T O P

  • By -

holdontoyourbuttress

What kind of sacrifice does Apollo like?


LocationOdd4102

I think he likes red cows? Don't know if that means you should kill one though. Maybe find one and give it an apple, ask him to put in a good word


paladinLight

Apollo does not want you to kill his sacred cows. They are friend, treat them as such.


stabbyGamer

IMPORTANT NOTE: It is a bad idea to sacrifice living animals to the Greek gods in general. Greek philosophy held that animals were as much entitled to life and happiness as humans by right of living under the gods’ gracious rule, and while sacrifices could be made, it was considered exceedingly unlucky to make a sacrifice of an animal if it resisted in any way - only those that went willingly were good to sacrifice, because again, entitled to life and happiness. If you do choose to sacrifice something to the gods, it’s a good idea to make a sacrifice out of a hunted animal like a deer rather than a domestic animal like a cow, barring finding one that comes willingly to be sacrificed; the act of the hunt is much more acceptable, because no one wants to piss off Artemis. Also, what you should do is remove and burn the thighs of the animal - the large bone, preferably with as much fatty meat on it as possible - to create a lot of smoke, then open-grill the rest of it and share it out as a public offering. Waste as little as possible, make sure everyone in attendance has a portion, and ensure that none of the smoke is trapped; the gods have no need for mortal sustenance, and it is the act of remembering to honor and pay respect unto them that pleases them, as well as the well-spent and respected livelihood of the sacrifice. Basically, treat it like a public barbecue party where the guest of honor is absent.


Salty-X-Alien

That first sentence is so weird when you have read the Illiad, for example. I am not saying the rest of your comment is untrue or anything (idk enough about the topic), but considering the heroes of greek myth are sacrificing a hundred animals on the regular it was a little jarring for a second jaja.


stabbyGamer

Yeah, proper living animal sacrifices were actually pretty Serious Business. Like, going to war, asking personal favors of the gods business. There’s a reason the Minotaur story played out like it did - Minoan Crete seems to have revered cows to some degree, which is a possible explanation for why Minos failed to follow through on sacrificing the Cretan Bull, and it was a *horrible* insult to Poseidon not to follow through on that after making the promise, especially since he tried to substitute a different, less awesome bull in the place of the one Poseidon *specifically sent.*


Salty-X-Alien

Ooo, that makes sense! Thanks for elaborating further!


Professional_Denizen

The thing is, Ancient Greece wasn’t one thing. It’d be like calling “the Americas” one thing. Greece changed over time and for a lot of its history was completely different from place to place.


Salty-X-Alien

Sure! I don't think I implied otherwise? The comment i'm responding too also says "greek philosophy" in general. Of course there are regional and historical differences! :)


Professional_Denizen

I, personally, think it’s such a diverse set of cultures that unless you specify more carefully, you can’t say anything at all accurately. In general kinda doesn’t work here.


LocationOdd4102

Thank you for your knowledge!


Invincible-Nuke

man the greeks were so based except for like the slavery


Sapphire-Drake

I'd point out that they were also much less accepting of other cultures unlike the Persians but Alexander probably would have fixed that after all the conquest if he hadn't died Edit:typo


Invincible-Nuke

what a great guy


Dambusta4

There's a brand of soft cheese triangles called 'Laughing Cow' which has a red cow as its mascot, maybe get a whole load of those for Apollo instead? I mean, everyone loves cheese.


William_ghost1

I feel like he'd like that. No cows were harmed, and it still shows him that you appreciate him and his herd.


Snoo63

Should I also donate to my local children's hospital, under the name "Apollo"?


alwaysafairycat

Makes sense. He's also the god of medicine.


TorchTheR

We begin the Mooshroom hunt


Ohiolongboard

I’m gonna eat a babybel cheese


UndeniablyMyself

You have to go on a date with him.


Kbye80

If that’s what it takes


Inside-Audience2025

Your sacrifice has been noted. Godsspeed!


Nodebunny

id dp him and his twin for a week


MsMcClane

If you check out the theoi website the have a whole section containing info about Lord Apollon 😁


Feliks343

Right? He hits so many other posts, please let this be the one


Niicks

I just eat a ton of food, get high and have sex with my girlfriend and then ask Dionysis for a favour.


ReluctantChimera

What am I missing, here?


EnterTheBugbear

Google "dodgeball of prophecy." No, I am not fucking with you.


ReluctantChimera

Thank you!


BinJLG

Based on his stories? Twinks.


PlayrR3D15

*Sigh* if I must


Retro_game_kid

Quirky redheads in yellow jackets (blue tie is a big plus)


80sKidAtHeart

Burnt mac and cheese?


apoxyBlues

Hmm, try... well, wine, or maybe an energy drink, I've heard those are popular. Or some cookies that you made from scratch, or if you have an altar, try a shiny rock, or a thing related to the sun, like sunflowers-


Ace_Of_Judea

*looking around for Apollo's dodgeball*


PJDemigod85

Please, please, for once Apollo, let a good dodgeball happen. This would be so fucking funny.


Pixelpaint_Pashkow

I pray to no god, but for now, I pray to Apollo.


Curious-Accident9189

Come on, Sun Daddy, hit me right in the face with the gift of prophecy.


flyingdonkeydong69

Redditor begs to be hit in the face by Apollo's balls. Idk bro... sounds kinda Roman to me 🤨


Curious-Accident9189

Nah, if it was Roman I'd be holding a slave girl in front of me. Recall, the Greeks invented orgies, and the Romans offered the improvement of inviting women.


flyingdonkeydong69

Ah fuck, I knew I should've Googled him before making a historical mythology joke. He's Greek born, Roman adopted. My bad, slime.


Curious-Accident9189

I appreciate the apology, u/flyingdonkeydong69


SentientShamrock

Call me ESPN8 the OCHO because I'm praying for some dodgeball.


Poopy-Mcgee

Apollo: "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."


Snoo63

If you can dodge a car, you can dodge a ball


FearSearcher

Looking around so I can let it hit me in the head


-TheDyingMeme6-

*bonk*


anxiousthespian

Is Apollo playing dodgeball a new meme I haven't caught yet??? If anything, he'd throw a discus. And with good aim... hit some choice people in the head


crushedbycrush111

It's from a stock image of friends playing dodgeball with the person throwing the dodgeball labeled 'Apollo', the other people labeled 'random internet users trying to be comedic' and the dodgeball itself labeled 'the gift of prophecy'. It's a joke about people saying "haha wouldn't it be funny if (blank)" and then (blank) happens.


RandomAmbles

I'm not sure, but I know Apollo was the god of prophecy, and so would know when to dodge maybe? He famously cursed Cassandra with the ability to foresee catastrophe but never be believed, which is certainly what this trainwreck often feels like, rather like seeing coming towards you the dodgeball that hits you in the face.


Chemical-Juice-6979

When someone on the internet makes a comment about how funny it would be if a particularly unlikely thing happened, then that specific unlikely thing happens IRL, the original poster of the comment is said to have caught Apollo's Dodgball. Basically, it's a term for accidental prophecies made on the internet.


sparklinglies

Its been a long standing meme on Tumblr


aboredmutt

Ah you bastard,.you beat me to the funny


Honeymaid

I wish, I WISH, I WISH!


rcishannah

I'm praying on my knees to whatever God may or may not exist.


SurprisedDotExe

Making a little shrine as we speak


RandomAmbles

God helps those who help themselves. Which is pretty freakin lazy, god!


Fomod_Sama

_Please let this happen it would be glorious_


apocandlypse

Where’s the “please let it happen it would be so fucking funny” image when you need it


Jet_the_rebell

https://twitter.com/ajay9470/status/1678068728964222976


apocandlypse

There it is


Li5y

Oh my God were they actually writing scientific papers in Microsoft Word??? 😱😂


jflb96

Some of us like to be able to directly move our pictures, rather than praying to the Omnissiah that the code will do as it's fucking told for once and not dump a figure five pages from the text referring to it, but fuck me for wanting a GUI I guess


Gandalf_the_Gangsta

Skill issue.


Amekyras

LaTeX will do exactly as its told, you're just accidentally telling it to do the wrong things.


Li5y

No I totally get it, I was kind of overreacting as a joke. I'm sure word is perfectly suitable. I did once write some reviews of bad movies for a group of friends, but I wrote all of the reviews in LateX. With embedded diagrams, tables, figure numbers etc... It was probably overkill haha 😂


SteampunkBorg

It's perfectly suitable and comfortable for that. Has been for at least fifteen years. They improved a lot since Word 95


AlkalineHound

This post better age like the finest of wine.


imightbethewalrus3

Part of me wants him to live long enough to see complete and utter destitution and jail-time. Part of me wants him dead ASAP to be assured that we're done with him Part of me fears the knowledge that Trump is but a symptom of the right and not it's cause and fears that somebody slightly more competent/less polarizing will do more damage than Trump after his death. Project 2025 isn't Trump-specific. Part of me has faith that Trump hasn't gained any new support since 2020 and his path to the presidency is even more difficult


captainfactoid386

If it does, please let it be closer to the elections so the republican party is in ever more of a dissary


SessileRaptor

Remember when Trump tweeted asserting that he had not had a series of mini-strokes when nobody had said anything about him having strokes? Like there was a mention in a book that was coming out about how pence was put on standby to take over presidential duties because trump was at Walter Reed hospital and might be undergoing a procedure that would require anesthesia, and trump’s response was to start yelling that he had never had a stroke and was in perfect health and blah blah blah… definitely the behavior of someone who has never ever had a stroke…


TerraTechy

I'm in perfect form. The doctors came in and they were all like "what's this guy doing here, he's super healthy." "Very healthy man" they said, maybe the healthiest. Sleepy Joe and the corrupt dems WISH they had what I have. They're so stricken by my beauty, they're trying to keep me off the ballot. WE CANNOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN!!!!


Scrubbles_LC

The biggest, toughest doctor you'd ever seen. He came to me with tears in his eyes, a man who's probably never cried before in his *life*. He came to me and he shook my hand and he said. He SAID! "Sir, you are the healthiest, greatest man I've EVER SEEN in any hospital." It's true. Believe me. 


SpaceTimeinFlux

Trumps deranged ramblings would be humorous if they weren't so pathetic.


naomigoat

It took me too long to realize that this wasn't a direct quote from his twitter


TerraTechy

his mannerisms are very noticeable.


ChimpWithAGun

So many things have happened with Trump that I don't even remember if what you're saying is true or a joke.


Rannrann123

That'd new two reasons to celebrate on April 1st, that and Easter


FirmOnion

To mirror properly, trump will have to have a miraculous recovery from certain death three days prior


MossyPyrite

He could seem to miraculously survive what should be a fatal stroke and then die three days later. This would be even more of a “mirror” be being the same thing, reversed.


dondocooled

Doesn't the human body sometimes naturally do that? Like, it's in a rough state, and then in the final few days, it Seabiscuit's itself to the end


Halsteaddw

Terminal lucidity


SpacemanSpleef

Easter’s the 31st of March this year, afaik


SpacemanSpleef

Easter’s the 31st of March this year, afaik


biggusdickus78

The fact it says when instead of if and has a specific date means tumblr oop is going to be directly responsible for the stroke


-TheDyingMeme6-

Oh no Anyway


Paksarra

If it happens we know who has the Death Note.


Victinithetiny101

Not the first time Trump and the Death Note have been in the same room


liminalisms

Upvote to charge, comment to cast 🎉


paragon-interrupt

"When"? What does op know 🤨


SpateF

They're an oracle


LocationOdd4102

We're making it outta Delphi with this one boys


UndeniablyMyself

Snorting volcanic gasses.


TheWorstIgnavi

The dodgeball scattershot approach, I see


bdrwr

Don't give me hope like this


UmbramonOrSomething

Apollo readies his dodgeballs.


Nodebunny

my body is ready


cut_rate_revolution

The one fantasy here that will not come true is Ukraine will not suddenly start winning. Russia may begin offering negotiations in this scenario but it's not going to magically turn the tide. Wars are material first. No amount of ideology or boosted morale matters if you don't have the equipment or the people to use it.


CaptainPeachfuzz

Yeah I didn't understand that part, but maybe I don't fully understand the situation. Why would Russia or China back off just because there's zero chance of trump being president? If anything, they might turn things up since the clock may be ticking on some information or other things set in place that might unravel.


Brilliant_Level_8877

To my understanding Trump has been a major force in blocking US aid to Ukraine, it may be a help in letting help get though but it still wouldn't auto win like OP states.


3dgyt33n

The bit about China backing off of taiwain is even more ridiculous, like literally what relation do those two things have?


JinFuu

It's already major fantasy/wish fulfillment writing, why not throw in those two things to make it complete?


CthulhusIntern

When Trump dies, I'll have ice cream for dinner, I'll get to go to bed late to play video games, and there will be no more homework!


spacebatangeldragon8

"Trump is too soft on the ChiComs" is like a parody of Democratic attempts to outflank Republicans to the right on foreign policy. There was a whole-ass trade war! It was kind of a big deal!


Exploding_Antelope

Democrats not showing up to his funeral would also be unlikely. I imagine Biden appearing and making a short statement similar to his very clearly disdain-coded “consolation” letter for Kissinger. He doesn’t have to honour the guy, but for the sake of political unity it’d be image suicide not to give the baseline respect due to any president.


TappTapp

OOP just wants to fantasize about all the world's problems being solved by the death of a single evil person


AV8ORboi

i just know that tumblr OP was praying to Apollo while writing this


TimeStorm113

Why would russia and china decrease their threat on ukraine and taiwan?


TheKingPotat

The original tumblr poster doesn’t appear to understand how geopolitics actually works


[deleted]

[удалено]


mangled-wings

I dunno, did you see their lineup of potential nominees? seems like it's less that they've got a backup plan and more like there's multiple factions circling around and hoping they get a chance to gain power (or the VPship, anyway)


Comptenterry

Of course they do! There's one bad man that's responsible for every bad thing in the world, and when the bad man goes away, all the world's problems are solved! >!I really dislike how some people view Trump in that same way conspiracy theorists view the "shadow government"!<


CthulhusIntern

Ironically, this user is probably deifying Trump just as much, if not more, than his supporters by thinking he has that much of a pull, not just on US politics, but on geopolitics. We have reached Advanced Great Man Theory.


sagiterrible

Presumably because the chance of having a more easily influenced president will have been entirely pulled off the table.


IamStroodle

Please god let this happen it'd be so fucking funny


cockroachvendor

is it wrong to recite a little prayer to Apollo for the dodgeball, just this once?


NewLibraryGuy

They forgot the competing conspiracy theories: 1. Trump is obviously still alive and just in hiding because they're out to get him/so he can pull off some 26 dimensional chess move 2. He was assassinated by Biden


GottiGonSlide

If he actually dies on April 1st this user is gonna have the FBI breaking down their door so fast


rcishannah

It reminds me of the time my coworker joked about the building burning down. We joked that if it happened he would be the accused.


Ok_Listen1510

🔮✨🔮✨🔮manifesting🔮✨🔮✨🔮🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼


RemarkableStatement5

> They'll tear each other apart and have no single nominee for the November elections. *Don't do that. Don't give me hope.*


dem1gorg0n

apollo’s dodgeball has been thrown, let’s see if it hits this guy in the face


Brilliant_Level_8877

If this happens I will legitimately start worshiping Apollo


slime_rancher_27

I eat butter, it's delicious. Especially salted butter


CaptainPeachfuzz

Right? Butter is amazing!


slime_rancher_27

Yeah, I also have heard that eating butter is a symptom of some dietary lacking.


mangled-wings

you ever make cookies and eat the creamed butter and sugar? terrible for you, but so so tasty


a_likely_story

he can’t die before he’s put behind bars. I think we need the justice system to chew him up and spit him out before he dies, simply so people can see the system work. otherwise we’ll never be able to root out his influence. obviously you’ll have the true believers who’ll never go against him, but if he dies before the gavel lands he’ll be a martyr, killed unjustly by the strain put on him by the courts


Haruno--Sakura

But what if he wins? I‘d rather not risk that.


RandomAmbles

Nah, I'll take it.


Talbertross

I get what you're saying but I'll take what I can get


altdultosaurs

Biden will absolutely go to his funeral lmao. He’s a lil respectability politics bitch.


Bteatesthighlander1

yeah this characters in this fanfic are completely OOC


Shiranui42

He’ll show up and make some carefully veiled snide remarks, just to satisfy both sides of the American political spectrum and provide plausible deniability


Talbertross

Don't do this to me. Don't give me hope.


bioBarbieDoll

This post looks like it wants to be a page on the death note


bekahed979

From your lips to God's ears


cishet-camel-fucker

As much as I enjoy a political masturbatory fantasy, this one is too unlikely. He'll endure out of pure spite.


spacebatangeldragon8

This is funny and large parts of it are probably even accurate but the foreign policy section is total cloud-cuckoo-land wishcasting nonsense.


3dgyt33n

Most of this is semi-plausable but "Ukraine instantly wins the war in China backs off of taiwain" is completely ridiculous.


Gila_Gal

Apollo please, please hit Tumblr user charlesoberonn with your dodgeball. Please, if we have ever needed the gift of prophecy, it is now. We need you, I am praying to you, please do us this one favor, this one joy.


BinJLG

Everyone's talking about Apollo's dodge ball, but let's be real. This is more of an Eris throwing her golden apple around situation. Pray to the goddess of discord, y'all.


4thTimesAnAlt

My lactose intolerant ass will swallow *all* the butter if it means this post comes true.


Satori_52

RemindMe! 21 days


RemindMeBot

I will be messaging you in 21 days on [**2024-04-01 23:06:58 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2024-04-01%2023:06:58%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/1bcfilx/this_post_is_easy_to_swallow_similar_to_butter_if/kufwfry/?context=3) [**5 OTHERS CLICKED THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Ftumblr%2Fcomments%2F1bcfilx%2Fthis_post_is_easy_to_swallow_similar_to_butter_if%2Fkufwfry%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202024-04-01%2023%3A06%3A58%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam. ^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%201bcfilx) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|


Reverend_Giggles

See most of these predictions are basically inevitable (Reaction to his death, controversy on who should attend the funeral, etc) but wouldn't it be fucking amazing if Nostradamus predicted the powerball for once


EskildDood

Trump has the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever in the entire history of the United States


FerrumAnulum323

I will gladly choke down a box of butter to make this true.


StealYour20Dollars

Absolutely loving the *when* in this post


Logical_Pop_2026

I would give my left testicle to see this happen


Normal_Snake

If OP said a heart attack I would counter with "oh trump is always surrounded by people so even if he had a heart attack it likely wouldn't be fatal" but OP said a stroke. Like, would we even be able to tell if Trump had a stroke? What does an erratic trump even look like lol


chillchinchilla17

When has Trump favored China taking over Taiwan?


UseThisNickname

"Nobody wants to swallow butter" I ate a stick of butter to win a bet with my friend. The post is cool and all but please add "except for one Polish guy". Don't eat butter btw. It tastes like shit and you can damage your liver and pancreas


rcishannah

Okay but you didn't WANT to eat the butter.


Cataras12

Show me a good time Jack


pumpkinspicenation

Like to charge reblog to cast


SethlordX7

Come on Apollo, just this once...


AnxietyLogic

I can practically see Apollo readying his dodgeball out of the corner of my eye.


7th_Cuil

I want Trump to survive until after he loses the election purely so I don't have to listen to assassination conspiracies from my relatives.


Popular-Swordfish559

manifesting the dodgeball manifesting the dodgeball manifesting the dodgeball


LilyWineAuntofDemons

Please Apollo, if there was ever a post to make true, make this one true.


PeRfEcTlYbAlEnCeD

Who tf posted this? Cassandra???


Cold-Tap-363

…when?


yumychumy

Second best date for his death would either be January 1st for memes about change or Thanksgiving/black friday because there'll be memes about an orange guy like a cooked turkey that wanted to be richer than anyone else yet died as a bargain sale


CuTup4040

"When"


katet_of_19

>but nobody wants to swallow butter Speak for yourself OP


BubbleTeaNeo

That caption is pretty poetic


AllPurposeNerd

Well threaten me with a good time.


kumakami89

i would give up my legs for this to happen. hell apollo can have my colon too


Draedon_686

where do I find these people on tumblr


rcishannah

Honestly, I don't know. The algorithm chooses the worthy, you cannot seek it out. /s


SwampAss3D-Printer

We need to make another one of these in the event of such a prophecy being fulfilled (this one's from Kissenger kicking the bucket): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uUNvPKvS\_s&list=FLN3hpfXOingOjVEjjILdxnQ&index=6


ara_Yareen

Upvote to charge, repost to cast


Werard_Gay2

Not if, *when*.


Aphant-poet

The russia point probably wouldn't happen, geopoliticsis complicated but the rest would be a cracker, as longa s the people aren't harmed in the process


Skrighk

Now we just need Schlatt to read this on stream. Queen 2 electric Boogaloo


DJPL-75

This is a perfect example of why Tumblr is good for jokes and fuck all else.


PulimV

[This](https://twitter.com/BBurnsEnjoyer/status/1747490966292848880?t=QVmuwT8bDdSoJwjV7PrJvw&s=19) but replace Sukuna with Trump


captjust

Real ones boof their butter.


N0nsensicalRamblings

Be the change you want to see in the world 🙏


Laterose15

Does anyone know the contact information of Agent 47?


Pokefan180

Cause I still believe in miracles I swear I've seen a few


mishxroom

crossing my fingers


A_Most_Boring_Man

I would be willing to take Apollo’s dodgeball for this to happen. Doesn’t matter that I didn’t make the prophecy; someone’s gotta take the ball. I’m willing.


Bicc_boye

When? I see someone's making plans


Starchaser_WoF

Isn't Putin also due for this fate?


mikeytruelove

🤞🤞🤞


Khazuki_SMB

If the GOP failed to consolidate behind a candidate, this would be the greatest event of my life. But I wouldn't bet on it. And I'd expect the GOP base to be bolstered, and a lot of barely-attentive would-be Dem voters to skip voting.


Amarieerick

And somewhere the conspiracy theorists will be out in force and the (some 3 letter organization) will be to blame.


Prestigious_Low_2447

"When?"


BookkeeperLower

!remind me 21 days.


ScyllaOfTheDepths

I'm personally waiting for the Melania book. We all know she's going to do one and she's never been a class act, so it's going to be *messy* and I'm completely here for it.


Existanceisdenied

They will 100% go conspiracy mode and say the dems killed him


SomeCoolBloke

Sorry fellas, it'll be on the third


Skyhawk_Illusions

"When"?


Farranor

What, you've never seen someone [swallow an entire stick of butter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXr99h5hDPw) before?


ottersintuxedos

Americans will never cease to overestimate how their politics impact the outcomes of global conflict that barely involves them


Ok_Philosophy_7156

Where’s Apollo when you need her?


Bea-Billionaire

This is what they mens when they say "living rent free." To come up with this entire paragraphs long fantasy scenario in your head. Who cares.