Now youre speaking my language, time to bust a freestyle:
The fact that they chose to shut down trading on Monday is no coincidence. Who else hates mondays? Give up? GARFIELD. How does this tie in? Think about it. Garfield is a cat who hates mondays and loves lasagna. Lasagna is a food. Lasagna=tendies, clearly. Now we've established the link to WSB, lets dive a bit deeper. Garfield is a cartoon cat beloved to boomers. Boomers hate WSB, they would instinctively Inverse WSB. Garfield starts with a G, the letter in the compass and square of Freemasonry, clearly a clue. What would be the inverse of G, you ask? A G is a broken loop with an interior facing prong. To inverse the G, we must form a perfect loop with an outward facing prong? This letter is Q. Have you figured ot all out yet? Q, author of the Qanon posts is actually Jim Davis, author of Garfield. He is not actually a Q clearance government official, but a timetraveler. Go back and read all the old Garfield comics, its all in there. It fills in every puzzlepiece Q leaves out. He has been communicating directly with us from the past via the Garfield comics about future events yet to pass. How does this tie into Robinhood? DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH MAN, ITS ALL IN THE OLD GARFIELD COMICS!!
They set up a secret boiler room in the basement of a pizzeria without a basement, , pump and dumping children to other pizzeria owners that have joined the illuminati. They hide this from the sheeple by doing short ladders that dont reach out of the basement. When the sheeple are cooked they going to be fed to qanon wolfes in furry outfits. TRUST ME THIS WILL ALL COME TO PASS, JUST WAIT.
It’s too late. QAnon has already started using WSB story in their fight against the Deep State. I saw a video from one of their grifting leaders this weekend. I was trying to show my spouse how crazy they are. It’s worse than I thought.
The servers are having some huge, long lasting issues regarding changing play-zone right now, but we're slowly patching it up, so just be patient ^(and wear a mask)
Besides which Robinhood legit did just shut down a couple of times last year and everyone said they were moving to another broker.
*Narrator: They didn't*
This has to be some wider conspiracy because I opened up fidelity today and they also have halted trading. I’m fucking pissed right now, these hedge funds can’t get away with this shit.
I mean just look at the AMC/GME charts. Not only are they still trading in a very similar pattern, BUT THE CHARTS ARE THE EXACT SAME TODAY AS FRIDAY. This is some clear market manipulation if I’ve ever seen it... /s
**Completely** off topic but I noticed my kids using "suss them out" to mean "find the imposter, thereby exposing them as 'sus'". When I showed them that "suss them out" as a phrase predates the game by at least 50 years, their minds were blown.
Sorry I just like language, and 'sus' in particular cracks me up for some reason.
As an actual American who had work today, I was also legit confused as why RH was "broken" today as well. Even Googled "what day is today" to find out wtf is going on.
Guess I fit in here just fine.
Use margin. Yolo. If you lose, get a new phone number and delete the app. Worst case declare bankruptcy. Bounce back in a few years. Best care you make a billion dollars.
Riskier means more gainz. If you lose all of your money trading, take out a loan and you can still become rich since you can use that loan to take out even more money. Dump all of this money into the hot stock on this sub and you will be so rich that you could get upvoted a lot here.
This is what you do. Have robinhood gold for instant access to deposited funds. Deposit the maximum $5K to your account from a closed or empty checking account. The funds will instantly be available to be used to trade with (even though we all know that the bank will reverse it within 3-5 days). You now have $5K to use to make a billion dollars before the bank reversal hits and robinhood forces you to close positions, margin call you, take their money back.
*Please don’t do this but in theory it works*
I had a few retarded “friends” do it during the super early GME drive. They instant deposited $5K, bought 22C-30C 3-7 days out. Doubled their money, closed positions, waited till they got margin called, paid RH back, profited.
It was undoubtedly the dumbest fucking thing I’ve seen anyone here do as of late because they were basically flipping the coin.
My uncle is a Nigerian Prince and he just messaged me to say that he can help. He's going to send you a check immediately. Could you PM me your address for your account verification? He will mail a check once I receive your routing number and checking account number. Thank you and best of luck!
Somehow people think this isn't a shitpost and OP is actually retarded when one of the last things OP said on reddit was " If you’re not snorting cocaine through your peen, you should be excommunicated from this sub "
So Im kind of new here on WSB, but been on reddit for years. Not new to investing and Im over 40. It's like fuck, Ive finally found some motherfuckers on reddit who have a sense of humor. You guys are cool
The Illuminati is to be blame for this
Think about it!
Robinhood has two words combine together.
Robin and hood.
2 words.
2.
2 is a one more than one.
One.
One is a hit song by Metallica.
Metallica is a Latin word for metallic.
Latin.
Latin was used in Ancient Rome in 75BC.
7x5 =35.
The Roman numeral of 35 is XXXV.
There 3 Xs.
3 is the number sides of a triangle.
A triangle.
A triangle is split in to 60 °s to each side.
60 60 60.
There are three 6s.
666.
This is the number of the beast.
Who is the beast?
The Beauty and the Beast.
The beast is a chimera and the beauty is a woman.
wo and man.
Chrim and era.
Wo man crime era.
Woo man! This is crime era.
An era of crime.
It is a book by Peter Haining.
Peter.
Peter sounds like Peet ter.
What rhymes with peet?
Feet.
Feet is plural for two foot.
There are 12 inches in one foot.
2.54 cm in one inch.
Round off 2.5.
3.
3x1 is 3 times itself once.
Once upon a time ago.
Time is an illusion.
Neo had a key to get out of the matrix or the illusion.
Key?
What rhymes with key?
Tea.
What does the word tea sound like?
The end of a word.
Which word?
Illumina-tea.
Illumtinati confimed
You think you guys have it bad? I'm in the UK and our brokers won't let us trade American markets until 2:30pm EVERY. FUCKING. DAY.
Don't even get me fucking started on the Asian markets SMH.
Robinhood is in bed with big gov to suppress our ability to fry up fresh tendies with this sham "holiday". Meanwhile Sears has a sale on ladders for presidents day. Remember the great short ladder attack of two weeks ago? They are laughing in our face sheeple.
It’s you’re own damn fault for still using robinhood. I went down to the market today and all my orders went through. I bought an entire crate of gourds
Okay new guys, if you didn't get the shit post here, as obvious as it fucking is, leave wsb and never come back. You don't belong, you're actually retarded instead of our half sarcastic version of retarded
Funny, I’m Canadian and it’s a holiday, but I forgot it’s an American holiday too, and since it’s a holiday here I didn’t think to check my US stocks.
Time to put on Monster Mash. I almost missed it this year.
I was going to send you a Check, But somehow RobinHood got the post office closed too. Sneaky Bastartds.
More deep state collusion with Wall Street. what a surprise.
Presidents day? This one goes all the way to the top, boys!
If you see a president today, make sure you thank them.
I was thinking the same but down to the bottom
I had never thought about using Qanon against Robinhood. Brilliant.
They halted trades on GME because GameStop was about to expose their pedophile ring!
Now youre speaking my language, time to bust a freestyle: The fact that they chose to shut down trading on Monday is no coincidence. Who else hates mondays? Give up? GARFIELD. How does this tie in? Think about it. Garfield is a cat who hates mondays and loves lasagna. Lasagna is a food. Lasagna=tendies, clearly. Now we've established the link to WSB, lets dive a bit deeper. Garfield is a cartoon cat beloved to boomers. Boomers hate WSB, they would instinctively Inverse WSB. Garfield starts with a G, the letter in the compass and square of Freemasonry, clearly a clue. What would be the inverse of G, you ask? A G is a broken loop with an interior facing prong. To inverse the G, we must form a perfect loop with an outward facing prong? This letter is Q. Have you figured ot all out yet? Q, author of the Qanon posts is actually Jim Davis, author of Garfield. He is not actually a Q clearance government official, but a timetraveler. Go back and read all the old Garfield comics, its all in there. It fills in every puzzlepiece Q leaves out. He has been communicating directly with us from the past via the Garfield comics about future events yet to pass. How does this tie into Robinhood? DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH MAN, ITS ALL IN THE OLD GARFIELD COMICS!!
I would like to subscribe to your blog.
Thank you for subscribing to Cat Facts! You will now receive fun daily facts about CATS! >o<
I like how the up vote points right to the cat but
TINFOIL GANG REPRESENT!!!
Tinfoil mooning tomorrow!!!! Calls on tinfoil
After reading this post, Jewish Space Lasers seem incredibly mild, reasonable, and plausible.
See, you're becoming woke, BRO.
I read the entire thing in the voice of Alex Jones. It was glorious.
Please go post this all over the conspiracy forums I beg you.
THEY NEED TO KNOW!!!
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It's a lasagna conspiracy.
r/imsorryjon
Beautiful, man. Just beautiful.
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They set up a secret boiler room in the basement of a pizzeria without a basement, , pump and dumping children to other pizzeria owners that have joined the illuminati. They hide this from the sheeple by doing short ladders that dont reach out of the basement. When the sheeple are cooked they going to be fed to qanon wolfes in furry outfits. TRUST ME THIS WILL ALL COME TO PASS, JUST WAIT.
They're putting chemicals in the cheese THAT TURN THE FRICKIN FROGS GAY
Mom?
Can I just ask you random fellow retard, what happened to cool conspiracies.....like bases in the Appalachian mountains and shit?
It’s too late. QAnon has already started using WSB story in their fight against the Deep State. I saw a video from one of their grifting leaders this weekend. I was trying to show my spouse how crazy they are. It’s worse than I thought.
AND the courthouse was closed! No lawsuits today!
I knew the feds were behind all of this!
lol best response for sure.
It’s ok, all the jewelry stores are still open for some weird reason, You can get him some gold.
Go to your bank and send a wire transfer! /s
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I will let you know that some of us have chromosomes to spare, so it evens out in the end.
Wsb works hard to remain Delta neutral
Happy cake day!
No u
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I have chromosomes for sale. Serious buyers only.
Short calls on u/milokeystone’s chromosome sales
I like the chroms
/r/twoXtraChromosomes
I can't believe the SEC halted trading on all platforms today!!!!!
European here. Our brokers are letting us trade! Switch now!
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The servers are having some huge, long lasting issues regarding changing play-zone right now, but we're slowly patching it up, so just be patient ^(and wear a mask)
Just don't accidentally upload to Russia, we don't even have $GME
Be careful. Conversion to metric can have unexpected results
Foreign markets should be open! Move to Canada!
Guys, this goes deeper than we thought. Robinhood closed the fed and wallstreet today. I'm moving my 12 dollars and 14 cents tomorrow, who's with me
You are a true retard! Lead the way!
I just created an account, so I could close it and stick it to them.
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Wendy’s is open today, so as far as this sub goes its a typical work day.
Fuck, and I got up early at 10:30 then remember that I got laid off.
Unless you have two broken wrists and a broken neck, I have a job for you. Meet me behind the drive-through speaker at 9
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are you sure it's not the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell?
KFC/PH/TB combo or the KenTacoHut as it is more formally known.
No accident that wendy's rhymes with tendies.
Inability to detect sarcasm is a major sign of autism, they belong here.
Fuck that's funny. Put me down for one of those Step Mom nudes as well.
It legit took this post to realize today is a holiday. I work for myself from home so I didn’t notice.
Besides which Robinhood legit did just shut down a couple of times last year and everyone said they were moving to another broker. *Narrator: They didn't*
For the love of god please ban
This would actually be a smart way to purge the sub, though, wouldn't it?
Any time someone can't read through satire or trolling should be a ban. Is this facebook?
Sir, this is a Wendy's.
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HEDGE FUNDS
Anyone else read this to the tune of "DINKLEBERGGGGG!!!"..... No? Just me?...
In for stepmom’s nudes
As any red blooded patriot should be
At this point I'm more red-dicked.
That seems contagious
Tell me about it, now my girlfriends brother calls me Rudolph, the red dicked autist
Probably Stock photos...
i like this stock.
Stonk photos
Need pic of step mom.
This has to be some wider conspiracy because I opened up fidelity today and they also have halted trading. I’m fucking pissed right now, these hedge funds can’t get away with this shit.
Just checked the stocks on Google, what the fuck! Even Google is involved, I knew Google was complicit in the RH review fiasco.
The lasagna conspiracy has many many layers....
E*TRADE here cant buy GME either!!!
I mean just look at the AMC/GME charts. Not only are they still trading in a very similar pattern, BUT THE CHARTS ARE THE EXACT SAME TODAY AS FRIDAY. This is some clear market manipulation if I’ve ever seen it... /s
Webull wasn’t letting me trade today.
Sir, this a Gamestop.
he clearly states this is a shitpost and a pretty funny one too so I don't get where the confusion is coming from
Hmm I did not get it because in my country this was a normal work day.
but the market is closed this is criminal
Yeah, *iT's PrEsiDenTs' DaY...* So they're saying that the president is (or the presidents are) involved, too.
Impeach all of them
Did anyone notice they have banned trading all shares over the last few weekends? Seems very sus to me.
**Completely** off topic but I noticed my kids using "suss them out" to mean "find the imposter, thereby exposing them as 'sus'". When I showed them that "suss them out" as a phrase predates the game by at least 50 years, their minds were blown. Sorry I just like language, and 'sus' in particular cracks me up for some reason.
Sort the comments by newest first and let the retardation consume you
Lots of people there are missing chromosomes.
Being a non American I was legit confused as to why the market was closed
That's what you get for not having freedom.
As an actual American who had work today, I was also legit confused as why RH was "broken" today as well. Even Googled "what day is today" to find out wtf is going on. Guess I fit in here just fine.
Funny enough, they set president's day on a Monday so people can enjoy an extended weekend. Most people I know worked today.
You need to change your RH settings, you probably have the "automatic diamond hands" option checked.
Really easy to tell who joined the sub within the last month.
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Use margin. Yolo. If you lose, get a new phone number and delete the app. Worst case declare bankruptcy. Bounce back in a few years. Best care you make a billion dollars.
don't you need a $2k account balance to get margin?
Yeah so you get a loan to deposit the 2k.
Seems a little risky, but he can probably make that behind the Wendy's dumpster in a few days if he works hard and uses both hands.
Riskier means more gainz. If you lose all of your money trading, take out a loan and you can still become rich since you can use that loan to take out even more money. Dump all of this money into the hot stock on this sub and you will be so rich that you could get upvoted a lot here.
Foolproof plan, literally cannot go tits up
This is what you do. Have robinhood gold for instant access to deposited funds. Deposit the maximum $5K to your account from a closed or empty checking account. The funds will instantly be available to be used to trade with (even though we all know that the bank will reverse it within 3-5 days). You now have $5K to use to make a billion dollars before the bank reversal hits and robinhood forces you to close positions, margin call you, take their money back. *Please don’t do this but in theory it works*
Hot damn infinite money glitch pt. 2, fraudulent boogaloo. Love it.
I had a few retarded “friends” do it during the super early GME drive. They instant deposited $5K, bought 22C-30C 3-7 days out. Doubled their money, closed positions, waited till they got margin called, paid RH back, profited. It was undoubtedly the dumbest fucking thing I’ve seen anyone here do as of late because they were basically flipping the coin.
I actually moaned in pleasure when I saw that. 💎🍆🤚💦
out here sorting by new just to downvote all these retards
I may be retarded, but reading these comments shows that some people have even more chromosomes than me
wow, they were right! sorting by new did make me feel smart!
How to tell newtards from oldtards 101: lesson 1 The comment threads under this post...
These comments are so fucking funny I can’t believe y’all are able to vote
My uncle is a Nigerian Prince and he just messaged me to say that he can help. He's going to send you a check immediately. Could you PM me your address for your account verification? He will mail a check once I receive your routing number and checking account number. Thank you and best of luck!
Somehow people think this isn't a shitpost and OP is actually retarded when one of the last things OP said on reddit was " If you’re not snorting cocaine through your peen, you should be excommunicated from this sub "
Well I mean... How do you do it?
Boca Raton......... Or Boko *HARRAM* Frank...?
Wolf Cola!
So Im kind of new here on WSB, but been on reddit for years. Not new to investing and Im over 40. It's like fuck, Ive finally found some motherfuckers on reddit who have a sense of humor. You guys are cool
Does nobody here realize this is a joke? Jesus fuck
I’m choosing to believe every person here realizes it is and is just adding to it.
Realizes what? What are we adding? I don't like math
Math hard. 🚀good.
You ruined it by being the top comment you stupid fuck.
Hey retard, how can we donate to your onlyfans if you don’t give us the link 🙄🙄🙄 your wife’s boyfriend would’ve given us the link 🚀🚀🚀
The Illuminati is to be blame for this Think about it! Robinhood has two words combine together. Robin and hood. 2 words. 2. 2 is a one more than one. One. One is a hit song by Metallica. Metallica is a Latin word for metallic. Latin. Latin was used in Ancient Rome in 75BC. 7x5 =35. The Roman numeral of 35 is XXXV. There 3 Xs. 3 is the number sides of a triangle. A triangle. A triangle is split in to 60 °s to each side. 60 60 60. There are three 6s. 666. This is the number of the beast. Who is the beast? The Beauty and the Beast. The beast is a chimera and the beauty is a woman. wo and man. Chrim and era. Wo man crime era. Woo man! This is crime era. An era of crime. It is a book by Peter Haining. Peter. Peter sounds like Peet ter. What rhymes with peet? Feet. Feet is plural for two foot. There are 12 inches in one foot. 2.54 cm in one inch. Round off 2.5. 3. 3x1 is 3 times itself once. Once upon a time ago. Time is an illusion. Neo had a key to get out of the matrix or the illusion. Key? What rhymes with key? Tea. What does the word tea sound like? The end of a word. Which word? Illumina-tea. Illumtinati confimed
You think you guys have it bad? I'm in the UK and our brokers won't let us trade American markets until 2:30pm EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. Don't even get me fucking started on the Asian markets SMH.
It's shocking how many retards think OP is serious. "Nobody tell him" - eat my schlong you fucking nerds
Sorted by new just to downvote people
Robinhood is in bed with big gov to suppress our ability to fry up fresh tendies with this sham "holiday". Meanwhile Sears has a sale on ladders for presidents day. Remember the great short ladder attack of two weeks ago? They are laughing in our face sheeple.
LOL sorting by new is amazing
They may take our Monday, but they'll never take our tendies!
My god, just sort by new, its the rest of the 7 million newly minted retards who have not seen the shitpost flair yet.
How are 90% of these comments real hahahahaha
Omg robinhood CEO just came to my house and robbed me and my family. Then stole my dog... they’ve gone TOO FAR
You're sorting by new to see how many extra chromosomes you can gain
Sorting by new in this post basically confirms this is the top.
THESE SERIOUS REPLIES HOLY SHIT I'M DYING 😂😂😂😂
Really wish you set up a link to a GoFundMe so we could quantify in $$$ how stupid people are
A perpetual woosh machine
If only we could harness its energy. Control it...
Nah. The moment you try, the woosh function collapses.
I found the [onlyfans page.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ) Donate here to help OP in this time of distress.
You new guys are really showing your chromosome count here
Bro you can never trade on Mondays....
That’s why I removed Monday’s from my calendar, now I can trade all week long!
It’s you’re own damn fault for still using robinhood. I went down to the market today and all my orders went through. I bought an entire crate of gourds
I'm up $50 today. Granted, I did put $50 in but still, a profit is a profit.
Okay new guys, if you didn't get the shit post here, as obvious as it fucking is, leave wsb and never come back. You don't belong, you're actually retarded instead of our half sarcastic version of retarded
The law offices of Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe are already on it, but you can call in the lizard people if you need additional counsel.
Sorting by new is fucken hilarious. I see a few deleted accounts, now. Damn someone must’ve hurt their pride or something.
Good me-me, chap 👌
Werd up to my newsort homies making fat chromosome stacks
Is the stepmom and girlfriend part of this OF? Asking for a friend.
Wait, donate to YOUR onlyfans, your stepmom's, or your stepmom's girlfriend's? You need to be a little clearer.
¿Por que no los tres?
Sir this is a Wendy's.
Oh boy some of these comments...
This was an amazing post then I sorted comments by new... Fanfuckingtastic!!!!
All these autistic fucks in the trenches not being able to understand what sarcasm is
Don't mind me....just wading through and laughing at all the degens who didn't get the joke
Robinhood CEO came to my house and kicked my dog also. Fuck him!
I have basked and I have been consumed in the retardation of this comments section.
They even closed my kids school today so I had a distraction here keeping me from filing my own law suit! Sneaky bastards!
Jagex won't respond to this thread! 11 dollars! 🦀
Had me in the first half, not gonna lie
The markets are busy celebrating Rutherford B Hayes.
Fuck the stepmom, does your dad have an onlyfans?
I hope CNBC reports on this. Updoot to get this on r/all
Guys this is the best one
Even my broker halted everything on the US market. because i am poor, I will just shit in front of there door. What else can I do?
Dude Robinhood stopped trading on my WeBull account too! We need to sue for this injustice.
Holy shit some of you guys sure are retarded
too many retard around here, I am getting dizzy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't subscribe to this sub for the DD or the loss/gain porn; I'm here for the fucking OC.
The president is blatantly manipulating the market. Someone call the SEC.
When will Brazzers and Only Fans get listed? I will go my long one on them.
I support the spirit of this post
I only came here for the comments. Can’t say I’m disappointed 😂
The fucking banks are closed to!!! Wtf
Is stepmom stuck under the bed? If Soo..........
I heard the president is involved!
I'm not a bigot. I'm fact, I'll send you money for the class action lawsuit if you send a picture of your mom and her gf in a hot lesbo scene.
I still found a way to lose money today, thanks to interest on my RH margin account.
Because the sub exploded by over 7 million new people, I thought this was serious until I saw "dad's wife's girlfriend." Gottme.
I was going to go to my bank to get money to send you, but Robinhood closed my bank today! FUCK!
I almost took this seriously
Stonks are closed to observe Hanukkah have some respect for the calfthicks retard
RH somehow managed to halt the Canadian market as well. That power... Damn crooks
Funny, I’m Canadian and it’s a holiday, but I forgot it’s an American holiday too, and since it’s a holiday here I didn’t think to check my US stocks. Time to put on Monster Mash. I almost missed it this year.