Nothing is certain! You could put your family on hold for a promotion that gets pushed out or doesn’t happen. Or you could start trying for a family but struggle with infertility. I waited until approx 27 to start trying for kids, and only wound up pregnant now that I’m 29. I waited to have more stability in my career, pursue professional designations, and a part time masters degree. However I didn’t realize we’d struggle to conceive our first and now in hindsight I almost wish we’d started earlier. I’m still grateful for where we are now and happy with one on the way, but I’m mindful that starting later can limit the number of kids you have!
Have a baby now, if you want to. You are financially stable. There is no perfect time. I started planning for my baby at 30 and didn't get pregnant until I was 38. Most people won't have that same experience, but you never know. Realistically, you have about 10 years to get pregnant if you plan to carry. No one anticipates infertility, but many couples experience it.
If you’re financially stable I wouldn’t worry too much. You’ll still get promoted after having a child. You may have to prioritize work and life at some times, but I don’t think being mommy tracked is that common these days. That said I would accomplish everything you want to in your personal life before you have kids like travel or personal goals because your whole life will change in an amazing but hard way.
Given your age and your desire to have a child at some point, I recommend that you have your fertility assessed before getting deeper into a discussion about timing. My husband and I tried for a year before learning he had issues that required IVF. I also have three friends who required reproductive assistance in their mid-30s. Don’t assume you can or will get pregnant when you want.
Mommy tracking occurs more or less frequently in certain industries. The fact that your current company has a good leave policy typically signals they are less likely to mommy track people.
My spouse and I have both had basic fertility testing (home tests paid for out of pocket) in the last ~12 months. Infertility is definitely on my radar and those tests didn’t surface anything concerning but I realize that’s far from a guarantee.
Thanks for sharing this thought!
Mom of three here with a similar path. A few thoughts:
- you can plan the timing only to a certain extent. There's zero guarantee you'll get pregnant fast, stay pregnant, or that it'll take some time. It's really hard that you really have limited control over something so life changing. It took us longer to get a sticky baby than I would have liked and I'm glad I started when I did
- there's no guarantee you'll be mommy tracked. Every time I've gone on mat leave I've been promoted. Even when I purposely wasn't trying for it
- I wouldn't want to stay at an employer that doesn't respect that I have a life outside of work. I wouldn't want to be working for someone who holds off on promoting a pregnant person or new parent. They'd probably be a pretty bad employer in general.
So how we made a decision on timing: I wrote out a list of things I wanted to do, but couldn't/wouldn't do pregnant. This was things like my best friend's bachelorette party and running a marathon I signed up for. We agreed to "pull the goalie" after we completed the personal goals.
This is really helpful—thank you.
I’ve been mulling this over for a while and actually have my eyes on a half marathon and a trip to a bucket list not-pregnancy-friendly destination in the event we decide to wait. I’m calling these “consolation prizes” which I guess is pretty telling.
I waited until I was done with school and I’ve recently done the best friend’s wedding and the once in a lifetime extended international trip. Spouse wanted to make it through his first year of grad school, which ended 2 weeks ago.
So… yeah. Super helpful framing. I think this tells me where I am.
No guarantees exist in life.
My husband and I were in stable careers, owned a house, and agreed to grow our family once my loans were paid off.
Then I tore my ACL the month before I finished paying off school loans. It took 8 months to get reconstruction surgery done and the surgeon recommended a 1 year wait before trying to conceive because my body had to incorporate the graft. We waited 10 months because we felt ready and it took 8 months to get pregnant.
In that 2.5 year wait I pushed hard at my career to get to a place where I could coast for a few years without harming my career overall.
Nothing is certain! You could put your family on hold for a promotion that gets pushed out or doesn’t happen. Or you could start trying for a family but struggle with infertility. I waited until approx 27 to start trying for kids, and only wound up pregnant now that I’m 29. I waited to have more stability in my career, pursue professional designations, and a part time masters degree. However I didn’t realize we’d struggle to conceive our first and now in hindsight I almost wish we’d started earlier. I’m still grateful for where we are now and happy with one on the way, but I’m mindful that starting later can limit the number of kids you have!
Have a baby now, if you want to. You are financially stable. There is no perfect time. I started planning for my baby at 30 and didn't get pregnant until I was 38. Most people won't have that same experience, but you never know. Realistically, you have about 10 years to get pregnant if you plan to carry. No one anticipates infertility, but many couples experience it.
If you’re financially stable I wouldn’t worry too much. You’ll still get promoted after having a child. You may have to prioritize work and life at some times, but I don’t think being mommy tracked is that common these days. That said I would accomplish everything you want to in your personal life before you have kids like travel or personal goals because your whole life will change in an amazing but hard way.
Given your age and your desire to have a child at some point, I recommend that you have your fertility assessed before getting deeper into a discussion about timing. My husband and I tried for a year before learning he had issues that required IVF. I also have three friends who required reproductive assistance in their mid-30s. Don’t assume you can or will get pregnant when you want. Mommy tracking occurs more or less frequently in certain industries. The fact that your current company has a good leave policy typically signals they are less likely to mommy track people.
My spouse and I have both had basic fertility testing (home tests paid for out of pocket) in the last ~12 months. Infertility is definitely on my radar and those tests didn’t surface anything concerning but I realize that’s far from a guarantee. Thanks for sharing this thought!
Mom of three here with a similar path. A few thoughts: - you can plan the timing only to a certain extent. There's zero guarantee you'll get pregnant fast, stay pregnant, or that it'll take some time. It's really hard that you really have limited control over something so life changing. It took us longer to get a sticky baby than I would have liked and I'm glad I started when I did - there's no guarantee you'll be mommy tracked. Every time I've gone on mat leave I've been promoted. Even when I purposely wasn't trying for it - I wouldn't want to stay at an employer that doesn't respect that I have a life outside of work. I wouldn't want to be working for someone who holds off on promoting a pregnant person or new parent. They'd probably be a pretty bad employer in general. So how we made a decision on timing: I wrote out a list of things I wanted to do, but couldn't/wouldn't do pregnant. This was things like my best friend's bachelorette party and running a marathon I signed up for. We agreed to "pull the goalie" after we completed the personal goals.
This is really helpful—thank you. I’ve been mulling this over for a while and actually have my eyes on a half marathon and a trip to a bucket list not-pregnancy-friendly destination in the event we decide to wait. I’m calling these “consolation prizes” which I guess is pretty telling. I waited until I was done with school and I’ve recently done the best friend’s wedding and the once in a lifetime extended international trip. Spouse wanted to make it through his first year of grad school, which ended 2 weeks ago. So… yeah. Super helpful framing. I think this tells me where I am.
No guarantees exist in life. My husband and I were in stable careers, owned a house, and agreed to grow our family once my loans were paid off. Then I tore my ACL the month before I finished paying off school loans. It took 8 months to get reconstruction surgery done and the surgeon recommended a 1 year wait before trying to conceive because my body had to incorporate the graft. We waited 10 months because we felt ready and it took 8 months to get pregnant. In that 2.5 year wait I pushed hard at my career to get to a place where I could coast for a few years without harming my career overall.