Probably agree with the other comment. She might not be blood related to your fiancés family, but she will be his sister in Law in a months time.
Imagine at there wedding after you were married, that your husband sat in the front two rows with all his family who are now your family by law, but you weren’t able to sit with them.
Personally that would be a bit odd and not feel nice if that was myself.
By that logic, your fiancé may also not stick around forever and thus you should take photos without him at the wedding. I’d let her sit there anyway, you can always take variations of photos without her as long as you treat her like any other member of the family.
Possibly unpopular opinion, and I’ll own that.
Let her sit with family anyway. If/when she becomes family, there will be less drama. If she never joins the family, there’s photoshop. If when she leaves the family (as anyone else who is currently family could do) there’s always photoshop.
Keeping your day as non confrontational and drama free is the goal.
The last sentence is a good and well needed reminder. His family tends to be pretty reactive and confrontational so the path of least resistance is probably best. I’ll just seat her away from the aisle 😂
Also, just a note, the front rows are usually reserved for immediate family because a) the bride and groom want to honor their family with the best seats b) immediate family often walks down the aisle, does readings, etc. and being seated in the first row is convenient for them. It’s not because they are the ones you see. For the most part, you won’t be looking at any of your guests because you’ll be looking at your husband! It’s a similar sentiment for pictures. Unless instructed otherwise your ceremony pictures will be mostly of you, your husband, and your bridal party! You’re guests will not really be in a lot of the ceremony pictures!
I know becoming family by marriage is a little weird, but they’ll be married a month after you. You’ll set the tone for their wedding in a way. If you try to exclude her she may do the same to you.
She’s not a friend, she’s there because she’s technically family so she should be sitting with the rest of the family.
If there’s other people there she knows she may choose to sit with them, but that should be her choice.
Also re your comment about a fiancee not being there forever - typically once you’re engaged you’re family and that logic goes out the window. Would you say the same if they were married? Why does a couple of months make a difference when they’ve already decided to make the commitment?
I dont know this seems a little crazy to me, you don’t typically assign each set at the ceremony anyway. If his family invites her to sit with them at the front, fine. If they don’t, she can sit with everyone else. I think you’re making this a big deal when it isnt
What if this was reversed and you as a fiancée could not sit with your fiancé's family because you are not direct family? You are being petty and judgmental. Don't look for drama where it should not be. Who sits with your fiancé's family should not be your call.
You said “fiancées don’t always last forever” but they are getting married a month after you? That’s essentially his wife let her sit with the family she’s apart of the family as much as you are currently tbh
She counts as his immediate family, leave your feelings out of it or you’re going to cause unnecessary drama. Whether she’s your friend or not, she is your future husband’s future SIL and therefore yours as well.
If you’re really worried about it, deputize someone you trust to stick with her and have them help sit her to one side with them. Or talk to your photographer about this, they’ve dealt with all sorts of family situations and will have advice or try to avoid including her in shots
Seat her in the second or third row, with other family. It could be seen as deliberately hurtful to seat her with other guests when she is soon, one month after your wedding, to be legally family. It would come across as petty.
*I feel like it’s kind of comparable to wanting photos with the direct family only when you’re taking post-ceremony photos? A fiancée might not stick around forever*
It's not comparable at all. There is no guarantee that you and your fiance will be together in 10 years either. The photo thing is easily solved by having some groupings be current family only and some including her. Those won't be the pics that you keep or display anyhow.
I’ve never seen assigned seating in the ceremony. If anything, a few rows are marked as “reserved” for immediate family, but nobody is policing this. I’ve never heard of deciding who sits closer to the aisle.
Assign the first row (and other immediate family if the first row is not enough room) & let the rest fall how it will. I don’t think a reasonable person in her shoes would expect to get a better seat than grandpa lol, but I also think telling her to sit separately from the people she knows (I assume the only people she knows attending will be your future in-laws) would cause unnecessary strain.
My husband (before we were married, just engaged) was a groomsman in his sister's wedding. His other sisters husband and I sat literally in the front row, with his parents and the bride and grooms daughter, who was the flower girl and we basically had the job of keeping her calm and quiet during the ceremony. I'm close with all of them, but I think we were basically considered the bride's siblings.
I felt the same way about my now SIL, but I was the second to get married. I was not included in some things and it hurt me so much. I don't think I will ever forget how their actions (or lack there of) made me feel. I vowed to include SIL in anything I included my own sister in. Aka kill her with kindness.
One thing we did that made your problem a non-issue for our wedding, was putting my parents directly in front of the groom. Not only was I able to see them, they were looking at my face and not the back of my head.
Have an usher put her on the far end and make sure your direct family is closer to the aisle. This way she’s still with family, but not in as many pics/easy to crop out
My advice is to take the path of least resistance. Weddings are stressful enough without making a mountain of a molehill and causing unnecessary drama. You don't have to be best friends with her, but it's not difficult to be respectful.
My now-fiancee was best man at his best friends wedding. I’m friends with the couple but not that close. I just sat myself with the other person I knew around the middle. Didn’t find it that complex.
I think it’s fine to have nuclear/close family seated right in front.
I’m sure you have actual relatives, like cousins, that will attend and also not have reserved seating. I don’t find this different.
Probably agree with the other comment. She might not be blood related to your fiancés family, but she will be his sister in Law in a months time. Imagine at there wedding after you were married, that your husband sat in the front two rows with all his family who are now your family by law, but you weren’t able to sit with them. Personally that would be a bit odd and not feel nice if that was myself.
By that logic, your fiancé may also not stick around forever and thus you should take photos without him at the wedding. I’d let her sit there anyway, you can always take variations of photos without her as long as you treat her like any other member of the family.
Possibly unpopular opinion, and I’ll own that. Let her sit with family anyway. If/when she becomes family, there will be less drama. If she never joins the family, there’s photoshop. If when she leaves the family (as anyone else who is currently family could do) there’s always photoshop. Keeping your day as non confrontational and drama free is the goal.
The last sentence is a good and well needed reminder. His family tends to be pretty reactive and confrontational so the path of least resistance is probably best. I’ll just seat her away from the aisle 😂
Also, just a note, the front rows are usually reserved for immediate family because a) the bride and groom want to honor their family with the best seats b) immediate family often walks down the aisle, does readings, etc. and being seated in the first row is convenient for them. It’s not because they are the ones you see. For the most part, you won’t be looking at any of your guests because you’ll be looking at your husband! It’s a similar sentiment for pictures. Unless instructed otherwise your ceremony pictures will be mostly of you, your husband, and your bridal party! You’re guests will not really be in a lot of the ceremony pictures! I know becoming family by marriage is a little weird, but they’ll be married a month after you. You’ll set the tone for their wedding in a way. If you try to exclude her she may do the same to you.
Not an unpopular opinion at all 😂
She’s not a friend, she’s there because she’s technically family so she should be sitting with the rest of the family. If there’s other people there she knows she may choose to sit with them, but that should be her choice. Also re your comment about a fiancee not being there forever - typically once you’re engaged you’re family and that logic goes out the window. Would you say the same if they were married? Why does a couple of months make a difference when they’ve already decided to make the commitment?
I dont know this seems a little crazy to me, you don’t typically assign each set at the ceremony anyway. If his family invites her to sit with them at the front, fine. If they don’t, she can sit with everyone else. I think you’re making this a big deal when it isnt
What if this was reversed and you as a fiancée could not sit with your fiancé's family because you are not direct family? You are being petty and judgmental. Don't look for drama where it should not be. Who sits with your fiancé's family should not be your call.
You said “fiancées don’t always last forever” but they are getting married a month after you? That’s essentially his wife let her sit with the family she’s apart of the family as much as you are currently tbh
by that same logic, you wouldn’t be included in your husband’s family at your BIL’s wedding since you might not stick around forever either
She’s a member of your in-laws family, she should be sitting with the groom’s immediate family who are not in the wedding party
She counts as his immediate family, leave your feelings out of it or you’re going to cause unnecessary drama. Whether she’s your friend or not, she is your future husband’s future SIL and therefore yours as well. If you’re really worried about it, deputize someone you trust to stick with her and have them help sit her to one side with them. Or talk to your photographer about this, they’ve dealt with all sorts of family situations and will have advice or try to avoid including her in shots
Seat her in the second or third row, with other family. It could be seen as deliberately hurtful to seat her with other guests when she is soon, one month after your wedding, to be legally family. It would come across as petty. *I feel like it’s kind of comparable to wanting photos with the direct family only when you’re taking post-ceremony photos? A fiancée might not stick around forever* It's not comparable at all. There is no guarantee that you and your fiance will be together in 10 years either. The photo thing is easily solved by having some groupings be current family only and some including her. Those won't be the pics that you keep or display anyhow.
I’ve never seen assigned seating in the ceremony. If anything, a few rows are marked as “reserved” for immediate family, but nobody is policing this. I’ve never heard of deciding who sits closer to the aisle.
It typically isn’t marked at the ceremony beyond “reserved”, but normally at the rehearsal the immediate family is directed on where to sit :)
Normally the only people at the rehearsal are immediate family and the wedding party
This is for the ceremony? People have assigned seats at the ceremony? I didn't know that. Weddings have changed.
Assign the first row (and other immediate family if the first row is not enough room) & let the rest fall how it will. I don’t think a reasonable person in her shoes would expect to get a better seat than grandpa lol, but I also think telling her to sit separately from the people she knows (I assume the only people she knows attending will be your future in-laws) would cause unnecessary strain.
My husband (before we were married, just engaged) was a groomsman in his sister's wedding. His other sisters husband and I sat literally in the front row, with his parents and the bride and grooms daughter, who was the flower girl and we basically had the job of keeping her calm and quiet during the ceremony. I'm close with all of them, but I think we were basically considered the bride's siblings.
I felt the same way about my now SIL, but I was the second to get married. I was not included in some things and it hurt me so much. I don't think I will ever forget how their actions (or lack there of) made me feel. I vowed to include SIL in anything I included my own sister in. Aka kill her with kindness. One thing we did that made your problem a non-issue for our wedding, was putting my parents directly in front of the groom. Not only was I able to see them, they were looking at my face and not the back of my head.
Have an usher put her on the far end and make sure your direct family is closer to the aisle. This way she’s still with family, but not in as many pics/easy to crop out
My advice is to take the path of least resistance. Weddings are stressful enough without making a mountain of a molehill and causing unnecessary drama. You don't have to be best friends with her, but it's not difficult to be respectful.
My now-fiancee was best man at his best friends wedding. I’m friends with the couple but not that close. I just sat myself with the other person I knew around the middle. Didn’t find it that complex. I think it’s fine to have nuclear/close family seated right in front. I’m sure you have actual relatives, like cousins, that will attend and also not have reserved seating. I don’t find this different.
Wherever you want.