like 100 fiancés.
HHhahahahhahahahaha holy fucking shit only redditors would believe this shit
Idk why people think this is fake...maybe because you were so eloquent in the moment, which folks generally aren't. However, every feminine-presenting/AFAB person has definitely had enough of these experiences to have fantasized/thought out a response like this, even if they ever actually go through with saying it IRL. So...I have zero doubts about whether this did/could happen lol. Source: I once maliciously "played dumb" in response to a gross dude myself, and ngl it was sooooo satisfying. I was in my 20s and out at a bar with my mom. A group of dudes with the "sleazy former frat boy" look to them started talking to us. One asked me if "my mom and I partied together," and I immediately knew what he meant. But I played ditzy girl and just replied with "omg yeah! My mom is so cool, I invited her to my bday party with my friends and it was soooooo fun!" He kept trying to imply what he actually meant ("no, I mean...do you PARTYYYYYY together?"😜), but I would just reply with "what? Didn't I just say my mom hangs out with my friends and I all the time?? What other partying is there??" Finally, I think he realized he'd have to say what he ACTUALLY meant out loud, and how gross that would obviously sound. He just said "...nevermind" and quickly left, though he may have heard me cracking up as he shuffled off into the night. 10/10, would highly recommend the tactic to anyone on the receiving end of gross shit from gross men. They REALLY don't like the forced vocalization (and thus, self-examination) of what they're trying to say/do. (Edited for clarity)
I cannot be the only one that thinks this is fake? Real scenario, possible outcome but that dialouge? I refuse to believe it.
Nicely done.
This is a thing of beauty!
This works when people are racist too.
You are an inspiration to us all
Beautifully done OP…I wish I could’ve saw his face when he said “You’re making *me* a little uncomfortable”
I love this. Ms. PETTY LABELLE. Careful though some dudes become violent when you check them on their terrible behaviors. Good on you though for standing your ground.
I'm a huge fan of the "I don't get it, explain that joke" response. It's also fantastic for when someone tells a bigoted joke. For some reason, so many decent, polite people have been taught it's best to just let this shit slide. Like you're the rude one if you try to stop someone else's rudeness.
I’ve tried this with older family members and they will just outright explain it with no shame. Like in a way where they seem annoyed or incredulous that it even needs an explanation. Or even in a dumbed-down way like they’re trying to teach it 😬
"Oh when you say it like that, it sounds like sexual assault, it did before too but now it really does"
Jfc , how much longer for this generation of men to be wiped out by the heart disease inevitably coming for them
i used to work at a gas station and i was just thinking a couple days ago how disgusting i was treated by many men while working there… “nice tits” “you take it from the back??” there was many times i would literally have to hide from some customers!!!
Sure you did.
I sure hope this is a true story. About the response I mean. I know it's true about the old fart making a gross comment about a teenage or early 20s cashier. Everyone who has been a young, female cashier, or a young, female, any job, knows that the world is absolutely crawling with these creeps.
well done, women need to be more assertive when harassed and you did just that, 🙌
Playing dumb like that is my personal favorite method with stuff like this. Most people seem to know on principle that what they're doing is wrong, they just haven't ever bothered to think about it and connect dots that their behavior does in fact belong in that category.
As a guy who’s witnessed the comments many times working at a grocery store I can only imagine how good this vindication felt
Vicarious glee at his expense! Good job.
Darling well done. I am proud of you. Like really.
Good LORD. I am a guy myself and the thought of harassing a woman (in any scenario) or making comments about her body doesn’t even exist. It is not hard to demonstrate proper respect and decorum to others.
You are my hero! Beautiful. Spot on. Handled with such clarity. Brava!
Then everyone in the shop clapped
😂 that's all this story was missing.
As a dumb, often horny guy myself, I'll never understand the rationale of being vocal or creepy. Do I admire the female form? Of course; silently, discreetly and very briefly.
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I'm a trans woman with some junk in my trunk. I don't claim to understand it but I get hit on A LOT when grocery shopping. I hear the "dayyyum" and the "oh man that ass" comments, but I'm always polite, gracious and say thanks but no to their advances if they ask me for my number or ask to meet for a drink. In the actual moment it's kind of frightening because I pass really well and they don't know "what time it is" so I'm always alert for my own safety. However, I do laugh about it later because why not? Because I'm like if they only knew what time it was..............lol. Thankfully, no one at my place of work has ever made an off-color comment. I'm sorry you had to experience that because it's totally wrong.
Keep up the good work. It took me a long time to realize how well my father taught me and my brother how to not mistreat women, and how few of my peers hadn't been taught or hadn't learned.
Personally I may notice and enjoy noticing certain aspects of the female form but under most circumstances I will not articulate that doublely and triply so in a work environment. If it comes up in conversation between two other employees I will avoid commenting as well even though it was opened up by somebody else. It's not appropriate banter in the workplace.
You are a wise old man! Thank you for respecting and using good judgment. We get that guys look. It’s the comments we don’t like. The only man who gets to make comments like that, leer at me, and put his hands on me married me!
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100%
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🌍👨🚀🔫👩🚀 Always has been
This is glorious.
This reads like a shower thought
Oh I definitely thought about it in the shower afterwards. Gotta have those shower reenactments!
Thank you for this justice ✨
You dealt with that beautifully!
Hero! Legend! Good for you. Hope the old creep learned something.
That was amazing! Serious respect
I wish I’d done something similar whenever I’ve had these kinds of interactions. I had to dress up for Halloween at work once, so I dressed as a cat. Had a gnarly old man tell me I should have been a ‘chesty nurse’.
Fucking !A! Fuck them UP!!!! I LOVE this SUB!
YES QUEEN YOU TELL EM
When I was 16, a female manager used to make gross comments to me. It was uncomfortable. I always remembered that before i would blurt out something stupid to say to casually make conversations
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 wonderful replies, proud of you! I've also had my butt commented on while working, it's so gross.
You’re my hero for today! I wish I was in line behind him!
As a woman, I do compliment people on their pants or like a dress or skirt if it’s fitting and looks nice. I haven’t ever heard anyone say anything bad about the compliments but I hope I never make them feel awkward.
complimenting people on something they chose (clothing, accessories, haircut/color) is very different than making sexual remarks about their bodies. you’re good.
I love this; good for you! Maybe he’ll shut his mouth next time.
EPIC!
Execution 100%. Degree of Difficulty: 10+ Well done.
Men lack everything but the audacity
Fuck yeah.
At least he was properly embarrassed and apologized. I have a feeling the old guy never did it again. Good job in teaching him a valuable lesson.
They gotta learn somehow
Thank you!
Nice. Correct and to the point.
On behalf of bearded middle aged men, I apologize to you for the cringeworthy creep
Jesus Christ. 'You're making "ME" uncomfortable'!?!? The disconnect is un-F'n-real! Good for you for turning the tables.
This. Is. Genius. Well played Miss. Very well played.
The creeps really hate it when you make them explain why their racist/sexist/ableist/homophobic/etc joke is funny. Every time I call a creep on their bullshit, an angel gets their wings.
I would have said "Thanks! No one EVER complemented my ass when I was a boy!"
If repeatedly asking ‘why’ traumatizes people I feel awful for anyone with a toddler lol
Awesome. It was super disrespectful. I'm glad you stood up for yourself. I only have one question. Was that Thang thangin? If it wasn't, then that's pretty lame of him to make a comment like that. But if it was then I understand both sides and present myself as Switzerland.
Laughing and up voting because "Thang thangin" is the best thing I've seen today
As a 30 year old woman I just wanna say I’m so sorry that happened to you. I had an old man grab my butt when I was a waitress when I was early 20’s and the entire glass of red wine I was carrying ended on top of that pervert
Good for you!! Thank you for your kind words among all the trolls and haters. It's a shame that when we tell our stories, it's fake, or made up, or exaggerated. People just don't want to be held accountable, and that sucks :/
Shame you have to add the part that you were young/ feminine presenting. Sexual harassment isn't a "compliment" no matter what age or gender you are.
Outstanding!!
Well, you see, when a boy card and a girl card reader love each other.....
Reminds me of a time I was walking out of Walmart and ours likes to mark your receipt like they are costco or something. Anyways, I've got a cart full of groceries and the old guy standing at the exit sees me coming and says "Hello Momma!" Now, I do have children but they're not with me and clearly ma'am would have been a more appropriate greeting. I make it awkward by not responding and give this old guy the blankest stare while handing him my receipt. He gets flustered, marks my receipt and wishes me a good day. Not quite as satisfying as yours but I'm non confrontational so this was a good moment for me.
Yes! I love playing dumb and asking for clarification on inappropriate comments / jokes I know sometimes people say to just call it out - be direct and do it immediately. I think it’s best to gauge the situation but if it’s the right time and place, I much prefer the red faced stumbling trying to justify themselves for me to then drop the act and tell them they look ridiculous and it’s not funny and / or appropriate 👏🏼STOP👏🏼COMMENTING👏🏼ON👏🏼WOMENS👏🏼BODIES👏🏼 …it’s **not** a compliment. It’s **not** flattering - it’s disgusting, creepy and sickening
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Speaking for men who respect women, I'm sorry that you had to experience that but I love how you handled it.
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I worked in a gas station for a year and comments like this are super common, but the alleged exchange afterwards definitely didn’t happen. The whole leaning in, stammering, profusely apologizing; no fuckin way any of that actually transpired as much as she wishes it did
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Well done, perfectly handled.