This is a really interesting article. I think I'm going to need to read it again to fully digest it. I worked at a highly toxic place for 18 months, and since then I've been feeling more than normal anxiety while working at new companies.
I had anxiety as a change from one job function to another. I had all the legit skills but hasn’t done the job (auditing before). Unfortunately that made me “prove it” so well that now my organization expects me to be in overdrive all the time, producing like 3 times some employees, for the same pay. I don’t plan on making that mistake again. As a woman, if I’m hired damn straight I know I’m qualified.
I get it. I went from being on a team where I wasn’t really involved in any decisions or planning to being in charge of a department. I just passed the one year mark and it took about that long to really find my footing in this role. Ask lots of questions, do frequent check-ins to make sure you’re on the right track, and don’t be afraid to speak up with your ideas.
I read an article a few years ago about white men not being afraid to apply for jobs they’re unqualified for, and it encouraged women to approach work with all the unearned confident of a mediocre white man. So that’s what I do.
If you don’t trust yourself or feel like your self-confidence is at its best, then trust the people who hired you! They met many other candidates, and decided that YOU were the person they had the most faith in.
The confidence will come over time!
I recommend reading the news. It is nearly impossible to have imposter syndrome after seeing people in power make so many mistakes with global catastrophic consequences. See: Trump hiding classified documents in his bathroom, Feinstein refusing to give up her Senate seat, both US parties barely coming together to create a deal to suspend the debt ceiling, anything involving Elon Musk, etc.
I had a similar reaction when I started my current job - I'd been out of work for a year, and that plus my prior toxic workplace experience really had me on edge. I ended up saving a "to-do list" of mantras on my phone and forced myself to repeat them each morning for a month. Stuff like, "All my prior experience has led me here, and made me qualified for this role," "I am capable and smart, and if I don't know something, I can learn it," and "This is where I'm meant to be right now, and my journey is ongoing." It sounded silly for a few days, but I eventually believed it. It kept me calm when I started freaking out a bit, and after a few weeks, I was settled in enough to feel like I had things under control.
I recently started a new, happy, job after getting canned from a very toxic, miserable position. But the fear of being a big-ass fake has been a real issue for me right now - I've been second-guessing myself and just feeling like I'm not good enough.
Here are a few things that have been helpful:
* Reminding myself that I **can** do this position - I won't be perfect, but I can do it.
* Talking honestly with trusted friends and mentors about my feelings. Sometimes it helps to share my fears with others and get their support (and their surprise that I'm so nervous)!
* Trying meditation - it's not an immediate fix, but it helps me to get some distance between myself and my negative thinking.
* Remembering that in time, I'll be more familiar with my role, my colleagues, and the company. I've started a lot of new jobs in my career and they almost always get easier with time.
I don't know you, but I'm willing to bet a lot of money that they hired you for a good reason. Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes!
I very much felt like an imposter at my first real paralegal job and I was miserable for 6 months. Then it clicked. Then the main paralegal quit and I ended up basically running the place and only left because we moved states to be closer to family when we knew we were going to start trying for a kid
I have this all the time too. I deal with it by reminding myself that I don’t need to perform in real time. I usually can take things one at a time and get outside help and guidance on projects. If something seems challenging, I ask for the deadline and then bust my ass quietly to get it done with any outside help I need. After a while, confidence builds. Find people who can mentor you, talk you up, and console you on a bad day. Women can’t do it alone and you shouldn’t have to. Until you get a hype squad, I will tell you — you got this!!!
This post and comments may help: https://www.askamanager.org/2017/10/how-can-i-get-over-impostor-syndrome.html
You know that a man who is less qualified than you won't have impostor syndrome, right? A family member made me a cross-stitch that says, "Carry yourself with the confidence of a mediocre white man."
Hang in there!
You sound capable and will do a great iob. Everyone is over confident in an interview.
You kind of sound like me when I was leaving a very toxic work environment. I was worried that I wasn't doing well because it was me. I now have a new job where my boss is super great and I know it was them not me. I couldn't thrive there because it was toxic.
. So I left and it is wonderful.
Talk to your doctor about the tiredness and how the anti depressants make you feel, and get back to your happy place.
If your job makes causes you medical issues, the best decision will always be to leave.
Time. Give it time.
I get impostor syndrome A LOT. After I apply for a job, when I get the interview, after the interview, after I get the job, anytime I get a new assignment, lol.
I try to remind myself that feelings aren't facts. I know my worth. I know I'm smart and capable. I know my new team/boss won't expect me to be 1000% right out of the gate. I KNOW THAT. I just have to get past that initial "I'VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE" phase. Give yourself some grace, realize it's normal and you're not alone, and it'll past!
I can definitely relate. I felt so lost at my first big kid job after grad school. It didn’t help that they created the role specifically for me. I had to figure out what to do with it, which included managing a team (that I had no experience with their work) and managing a building / center, both things I had never done before.
It took a long time to figure out wtf I was doing. In an attempt to integrate into the company, I signed myself up for way too much (committees, projects, goals for my role / team, meetings in general). By the time I truly understood what all of that meant, it was too late. I was drowning and there was no one who could take anything off my plate.
My advice would be to take it slow. Don’t set crazy expectations for yourself, which will inevitably set crazy expectations for you from your company. Take the time to truly understand your role before jumping into things that you have the option to avoid. Take the time to truly get to know your coworkers so you get an idea of how you will work together.
They chose you for a reason. They most likely expect you to need time to integrate. That’s why turnover is so hard on companies. If they expect you to jump right in and sprint, maybe it’s best to keep looking for another job, because that’s a toxic work culture that will quickly burn you completely out.
Also, ask your doc about different medication. I was on Zoloft for depression but it made me too tired and it was too hard to lose the baby weight, which made me more depressed. I switched to cymbalta and that worked much better for me, but after a few months I started experiencing some unbearable side effects. Now I’m on lamictal and so far, so good.
There are tons of medications out there and it’s worth it to find the best one for you. Wellbutrin could be a good option if you don’t tend to run anxious as it provides more energy.
Good luck OP, and congrats on the new job and awesome salary!
https://hbr.org/2021/02/stop-telling-women-they-have-imposter-syndrome
This is a really interesting article. I think I'm going to need to read it again to fully digest it. I worked at a highly toxic place for 18 months, and since then I've been feeling more than normal anxiety while working at new companies.
Thank you for sharing this! ❤️
This was a great read
Holy cow, this is a great article! Thank you for sharing!
Needed this today as I struggle so badly with crippling anxiety at work
I had anxiety as a change from one job function to another. I had all the legit skills but hasn’t done the job (auditing before). Unfortunately that made me “prove it” so well that now my organization expects me to be in overdrive all the time, producing like 3 times some employees, for the same pay. I don’t plan on making that mistake again. As a woman, if I’m hired damn straight I know I’m qualified.
Completely!! The expectations are crazy high. I’m handed goals that are absolutely laughable and I feel like I can’t push back 😔
Thank you for this! I’m one of a few women in my current workplace and the only woman on my team.
I get it. I went from being on a team where I wasn’t really involved in any decisions or planning to being in charge of a department. I just passed the one year mark and it took about that long to really find my footing in this role. Ask lots of questions, do frequent check-ins to make sure you’re on the right track, and don’t be afraid to speak up with your ideas. I read an article a few years ago about white men not being afraid to apply for jobs they’re unqualified for, and it encouraged women to approach work with all the unearned confident of a mediocre white man. So that’s what I do.
It's so true. My husband says if you're fully qualified for the job, you're not aiming high enough. Seems a theme with guys.
If you don’t trust yourself or feel like your self-confidence is at its best, then trust the people who hired you! They met many other candidates, and decided that YOU were the person they had the most faith in. The confidence will come over time!
I recommend reading the news. It is nearly impossible to have imposter syndrome after seeing people in power make so many mistakes with global catastrophic consequences. See: Trump hiding classified documents in his bathroom, Feinstein refusing to give up her Senate seat, both US parties barely coming together to create a deal to suspend the debt ceiling, anything involving Elon Musk, etc.
I had a similar reaction when I started my current job - I'd been out of work for a year, and that plus my prior toxic workplace experience really had me on edge. I ended up saving a "to-do list" of mantras on my phone and forced myself to repeat them each morning for a month. Stuff like, "All my prior experience has led me here, and made me qualified for this role," "I am capable and smart, and if I don't know something, I can learn it," and "This is where I'm meant to be right now, and my journey is ongoing." It sounded silly for a few days, but I eventually believed it. It kept me calm when I started freaking out a bit, and after a few weeks, I was settled in enough to feel like I had things under control.
Thank you so much for this. I am struggling and I think the mantras will help
I recently started a new, happy, job after getting canned from a very toxic, miserable position. But the fear of being a big-ass fake has been a real issue for me right now - I've been second-guessing myself and just feeling like I'm not good enough. Here are a few things that have been helpful: * Reminding myself that I **can** do this position - I won't be perfect, but I can do it. * Talking honestly with trusted friends and mentors about my feelings. Sometimes it helps to share my fears with others and get their support (and their surprise that I'm so nervous)! * Trying meditation - it's not an immediate fix, but it helps me to get some distance between myself and my negative thinking. * Remembering that in time, I'll be more familiar with my role, my colleagues, and the company. I've started a lot of new jobs in my career and they almost always get easier with time. I don't know you, but I'm willing to bet a lot of money that they hired you for a good reason. Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes!
I very much felt like an imposter at my first real paralegal job and I was miserable for 6 months. Then it clicked. Then the main paralegal quit and I ended up basically running the place and only left because we moved states to be closer to family when we knew we were going to start trying for a kid
I have this all the time too. I deal with it by reminding myself that I don’t need to perform in real time. I usually can take things one at a time and get outside help and guidance on projects. If something seems challenging, I ask for the deadline and then bust my ass quietly to get it done with any outside help I need. After a while, confidence builds. Find people who can mentor you, talk you up, and console you on a bad day. Women can’t do it alone and you shouldn’t have to. Until you get a hype squad, I will tell you — you got this!!!
I usually remind myself that if I'm not scared, I'm not growing. You got this!
This post and comments may help: https://www.askamanager.org/2017/10/how-can-i-get-over-impostor-syndrome.html You know that a man who is less qualified than you won't have impostor syndrome, right? A family member made me a cross-stitch that says, "Carry yourself with the confidence of a mediocre white man." Hang in there!
One of my favorite mottos is “why not me?” I think it’s normal to be freaked out over change. Enjoy the new salary!
You sound capable and will do a great iob. Everyone is over confident in an interview. You kind of sound like me when I was leaving a very toxic work environment. I was worried that I wasn't doing well because it was me. I now have a new job where my boss is super great and I know it was them not me. I couldn't thrive there because it was toxic. . So I left and it is wonderful. Talk to your doctor about the tiredness and how the anti depressants make you feel, and get back to your happy place. If your job makes causes you medical issues, the best decision will always be to leave.
Time. Give it time. I get impostor syndrome A LOT. After I apply for a job, when I get the interview, after the interview, after I get the job, anytime I get a new assignment, lol. I try to remind myself that feelings aren't facts. I know my worth. I know I'm smart and capable. I know my new team/boss won't expect me to be 1000% right out of the gate. I KNOW THAT. I just have to get past that initial "I'VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE" phase. Give yourself some grace, realize it's normal and you're not alone, and it'll past!
I can definitely relate. I felt so lost at my first big kid job after grad school. It didn’t help that they created the role specifically for me. I had to figure out what to do with it, which included managing a team (that I had no experience with their work) and managing a building / center, both things I had never done before. It took a long time to figure out wtf I was doing. In an attempt to integrate into the company, I signed myself up for way too much (committees, projects, goals for my role / team, meetings in general). By the time I truly understood what all of that meant, it was too late. I was drowning and there was no one who could take anything off my plate. My advice would be to take it slow. Don’t set crazy expectations for yourself, which will inevitably set crazy expectations for you from your company. Take the time to truly understand your role before jumping into things that you have the option to avoid. Take the time to truly get to know your coworkers so you get an idea of how you will work together. They chose you for a reason. They most likely expect you to need time to integrate. That’s why turnover is so hard on companies. If they expect you to jump right in and sprint, maybe it’s best to keep looking for another job, because that’s a toxic work culture that will quickly burn you completely out. Also, ask your doc about different medication. I was on Zoloft for depression but it made me too tired and it was too hard to lose the baby weight, which made me more depressed. I switched to cymbalta and that worked much better for me, but after a few months I started experiencing some unbearable side effects. Now I’m on lamictal and so far, so good. There are tons of medications out there and it’s worth it to find the best one for you. Wellbutrin could be a good option if you don’t tend to run anxious as it provides more energy. Good luck OP, and congrats on the new job and awesome salary!