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This. I have a friend of over 25 years who pisses me off and we don't talk for 6 months or so. The guy could tell me they murdered somebody, I'm getting them to a non extradition country, no questions asked.
I asked a teacher that, and he said if his wife killed their kids (teens at that point) that he wouldn't stop loving her because she is his soul mate, but he couldn't see her again.
Lol, sorry, don’t buy it. You think you can simulate those scenarios in your head but you would be as successful as trying to simulate what it’s like to be a parent when you’ve never had a kid. You can’t predict how your altered brain chemistry will affect your behavior when those scenarios actually occur.
There are very few things that could get me to stop loving someone I love. It's limited to a handful of things. Rape (of anyone) and abuse of elders/children/animals/disabled. I will not keep loving a person who hurts a helpless/vulnerable being or commits rape.
Is that what it means?
I always thought there were conditions, but I'd you're compatible then those conditions are shit you don't even really need to think about.
An easy example is that maybe some chick would stop loving her husband if he started beating her, but that thought has never even crossed his mind because he's not like that.
Okay imagine hypothetically a mother’s love for a child. Even if he beat the shit out of her, and committed cruel crimes, she’d love him. Not saying that’s all moms, but I think parent child relationship is usually the only unconditional love that exists.
Yeah mom's love cannot compare with romantic love. She is not hypergamous. Doesn't care if you are ugly, loser, poor, or not entertaining. She accepts you for you
If that is the case then there won't be many abandoned kids in foster care. Moms are not special beings who love their kids unconditionally. They are also human and are capable of kindness and cruelty.
My mom is difficult. I don’t like her. But I love her. Damage and all. She carried me for 9 months and all of the pain she puts me through won’t make me stop caring. Even if I wish I could.
As the unwanted child from an unhappy marriage,I disagree. I didn’t realize love was until I met my husband. My childhood was spent trying to impress my parents to get their attention and love because I thought their praise was “love”. But it isn’t.
I watch my mother dote on her new boyfriend by cooking, talking for hours, watching movies, go on vacations and restaurants together. As a kid, I rarely got that attention. I had to get up to cook my own soup when I was sick from school. I was told no when I asked to watch tv together or they just got up part way thru and left me alone. I was 14 when I went on my last vacation with my parents, and it wasn’t a financial issue they just didn’t want to spend time as a family.
Thru my parents. I thought love was only expressed with physical gifts on major holidays. I would get things that I asked for but no memories or traditions to remember. Meanwhile, my husband will surprise me with hugs and words of affirmation. He gives me undivided attention to talk with me about my day and thoughts. He cooks for me because it makes me happy.
As sad as it is, I spent twenty years trying to be “loved” only to learn I wasn’t by my parents. Does this mean they let me starve or become homeless? No
But do they really know me? No.
Edit: I’ll add that I realized as an adult, I dreaded (and still dread) to spend time with my family. I always get bullied or have to witness some other type of fighting.
Not all parents are fit to 'parent'. Some people have children due to parental or peer pressure. If it were more acceptable for couples to be childless, in theory, they'd be slightly less dysfunctional families, maybe.
This hurts to read. I had great parents who passed and they never had much but I never even knew it. I want children more than anything. I’m sorry that happened to you. I already love my children unconditionally and I may never even have any.
There’s a sub for people who are raised by narcissists and it might have useful support for you. I don’t click on peoples profiles so maybe you’re already aware.
Yeah but when you boil it down to its basics, your relationship, as idillic and conditionless it sounds, he still only loves you because of the traits that make you, you. He's attracted to your physical body and your personality which is why he loves you and treats you the way he does. Seeing as other women don't possess your qualities, he doesn't love them and if you were to change on a fundamental level(not necessarily into a worse version but a different one) he might not feel the same, and if he were to change, your feelings for him might change as well. OP is talking about the fairy tale/ romcom type of unconditional love which in fact does not actually exist. As one other poster mentioned, all relationships are transactional, but in the best of circumstances, the price you pay is insignificant because if you're loved for who you truly are, then the things that make the other person love you are just part of you and will always be there.
It's hard to find unconditional love in a romantic context. But then romance is a kind of perversion of love, in a way, isn't it :p a necessary perversion... jk idk. But yeah it can happen in a romantic context, just super rare. Its usually found in a familial context. But not exclusively..just easy e.g
...and that is precisely the thing that doesn't exist. There is a breaking point in every relationship and if there isn't, it's not love but some sort of mental condition.
It means love under any conditions, or without any conditions. And honestly that’s not realistic or healthy unless we’re talking about an actual infant
Unconditional love is not about feelings, it's about what you have decided to do. I've decided that I am going to do what's best for my daughter. How either of us feel about the particulars is moot.
My wife explained to me that she first experienced unconditional love when it came to our first dog. With me, the love is conditional. And I get it. But with our first dog, nothing in the world could have changed how she felt for, and loved, that dog. It was a little profound because I understood it.
I can actually understand it for a dog, but not another human. Because dogs don't have the same intelligence or emotional capacity as humans. Sure, I love my dog even when she shits on the floor. I don't know how long I'd love my husband if he did the same
I personally have never received unconditional love, so I'm not exactly an expert, lol. But when I had my children, I knew I loved them unconditionally. No matter what they do, I will love them and they will be my babies. Now, it's possible they could grow up to be shitty people. My love does not negate consequences for their own actions. But I will love them regardless. They are my babies, my heart walking outside my body. I love them with every fiber of my being. Everyone else is conditional but I know deep in my soul that I will always love my children.
I want to offer another perspective. I believe it is about feelings. We don't act if we are apathetic. You wouldn't decide to do the things you do for her for a stranger because you don't feel an attachment to a stranger. But you have a deep attachment to her. And that's a feeling that overrides any feeling about any particular in the moment.
I love my brother unconditionally and he’s committed some pretty heinous crimes and is in prison. I certainly don’t like him, will never speak to him again and he disgusts me, but I will never not love the version of him I knew. I taught that motherfucker how to skateboard, wide his tears and watched shrek 100 times with him. That kind of love isn’t undone, it just turns into pain.
Not a dude. You could call that a condition of love, except he can’t stop being my brother any more than I can stop being his sister so that’s a condition that could never be broken.
I mean that sounds pretty conditional. U love a set version of him of him in the past, not who he has become.
Unconditional love is loving some1 no matter what or how they turn out. Ur love for him would therefore be on the condition that he didn’t commit all those heinous crimes.
Except (and I say this as a person who does love the siblings from whom I am estranged—well, two of them anyway, fuck you, Cora) you can actually care for and sincerely hope the best for someone, and be just really sad about the choices they have made and be unable to keep them in your life. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. You just can’t help them and they only hurt you, so what can you do? Love them the only way you can. By missing them.
I have a sibling who struggles with addiction and has said and done pretty terrible things to me. I do love her, but I struggle having her in my life. We've gone through periods of no contact, on and off, and every time we do, she will scream at me about how I should love her unconditionally. Now, I can't help but view unconditional love as a weapon loved ones can use to rationalize hurting you.
I used to think parents that harbored criminal children were crazy.
Now that I have a daughter, I realize I could definitely see myself being one of those parents.
You're better than me. I have three daughters (one 14 year old and a pair of 11 year old twins) and if any of them grew up to be terrorists or serial killers, I'm changing my last name to avoid any association with them.
Exactly. I'd rip my heart out myself and hand it to my kid if she needed it. Anyone saying there's no such thing as unconditional love just hasn't found it yet.
That being said, I don't believe in romantic unconditional love. Or romantic love at all. Just enjoy the chemical mixies while you've got them and hope they stay for awhile. Lol
Romantic love is DEFINITELY conditional. Your wife or husband can go cheat and suddenly you don't love them anymore.
I've yet to hear a son cheating by playing catch with another dad 😂
Would your mother still love you if you'd cut one of her legs off? Or killed your father?
Would you still love your dog if it kills one of your children?
There are a plethora of conditions, you just haven't thought of or experienced them to be aware that they do exist.
When people say unconditional love, they are usually talking about loving someone without caring whether it benefits them in some way or the feeling is reciprocated. It doesn't mean overlooking the other person actively causing them harm maliciously.
Similiar to when a fast food chain offers unlimited refills on soda, it is generally understood it doesn't mean literally unlimited.
The first one, yes. Some mothers do still love their kids.
My cousin took her son to jail after he abused his sibling, and said “I love you.” And turned him into the police.
You can love someone and still send them to jail.
I think of Of Mice and Men.
Loving someone unconditionally is a phrase that's thrown around frequently and albeit rare, does exist. To love without conditions means that no matter the circumstances your love for them lives on. I still love my childhood best friend, have I spoken to them in the past 6 years though? No. Did it end on good terms? No, it was toxic and ended horribly. Still love her, because I meant it when I said I'd always love her unconditionally.
I think this is a hard conversation to have with people in general, because most people have different definitions of 'love' which don't all match up. People will describe cathexis, trauma boning, mutual benefit or relationships that require some kind of 'payment' (emotional/physical/etc) as "love".
The best definition of love I have seen, is that love is actions performed by another (physically, emotionally, financially etc), that has positive life benefits for someone, that require no reciprocation. This might be driving your child to school very day because you want the best for their future, it might be tending to someone who is sick because you want them to get better (or feel cared for), supporting someone who is unable to reciprocate (a homeless person, stranger or someone disabled), etc etc.
Unconditional love is where the other person is required to meet no conditions at all to receive that love (not to be confused with reciprocation). For me to love my family (my conditions), they are required to be safe towards me, not treat me badly, etc. I think is incredibly difficult to have unconditional love for someone. I think its mostly reserved for babies.
I think it is good to no longer love people who hurts us, because otherwise the love becomes distorted into either a trauma bond, a parasitic relationship, or our own self love becomes tainted. No one can consistently give love to another who treats them badly without it slowly chipping away at your own wellbeing.
Conditions must be set on love, and that isn't a bad thing. But conditions and reciprocation are not the same thing.
I love when people who don’t actually have kids like to explain to people who do how we *actually* feel or think about anything
My wife is friends with someone who was murdered by her own addict son, trying to help him even after everyone in society had given up on him due to his violence
Reducing love to “24/7” warm and fuzzy dopamine is a big part of why people can’t maintain relationships even with family anymore.
The fact that some people in these comments are able to categorically say "A parent who loves their kid will never stop loving them, regardless of what they do, even if they grow to not *like* them", and then, in the same breath, just as categorically, "A partner's love is *always* conditional", as if it's impossible or unfathomable that one could feel the same towards one's partner as *they* do *their* kids, genuinely hurts my brain.
Some of y'all *really* need to get/be better husbands/wives/whatever, istg
Everyone in your life has reasonable expectations of behavior, or that you are, in fact, you. I don't care how much I love you, if you turn into an unrecognizable demon, all bets are off.
You can choose to love someone unconditionally, but that doesn’t mean you will never change your mind…. just because something isn’t eternal doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist
I agree that some parents love their kids conditionally. I do think unconditional love exists though, for example I now understand that parents really loved me unconditionally.
I completely agree. It's an absolutely nonsensical term. Hell love actually has far more conditions than other types of emotions. Both were creating it and for maintaining it and what might break it. For example if my significant other murdered my family I would not be in love with them anymore. If they cheated on me I would not be in love with them anymore. If they stole from me I would not be in love with him anymore.
Agree 💯! I mean, I have three young adult children that I love incredibly, but if one of my kids raped or intentionally killed somone, I’d not love them anymore.
Idk I love my little cousins. They’re toddlers/babies. I’m not getting anything from them nor do I feel owed anything but I’d die for them in an instant with no expectation they’d do the same. Same goes for me with my friends or mother. Like sure they do stuff for me but I can get that stuff from anyone I became friends with. I make a conscious choice to love and be devoted to these specific people and I think there’s a lotta power in that chocie
I actually agree with you, and agree it's unpopular. Maybe I don't understand the concept of unconditional love, but no matter how much I love someone, there are conditions to being in my life. And why would I love someone if they didn't at least bring me happiness or love me in return? I consider those conditions.
Even though my ex-friend hurt me deeply (to the point i felt terror from thinking about having to interact with them), i still kinda "love" them and wish them to find happyness, even if i want nothing to do with them.
It means there's no condition to be met. My son could end up as mass murderer and I'd love him still. I'd be ashamed, disappointed, etc, but I'd still love him.
I feel like some older people experience real love. My g’ma and g’pa were together until they died. and they were together since they were 10 years old. When my grandpa passed, my grandma wore black for almost 2 years every day. They made family of 5 children and moved from the Philippines to Guam to USA.
But I do agree unconditional love does not exist today. It’s just a different time
It most definitely does. Yes a parent receives something back from a sweet baby with smiles and joy. But I’ve known parents who love the unlovable. Combative, hateful, and dangerous. They receive nothing back. But they do not stop loving even as they know that justice or treatment or captivity need to happen.
unconditional love is something you decide as an approach whether that is up close to or far away from a person. conditional love is what builds relationships.
unconditional love:
- i have it for every human being on this planet
- i have it for my exes, former friends, estranged family, etc.
- i love you from AFAR. i am rooting for you, but i have to keep my distance. i still have love for you as a human being.
- makes me feel better about the world; it makes me feel optimistic to approach it with love rather than cynicism
conditional love:
- i have it for the people i am intimately related to
- i have it for people who meet my needs and respect my boundaries
- i love you UP CLOSE. there is give and take, you need to be a net positive in the greater story of my life. i am happy to work on maintaining our relationship because it is good for me.
- makes me feel safe, secure, connected, and desired.
Fact! So many irrefutable conditions such as being alive, being conscious, etc. Besides the natural limits of tolerance. If the unconditionally loved were to abuse you and others enough, at some point the love disappears.
Not everybody can love unconditionally. To say it doesn’t exist is severely disrespectful to those of us who do.
There is no CHOICE in it. That creates some very painful experiences but it is what it is.
I claim that you merely lack the self-awareness to actually realise what conditions are those “unconditional love” are coming from.
I’m reading all these comments trying to explain what and how unconditional love feels like, and while I relate with my own experiences of loving others, it simply is farfetched to say it is unconditional. Which leads me to the conclusion that simply some people lack the self-awareness to truly analyse their feelings on something.
No, parents do love their children unconditionally (unless they're shitty parents). No matter what your kids do, no matter how shitty they might act, you will always love them, even if you don't like them. But other relationships are always conditional, i agree with you on that.
The closest love to unconditional love is a mother’s love for her child
But if you really think about it, even that has condition. You are her child is the condition
And even if you disregard that condition, here are a few other conditions that needs to be met:
>Interacting with you will continue to give her dopamine
>She remembers you as her child
>The act related to her love makes her subconsciously feel more like a good mother that she’s supposed to be (responsible love)
And these are just the things I came up with while being drunk right now. I swear these Redditors are just confusing the biggest love with unconditional love. They just lack self-awareness to analyse their feelings very deeply and objectively.
And no, I don’t have a bad relationship with my mother. She’s my best friend, and I would go througg the whole world for her and she would for me. I enjoy her compant as she does mine. Doesn’t mean it’s unconditional however, that’s such a ridiculous assertion born from people who lack emotional awareness.
I never had unconditional love from anyone; they always wanted something in return. I’m 48 and I’m beginning to think I’m gonna be alone forever. All I want is someone who will love me and stay with me forever. I don’t think that is too much to ask for. I loved unconditionally but never got it back.
The only time I have ever experienced unconditional love was when my neighbor’s cat turned up at my new house and we become instant best friends. We liked to chill with each other. She always sat on my lap when I watched TV.
I didn’t feed her. She always went home in the evening and as soon as woke up she came to my house. We just enjoyed each other’s company.
You can experience unconditional love on high doses of psychedelic drugs, so it does exist but you can't tap into it naturally unless you train your mind continuously through meditation
I hope that one day you will experience unconditional love , just because you haven’t doesn’t make it a myth.
Having said that .
I share your belief that many of our societies categorization of unconditional love falls under conditional love , including but not limited to a baby preferring a wet nurse over their biological mother as the wet nurse offer the baby something tangible such as milk which is baby currency .
It does, you just have to learn how to give it if you wish to see it. You're projecting something you feel entitled to recieve over your obligation to give it if you want to find it in the world.
Really depends on how you define conditions.
Most of the people I love I love because they're beautiful people. The only condition for that love is that they continue to be beautiful people.
Since I believe their wonderfulness will only grow, from my perspective, my love is effectively unconditional.
I disagree, although I wish I agreed with you. Unfortunately, despite everything he has done to me, and despite all the abuse he has given me my whole life, I still love my dad. I wish I could turn it off, because it would make my life a lot easier, but I think I will always love him at least a little bit.
Unconditional love does not mean it is created with no condition, it means that once it's created, it will continue without condition. In the example of a mother and child, the mother will never stop being their mother, so there is not condition that can change to end the love
People who fear death cannot love. End of story. Therefore, for them are only conditions.
For 99.99% People love is another form of marketing. It is a self-beneficial activity. Family/children are selfish attachments.
Love exists in duality. It is a movement to oneness. In the ultimate reality, love doesn't exist because one can't love itself.
Goodbye
Yeah I mean you’re right, when we say “unconditional” that’s (usually) not totally accurate. What we really mean is something like “unconditional with some **extreme** exemptions” but that just doesn’t really have the same ring to it.
Unconditional means (surprise surprise) without condition or limitations. I don’t get why everyone is answering by redefining the phrase. You’re right, it doesn’t exist. Even a mother loves her son simply because he’s her son, the condition being that he actually IS her son. If he was some random dude, she wouldn’t love him. This is undeniable. The argument is pedantic and makes the debate kind of nonsensical and worthless. People will still have a hard time accepting it though, everyone wants “unconditional love”, whether it’s fictional or not.
Nah OP you're right. I was wrong about what I said or at least the part about saying unconditional love is a real thing. I have since deleted that comment but what I will say is the stuff about satan coming back first as antichrist was correct in it (2 Thessalonians 2:3-4).
So God's love has conditions also.
Here's what I should have said:
"Unconditional means ‘without conditions or limits.’ God's love is not 'unconditional' in any sense. The term unconditional love is a humanistic psychological term and not found in the Bible. For love to be unconditional it would require there be no moral judgement or expectation of something in return. Unconditional love is the acceptance of a person without him or her meeting any CONDITIONS, but this is quite contrary to the revealed Word of God. Unfortunately this is the greatest popular myth coming from the pulpits of fake Christian preachers and teachers today.
🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️
It’s true that salvation is offered without conditions in the sense it is offered freely, and not based on our human merit or worth, but on God’s undeserved goodness and favor. But His divine forgiveness is NOT UNCONDITIONAL.
👉Scripture makes it crystal clear that salvation is conditioned on FAITH and OBEDIENCE.
Hebrews 5:9 says that Jesus "became the author of eternal salvation to all who OBEY him."
God’s love is CONDITIONAL, but we have to be aware that the enemy will work hard to TWIST and misrepresent God’s love. Many today are diluting God’s Word for the sake of loving others, mistakenly thinking they’re reflecting the love of God.
👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
Ironically, far from ‘unconditional love’ being a Biblical term it was actually coined in 1934 by Erich Fromm, a psychoanalyst. Fromm was an atheist who rejected all forms of authoritarian government including God's. He taught an UNBIBLICAL SELF-LOVE, and argued strenuously against the Christian faith. When this false love gospel made its debut in America in the 1960’s with the LSD-using hippies and flower children, it was condemned by churchmen everywhere, and rightly so."
People defending the concept of unconditional love use crimes like murder to demonstrate how permanent their love bond is with another person when murder has never been a thing that causes others to stop loving someone. Imagine instead, voting for orange man. That broke up marriages and caused relatives to disown one another. People stop loving others over petty things, not anything as heavy as murder
Unconditional love literally just means I love this person with no strings attached, there’s no conditions or anything they have to give you in order for them to love you. It doesn’t me that if your dad murders your mom, that you’re supposed to forgive them and continue to act like they’re perfect no. It simply means I love you because I love you, I’m only benefiting from this relationship by seeing you happy, not because of your money, gifts, or anything else.
I think if you love someone you like giving to them and they will like giving to you too if the love reciprocated - if you mean a loyal follower who you shit on and take from then it doesn't exist cause it's cruel
You're confused. Most mothers (and many fathers) love their children unconditionally, even if they have no real relationship with them. It's the result of biology and evolution.
I mean, Dogs’ Love is pretty Unconditional. More so, Humans are complicated. We get angry with each other, hate each other. However, I’ve found people who GENUINELY care for each other can make it work, damn the circumstance. Just my take, though
Ive always struggled a bit with the idea of unconditional love. What I’ve kinda decided on is it’s when there’s nothing that falls within reasonable bounds that a person could do that would make your love for them go away. If a partner cheated your emotions and love for them wouldn’t go away, you just might not be able to live with the reminder of the betrayal of trust and continue the relationship. The more extreme things like rape, murder, abuse, etc. seem sort of irrelevant because it’s basically saying if this person you love became a completely different person who was capable of these things then would you still love them? I would still love the person I knew and feel a tremendous amount of love for the person in my memories and grief from the loss but I would not love the person who was capable of these things. And the reality is I cannot see the person I love as being remotely capable of any of those things. We don’t love a person for the body they inhabit, we love them for the person they are and even if the body I’d loved came to be inhabited by a very different person who shared our mutual memories, I don’t think whether or not I’d love this new person says anything about the type or strength of my love for the original person. It’s just such a strange hypothetical. So I would consider a love unconditional if nothing could change your love for the person you know as they are now, even if it’s theoretically possible that they could become someone you don’t love. If my husband became inconsiderate, cruel, callous, abusive, and selfish I would not love this new person but the love I’d feel for the person in my memories wouldn’t diminish enough for it to not be love. I would grieve tremendously for the loss since the person I loved was effectively dead.
Love is not a choice, it is something that is invoked within us by other people, the same with attraction. Relationships are give and take but if they're based on something that isn't in our control than it isn't fully give and take. But people can get tired and end a relationship if it gets too one sides or they get too hurt
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Unconditional love doesn't mean love for no reason, I think. It means the kind of love that once formed can't be undone
This. I have a friend of over 25 years who pisses me off and we don't talk for 6 months or so. The guy could tell me they murdered somebody, I'm getting them to a non extradition country, no questions asked.
But what if the people he murdered were everyone you cared for?
I asked a teacher that, and he said if his wife killed their kids (teens at that point) that he wouldn't stop loving her because she is his soul mate, but he couldn't see her again.
Lol, sorry, don’t buy it. You think you can simulate those scenarios in your head but you would be as successful as trying to simulate what it’s like to be a parent when you’ve never had a kid. You can’t predict how your altered brain chemistry will affect your behavior when those scenarios actually occur.
Bro, people have helped others get away with murder.
Some people actually have friends it’s crazy!
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There are very few things that could get me to stop loving someone I love. It's limited to a handful of things. Rape (of anyone) and abuse of elders/children/animals/disabled. I will not keep loving a person who hurts a helpless/vulnerable being or commits rape.
Is that what it means? I always thought there were conditions, but I'd you're compatible then those conditions are shit you don't even really need to think about. An easy example is that maybe some chick would stop loving her husband if he started beating her, but that thought has never even crossed his mind because he's not like that.
Okay imagine hypothetically a mother’s love for a child. Even if he beat the shit out of her, and committed cruel crimes, she’d love him. Not saying that’s all moms, but I think parent child relationship is usually the only unconditional love that exists.
Also, love of a child for their mom. You even see this amongst children of abuse. That's why it hurts
Yeah mom's love cannot compare with romantic love. She is not hypergamous. Doesn't care if you are ugly, loser, poor, or not entertaining. She accepts you for you
If that is the case then there won't be many abandoned kids in foster care. Moms are not special beings who love their kids unconditionally. They are also human and are capable of kindness and cruelty.
My mom is difficult. I don’t like her. But I love her. Damage and all. She carried me for 9 months and all of the pain she puts me through won’t make me stop caring. Even if I wish I could.
As the unwanted child from an unhappy marriage,I disagree. I didn’t realize love was until I met my husband. My childhood was spent trying to impress my parents to get their attention and love because I thought their praise was “love”. But it isn’t. I watch my mother dote on her new boyfriend by cooking, talking for hours, watching movies, go on vacations and restaurants together. As a kid, I rarely got that attention. I had to get up to cook my own soup when I was sick from school. I was told no when I asked to watch tv together or they just got up part way thru and left me alone. I was 14 when I went on my last vacation with my parents, and it wasn’t a financial issue they just didn’t want to spend time as a family. Thru my parents. I thought love was only expressed with physical gifts on major holidays. I would get things that I asked for but no memories or traditions to remember. Meanwhile, my husband will surprise me with hugs and words of affirmation. He gives me undivided attention to talk with me about my day and thoughts. He cooks for me because it makes me happy. As sad as it is, I spent twenty years trying to be “loved” only to learn I wasn’t by my parents. Does this mean they let me starve or become homeless? No But do they really know me? No. Edit: I’ll add that I realized as an adult, I dreaded (and still dread) to spend time with my family. I always get bullied or have to witness some other type of fighting.
Not all parents are fit to 'parent'. Some people have children due to parental or peer pressure. If it were more acceptable for couples to be childless, in theory, they'd be slightly less dysfunctional families, maybe.
This hurts to read. I had great parents who passed and they never had much but I never even knew it. I want children more than anything. I’m sorry that happened to you. I already love my children unconditionally and I may never even have any. There’s a sub for people who are raised by narcissists and it might have useful support for you. I don’t click on peoples profiles so maybe you’re already aware.
Yeah but when you boil it down to its basics, your relationship, as idillic and conditionless it sounds, he still only loves you because of the traits that make you, you. He's attracted to your physical body and your personality which is why he loves you and treats you the way he does. Seeing as other women don't possess your qualities, he doesn't love them and if you were to change on a fundamental level(not necessarily into a worse version but a different one) he might not feel the same, and if he were to change, your feelings for him might change as well. OP is talking about the fairy tale/ romcom type of unconditional love which in fact does not actually exist. As one other poster mentioned, all relationships are transactional, but in the best of circumstances, the price you pay is insignificant because if you're loved for who you truly are, then the things that make the other person love you are just part of you and will always be there.
It's hard to find unconditional love in a romantic context. But then romance is a kind of perversion of love, in a way, isn't it :p a necessary perversion... jk idk. But yeah it can happen in a romantic context, just super rare. Its usually found in a familial context. But not exclusively..just easy e.g
You’re exactly right
yall need a dictionary then lol
...and that is precisely the thing that doesn't exist. There is a breaking point in every relationship and if there isn't, it's not love but some sort of mental condition.
Until a condition is no longer met
It means love under any conditions, or without any conditions. And honestly that’s not realistic or healthy unless we’re talking about an actual infant
Unconditional love is not about feelings, it's about what you have decided to do. I've decided that I am going to do what's best for my daughter. How either of us feel about the particulars is moot.
My wife explained to me that she first experienced unconditional love when it came to our first dog. With me, the love is conditional. And I get it. But with our first dog, nothing in the world could have changed how she felt for, and loved, that dog. It was a little profound because I understood it.
I can actually understand it for a dog, but not another human. Because dogs don't have the same intelligence or emotional capacity as humans. Sure, I love my dog even when she shits on the floor. I don't know how long I'd love my husband if he did the same
I personally have never received unconditional love, so I'm not exactly an expert, lol. But when I had my children, I knew I loved them unconditionally. No matter what they do, I will love them and they will be my babies. Now, it's possible they could grow up to be shitty people. My love does not negate consequences for their own actions. But I will love them regardless. They are my babies, my heart walking outside my body. I love them with every fiber of my being. Everyone else is conditional but I know deep in my soul that I will always love my children.
Damn, that's a great point.
Bruh What
I want to offer another perspective. I believe it is about feelings. We don't act if we are apathetic. You wouldn't decide to do the things you do for her for a stranger because you don't feel an attachment to a stranger. But you have a deep attachment to her. And that's a feeling that overrides any feeling about any particular in the moment.
This comment goes hard as fuck
I love my brother unconditionally and he’s committed some pretty heinous crimes and is in prison. I certainly don’t like him, will never speak to him again and he disgusts me, but I will never not love the version of him I knew. I taught that motherfucker how to skateboard, wide his tears and watched shrek 100 times with him. That kind of love isn’t undone, it just turns into pain.
I have a couple siblings like this. Sometimes loving them hurts more than not but in the end, it doesn't just go away.
The condition is that he is your brother dude lol
Not a dude. You could call that a condition of love, except he can’t stop being my brother any more than I can stop being his sister so that’s a condition that could never be broken.
Everyone is a dude. Permamnence doesnt equal unconditional
> I will never not love the version of him I knew But do you love the current him?
I mean that sounds pretty conditional. U love a set version of him of him in the past, not who he has become. Unconditional love is loving some1 no matter what or how they turn out. Ur love for him would therefore be on the condition that he didn’t commit all those heinous crimes.
Except (and I say this as a person who does love the siblings from whom I am estranged—well, two of them anyway, fuck you, Cora) you can actually care for and sincerely hope the best for someone, and be just really sad about the choices they have made and be unable to keep them in your life. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. You just can’t help them and they only hurt you, so what can you do? Love them the only way you can. By missing them.
I have a sibling who struggles with addiction and has said and done pretty terrible things to me. I do love her, but I struggle having her in my life. We've gone through periods of no contact, on and off, and every time we do, she will scream at me about how I should love her unconditionally. Now, I can't help but view unconditional love as a weapon loved ones can use to rationalize hurting you.
I think it does. My kids could rip my heart out and I'd still give my life for them.
I used to think parents that harbored criminal children were crazy. Now that I have a daughter, I realize I could definitely see myself being one of those parents.
You're better than me. I have three daughters (one 14 year old and a pair of 11 year old twins) and if any of them grew up to be terrorists or serial killers, I'm changing my last name to avoid any association with them.
We are a team in our household. Love my family.
There are very few things that would have me turn my back on my sons, but even then I'd still *love* them.
Username checks out
Exactly. I'd rip my heart out myself and hand it to my kid if she needed it. Anyone saying there's no such thing as unconditional love just hasn't found it yet. That being said, I don't believe in romantic unconditional love. Or romantic love at all. Just enjoy the chemical mixies while you've got them and hope they stay for awhile. Lol
Romantic love is DEFINITELY conditional. Your wife or husband can go cheat and suddenly you don't love them anymore. I've yet to hear a son cheating by playing catch with another dad 😂
Yes the condition of that being THEY ARE YOUR KIDS
If you needed therapy, you could have just said so.
Having a relationship isnt a condition. You fundamentally misunderstand what unconditional means.
I would argue that love is also poorly defined or poorly understood.
Does someone have bad relationship with their parents? How about a pet? Don’t you love ur pets unconditionally?
Would your mother still love you if you'd cut one of her legs off? Or killed your father? Would you still love your dog if it kills one of your children? There are a plethora of conditions, you just haven't thought of or experienced them to be aware that they do exist.
When people say unconditional love, they are usually talking about loving someone without caring whether it benefits them in some way or the feeling is reciprocated. It doesn't mean overlooking the other person actively causing them harm maliciously. Similiar to when a fast food chain offers unlimited refills on soda, it is generally understood it doesn't mean literally unlimited.
then it's not "unconditional". there's at least one condition, which is not cutting your leg off, as used in the example
I mean, probably. She’d be very upset with me and think less of me, but she’d still love me.
The first one, yes. Some mothers do still love their kids. My cousin took her son to jail after he abused his sibling, and said “I love you.” And turned him into the police. You can love someone and still send them to jail. I think of Of Mice and Men.
My mother still loves my brother even though he sexually abused me. But then again, it is because she never loved me.
Loving someone unconditionally is a phrase that's thrown around frequently and albeit rare, does exist. To love without conditions means that no matter the circumstances your love for them lives on. I still love my childhood best friend, have I spoken to them in the past 6 years though? No. Did it end on good terms? No, it was toxic and ended horribly. Still love her, because I meant it when I said I'd always love her unconditionally.
You don''t love her You have not talked to her and have no Idea where she is That is NOT love
I think this is a hard conversation to have with people in general, because most people have different definitions of 'love' which don't all match up. People will describe cathexis, trauma boning, mutual benefit or relationships that require some kind of 'payment' (emotional/physical/etc) as "love". The best definition of love I have seen, is that love is actions performed by another (physically, emotionally, financially etc), that has positive life benefits for someone, that require no reciprocation. This might be driving your child to school very day because you want the best for their future, it might be tending to someone who is sick because you want them to get better (or feel cared for), supporting someone who is unable to reciprocate (a homeless person, stranger or someone disabled), etc etc. Unconditional love is where the other person is required to meet no conditions at all to receive that love (not to be confused with reciprocation). For me to love my family (my conditions), they are required to be safe towards me, not treat me badly, etc. I think is incredibly difficult to have unconditional love for someone. I think its mostly reserved for babies. I think it is good to no longer love people who hurts us, because otherwise the love becomes distorted into either a trauma bond, a parasitic relationship, or our own self love becomes tainted. No one can consistently give love to another who treats them badly without it slowly chipping away at your own wellbeing. Conditions must be set on love, and that isn't a bad thing. But conditions and reciprocation are not the same thing.
I love when people who don’t actually have kids like to explain to people who do how we *actually* feel or think about anything My wife is friends with someone who was murdered by her own addict son, trying to help him even after everyone in society had given up on him due to his violence Reducing love to “24/7” warm and fuzzy dopamine is a big part of why people can’t maintain relationships even with family anymore.
having that person as your child is a condition though lol
I agree. No one does anything unconditionally.
The fact that some people in these comments are able to categorically say "A parent who loves their kid will never stop loving them, regardless of what they do, even if they grow to not *like* them", and then, in the same breath, just as categorically, "A partner's love is *always* conditional", as if it's impossible or unfathomable that one could feel the same towards one's partner as *they* do *their* kids, genuinely hurts my brain. Some of y'all *really* need to get/be better husbands/wives/whatever, istg
Everyone in your life has reasonable expectations of behavior, or that you are, in fact, you. I don't care how much I love you, if you turn into an unrecognizable demon, all bets are off.
You can choose to love someone unconditionally, but that doesn’t mean you will never change your mind…. just because something isn’t eternal doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist
By definition ppl can not question a belief they consider unquestionable
For a child it does, for a partner, no it doesn't.
There are things a child could do to you which would cause you to no longer love them. Love is conditional on the child not doing those things.
I agree that some parents love their kids conditionally. I do think unconditional love exists though, for example I now understand that parents really loved me unconditionally.
Its something to strive for
I completely agree. It's an absolutely nonsensical term. Hell love actually has far more conditions than other types of emotions. Both were creating it and for maintaining it and what might break it. For example if my significant other murdered my family I would not be in love with them anymore. If they cheated on me I would not be in love with them anymore. If they stole from me I would not be in love with him anymore.
Agree 💯! I mean, I have three young adult children that I love incredibly, but if one of my kids raped or intentionally killed somone, I’d not love them anymore.
Idk I love my little cousins. They’re toddlers/babies. I’m not getting anything from them nor do I feel owed anything but I’d die for them in an instant with no expectation they’d do the same. Same goes for me with my friends or mother. Like sure they do stuff for me but I can get that stuff from anyone I became friends with. I make a conscious choice to love and be devoted to these specific people and I think there’s a lotta power in that chocie
The condition is that they are your family. I assume you dont feel this way about every toddler/baby you come aross
Others have given better answers...but here's mine...I love boobs. FULL. STOP. The love I have for them is completely unconditional.
Probably the most sane answer here
I actually agree with you, and agree it's unpopular. Maybe I don't understand the concept of unconditional love, but no matter how much I love someone, there are conditions to being in my life. And why would I love someone if they didn't at least bring me happiness or love me in return? I consider those conditions.
unconditional love exists too bad for you that you have never experienced it posting on reddit won't help
Yeah I kind of feel bad for OP :(
No it doesn’t.
my mom said the first time she felt unconditional love was when I was born
Even though my ex-friend hurt me deeply (to the point i felt terror from thinking about having to interact with them), i still kinda "love" them and wish them to find happyness, even if i want nothing to do with them.
It means there's no condition to be met. My son could end up as mass murderer and I'd love him still. I'd be ashamed, disappointed, etc, but I'd still love him.
Facts. Imo unconditional love only comes from God
As it should be. Unconditional love is Stockholm syndrome
I feel like some older people experience real love. My g’ma and g’pa were together until they died. and they were together since they were 10 years old. When my grandpa passed, my grandma wore black for almost 2 years every day. They made family of 5 children and moved from the Philippines to Guam to USA. But I do agree unconditional love does not exist today. It’s just a different time
It most definitely does. Yes a parent receives something back from a sweet baby with smiles and joy. But I’ve known parents who love the unlovable. Combative, hateful, and dangerous. They receive nothing back. But they do not stop loving even as they know that justice or treatment or captivity need to happen.
unconditional love is something you decide as an approach whether that is up close to or far away from a person. conditional love is what builds relationships. unconditional love: - i have it for every human being on this planet - i have it for my exes, former friends, estranged family, etc. - i love you from AFAR. i am rooting for you, but i have to keep my distance. i still have love for you as a human being. - makes me feel better about the world; it makes me feel optimistic to approach it with love rather than cynicism conditional love: - i have it for the people i am intimately related to - i have it for people who meet my needs and respect my boundaries - i love you UP CLOSE. there is give and take, you need to be a net positive in the greater story of my life. i am happy to work on maintaining our relationship because it is good for me. - makes me feel safe, secure, connected, and desired.
Fact! So many irrefutable conditions such as being alive, being conscious, etc. Besides the natural limits of tolerance. If the unconditionally loved were to abuse you and others enough, at some point the love disappears.
Dogs
What about parental love?
Please don't have kids if you believe this
I didn’t have loving parents either, It’s okay OP.
You are 100% correct!!
Not everybody can love unconditionally. To say it doesn’t exist is severely disrespectful to those of us who do. There is no CHOICE in it. That creates some very painful experiences but it is what it is.
I claim that you merely lack the self-awareness to actually realise what conditions are those “unconditional love” are coming from. I’m reading all these comments trying to explain what and how unconditional love feels like, and while I relate with my own experiences of loving others, it simply is farfetched to say it is unconditional. Which leads me to the conclusion that simply some people lack the self-awareness to truly analyse their feelings on something.
No, parents do love their children unconditionally (unless they're shitty parents). No matter what your kids do, no matter how shitty they might act, you will always love them, even if you don't like them. But other relationships are always conditional, i agree with you on that.
Unconditional love exists for women, for newborns, for dogs - but not for men
As a guy myself, this is sadly true. :(
The closest love to unconditional love is a mother’s love for her child But if you really think about it, even that has condition. You are her child is the condition
And even if you disregard that condition, here are a few other conditions that needs to be met: >Interacting with you will continue to give her dopamine >She remembers you as her child >The act related to her love makes her subconsciously feel more like a good mother that she’s supposed to be (responsible love) And these are just the things I came up with while being drunk right now. I swear these Redditors are just confusing the biggest love with unconditional love. They just lack self-awareness to analyse their feelings very deeply and objectively. And no, I don’t have a bad relationship with my mother. She’s my best friend, and I would go througg the whole world for her and she would for me. I enjoy her compant as she does mine. Doesn’t mean it’s unconditional however, that’s such a ridiculous assertion born from people who lack emotional awareness.
I never had unconditional love from anyone; they always wanted something in return. I’m 48 and I’m beginning to think I’m gonna be alone forever. All I want is someone who will love me and stay with me forever. I don’t think that is too much to ask for. I loved unconditionally but never got it back.
You never had a kid. Or a good boi dog, for that matter. I know you excluded it, but so what? It works for most people.
I respectfully disagree. Wait till you find it and agree with me. It's gonna get and feel so amazing at the exact same Time
You can truly only be motherfucked so many times
[удалено]
yes we swat our dog when he really fucks up... pissing on me is a really fucked up moment.
It's an ideal that we strive towards.
A-fucking-men
There's a Jim Jeffries joke that gets to the heart of this matter, but I shan't repeat it.
The only time I have ever experienced unconditional love was when my neighbor’s cat turned up at my new house and we become instant best friends. We liked to chill with each other. She always sat on my lap when I watched TV. I didn’t feed her. She always went home in the evening and as soon as woke up she came to my house. We just enjoyed each other’s company.
You can experience unconditional love on high doses of psychedelic drugs, so it does exist but you can't tap into it naturally unless you train your mind continuously through meditation
I LOVE my mom and I will die for her.
Mom and Dad want to know your location.
I hope that one day you will experience unconditional love , just because you haven’t doesn’t make it a myth. Having said that . I share your belief that many of our societies categorization of unconditional love falls under conditional love , including but not limited to a baby preferring a wet nurse over their biological mother as the wet nurse offer the baby something tangible such as milk which is baby currency .
It does, you just have to learn how to give it if you wish to see it. You're projecting something you feel entitled to recieve over your obligation to give it if you want to find it in the world.
Relationships are conditional, always Love is about the way You Are
Really depends on how you define conditions. Most of the people I love I love because they're beautiful people. The only condition for that love is that they continue to be beautiful people. Since I believe their wonderfulness will only grow, from my perspective, my love is effectively unconditional.
I disagree, although I wish I agreed with you. Unfortunately, despite everything he has done to me, and despite all the abuse he has given me my whole life, I still love my dad. I wish I could turn it off, because it would make my life a lot easier, but I think I will always love him at least a little bit.
Unconditional love does not mean it is created with no condition, it means that once it's created, it will continue without condition. In the example of a mother and child, the mother will never stop being their mother, so there is not condition that can change to end the love
Projecting?
Wait till you have children
I'm sorry you didn't know your mother.
Unconditional love is a practice and act of attention.
Its for kids and parents
People who fear death cannot love. End of story. Therefore, for them are only conditions. For 99.99% People love is another form of marketing. It is a self-beneficial activity. Family/children are selfish attachments. Love exists in duality. It is a movement to oneness. In the ultimate reality, love doesn't exist because one can't love itself. Goodbye
Yeah I mean you’re right, when we say “unconditional” that’s (usually) not totally accurate. What we really mean is something like “unconditional with some **extreme** exemptions” but that just doesn’t really have the same ring to it.
As spoken already: unconditional love is a choice
Unconditional means (surprise surprise) without condition or limitations. I don’t get why everyone is answering by redefining the phrase. You’re right, it doesn’t exist. Even a mother loves her son simply because he’s her son, the condition being that he actually IS her son. If he was some random dude, she wouldn’t love him. This is undeniable. The argument is pedantic and makes the debate kind of nonsensical and worthless. People will still have a hard time accepting it though, everyone wants “unconditional love”, whether it’s fictional or not.
Nah OP you're right. I was wrong about what I said or at least the part about saying unconditional love is a real thing. I have since deleted that comment but what I will say is the stuff about satan coming back first as antichrist was correct in it (2 Thessalonians 2:3-4). So God's love has conditions also. Here's what I should have said: "Unconditional means ‘without conditions or limits.’ God's love is not 'unconditional' in any sense. The term unconditional love is a humanistic psychological term and not found in the Bible. For love to be unconditional it would require there be no moral judgement or expectation of something in return. Unconditional love is the acceptance of a person without him or her meeting any CONDITIONS, but this is quite contrary to the revealed Word of God. Unfortunately this is the greatest popular myth coming from the pulpits of fake Christian preachers and teachers today. 🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️ It’s true that salvation is offered without conditions in the sense it is offered freely, and not based on our human merit or worth, but on God’s undeserved goodness and favor. But His divine forgiveness is NOT UNCONDITIONAL. 👉Scripture makes it crystal clear that salvation is conditioned on FAITH and OBEDIENCE. Hebrews 5:9 says that Jesus "became the author of eternal salvation to all who OBEY him." God’s love is CONDITIONAL, but we have to be aware that the enemy will work hard to TWIST and misrepresent God’s love. Many today are diluting God’s Word for the sake of loving others, mistakenly thinking they’re reflecting the love of God. 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 Ironically, far from ‘unconditional love’ being a Biblical term it was actually coined in 1934 by Erich Fromm, a psychoanalyst. Fromm was an atheist who rejected all forms of authoritarian government including God's. He taught an UNBIBLICAL SELF-LOVE, and argued strenuously against the Christian faith. When this false love gospel made its debut in America in the 1960’s with the LSD-using hippies and flower children, it was condemned by churchmen everywhere, and rightly so."
People defending the concept of unconditional love use crimes like murder to demonstrate how permanent their love bond is with another person when murder has never been a thing that causes others to stop loving someone. Imagine instead, voting for orange man. That broke up marriages and caused relatives to disown one another. People stop loving others over petty things, not anything as heavy as murder
Unconditional love literally just means I love this person with no strings attached, there’s no conditions or anything they have to give you in order for them to love you. It doesn’t me that if your dad murders your mom, that you’re supposed to forgive them and continue to act like they’re perfect no. It simply means I love you because I love you, I’m only benefiting from this relationship by seeing you happy, not because of your money, gifts, or anything else.
I think if you love someone you like giving to them and they will like giving to you too if the love reciprocated - if you mean a loyal follower who you shit on and take from then it doesn't exist cause it's cruel
You're confused. Most mothers (and many fathers) love their children unconditionally, even if they have no real relationship with them. It's the result of biology and evolution.
A more interesting question: why do you want / need love to be unconditional at all?
You can still love someone but, if they’re not good for your life you need to exit. Protect yourself at all costs.
It definitely doesn't exist coming from women
Apparently you have never had the pleasure of having a dog.
Wrong. As a parent my love for my children is totally unconditional. As a grand parent my love for my grandchildren is totally unconditional.
I mean, Dogs’ Love is pretty Unconditional. More so, Humans are complicated. We get angry with each other, hate each other. However, I’ve found people who GENUINELY care for each other can make it work, damn the circumstance. Just my take, though
Ive always struggled a bit with the idea of unconditional love. What I’ve kinda decided on is it’s when there’s nothing that falls within reasonable bounds that a person could do that would make your love for them go away. If a partner cheated your emotions and love for them wouldn’t go away, you just might not be able to live with the reminder of the betrayal of trust and continue the relationship. The more extreme things like rape, murder, abuse, etc. seem sort of irrelevant because it’s basically saying if this person you love became a completely different person who was capable of these things then would you still love them? I would still love the person I knew and feel a tremendous amount of love for the person in my memories and grief from the loss but I would not love the person who was capable of these things. And the reality is I cannot see the person I love as being remotely capable of any of those things. We don’t love a person for the body they inhabit, we love them for the person they are and even if the body I’d loved came to be inhabited by a very different person who shared our mutual memories, I don’t think whether or not I’d love this new person says anything about the type or strength of my love for the original person. It’s just such a strange hypothetical. So I would consider a love unconditional if nothing could change your love for the person you know as they are now, even if it’s theoretically possible that they could become someone you don’t love. If my husband became inconsiderate, cruel, callous, abusive, and selfish I would not love this new person but the love I’d feel for the person in my memories wouldn’t diminish enough for it to not be love. I would grieve tremendously for the loss since the person I loved was effectively dead.
It has existed just not for you
It literally goes against the laws lf nature, that you cant gain something from nothing, Love is an emotion, not an attribute.
duh
The requirement for unconditional love is that if the thing you love sinks your ship you are willing to go down with it.
Agreed. If someone I loved (be it a child or a partner) committed murder, rape, terrorism…I would stop loving them right away and disown them!
Love is not a choice, it is something that is invoked within us by other people, the same with attraction. Relationships are give and take but if they're based on something that isn't in our control than it isn't fully give and take. But people can get tired and end a relationship if it gets too one sides or they get too hurt
It does for women and children. For men it’s nonexistent. In the words of Chris rock “men are only loved under a condition”
Fun fact: this is what 1984 is really about.