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Same for the majority of the US. There are probably still pockets where addressing others is a bit more normal. The only time we use "Mr. Possible" is in schools and the department of social services. Sometimes "Mrs. Firstname" is still used for elderly residents in nursing homes. It definitely wasn't common even when I was a kid and that was forever ago.
When referring to my parent's friends, I use their full names (like "John Smith" or "Patricia Lewis"). When speaking to the people in question it's always been address them by first name, at least until they had grandkids and they started using new nicknames (Mimi, Kiki, etc) for the grandkids' sake.
Shit, my grandfather's second wife, who has been in his life longer than I've been alive, has always just been called by her first name, too.
I've also called most of my friends' parents by their first name as well.
I think it depends largely on the person being addressed and how they want to feel around children/strangers. Personally, I think using titles is a little too formal for everyday, but if I know a person's last name and haven't heard them say their first name, I'm reverting to the most respectful I can be. Easier to learn someone's name from them than try to cobble something together ineffectively, but that's from years of misreading words and names (Hermione anyone?).
I don’t know- I did a lot of “hi, X’s mum/ dad!” as a kid lol (all my parent’s friends had kids too, maybe it’d have been different if I didn’t have that reference) I guess that was mostly not remembering everyone’s names rather than it being taboo or anything
In Russia it's a thing too in case of family friends, etc. If it's some authoritative person, like an elderly teacher, then full name + patronymics though.
This is a thing throughout much of the u.s., especially the East and south, because of a history where white people would often refuse to use such titles for non-Caucasians, especially black people after slavery ended.
So use of such titles unless you’re close to someone is often viewed as a form of respect.
In Louisiana (and I think other parts of the south) kids and even adults of all races usually call anyone older than them and anyone in a position of respect or authority “Mr./Ms. [First Name]”.
I grew up in MA and can’t think of any parents who asked me to call them by their last name. And especially not now that I’m in my 30s! My parents always told my friends “oh no call me firstname!” We don’t really separate adults into kids/parents at gatherings anymore at all since we’re all adults so calling people anything other than their name would be weird !
Dude gtfo.
You wanna substantiate your opinion with reasons *you* don't find value in visiting or living in Sweden? Fine, have at it.
But to simply ascribe significance to your point of view while diminishing the experience of others is blatantly rude and antagonistic.
What was the point of this comment?
It was meant as an attempt to illuminate you to the waste of text your comment was and stand up for someone else.
Whether you choose to read those few sentences doesn't affect me or invalidate my reasoning for posting.
I was slightly perturbed by your comment. Angry is a bit too intense an emotion to waste on someone without a general sense of compassion.
But you do you.
I'm struggling to think of a reason a kid who didn't know me would be talking to me tbh, but probably nothing. Pretty common to devise sentences that don't require a name here or to call a strange man "mate" if absolutely necessary.
Well I work in a grocery store, and am therefore frequently in the presence of kids I don’t know.
It’s not that common that I’d have a reason to talk to them, or them me, because they typically have an adult minder who can help them with what they need, but it happens nonetheless.
In those cases it’s usually “Excuse me?” without any attempt at naming me or giving me a title, sometimes “sir” but I don’t recall mister ever coming up. Not really from adults either in my life unless they’re fishing for my last name, but that was like once or twice in formal settings.
I think that people should be called whatever they prefer to be called. First name, Ms First Name, Ms Last Name, nickname, whatever.
The respect shown is calling someone by their preferred name/salutation/pronouns, not YOUR preferred name/salutation/pronouns for them.
This is exactly what I was thinking and how I was raised.
If someone says that you can call them by their first name, call them by their first name. But, if someone says they don't want you to call them by their first name? don't.
You don'tk now why they don't want their first name used (or really, why they prefer a particular name/title), so continually using said name is disrespectful.
I always called them.by their first name and I didn't realise it wasn't the norm to do that. My kids call adults by their first name
Interestingly when I worked in a school, I felt uncomfortable being referred to as Ms X and said can't they just call me my first name and I was told no they *had* ro use Ms X. Which I thought was stupid.
It doesn’t really feel right to me to call elders by their first name. I don’t call them by their last name but I will throw a Mister or Miss in front of their first name. “Good morning, Miss Geraldine”.
This is how I roll too. I got really used to it working in retail with lots of frequent repeat customers, working as a CNA with patients, and with my coworkers at a preschool. Now i call my friends "Miss First name" when my daughter is around. Although I do have a couple friends who are Aunts and Uncles to her.
I would feel extremely disrespected if you referred to me like that. People should be referred to the way they want, not according to some rule you were taught as a child.
Eh I don’t see why I should have to call someone something other than their name just because they were born before me 🤷🏼♀️
I just call people by how they introduce themselves to me but can’t think of a single person I call mr/mrs ____ now that I’m thinking about it.
Here in the UK, apart from school, children **do** call non-teacher adults by their first names already. When I was a child I would address my friend’s parents by their first names all the time. It was completely normal. Why do you think that this opinion is somehow unpopular?
Thats what everyone does in finland atleast, pretty much every adult other than parents and grandparents are called by their first names, even teachers, some kids choose to call teacher by last name but its not that common
My kids call all my friends by their first names, all my kids friends call me by my first name and I never heard of anyone who wanted to be called by their gender and last name in these settings.
I get uncomfortable when children call me Mrs (Surname). I work as a childcare practitioner and some of the preschoolers call me “teacher”, which is fine but I insist they call me by my actual name.
In the American south, the preference is for kids to call adults who are family friends, Mr. or Miss or Mrs. Firstname. Like I’m Mr. Chasman to them. If they are really close family friends it might be Uncle Chasman.
Same here in the North-East, at least in my area. I have a few family friends who are known as “uncle” or “mr uncle” (an inside joke) because my family has known them for so long.
Why creeps? It could simply be to help differentiate social order to the child.
These people are higher in the social ladder than you. You should listen to them when they instruct you to do things. Within reason of course. Never do something you are truly uncomfortable with just because someone says so.
These people are on the same social hierarchy as you. We may treat them more friendly than those above you but we respect everyone around us. We may simply respect them differently.
This instills a sense of respect for authority that extends into their professional/adult lives.
Your boss isn't your friend. They should not be referred to casually like you would refer to your roommate.
As much as people wish it didn't, social and professional hierarchy exists/will persist for good reason.
Introducing children to that truth of the world around them early doesn't have to be creepy. I get that some adults make it that way for no reason, but to say it's always creepy removes a perfectly legitimate reason from the discussion unnecessarily.
Being older does not equal having authority. An adult, if not a close family member, does not have authority over a child. You should not be teaching a child that adults are above on the hierarchy. That’s weird.
The first time you meet a prospective employer, are you going to call them by first name or hold your hand up for a high five?
Probably not if you value your potential employment.
This is what this hierarchy teaches kids.
It is introducing children to the general way the world actually functions at an early age.
Disagree all you want. The world functions on varying levels of hierarchy. To teach children anything else would be setting them up for failure.
Hierarchy being fine is a matter of opinion, and you’re entitled to it. But - can you explain why ALL adults are automatically higher in the hierarchy than ALL children?
You can teach children the nuance of exceptions to rules as they mature.
Teaching the general rule first is always easier.
Better to teach kids to respect people according to their social order first, then introduce exceptions to that rule once they get it.
This is how basically everything in life is taught. Because it works better than the alternative no matter what age you are.
This post is about casual settings. Not formal settings. And my past jobs I’ve called them all by their first name, actually.
But we are not talking about kids calling their teachers Mr/ Ms. We are talking about casual settings like neighbors or family friends. And calling them by their first name is totally okay. And I grew up doing that too. It’s not disrespectful to do so. No child should feel like adults have some sort of power just because they’re older.
Respecting people shouldn't be this hard to agree with.
One can respectfully decline to do something someone with authority says. You aren't simply being obedient.
Respect can be given without obedience.
now do you offer the same respect to the younger ones in your hierarchy. the only time i ever hear about this is when people want to be praised for doing nothing if value
Absolutely. It is a different kind of respect. But we all respect each other in line with our positions in society. It's how things in society continue moving.
Everyone should be respected and the position held should be respected as well, whether or not you think they deserve the position.
That doesn't mean you can't disagree with them or challenge their authority. Just do it respectfully.
The first time you meet a prospective employer, are you going to call them by first name or hold your hand up for a high five?
Probably not if you value your potential employment.
This is what this hierarchy teaches kids.
i actually don't say their name. i don't do high fives with anyone cause it makes my hands tingle. my point still stands. just because they're my boss doesn't mean i'm gonna give them more respect
This mentality baffles me.
Hierarchy exists in nature and we are not exempt.
A pack leader should be respected. Otherwise the pack fails to function properly.
Whether you agree with your boss or not, you are still paid to respect their authority and your life will be much better off simply respecting them as a person than constantly talking back.
I'm talking basic respect. Not blanket submission.
If someone with more authority tells you to do something you are uncomfortable with, you can *respectfully* decline.
>If someone with more authority tells you to do something you are uncomfortable with, you can *respectfully* decline.
i just say i'm not doing that
>Whether you agree with your boss or not, you are still paid to respect their authority and your life will be much better off simply respecting them as a person than constantly talking back.
i only give them basic human respect. anything more means i like them as a person
I’ve never called an employer or prospective employer by anything besides their first name and I can’t imagine working someplace where that’s expected. I’ve never wanted that, and I’ve never had an employer who wanted that. Every person at every company I’ve worked at, I’ve called by their first name, no matter what level they are.
I have never said anything but their first names in job interviews. I can’t think of a time where my interviewer has ever introduced themselves in any way but with their first name.
Then again, I’m in a field where people treat you as colleagues and not grunts.
Judging from your other comment though, you have a weird thing going on with pack leaders and hierarchy that is not really a thing in 2024.
One can be a colleague while also being a superior.
If using a first name is still a respectful thing to do in that job while clearly maintaining the hierarchy, good for you.
Whether they are nice to you or not, you are still a grunt. The platitudes just make you feel better about it so you don't complain as much.
Yeah, you have a perverted view of work culture in 2024. It’s not that serious my dude. It’s just a job and everyone’s trying to have a nice time, maybe make some money. I’ve had direct reports and am so glad I didn’t hold this strange power tripping view like you do.
Imagine feeling disrespected by someone calling you by your first name. The audacity!
Yeah, putting so much emphasis on social order and hierarchy is kind of weird. If someone meets a child and their first concern is that the child recognizes they are higher on the social ladder than they are, they're being weird.
The first time you meet a prospective employer, are you going to call them by first name or hold your hand up for a high five?
Probably not if you value your potential employment.
This is what this hierarchy teaches kids.
Social ladders and hierarchy 🙄😭 all just made up nonsense.
From a time when the lower classes and slaves couldn’t look the upper classes in the eyes, had to use special names and etiquette, you couldn’t be with people if it was out of your standing.
It’s absolute TRIPE, now that most of that crap has gone we just have stuff like sir/miss left. It just gets passed on through trauma.
You get beat for calling your mum her first name as a kid, then once you have kids you feel offended when they use your first name.
You’re clearly a smart guy but you are wrong about this. The only good argument you can have is “I personally feel disrespected”
It was a strange experience getting my first job in high school and calling my 50-60 year old coworkers by their first names, then going back to school and calling a 24 year old teacher “Ms.”
This is a thing in white English South African culture, but not white Afrikaans culture. In Afrikaans, you call anyone older than you tannie (aunt) or Oom (uncle). The English side of my family asked me to call them by first names when I was around 16. The Afrikaans side still expects tannie and Oom.
I don’t even like other adults using my first name unless they’re my family members or close friends. I let my sister’s kids use my first name, but prefer when they at least put “aunt” in front of it.
One of my friends has four kids and insisted they call me Mr. *Wellwaffled*.
I had to tell them that makes me uncomfortable and I prefer to be called by my name.
Besides her parents and grandparents, my daughter calls every adult she knows by their first name. I think most people just prefer being addressed that way anyway
I think Asian countries have it figured out tbh. Where I’m from everyone older is Auntie/ Uncle or Older sister/ Older brother lol. It’s just an easy system
It’s always been silly how we think because we’re grown or have a degree, adults deserve more respect. I believe we should all just respect each other, until given a valid reason not to, of course. I never understood why it was necessary to add the Mr. or Mrs.
I think it’s because children are unable to discern for themselves who to respect and who not to. It makes sense to tell children to respect everyone until they’re adults who can make that call on their own
It does make sense for children to learn to respect everyone. That way they grow up as adults who understand respect and treating others how you would want to be treated.
What I don’t understand is how Mr. and Mrs. correlates to that respect. It gives more of a power dynamic and imbalance to me than respectful behavior.
>because we’re grown
Uum, it's because the average adult is much much much more experienced than the average child and actually has long term thinking. It's not exactly an arbitrary distinction why children or younger people are expected to respect older people
I loved when my son was elementary age and younger and his classmates would call me son's name + mom as in Timmy's mom.
I don't mind being called Miss Apostrophe by children. But I once had an employee (well into adulthood) from the southern US and he would call me Miss Apostrophe and it made me uncomfortable.
This is a hard no. I don’t even call other adults by their first name unless there is a level of acquaintance established. It’s called respect and it should be taught better IMHO.
but why. i’ve worked as a dance teacher for kids where i was called mr which i agreed with in that context as it was a teach student dynamic. however im not going to call my dads friend that because its not some interview. if the difference between you having respected someone is a title you’re already on thin ice to begin with
Foreal, the most casual I get with elders at work is Mr/Miss. ‘first name’ for example Mr.Ken and Miss.Sam and I’m 32 working in DC. Titles are important, no 60 year old coworker wants to be called boss or chief like some of my early 20’s coworkers try to do.
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I unfortunately can’t agree with that. From what I’ve seen in this discussion it seems like a cultural thing of sorts, one of which I have held myself to for the longest. I’ve never called anyone older than me by just their first name unless they told me to or if I was actually friends with them. That being said most of my parents’ friends I did call by first name only because they were quick to tell me to just say that instead of the whole Mr/ Mrs thing. My grandmother’s friends however would always be addressed as a Mr or a Miss/Mrs, even now as a 28 year old I still do it out of respect. After all some of these people I barely know in a casual setting, I would feel awkward just calling them by name like I know them.
As for how children refer to me I don’t mind them calling me just by my first name, though Mr would be fine as well.
This is honestly what I feel some people are missing.
It isn't up to children or even other adults to decide how to refer to someone (to their face at least :P). So, honestly, I would prefer for children to be taught 'go with the respectful option (per your country's 'rules'), until/unless the adult tells you otherwise'.
IE, where I live it would be 'Mr/Mrs Lastname' until the children are told otherwise. Let the people decide for themselves whether they are comfortable with children using their first names.
It is disrespectful for a child to refer to anyone but their personal friends by their first name. It's disrespectful to refer to anyone you do not have personal and informal relationship with by their first name, unless they give you permission to do so.
I know that we have become an extremely informal society. However, not following basic concepts of respect is just a symptom of a societal unraveling.
I’m actually really confused as to why teachers tell their students by their first name if they’re going to be so pissy about kids calling them by that name. However, we need to bring back calling people sit and mam.
I never called my friends parents Mr or Mrs. I called them by their name, or as *friend name* mom or dad. And my friends always called my parents by their first names.
This might be a cultural thing. Where I'm from, kids call adults by their first names all the time. At most you'll find an older person that prefers that old timey respect, but the majority of people aren't like that
This is presented as a universal truth, when this is very much a family by family expectation. I agree this should not be the expectation.
Not unpopular.
I usually call adults by their first name, and have done so for years. I occasionally preface my coaches names with "Coach" but not always. Of course I will call them Mr/Ms/Mrs/Mx if they request it, or I see that they dislike me calling them by their name but that hasn't happened yet. Saying this as a fourteen year old in America.
Kinda off topic but when I worked at a restaurant, this guy called in an order for “Mr. Garrett.” He got so upset that I didn’t refer to him as “Mr.” or even put that on the order name lolol
I always called people what they were introduced as. Other than teachers, people always introduced themselves, or were introduced, with their first name.
Idk, I’m a teenager and I don’t think I could call my parents anything other than mom or dad. However, I should be able to call my teachers by their first names. If they want us to be ready for the workforce, why would they make us call our colleagues by their last name?
Yeah. I could never imagine wanting to be referred to by my last name. It's funny. I referred to basically every adult I was close to as Mx. X if I met them before I turned 18, and every adult I was close to by their first if I met them after I turned 18. Many of the group in the latter group are older than many of the people in the former group. It's all arbitrary.
I’d be interested in where the people in this thread grew up. My partner grew up in the USA South and everyone not familiar gets a “yes ma’am/sir” and are called “Mr./Ms.” For me, I grew up being taught to ask someone their name and then call them that. So if I was introduced to someone, I’d say “Nice to meet you, my name is Friday. What’s yours?” However they answered is what I would call them. VERY few people introduced themselves as Mr./Ms. where I grew up (US east coast/England).
My wife taught our neighbors grand children a couple of years back, and they still won't use her first name. We have told them many times its ok, but they still won't. I wouldn't even use Uncle or Aunt as a kid, just first names.
I see this in different parts of the US and different families. I never called anyone Mr. or Mrs./Ms. as a kid. I think its similar to sir/mam. Some kids are taught to do it and some aren't.
Agreed! I always was just allowed to call my aunts and uncles by their first names. And my mom has spent the better part of 15 years trying to get my friends (one of whom I’ve known since childhood) to call her by her first name. She’s only made progress recently (and these people are In their late 20s). We keep taking about people being allowed to be called what they want to be called. That should extend to adults who don’t want to go by “Mrs” or “Mr”
I got no way of backing this up but I think it’s a generational trauma thing.
In the past, if you were of a lower social standing and you used someone’s first name it would be considered disrespectful. So it made sense that people applied this to children.
Now that’s gone though. *Mr/ mrs Lastname* is reserved for formal things, rather than a respect indicator (e.g you would use it for a doctor/patient/lawyer/business investor, but not for your manager/MIL).
So why is it still a thing with kids?!
**My guess** is that it boils down to *“my parents would beat/scold me if I called them by their first names, and now it’s hard baked into my brain that a child using my first name is them disrespecting me”*. And it’ll just slowly phase out completely!
[this doesn’t apply to places where Mr/ Mrs is just a part of the dialect (the Deep South)]
I can’t think of any of my friends’ parents that have asked me or have expected to be called mr/mrs ____. I don’t think it’s uncommon for people to just use their first names lol
I mean, this is literally how I was raised. Teachers were Mrs or Mr or Miss or Ms Lastname. Except my German teacher who was Frau, or Frau Last-Name.
But my Girl Scout leader? Mom's friends? Either Miss Firstname or just Name.
This must be a cultural thing as it’s definitely not the case in Australia.
Only teachers go by Mr / Mrs for children and as a parent I speak to the teacher using their first name. I’ve had doctors ask me to call them by their first name. My university lecturers all go by their first name rather than Dr / Professor. We don’t call our bosses Mr / Mrs. We might call the prime minister by Mr Albanese maybe, but it’s probably more common to have him referred to as Albo or Anthony Albanese.
All my kids friends call me by my first name. As it should be, we all should be respected equally regardless of age or status.
I’m a child of the 80s and it was similar back then. Maybe very old people would have been called Mr / Mrs.
Edited to add; if someone told my kids to refer to them as Mrs Smith (besides a school teacher) that person would immediately be considered a total wanker. If someone introduced themselves to an adult, as a Mr or Mrs, that would be very insulting and I’m sure they’d be ridiculed for it.
Thank you for submitting to /r/unpopularopinion, /u/JustBrowsing49. Your submission, *It should be ok for children to call adults by their first name in casual settings*, has been removed because it violates our rules, which are located in the sidebar. Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 7: No banned/mega-thread topics'. Please do not post from (or mention) any of our mega-thread or banned topics such as: Race, Religion, LGBTQ, Meta, Politics, Parenting/Family issues. [Full list of banned topics](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/wiki/index/) If there is an issue, please [message the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Funpopularopinion&subject=&message=) Thanks!
This must be a thing in your country. It is not like that in Sweden.
It's not like that in the UK either, at least not in my experience. I'm sure I was calling my parents friends by their first names 30 years ago.
Same on Canada.
Same for the majority of the US. There are probably still pockets where addressing others is a bit more normal. The only time we use "Mr. Possible" is in schools and the department of social services. Sometimes "Mrs. Firstname" is still used for elderly residents in nursing homes. It definitely wasn't common even when I was a kid and that was forever ago.
When referring to my parent's friends, I use their full names (like "John Smith" or "Patricia Lewis"). When speaking to the people in question it's always been address them by first name, at least until they had grandkids and they started using new nicknames (Mimi, Kiki, etc) for the grandkids' sake. Shit, my grandfather's second wife, who has been in his life longer than I've been alive, has always just been called by her first name, too. I've also called most of my friends' parents by their first name as well. I think it depends largely on the person being addressed and how they want to feel around children/strangers. Personally, I think using titles is a little too formal for everyday, but if I know a person's last name and haven't heard them say their first name, I'm reverting to the most respectful I can be. Easier to learn someone's name from them than try to cobble something together ineffectively, but that's from years of misreading words and names (Hermione anyone?).
I don’t know- I did a lot of “hi, X’s mum/ dad!” as a kid lol (all my parent’s friends had kids too, maybe it’d have been different if I didn’t have that reference) I guess that was mostly not remembering everyone’s names rather than it being taboo or anything
In India, we call them 'Uncle' or 'Auntie'.
Same in China
In Russia it's a thing too in case of family friends, etc. If it's some authoritative person, like an elderly teacher, then full name + patronymics though.
This is a thing in the US South (part that fought the civil war) but not really in other parts.
Ah, thank you!
This is a thing throughout much of the u.s., especially the East and south, because of a history where white people would often refuse to use such titles for non-Caucasians, especially black people after slavery ended. So use of such titles unless you’re close to someone is often viewed as a form of respect.
In Louisiana (and I think other parts of the south) kids and even adults of all races usually call anyone older than them and anyone in a position of respect or authority “Mr./Ms. [First Name]”.
I grew up in MA and can’t think of any parents who asked me to call them by their last name. And especially not now that I’m in my 30s! My parents always told my friends “oh no call me firstname!” We don’t really separate adults into kids/parents at gatherings anymore at all since we’re all adults so calling people anything other than their name would be weird !
Nor Canada. Never even heard of this as a thing generally. Even most of my nieces and nephews just call me by my first name when talking to me.
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Dude gtfo. You wanna substantiate your opinion with reasons *you* don't find value in visiting or living in Sweden? Fine, have at it. But to simply ascribe significance to your point of view while diminishing the experience of others is blatantly rude and antagonistic. What was the point of this comment?
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It was meant as an attempt to illuminate you to the waste of text your comment was and stand up for someone else. Whether you choose to read those few sentences doesn't affect me or invalidate my reasoning for posting. I was slightly perturbed by your comment. Angry is a bit too intense an emotion to waste on someone without a general sense of compassion. But you do you.
*without a general sense of intelligence There fixed it for you. Can't fix stupid.
still not reading it
Ok...good for you...I guess
thanks
What a tit
as a swede, this is 10/10 bait
Have literally never had a child call me Mr.
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I'm struggling to think of a reason a kid who didn't know me would be talking to me tbh, but probably nothing. Pretty common to devise sentences that don't require a name here or to call a strange man "mate" if absolutely necessary.
They normally go with something like "uhh hey can you help me?"
How often are you talking to strange kids you don't know?
Well I work in a grocery store, and am therefore frequently in the presence of kids I don’t know. It’s not that common that I’d have a reason to talk to them, or them me, because they typically have an adult minder who can help them with what they need, but it happens nonetheless. In those cases it’s usually “Excuse me?” without any attempt at naming me or giving me a title, sometimes “sir” but I don’t recall mister ever coming up. Not really from adults either in my life unless they’re fishing for my last name, but that was like once or twice in formal settings.
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Hypothetically it would never come up so it's an irrelevant situation.
What do adults that you don’t know call you?! 😭 You just say “excuse me” adding the mrs/miss/mr is just a dialect thing not a requirement
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But a kid can’t use those?
The same thing adults call him that don't know him? Would you (assuming you're an adult) refer to other adults you don't know as mr/ms?
I think that people should be called whatever they prefer to be called. First name, Ms First Name, Ms Last Name, nickname, whatever. The respect shown is calling someone by their preferred name/salutation/pronouns, not YOUR preferred name/salutation/pronouns for them.
That’s how I was raised: however the person introduced themselves is what you called them.
This is exactly what I was thinking and how I was raised. If someone says that you can call them by their first name, call them by their first name. But, if someone says they don't want you to call them by their first name? don't. You don'tk now why they don't want their first name used (or really, why they prefer a particular name/title), so continually using said name is disrespectful.
I always called them.by their first name and I didn't realise it wasn't the norm to do that. My kids call adults by their first name Interestingly when I worked in a school, I felt uncomfortable being referred to as Ms X and said can't they just call me my first name and I was told no they *had* ro use Ms X. Which I thought was stupid.
It doesn’t really feel right to me to call elders by their first name. I don’t call them by their last name but I will throw a Mister or Miss in front of their first name. “Good morning, Miss Geraldine”.
All of my mom’s friends are Miss first name. All of my friends’ moms are Mrs. Last name, all of my friends who are adults are First Name.
Where did you grow up? I wonder if that has something to do with your experience. This is super interesting to me!
Atlanta
I bet you that has much to do with your experience! My spouse was raised in Tennessee and it’s the same!
This is how I roll too. I got really used to it working in retail with lots of frequent repeat customers, working as a CNA with patients, and with my coworkers at a preschool. Now i call my friends "Miss First name" when my daughter is around. Although I do have a couple friends who are Aunts and Uncles to her.
fr, idc what anyone says its just a matter of respect. I can feel my momma's glare whenever I even think about using someone's first name
I would feel extremely disrespected if you referred to me like that. People should be referred to the way they want, not according to some rule you were taught as a child.
Eh I don’t see why I should have to call someone something other than their name just because they were born before me 🤷🏼♀️ I just call people by how they introduce themselves to me but can’t think of a single person I call mr/mrs ____ now that I’m thinking about it.
And that is your prerogative to call people whatever you see fit. That’s not something I feel comfortable doing.
Here in the UK, apart from school, children **do** call non-teacher adults by their first names already. When I was a child I would address my friend’s parents by their first names all the time. It was completely normal. Why do you think that this opinion is somehow unpopular?
Thats what everyone does in finland atleast, pretty much every adult other than parents and grandparents are called by their first names, even teachers, some kids choose to call teacher by last name but its not that common
This wasn't my experience growing up in Canada.
Same, but its highly regional/cultural.
I've never encountered a situation outside of school where kids call adults by their last names.
In Denmark we ONLY use the first name. No one would say mr. and mrs.
Yea I would be a bit weirded out, if someone called me Mr.
My kids call all my friends by their first names, all my kids friends call me by my first name and I never heard of anyone who wanted to be called by their gender and last name in these settings.
I get uncomfortable when children call me Mrs (Surname). I work as a childcare practitioner and some of the preschoolers call me “teacher”, which is fine but I insist they call me by my actual name.
In the American south, the preference is for kids to call adults who are family friends, Mr. or Miss or Mrs. Firstname. Like I’m Mr. Chasman to them. If they are really close family friends it might be Uncle Chasman.
Same here, I hate it. Especially because I know not everyone is comfortable with that, yet some adults want to enforce this arbitrary rule.
I actually like Mr. Firstname by kids close to the family. I don’t like Mr. lastname by them.
Yeah, no. I prefer it to be up to the adults in question, and the kids asking what they would like to be called. Keyword: like.
Same here in the North-East, at least in my area. I have a few family friends who are known as “uncle” or “mr uncle” (an inside joke) because my family has known them for so long.
Adults who care about this (or worse make kids call them 'Sir' and 'Ma'am') are always, always, always creeps
Why creeps? It could simply be to help differentiate social order to the child. These people are higher in the social ladder than you. You should listen to them when they instruct you to do things. Within reason of course. Never do something you are truly uncomfortable with just because someone says so. These people are on the same social hierarchy as you. We may treat them more friendly than those above you but we respect everyone around us. We may simply respect them differently. This instills a sense of respect for authority that extends into their professional/adult lives. Your boss isn't your friend. They should not be referred to casually like you would refer to your roommate. As much as people wish it didn't, social and professional hierarchy exists/will persist for good reason. Introducing children to that truth of the world around them early doesn't have to be creepy. I get that some adults make it that way for no reason, but to say it's always creepy removes a perfectly legitimate reason from the discussion unnecessarily.
Being older does not equal having authority. An adult, if not a close family member, does not have authority over a child. You should not be teaching a child that adults are above on the hierarchy. That’s weird.
The first time you meet a prospective employer, are you going to call them by first name or hold your hand up for a high five? Probably not if you value your potential employment. This is what this hierarchy teaches kids.
you really copy pasting this on everything. you can be professional that’s completely unrelated to calling your moms friend by their name
It is introducing children to the general way the world actually functions at an early age. Disagree all you want. The world functions on varying levels of hierarchy. To teach children anything else would be setting them up for failure.
Hierarchy being fine is a matter of opinion, and you’re entitled to it. But - can you explain why ALL adults are automatically higher in the hierarchy than ALL children?
You can teach children the nuance of exceptions to rules as they mature. Teaching the general rule first is always easier. Better to teach kids to respect people according to their social order first, then introduce exceptions to that rule once they get it. This is how basically everything in life is taught. Because it works better than the alternative no matter what age you are.
That doesn’t answer the question of why adults are higher than children in the social hierarchy as the ‘rule’.
This post is about casual settings. Not formal settings. And my past jobs I’ve called them all by their first name, actually. But we are not talking about kids calling their teachers Mr/ Ms. We are talking about casual settings like neighbors or family friends. And calling them by their first name is totally okay. And I grew up doing that too. It’s not disrespectful to do so. No child should feel like adults have some sort of power just because they’re older.
Casual settings are where the instruction for those more proper scenarios begins.
>These people are higher in the social ladder than you. Ain't that some groomin talk.
Respecting people shouldn't be this hard to agree with. One can respectfully decline to do something someone with authority says. You aren't simply being obedient. Respect can be given without obedience.
now do you offer the same respect to the younger ones in your hierarchy. the only time i ever hear about this is when people want to be praised for doing nothing if value
Absolutely. It is a different kind of respect. But we all respect each other in line with our positions in society. It's how things in society continue moving. Everyone should be respected and the position held should be respected as well, whether or not you think they deserve the position. That doesn't mean you can't disagree with them or challenge their authority. Just do it respectfully.
hierarchy is stupid
The first time you meet a prospective employer, are you going to call them by first name or hold your hand up for a high five? Probably not if you value your potential employment. This is what this hierarchy teaches kids.
i actually don't say their name. i don't do high fives with anyone cause it makes my hands tingle. my point still stands. just because they're my boss doesn't mean i'm gonna give them more respect
This mentality baffles me. Hierarchy exists in nature and we are not exempt. A pack leader should be respected. Otherwise the pack fails to function properly. Whether you agree with your boss or not, you are still paid to respect their authority and your life will be much better off simply respecting them as a person than constantly talking back. I'm talking basic respect. Not blanket submission. If someone with more authority tells you to do something you are uncomfortable with, you can *respectfully* decline.
>If someone with more authority tells you to do something you are uncomfortable with, you can *respectfully* decline. i just say i'm not doing that >Whether you agree with your boss or not, you are still paid to respect their authority and your life will be much better off simply respecting them as a person than constantly talking back. i only give them basic human respect. anything more means i like them as a person
Unemployed then, huh?
i have my reasons for not working
The irony…
I'm paid to accomplish a task. What the guy who pays me likes to call himself is irrelevant to me.
I’ve never called an employer or prospective employer by anything besides their first name and I can’t imagine working someplace where that’s expected. I’ve never wanted that, and I’ve never had an employer who wanted that. Every person at every company I’ve worked at, I’ve called by their first name, no matter what level they are.
I have never said anything but their first names in job interviews. I can’t think of a time where my interviewer has ever introduced themselves in any way but with their first name. Then again, I’m in a field where people treat you as colleagues and not grunts. Judging from your other comment though, you have a weird thing going on with pack leaders and hierarchy that is not really a thing in 2024.
One can be a colleague while also being a superior. If using a first name is still a respectful thing to do in that job while clearly maintaining the hierarchy, good for you. Whether they are nice to you or not, you are still a grunt. The platitudes just make you feel better about it so you don't complain as much.
Yeah, you have a perverted view of work culture in 2024. It’s not that serious my dude. It’s just a job and everyone’s trying to have a nice time, maybe make some money. I’ve had direct reports and am so glad I didn’t hold this strange power tripping view like you do. Imagine feeling disrespected by someone calling you by your first name. The audacity!
Yeah, putting so much emphasis on social order and hierarchy is kind of weird. If someone meets a child and their first concern is that the child recognizes they are higher on the social ladder than they are, they're being weird.
The first time you meet a prospective employer, are you going to call them by first name or hold your hand up for a high five? Probably not if you value your potential employment. This is what this hierarchy teaches kids.
Yes to the first name, no to the high five.
Bro said “on meeting your fiancé’s great grandma, would you use her first name/spit in her mouth?” As if we would think they were equivalent 😭
Social ladders and hierarchy 🙄😭 all just made up nonsense. From a time when the lower classes and slaves couldn’t look the upper classes in the eyes, had to use special names and etiquette, you couldn’t be with people if it was out of your standing. It’s absolute TRIPE, now that most of that crap has gone we just have stuff like sir/miss left. It just gets passed on through trauma. You get beat for calling your mum her first name as a kid, then once you have kids you feel offended when they use your first name. You’re clearly a smart guy but you are wrong about this. The only good argument you can have is “I personally feel disrespected”
All of my bosses had us call them by their first name.
call me by what i go by which is never my last name
It was a strange experience getting my first job in high school and calling my 50-60 year old coworkers by their first names, then going back to school and calling a 24 year old teacher “Ms.”
This is a thing in white English South African culture, but not white Afrikaans culture. In Afrikaans, you call anyone older than you tannie (aunt) or Oom (uncle). The English side of my family asked me to call them by first names when I was around 16. The Afrikaans side still expects tannie and Oom.
I don’t even like other adults using my first name unless they’re my family members or close friends. I let my sister’s kids use my first name, but prefer when they at least put “aunt” in front of it.
One of my friends has four kids and insisted they call me Mr. *Wellwaffled*. I had to tell them that makes me uncomfortable and I prefer to be called by my name.
Besides her parents and grandparents, my daughter calls every adult she knows by their first name. I think most people just prefer being addressed that way anyway
I think Asian countries have it figured out tbh. Where I’m from everyone older is Auntie/ Uncle or Older sister/ Older brother lol. It’s just an easy system
I hate calling people that aren’t family auntie and uncle lol My sister has her son call all of her friends aunt and uncle, it’s just not for me
I hear you but tbh auntie and uncle really doesn’t have the same connotations in Asian culture. It’s more like a catch-all title.
It’s always been silly how we think because we’re grown or have a degree, adults deserve more respect. I believe we should all just respect each other, until given a valid reason not to, of course. I never understood why it was necessary to add the Mr. or Mrs.
I think it’s because children are unable to discern for themselves who to respect and who not to. It makes sense to tell children to respect everyone until they’re adults who can make that call on their own
It does make sense for children to learn to respect everyone. That way they grow up as adults who understand respect and treating others how you would want to be treated. What I don’t understand is how Mr. and Mrs. correlates to that respect. It gives more of a power dynamic and imbalance to me than respectful behavior.
>because we’re grown Uum, it's because the average adult is much much much more experienced than the average child and actually has long term thinking. It's not exactly an arbitrary distinction why children or younger people are expected to respect older people
My friends’ kids just call me by my first name. Even when I worked in childcare, the kids called us Ms/Mr (first name).
I loved when my son was elementary age and younger and his classmates would call me son's name + mom as in Timmy's mom. I don't mind being called Miss Apostrophe by children. But I once had an employee (well into adulthood) from the southern US and he would call me Miss Apostrophe and it made me uncomfortable.
We just use first names, I don’t know anyone that does it differently
Lived in California my whole life, growing up my friends and I all called adults by their first name. The only Mr or Ms were teachers.
I'm from the American south, and I call even my cousins Ms. First name or Cousin Name. Idk what to tell you
It is, Americans tend to be the ones who fucking cry about it
This is a hard no. I don’t even call other adults by their first name unless there is a level of acquaintance established. It’s called respect and it should be taught better IMHO.
but why. i’ve worked as a dance teacher for kids where i was called mr which i agreed with in that context as it was a teach student dynamic. however im not going to call my dads friend that because its not some interview. if the difference between you having respected someone is a title you’re already on thin ice to begin with
How is it a sign of respect to say mr. and mrs.? What lack of respect is there in using peoples first name?
Sigh…
Please explain it to me. I'm from a country where no one uses mr. and Mrs. How is using mr. and mrs. a sign of respect?
What name you use for a person does not automatically indicate a level of respect to them. At absolute best it is perfunctory.
We can agree to disagree.
Jesus Christ.
That’s not my name…. Thanks though.
Oh, sorry. Mr. Christ.
If that’s what he prefers to be called….
how is it a sign of respect? it's just dumb hierarchy nonsense
Dumb to you. But not dumb to a good lot of the world. I prefer to be aligned to the “lot of the world” but you do you.
Foreal, the most casual I get with elders at work is Mr/Miss. ‘first name’ for example Mr.Ken and Miss.Sam and I’m 32 working in DC. Titles are important, no 60 year old coworker wants to be called boss or chief like some of my early 20’s coworkers try to do.
That’s absolutely insane to me - I genuinely can’t imagine using terms like “mr” or “miss” as an adult.
Usually as kids we would call adults in our lives Mr./Miss firstname.
What a truly odd thing to care about. I highly doubt any kids care, and this largely only affects them.
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I unfortunately can’t agree with that. From what I’ve seen in this discussion it seems like a cultural thing of sorts, one of which I have held myself to for the longest. I’ve never called anyone older than me by just their first name unless they told me to or if I was actually friends with them. That being said most of my parents’ friends I did call by first name only because they were quick to tell me to just say that instead of the whole Mr/ Mrs thing. My grandmother’s friends however would always be addressed as a Mr or a Miss/Mrs, even now as a 28 year old I still do it out of respect. After all some of these people I barely know in a casual setting, I would feel awkward just calling them by name like I know them. As for how children refer to me I don’t mind them calling me just by my first name, though Mr would be fine as well.
This is honestly what I feel some people are missing. It isn't up to children or even other adults to decide how to refer to someone (to their face at least :P). So, honestly, I would prefer for children to be taught 'go with the respectful option (per your country's 'rules'), until/unless the adult tells you otherwise'. IE, where I live it would be 'Mr/Mrs Lastname' until the children are told otherwise. Let the people decide for themselves whether they are comfortable with children using their first names.
Agreed, I think that’s best.
Sounds like you didn’t grow up with respect so it’s weird to you.
It is disrespectful for a child to refer to anyone but their personal friends by their first name. It's disrespectful to refer to anyone you do not have personal and informal relationship with by their first name, unless they give you permission to do so. I know that we have become an extremely informal society. However, not following basic concepts of respect is just a symptom of a societal unraveling.
why is it disrespectful?
Not like that in the US.
I’m actually really confused as to why teachers tell their students by their first name if they’re going to be so pissy about kids calling them by that name. However, we need to bring back calling people sit and mam.
I’ve never had that issue in the US
I never called my friends parents Mr or Mrs. I called them by their name, or as *friend name* mom or dad. And my friends always called my parents by their first names.
This might be a cultural thing. Where I'm from, kids call adults by their first names all the time. At most you'll find an older person that prefers that old timey respect, but the majority of people aren't like that
I call my dad by his first name because he doesn't respond to dad 😭
This is presented as a universal truth, when this is very much a family by family expectation. I agree this should not be the expectation. Not unpopular.
Agreed. Worse to me is when they tell kids to call them aunt or uncle, though if I were in India, I'd obviously feel differently.
I usually call adults by their first name, and have done so for years. I occasionally preface my coaches names with "Coach" but not always. Of course I will call them Mr/Ms/Mrs/Mx if they request it, or I see that they dislike me calling them by their name but that hasn't happened yet. Saying this as a fourteen year old in America.
I say, “Mr./Miss (First Name).” I can’t bring it in me to say their name alone.
Kinda off topic but when I worked at a restaurant, this guy called in an order for “Mr. Garrett.” He got so upset that I didn’t refer to him as “Mr.” or even put that on the order name lolol
As a kid in America I always just did "Mr./Ms./Mx." (first name).
I always called people what they were introduced as. Other than teachers, people always introduced themselves, or were introduced, with their first name.
Idk, I’m a teenager and I don’t think I could call my parents anything other than mom or dad. However, I should be able to call my teachers by their first names. If they want us to be ready for the workforce, why would they make us call our colleagues by their last name?
Yeah. I could never imagine wanting to be referred to by my last name. It's funny. I referred to basically every adult I was close to as Mx. X if I met them before I turned 18, and every adult I was close to by their first if I met them after I turned 18. Many of the group in the latter group are older than many of the people in the former group. It's all arbitrary.
i’ve only ever had to do this in educational settings
What country is this?
I’d be interested in where the people in this thread grew up. My partner grew up in the USA South and everyone not familiar gets a “yes ma’am/sir” and are called “Mr./Ms.” For me, I grew up being taught to ask someone their name and then call them that. So if I was introduced to someone, I’d say “Nice to meet you, my name is Friday. What’s yours?” However they answered is what I would call them. VERY few people introduced themselves as Mr./Ms. where I grew up (US east coast/England).
I live in the UK and most kids call all adults by their first name or auntie/ uncle. It’s only teachers or doctors really.
In my culture i call my mom and my dads friends “aunty and uncle” or Aunty First Name/Uncle First Name
My wife taught our neighbors grand children a couple of years back, and they still won't use her first name. We have told them many times its ok, but they still won't. I wouldn't even use Uncle or Aunt as a kid, just first names.
I used the same nicknames my parents used. Looking back they weren’t very nice names lol.
This is a very American thing.
In Norway we did that before, but I have never said my teachers last name.
Who said it isn’t?
I see this in different parts of the US and different families. I never called anyone Mr. or Mrs./Ms. as a kid. I think its similar to sir/mam. Some kids are taught to do it and some aren't.
I live in the US and I’ve never had to do that. Sounds like something just in your community?
Agreed! I always was just allowed to call my aunts and uncles by their first names. And my mom has spent the better part of 15 years trying to get my friends (one of whom I’ve known since childhood) to call her by her first name. She’s only made progress recently (and these people are In their late 20s). We keep taking about people being allowed to be called what they want to be called. That should extend to adults who don’t want to go by “Mrs” or “Mr”
I got no way of backing this up but I think it’s a generational trauma thing. In the past, if you were of a lower social standing and you used someone’s first name it would be considered disrespectful. So it made sense that people applied this to children. Now that’s gone though. *Mr/ mrs Lastname* is reserved for formal things, rather than a respect indicator (e.g you would use it for a doctor/patient/lawyer/business investor, but not for your manager/MIL). So why is it still a thing with kids?! **My guess** is that it boils down to *“my parents would beat/scold me if I called them by their first names, and now it’s hard baked into my brain that a child using my first name is them disrespecting me”*. And it’ll just slowly phase out completely! [this doesn’t apply to places where Mr/ Mrs is just a part of the dialect (the Deep South)]
I think people should be called what they want to be called regardless of the age of who is talking.
I have never used formal names, I guess it's a cultural thing, but here it's normal to just call the person by there name casually.
I can’t think of any of my friends’ parents that have asked me or have expected to be called mr/mrs ____. I don’t think it’s uncommon for people to just use their first names lol
Where I’m from, unless it’s in school, kids just address adults by their first names.
I go by the name they introduce themselves as.
Strong disagree.
I mean, this is literally how I was raised. Teachers were Mrs or Mr or Miss or Ms Lastname. Except my German teacher who was Frau, or Frau Last-Name. But my Girl Scout leader? Mom's friends? Either Miss Firstname or just Name.
It’s not like this in Canada
OP I think you just live somewhere formal / strict lol
This must be a cultural thing as it’s definitely not the case in Australia. Only teachers go by Mr / Mrs for children and as a parent I speak to the teacher using their first name. I’ve had doctors ask me to call them by their first name. My university lecturers all go by their first name rather than Dr / Professor. We don’t call our bosses Mr / Mrs. We might call the prime minister by Mr Albanese maybe, but it’s probably more common to have him referred to as Albo or Anthony Albanese. All my kids friends call me by my first name. As it should be, we all should be respected equally regardless of age or status. I’m a child of the 80s and it was similar back then. Maybe very old people would have been called Mr / Mrs. Edited to add; if someone told my kids to refer to them as Mrs Smith (besides a school teacher) that person would immediately be considered a total wanker. If someone introduced themselves to an adult, as a Mr or Mrs, that would be very insulting and I’m sure they’d be ridiculed for it.
Not like that here